


Another chance, Another survival

by andybean92



Category: Kpop - Fandom, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Eventual Romance, It has been a while since I uploaded a fic so bear with me, Just that there is another survival show, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, References to Depression, Someone give the boy some love, Swearing, mentions of depression and suicide, probably some smut at some point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-04-28 22:00:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 101,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14458683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andybean92/pseuds/andybean92
Summary: It has been one year since No. Mercy. One year since Lim Changkyun became a part of Monsta X. Except he isn't really. When the cameras are off, the smiles fade and the hatred returns. The members never accepted him and it is starting to show.So in a desperate attempt to fix the issue, Starship ent's CEO makes a decision that will change the group entirely. Changkyun is added to the lineup of contestants for the new survival show, United 100 but there is a catch. Those that are chosen to be in the final nine will have the opportunity to leave their groups and permanently stay in the new one, if they so wish. And as Changkyun's popularity soars on the show, it could mean the disbandment of Monsta X.So the members decide to win their maknae back but is it to late?





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

_With promotions wrapped up and no win to show for it Starship’ CEO_

_makes a decision that will affect the entire group and more specifically Changkyun._

 

 

“Your timing isn’t good.”

Confetti rained down around all the groups after another MCountdown. Monsta x had lost again.

“I just can’t be friends with him.”

The managers ushered them off stage. Despite the roar of the crowd the silence surrounding the team was thick. Their dream of taking over the Kpop world was slipping through their fingers.

“I don’t want him either but we no longer have a choice. He was picked and we now have to be a team, for our fans and for our music.”

For Lim Changkyun the car rides home from shows were always the worst. Packed into such small a space was an easy reminder of how little the others like him. Normally they would ignore him. But tired and frustrated by the lack of a win, the dark cloud hanging over the group had begun to bring out their nasty sides. Kihyun and Minhyuk had already started the blame game. It was like like his early days in No. Mercy all over again.

He had heard his name mentioned enough to know where this would lead. Shifting further into his seat, he turned the music up on his iPod.

 

Tonight had been the wrap-up of the Rush promotions. Despite the number of new fans gained they had no wins to show for their hard work.

“We did good and we will work harder for the next one. We will just have to figure where we messed up and how we can improve it.” Shownu, the leader stated in his matter of fact voice.

“We already know what the problem is and how to fix it,” hissed out Minhyuk as he glanced over at Changkyun.

Shownu rolled his eyes but said nothing back.

 

Since the line up at No. Mercy had been announced,  the seething anger from the other Monsta X members had slowly turned to an ice-cold, uncaring attitude. It was the six of them versus him. When the cameras were rolling they acted friendly, treating him like the beloved maknae he wished he was. But as soon as the cameras were gone, he became invisible, the scapegoat to all their problems.

Naturally the fact they weren’t the big stars they had hoped they would be pre-debut was all because of the rapper.

 

“Just keep at it , they will come around in time.” Those lines ushered to him by his mom on the night of his joining the group had become the mantra Changkyun recited constantly. But, as time went on, it was starting to fee less like of a mantra and more of a joke. On almost a daily basis he found himself wishing Nu’bility had never disbanded. At least there he had had friends, a family who cared about him.

When he had gotten the call saying he may have the chance to debut again with a small company called Starship he’d jumped at the opportunity. He was the only one of his group to have gotten a call back and as much as he loved his old members, his desire to debut was stronger.

He had expected to go to a round of auditions, rap a few of the lines he had spent weeks perfecting. But when he arrived at the company he had pulled inside and informed that he would be part of the survival show, No. Mercy. He would be added to the lineup a few episodes before the final. His heart had dropped to his stomach at the statement but he’d had no idea was really in store for him. If he could go back in time, he would have told his younger self to run, and never look back.

Instead he had been dropped off after a particularly awful episode, the other contestants already strung out and desperate to make the cut. The looks on their faces was imprinted in his memories.

It had made for good TV but had essentially ruined his life. Once a fun albeit shy rapper now he felt like fraud. No one knew the deep voiced, charismatic guy on stage was actually barely holding it together. A constant threat of anxiety ready to bubble over at any given minute. A darkness threatening to consume him reminding him he wasn’t good enough.

“That’s odd why are we at the company?” Asked Hoseok.

The question broke the rest of the group out of their own thoughts. Indeed the van was pulling up outside their company not the dorms. A immediate sense of foreboding dropped across the group. 

“Oh my god what if they are going to disband us?” Asking Minhyuk in a high pitched squeak. 

Kihyun rolled his eyes and bit back that he was sure it was nothing like that. But his demeanour seemed to say otherwise. Their manager, Wookyu, hurried them forward. Changkyun brought up the rear and as he entered through the doors, the manager put a hand on the rapper’s shoulder and whispered a reassurance just loud enough so the boy could hear.

 

In silence the group came to sit around the large boardroom desk.

The CEO of the company sat at the end of the table. While a man of short statue, his piercing eyes and temper made him an intimidating figure. He waited for each member to take a seat, lingering a little longer of Changkyun, who had seated himself beside their manager at the other end of the table.

The tick tock of the clock was the only thing that broke the silence in the room. The members all shared looks with each other even sleepy Hyungwon looked wide awake and worried. The CEO left out a long sigh. 

“1 year. 1 year since you boys debuted. By now I had expected more but alas.”

Changkyun bit his lip, perhaps Minhyuk had been right about the disbandment.

“Now I am not fully blaming you boys, this year has been tough with the number of debuted groups and the fans wanting more then we can provide them. But you boys are not a unit and the fans are beginning to notice. What I am saying is your little cold war, this whole you versus Changkyun is becoming a problem. One I don’t like.”

At the sound of his name Changkyun looked toward the CEO and tensed up upon noticing the stares from the other members. If possible he tried to pull in on himself a little more. The CEO sighed aloud again.

“Fans are noticing more that the friendship between you is forced and more are commenting on how introverted the maknae has become. Changkyun, I chose you to debut because you have talent. I saw it during No Mercy and I saw it when you were with Nu’bility but you seemed to have lost it while you are here.”

“Therefore, I have decided that it be best if Changkyun leave the group for a while.” A rustle of shook went through the group. 

“CEO-nim, with all due respect we are still trying to get used to each other. I.M is our second rapper. Without him then we will be missing a huge element of the group.” Shown said trying to be the leader the group needed.

Changkyun could have laughed if he wasn’t about to cry. Now they suddenly cared.

The CEO held up his hand and nodded.

“I agree but I believe this may be for the best for all of you. While he is away, he will help promote the Monsta X name. Changkyun, I have entered you into the new survival show, United 100.”

Changkyun was aware of everyones eyes on him but he couldn’t care less. It was happening all over again. It took all his strength and will power to merely thank the CEO for the opportunity and to agree to it. Inside his mind was screaming. Another survival show, another set of people to hate him and more stress to inhibit his already wrecked mind and body.

“CEO-nim please, that will take Changkyun away for six weeks or so. What about monsta x?”

Shownu actually sounded desperate but Changkyun knew it wasn’t for him. The leader was worried about the rest of them. Monsta X had being the leader’s last chance in the industry and now it was being taken away.

“You will continue to promote as a six member group, when we decide on a new song. Changkyun will be allowed back to prepare. That is if he makes it and Changkyun..”

He waited until the rapper lifted his eyes to meet his.

“I fully expect you to make it! You survived No. Mercy, United 100 should be a walk in the park.” He smiled then but it wasn’t kind.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is time for Changkyun to say good bye and the rest of Monsta X begin to fall apart.

The members of Monsta X trudged into their dorm in sullen silence. Changkyun had stayed behind to plan for his entrance into the new survival show. Their second manager, Jungmoon, bid them goodnight as he went off towards his own room but the members were too shocked to go to bed. Instead they sat around the dinner table. 

“This ain’t right, this just ain’t right.” Whispered Jooheon every few minutes. Eventually Hyungwon turned in frustration.

“Shut up man. Of course this ain’t right. We only been at it for a year and already they are labeling us failures. What ain’t fair is getting blamed for HIS failures.” He pointed towards in the direction of the company and Changkyun.

Hoseok stepped forward,” Come on Hyungwon its not all on Chang…”

But Hyungwon’s words had hit home with Jooheon and the aegyo rapper lost it completely.

“You know what, screw you hyung, first they take Gunhee from me and now Changkyun. I need a rap partner, otherwise Monsta X won't work. We need a rap line and no offence man but you don’t cut it Hyungwon. Every time I find solace in rap they take a part of it away.”

Jooheon’s voice had grown louder as he went and they all heard the desperation in the last few words. Try as they might they all knew this was a bad situation. Minhyuk being the ball of sunshine he was tried to fix the situation.

“Joohoney, baby, they aren’t taking him away. He is just going to showcase his talents somewhere else for bit, getting the Monsta name out there. Besides if he doesn’t make it he will come right back here and we can continue on with our lives.”

Jooheon nodded but he wasn’t consoled.

“I should have been nicer to him. I mean, he isn’t all that bad. Its not like he has actually done anything bad to us.”

“But No. Mercy…” started Minhyuk in a small voice. But Hoseok cut him off, he always wished he were better friends with Changkyun but the routine of hatred had become to hard to change.

“No Mercy was a year ago and the rumours of him paying to be on the show were proven false. The kid barely has enough money to buy better practice shoes let alone bribe he way into a competition. No, we failed to be good hyungs and because of it he wants nothing to do with us.”

This was obviously the wrong thing to say as a fierce round of yelling started. Hoseok and Jooheon were in the mindset that they should have been nicer to the maknae, Shownu was too but as the leader he had to play devil's advocate. Kihyun couldn’t seem to make up his mind about how he felt and so just argued with everyone. Minhyuk and Hyungwon were adamant that it was Changkyun's fault the team was in jeopardy and had absolutely nothing to do with their behaviour. The argument continued well into the late hours of the night and each crawled into bed angry at one another.

 

When Changkyun finally returned to the dorm at around 3 that morning he was exhausted by the showcase earlier that day as well as the bomb that had been dropped on him by the CEO. Manager Wookyu had stayed by his side the entire time and had even stopped for a milkshake on the way back, when Changkyun had burst into tears just as they were slipping onto the highway.

He toed off his shoes and let out a yawn. He would probably sleep on the couch tonight as he didn’t feel like accidentally waking Kihyun, who was the lightest sleeper he had ever met.

“Good you're back.”

Changkyun jumped at the voice, he hadn’t noticed the leader sitting in the dimly lit living room. The leader motioned for the maknae to join him on the couch. Stuffing his hand into his pockets for comfort, he slowly walked over to the couch but didn’t sit down. He wasn’t necessarily scared of Shownu, in fact the oldest had never downright said anything nasty like the others, hell a few times he had even stopped the others from harassing him. But it was obvious that the Shownu didn’t like him that much and the leader never actively tried to bond with him anymore then was required. 

“How did it go? When do you leave? Are you okay?”

The last question seemed to be added as an afterthought but Changkyun shrugged it away, the leader didn’t care about how he felt. None of them really did. He was just a person who rapped a few lines in their songs. Easily replaceable.

“I leave tomorrow and start filming in the next few days.”

Pulling a face Shownu let out a loud sigh, “Man that sucks.”

Changkyun wasn’t sure if he was meant to respond so instead he stayed silent.

the leader stood up. He moved towards the maknae and for a second Changkyun thought he may actually hug him but instead he got a hard pat on the back.

“Listen I know we have never really been close but we hmmm,”  
He paused as if he wasn’t sure what to say.

“Just remember that you will representing Monsta x, go out there and show the world what we are capable of. Make us proud.” 

With another pat on the back the leader left Changkyun alone with his thoughts. “Make you proud,” he thought with a sneer. “Why the hell would I do anything for you. I will show the world exactly what I.M is capable of not Monsta X.”

 

The next morning he woke to Kihyun gentle shakes. Usually the ‘mom’ of the group would rush into the room shaking all the members violently out of bed all the while warming up his vocal chords. Today he was quiet, subdued. It was unnerving.

“Hey kid time to get up and have some breakfast. Manager hung will be picking you up soon. Jooheon already packed up your things as well as your favourite plushie.”

The vocalist returned to the kitchen and Changkyun stretched out his tired body. After a few joint pops, he made his way to the kitchen although he wasn’t sure if he would be able to eat. His whole body was on edge in anticipation for the events of the day. Upon arriving he noticed everyone was up and silently eating their food. It wasn’t unusual for them to be silent when he entered a room, a constant reminder that they saw him as an unwanted outsider. Yet today there was something different about this silence. He sat and took the bowl Hoseok offered him with a small smile. 

The second oldest member was the most enigmatic when it came to his relationship with the group. Hoseok didn’t like him anymore than the others did but often he found the other watching him. Not with anger or hatred in his eyes but something else, something Changkyun couldn’t identify.  
He slowly began to eat his breakfast, happy to find it was in fact his favourite dish.

It was Jooheon who spoke first about half way through the meal.

“How..how are you feeling?”

Changkyun shrugged not really wanting to open up to the other rapper especially not around the others.

“Man, I would be shitting my pants by now. I don’t think I could even watch another survival show let alone be in one again.”

Changkyun smiled. It didn’t take much to make Jooheon scared but he understood where he was coming from.

Jooheon looked like he wanted to say more but the door alarm rang signalling the arrival of Wookyu to pick his charge up. The older man walked in, he looked tired and gone his usual playful attitude.

“Is I.M ready?” He asked patting the maknae on the back.

“Just got to grab my bags.” He said standing. He placed his dirty dish in the sink and hurried of to his room.

 

I.M took a look around, taking it all in. Jooheon bunk was plastered with pictures of the group. He realized that on a few his face had been covered over with the start of another poster. Kihyun’s bed was neat and packed away nicely. While both his and Minhyuk’s bunks were a mess. Sadly the only thing he would miss from this dorm was his warm, comfortable bed. He had spent hours curled up under the covers pretending he was somewhere else. Sometimes he would pretend he was back in America or Israel. Sometimes he would pretend he was still in the Nu'bility dorm listening to Byunghwa and Taehyuk playing some silly game.

Grabbing his things he hurried back to the kitchen.

“Well good luck. “ said Shownu as he gave an awkward thumbs up at the maknae. Jooheon, Hoseok and surprisingly Kihyun wished him luck too. Minhyuk and Hyungwon barely looked up from their untouched food. That didn’t bother Changkyun as much as it should have, we was used to their attitudes.

Finally after what felt like an eternity he left the dorm uttering a small goodbye. As the door closed behind him, the house seemed to grow colder despite the summer hear outside and each member couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So begins the survival show. But while Changkyun is making friends and drawing the attention of the judges, Monsta X is falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will introduce two of my OCs.

The United 100 studio was a set of three building in a U shape. A lineup of vans were pulling into the guarded gates as swarms of fans tried to catch a glimpse of who was in the vehicles.

The van stopped and Changkyun observed the pack of boys all looking as nervous as he was. The producers had sent him a package with a need to know guide on the contestants, the studio and the rules. He had flipped through the booklet of contestants on the ride over. The majority of the boys were trainees hoping for a chance to be noticed. There were a few boys from disbanded groups such as LC9 and M.I.B. Then there the group, which he was included in called the Legacies. They were, already debuted singers hoping to bring more attention to their groups and themselves. There were 22 legacies in total and Changkyun had been shocked to see some of the groups that were included but they all had one thing in common. They were all struggling to make it and rumours of disbandment where rife. 

“Changkyun-ah, this is as far as I can go with you,” said Wookyu softly. He looked out at the others who were filing into the studio.  
“But you are no alone in there. You have your fans, your family, Starship and despite what you may think the group will be there for you too. They just don’t know it yet.”

Taking a deep breath, he thanked Wookyu. He didn’t think he could reply, the nerves were making him feel more than a little nauseous.

He climbed out the van and made his way to the studio. A few of the trainees stopped to stare, he ignored it.

Reaching the sign up table he greeted the tired-looking behind it.

“Name, company and if applicable group.  
“Lim Changkyun also known as I.M, Starship Entertainment and Monsta X.”

She nodded and added a check mark.

“You will be staying in room 219. Along with Rebel’s Jessie, MBLAQ’s Mir and trainee Kim Yoshin.

He thanked her but she had moved on the the next boy.

It took him a few wrong turns to finally find his dorm room. Opening the door to 219, he was suddenly knocked over by the tallest human he had ever seen.

“Oh no, oh gosh. I am so sorry. Oh wow, okay wow you are I.M aren’t you, oh man huge fan, huge fan."

“Ya kid let the poor guy up.” came another voice.

Bang Mir helped Changkyun to his feet. The other rapper had a huge smile on his face though.

“Thanks, I’m I.M from Monsta X. Nice to meet you.” He bowed.  
The tall kid bowed, “I am trainee Kim Yoshin and this is the much experienced Bang Mir from Mblaq.”

Mir laughed again, “I can introduce myself. Aish kids these days. Anyway welcome. You get to choose where you want to sleep. Jessie hasn’t arrived yet and Yoshin wants his hyungs to have the first pick.”

Mir leaned closer, “How cool is this that we don’t have to be the maknaes anymore. Ha I’m the oldest here.”

He let out a booming laugh and Changkyun found himself genuinely smiling something he hadn’t done in a long time.

Some timed past as the new roommates got to know each other. Soon Changkyun had Mir and Yoshin rolling on the floor laughing with his antics. A modest knock came at the door and Yoshin ran to open it, tripping over his long limbs on his way.  
“Ah you must be Jessie hyung, come in. I’m trainee Kim Yoshin.”

Entered one of the best looking men Changkyun had ever seen. Jessie was tall, although not gangly like Yoshin. He was built similar to Hoseok and his warm eyes seemed stuck in a permanent eye smile. Changkyun couldn’t believe he had never seen of Jessie before but he wasn't surprised. The group Rebel had debuted a year before them but due to contract disputes the group had gone on hiatus and Jessie had been brought in to replace the lead singer. Once the fourth member of the room was settled they began discussing how they had ended up there.

“So technically I haven’t even debuted yet but the company wants me to try and promote the group while taking part in the show.”

“Seems our companies had a similar idea.” Said Mir.

“I’m just happy to be here,” grinned Yoshin as he open another chocolate bar. The trainee had an entire bag worth of snacks that he graciously share with the others.

“Yeah mine too, kind of,” whispered Changkyun.

The others looked expectantly up at him and he bite his lip. Despite knowing them for less then a few hours, there was a familiarity within the group. Whether it be the shared nervousness of being in the competition or because all four were friendly guys, Changkyun felt comfortable.

Taking a deep breath he told them his story.

\------------------------

The mood in the Monsta X practice room was sour. One week had passed since Changkyun had left the dorm. Fights had were often and ongoing. Each member kept finding flaws with each other and it didn’t help that they had been informed they would be doing a busking event in Seoul the following week. This meant they would have to figure out how to fill the Changkyun sized hole in the group.

“Ah this sucks, I can’t rap his parts its to fast.” Said Hyungwon as he fell to the ground in exhausted as the music stopped. They had decided rather than burden Jooheon with more lines they would let Hyungwon fill in as second rapper and it wasn’t going well.

“Yeah well I guess you can't help that you aren’t as good as him but maybe you should try harder,” sniped Jooheon from across the dance floor.

Desperate to stop the oncoming fight Shownu intercepted and restarted the music. Hoseok took up his position and tried not to look to his right where the maknae would usually be placed. It felt wrong, empty. He was so stuck on this uncomfortable feeling that during the vocal transition he stumbled right into Kihyun who hit the ground hard.

“Watch where you are going you goddamn Buffon. Maybe if you use those your head more than your muscles to dance correctly you wouldn’t be stumbling all over the place. ”

Shownu rushed between them “Okay that’s enough, lets take a break. We are obviously all a little tired and we need to get into a better head space...”

Jooeheon let out a sarcastic laugh, “No what it is, is that we don’t have our normal punching bag to yell at so we are taking it out on each other.” 

 

The members fell quiet and Hoseok felt his heart drop to his stomach. Jooheon was right, this was what their maknae had to go through on a daily basis. The anger, the yelling always pointed towards him regardless of whether it was his fault and the boy would always take the abuse, whispering small apologies every time 

Shownu sighed and called it quits for the day. Hoseok was actually happy about this, the first episode of United 100 would air that night. They hadn’t heard any news about Changkyun, neither from the maknae himself nor their manager.

 

After a short ride home and a hot shower, Jooheon and Hoseok were already seated and ready. The two had found solidarity in each other as Changkyun's biggest supporters. Shownu came in with Kihyun carrying a tray of healthy snacks and drinks. As the final ad played, Minhyuk had slide out of his room to cuddle up beside Jooheon and Hoseok spied Hyungwon watching from the safety of the shadows.

“Man I don’t think I could handle another survival show especially not one with so many contestants.” Said Jooheon.

Hoseok had to agree and for a minute he wished none of this was happening and the maknae would be home locked away in his room away from his hyungs. Rather that than what was happening now.

“Shh, its starting,” whispered Kihyun

The music blared loudly and two popular idols appeared on screen. Key from Shinee and CL from 2ne1 were the hosts of the new show. Welcoming the viewers, they explained the premise.

“100 hopefuls have joined us hoping for a chance in the big nine. For the past week, judges and producers have been evaulating and filming the contestants. We can assure you it is going to be some great television."

"Now as we don’t have time to show all 100 contestants we have decided to show a few of the ones you should look out for.”

A montage began and the faces that flashed were indeed recognizable. The third person’s intro began and the group immediately recognized Changkyun’s rap from Trespass. It showed a few clips from their shows and stages before moving onto a short interview. Immediately the boys noticed a change. The youngest wasn’t wearing a baggy hoodie but rather a denim jacket and tight black pants. He laughed a little with the interviewer when he was asked if he expected to go far.

“I’m kinda becoming a pro at these survival shows but yeah I think so. I can handle whatever the judges throw my way and whatever else this competition brings. I’m going to make it to the top nine!”

He then looked into the camera and finger gunned. Hoseok shifted uncomfortably. He had seen this version of Changkyun before, only during broadcasts. Then it was evident it was forced but this interview seemed so genuine. 

The intro continued for another five more idols before returning to Key’s face.

“Now before we get too wrapped up in the Pros lets see what the kids have been up to since they arrived last week.

Another short montage began and it became apparent Changkyun and the other legacies waere a big focus. It showed the boys dorm rooms and inside had Changkyun and three others lying in a dog pile, other clip showed all the contestants in training gear going through what seemed to be a test, another with Changkyun having a fierce rap off with another contestant.

A voice over provided by CL came over the clips. In order to better rank the contestants they had spent time with voice coaches and dance instructors, who after this episode would put them into 10 teams of 10. 

Then in a rather ominous voice she added“But stick around until the end because we have a huge announcement to make, one that could change the lives of the top nine and their companies.”

 

The show continued on. Next up was the introduction of the judges and then finally the entrance of the trainees. Changkyun entered towards the end and the applause for him was one of the loudest.

“He seems to be pretty popular,” said Jooheon proudly. “That is good for us, right?”

Once the guys were seated they were each called up to introduce themselves and show off their talents. The next half hour passed in a blur of high notes, fast raps and breathtaking dances.

“Wow some of these guys are terrible.” whined Minhyuk as the one trainees ran off stage crying after been told his voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard.

Yeah but some are really good,” pointed out Kihyun. He had noted at least three singers who could hit his range of high notes and at least two of them were better then him, not that he would admit to it of course.

They fell quiet as the next contestant was announced and it was Changkyun.

He walked onto the stage, surrounded by a large fanfare from the crowd and Hoseok felt his breath catch in his throat. The rapper looked amazing. His light brown hair had being styled back and he was wearing a tight, all-black ensemble. He hated to admit the bout of jealousy that swept over him as the other contestants commented on how handsome he was, even one of the female judge blushed and bit her lip. 

He cleared his throat, to rid of the feeling in the pit of his stomach but he was sure that the things he was feeling right at that moment for the maknae were less then innocent.

\----------------------

The lights beating down on him were incredibly hot but he was used to it. Introducing himself he was sure to send a small smile toward the judges and the camera. He had come to learn over the past week that due to the so-called mysterious air he put out in Monsta X's videos, the boy had garnered a lot of attention.

It had been Yoshin who told him that. The giraffe of a boy was probably one of the sweetest and most sincere person Changkyun had ever met, he also happened to know every piece of gossip that was going around the studio. The rapper looked over to where his dorm mates were sitting and smiled when he saw they were ready to cheer loudly for him. It was nice having friends even when they were competitors.

“So I.M what have you prepared for us today.”

“I am going to do a rap cover of G-Dragon’s One of a Kind.”

He had being preparing all week for the set. Having decided that he would make it all the way to the top nine, he had made sure to work extra hard. He was even more resolved when he had yet to receive any messages from the other members, not even a good luck. He knew he shouldn’t have expected much from them but it was still a blow to his self-esteem. So much for the members being there for him. He had put the pent up anger into the routine and despite G-Dragon’s rap being higher than he rapped at, he had worked hard at it when the other contestants were in bed.

The beat started and Changkyun shifted into I.M, the confident rapper. He wasn’t the best dancer but he put all he could into the song and then the rapping began. He smirked as he saw the shocked and excited faces of the judges and the other contestants. The song came to an end and a loud round of applause started up. Grinning, he bowed low.

Once the applause had died down, one of the guest judges picked up the mike. She carefully tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“That was amazing, truly it was but I want to see the how your talents go after all you are not a trainee anymore. Tell me I.M how well do you sing?”

A hushed whisper went through the crowd and Chngkyun felt his heart drop. He could sing, his instructor and parents had always said so but this was different. He could never sing in a crowd especially not like this. He gulped and the judge seemed to latch onto it like a shark.

“If you are too scared that’s okay its just a wonder how you can expect to make it big if you get stage fright about singing.”

She laughed cruelly and Changkyun looked away. It was like the little confidence he had built up in the last week suddenly evaporated into thin air. I.M had left the building and now Changkyun felt naked and alone. 

“Chankyun-ah you can do it, we believe in you!”

The camera swung around and there stood his roommates clapping and cheering him on. They began to chant his name and before long all the contestants began to chant along. The judge looked pissed but Changkyun took a deep breath. 

You can do it, he told himself prove to the others that you deserve to be where you are.

He nodded and spoke into the mike, forcing a bit of attitude into his answer.

“I can’t promise you I will sound any good after all I am a rapper not a singer but I will give it a go, for you.” He gave a little wink at the end and was rewarded with a glare from the judge.

She was about to answer when the other female judge, the one with kind eyes interrupted her.

“What song would you like to do perhaps one of your groups so you know the words better?”

Changkyun thought for a second but shook his head, he had come this far might as well blow them out the water.

“Actually I wouldn’t mind singing Imagine Dragon’s Believer.”

That was a shook statement, an English speaking song was unheard of but Changkyun would listen to them often. The lyrics understand what he felt and it was sung in a pace where he could pretend he was rapping. 

 

The song started and Changkyun took a deep breath. Just pretend you are in the shower he told himself as he looked in the spotlight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the show drops a bombshell on the contestants, it leaves Monsta X in a worrisome state. Changkyun on the other hand continues to grow, finding the longer he is away from the group the happier he becomes.

The Monsta X members were glued to the screen. Everyone except Jooheon seemed surprised at the heart and power the youngest member had put into his rap performance. It was as if someone else had taken over.

“He gets like that sometimes when we are composing.” Jooheon stated.

“When we forget we are supposed to hate each other and just act like two dumb friends.”

The female guest judge had gotten Hoseok’s blood boiling and apparently in had for Shownu too. “That’s not fair. She hasn’t asked anyone other rapper to sing. Who the heck does she thinks she is?”

They watched as the rapper’s demeanour changed. Gone was the confident entertainer and there was the boy who flittered in the shadows of the dorm, the boy who never argued and barely spoke. Hoseok wanted to reach through the screen and hug him. Not that he had a right to do so, he had never comforted the boy boy before, when they were the source of his pain.

“Well at least he has made some friends,” said Kihyun as the group of boys in the audience began to chant his name.

They hyped up the rest of the audience until it was a chorus of Changkyun-ah! It was a bittersweet moment as the camera panned back to their maknae. He was staring in happy confusion as the other boys chanted his name and slowly a smile spread across his face. It apparently gave him the courage to sing because he agreed, even giving a little bit of attitude to the judge.

“I hope he can do this,” whispered Hoseok as he shared a look with Kihyun. Surprisingly the maknae was actually pretty good even if he kept his eyes closed most of the time. While Hoseok didn’t understand the lyrics he felt the emotion behind them.

“I never knew he could sing.” Hyunwon stated as he pulled one of his meme-worthy faces.

“Neither did I,” said Shownu.

The song came to an end and Changkyun received a standing ovation. Even Minhyuk and Hyungwon reluctantly cheered him on. The rest of the show continued with only a few noteworthy performances. Finally the rankings were announced and Changkyun was put in Team Red, along with the boys who had started cheering for him, the ones the show had said were his roommates.

“He is like the most popular guy there.” Jooheon commented as he watched the other rapper shyly laugh with one of his new teammates before turning to thank a trainee who had complemented him.

Hyungwon scoffed from the back but Hoseok could see the other was hooked on what was happening.

When the final contestant had being placed Key and CL walked onto the stage. The two veteran singers looked amazing and as Key pushed back his Gucci sunglasses there was a sly look in his eye. “Congratulations to all the competitors on your placements! Before we bid you farewell, we have a little bombshell to drop. As you all know the last nine contestants standing will become a group called Unit 9. They will preform together for six months, releasing at least one album and preforming in one concert.”

“However,” CL said in a conspiratorial tone, “once the six months is up, the group will not disband. In fact, those chosen will have the option to stay on permanently with the group. Yes, even those that have debuted already will be given the choice to stay in Unit-9.”

A murmur of surprise surrounded the audience of contestants. This was huge. For the trainees it meant permanent place and for someone like Changkyun it could mean leaving behind the group who could barely tolerate him and starting anew. The cameras cut away but not before panning across the excited audience. Naturally it happened to stop on the Monsta X rapper. The boy looked just as shocked as the others but a small smile started to spread across his face before the camera cut back to the hosts.

"Join us next week as the battle truly begins."

As the credits rolled across the screen Minhyuk switched the TV off and turned to the others all of whom looked absolutely taken aback by the news. “What kinda crazy, hopped up idea is this. Like who would chose to leave their group?”

No one answered but they were all thinking the same thing. Changkyun would!

The gears in Hoseok’s head were spinning as he thought of all that had happened since Changkyun’s departure for the show. He wasn’t one to fall for conspiracy theories but things were fitting into place. As the last piece slotted together he jumped to his feet.

“That bastard,” he began to pace. A sure sign that the muscular singer was beyond pissed.

“Hey now, no need for that kind of language!” said Kihyun sternly.

Wonho pointed to the muted TV. “Don’t you guys see what is happening here?”

The others looked back blankly and Hoseok sighed in frustration. “What a perfect way to solve Starship’s problem and take all the blame off the CEO.” The other still looked blank so Hoseok explained, “It is obvious to anyone with eyeballs that Changkyun doesn’t fit in with us but he IS a damn good rapper. Now CEO-nim can’t kick him out of the group, not without causing a ruckus with the fans who have rallied to him, especially after No. Mercy. It would be disastrous for Starship to force him out. But if the maknae made it to the finals and I don’t know, chose to stay with the group then the company doesn’t have to kick him out. He left on his own accord.”

The others were starting to get it so Hoseok continued, more worked up then before. “Then the fans would wonder why he left and if the kid was feeling vindictive enough he could expose us. And what happens when the fans find out that every interaction we have had with him, this past year, has been a lie. What would Monbebes say when they find out that we barely even say hello to him in the morning let alone treat him like our precious maknae. What would they do if they find out the goddamn kid secretly goes to therapy every week and has been on anti-depressants since the end of No. Mercy. You what happens then? The fans, the press and the company turn on us! The group that hasn’t bought in any wins and was bullying one of their members! Boom Starship is rid of their problem, they get royalties off Changkyun’s contract and debut a new group that actually like each other.”

He took a deep breath at the end of his word dump. The revelation at Hoseok’s theory was a little hard to swallow but the group couldn’t argue against it. It made to much sense. Something seemed to be bothering Kihyun. “Wait. What do you mean secretly goes therapy and is on anti-depressents?”

Hoseok grimaced, realizing he had revealed a rather person fact that he himself shouldn’t have known. He explained what he had found two months after No. Mercy had ended.

—————

It had been a hot, sticky day and the team were resting on the couches. It was Hoseok’s turn to take the trash out and as much as the singer would have preferred to shift the duty onto someone else the smell of garage was beginning to stink up the small dorm.

So he found himself hauling three heavy, smelly bags of garage to the bin outside. He tossed the first two in easily but the third had a small rip in the bottom as a he flung it the few contents dropped out and scattered across the floor. He stopped and glared at the offending items. He thought about leaving it for the wind and time to take care of but thought better of it. He didn’t want to be the one in trouble when another fan started auctioning off their trash online. He grabbed the offending items off the floor, stuffing them back in the bag.

The last item caught his eye. It was a pill bottle. He frowned unaware of any of them being sick lately. He read the label and suddenly wished he hadn’t.

He recognized the name of the medication, having seen it in his mother’s cabinet since he was a young kid. They were one of the stronger anti-depressants on the market and they were prescribed to Lim Changkyun. They had been prescribed by a Dr. Song Hyorin, the psychiatrist to the stars. She was a household name in the idol industry she knew how to keep them just right enough to sing, dance and preform.

Hoseok had quickly shoved the bottle into the trash and tried to set it to the back of his mind. He didn’t have time to worry about someone that had cheated their way into the group.

Despite this he had started keeping a watchful eye out on the maknae, looking for signs of depression. It wasn’t all the hard, the kid would lie on his bed for hours on end seemingly lost in his own thoughts. There were days were he went without eating. The bags under his eyes worsening at the lack of nutrition and sleep. Kihyun would often complain that he would hear the maknae crying at night when everyone else was supposed to be asleep. Despite his dislike of the boy, it hit to close to home, it was like watching his own mother's downward spirals. Only problem was Changkyun didn't have anyone to help him back out of it.

Around month after the discovery, it was the group’s day off so he had decided to workout at the company gym. He knew Shownu was still there going over some dance moves and Changkyun was in the studio rerecording his rap on the album as he hadn’t felt confident enough in the lines.

He was just about to call it quits when he heard hushed tones outside the door, He peeked out, recognizing Changkyun and Wookyu. The rapper had his head down and looked like he was crying. Their manager was obviously trying to calm him. Hoseok cracked the door open enough so he could hear what they were saying.

“You have to go Changkyun-ah. It will help you!”

“I don’t want to. If the others find out, if the fans find out they will hate me even more then they already do.”

The manager rubbed a rough hand across his face before gripping Changkyun tightly forcing him to look him in the eye. “This is the second time this week I have found you mid panic attack.Twice! Changkyun-ah in a week and that’s only the ones I know about. Kihyun keeps complaining about you waking him up crying yourself to sleep. You are falling to pieces, like when was the last time you ate hey. Because those baggy clothes aren’t fooling anyway. I just want to help you so trust me to do my job and no one will find out! Okay, but you have to see the therapist. She is the only one who can give you your pills and she can make you feel better. Please.”

At this point the older man was begging the younger who if possible had drawn within himself even more. But the tactic must have worked and Changkyun nodded in agreement.

After that Hoseok noticed how every Thursday at 3pm Changkyun would be excused in the guise of extra practice. He always seemed a little happier whenever he came home on those days. But it always struck Hoseok as odd that no one else noticed the pattern.

————-

The story left Monsta X feeling worse then they had before.

“Man we really have been shitty hyungs,” said Minhyuk who had managed to now attach himself to Shownu. “We literally made his life so awful that he has to go to therapy.”

“Well how do we know it was us? We all are stressed maybe he just couldn’t handle it.” Said Hyungwon but there was no venom in his voice.

Jooheon jumped to his feet ready for another fight. Shown rushed forward, which was a little awkward given the Minhyuk koala attached to him. “Enough. I think it were time we cleaned up our act and if Hoseok is right it may be the the only way to save our group from disbandment. Monsta x means the world to me and I should have remembered that meant everyone in it. Changkyun is a monsta and it is about time we treated him like one. His is our rapper not some 9th unit’s …”

“Unit-9 ,” corrected Minhyuk.

“Whatever, what I am trying to say is lets win our maknae back!” Surprisingly it was an unanimous agreement from the team even from the moody Hyungwon. But despite the happiness in the room a thought lingered in Hoseok’s brain. What if they were too late?

—————

The night after the first episode had been a whirlwind of action, by now the episode would have aired. For a brief moment Changkyun wondered if the others had watched it but the thought had been driven from mind when Mir handed him another shot of Soju.

After the teams had been announced, the roommates had introduced themselves to their six other teammates. The four had snuck out of the facility and had gone to a nearby bar for pool and booze.

“Oh man did you see the way Kyunnie sassed that judge. He was all like I’ll sing for you baby and blew her a kiss. Dude, he was just like Luke Skywalker when he had to stare down Kylo Ren in the Last Jedi.” Explained Yoshin excitedly as they snuck back into the studio.

Mir stopped and looked at the trainee in disbelief. “Bro that doesn’t even make sense first of all that isn't what happened and secondly Luke is staring him down because of their dramatic past and it was more emotional. No KKyunnie was sassy as shit. I would say he was more a Princess Leia…”

Jessie managed to shush the boys before they went into another full blown nerd debate and Changkyun was more than grateful to the other. He watched as his three friends walked ahead of him and let out a tipsy giggle. It was nice to have people who cared about him and it wasn’t horrible to have someone shamelessly flirt with you the way Jessie did. At first he had been taken aback by the other boy’s flirtatious comments and skinship but hadn’t pushed it away. If anything he kind of liked it.

As if sensing Changkyun’s thoughts Jessie turned back and sent a wink his way. Okay maybe he more than liked it.

His pocket suddenly vibrated signalling a text. He wondered if it was from one of his parents calling to say well done. Surprisingly it was from his Hoseok. It read simply “It was a good episode- from your Monsta X hyungs.”

Immediately his mood soured. No messages for a whole week and that was it. He would have preferred not getting anything then this slap to the face. The others had all received well wishes from their groups.Mir two members who were currently in the army had found time to FaceTime him. Another, Joon, had sent him a large arrangement of flowers with a signed picture of his face. Jessie’s group members had sent personalized letters to him each detailing how proud they were and how much they wished he was there with them. All he fucking got was a one line text commenting on the validity of the show.

A pair of arms drew him into a hug. It was Jessie.

“Is it from them?”

Changkyun nodded at the question and the other boy just shook his head.

“Oh man, those assholes don’t deserve you.” he said in English, his Canadian accent coming out strong.

The other boy would drop into english whenever he was frustrated or wanted to talk to Changkyun without Mir or Yoshin listening in.

“Forget about them. They mean nothing, it is you in this competition and it will be you who make it to the top nine. And hey if you do you never have to go back, if you don’t want to.”

Changkyun had forgotten all about the final announcement. He wondered if Monsta X would even care if he left the group. Hyungwon could take his position, the other boy was always complaining that he didn’t have enough lines and could easily do Changkyun’s parts.

“To be honest I don’t really want to think about that decision. I’m just going to focus making top nine and if that comes up I will make the decision then.” Jessie smirked and slung an arm around the shorter boy’s shoulders.

“Well now isn’t that a very mature answer from Mr. Hot shot himself! We had better hurry back though because Yoshin is about to start another loud, drunken Star Wars monologue and I don’t want security catching us out of bed.”

 

The next few day had the contestants breaking off into their teams to begin preparing their set for the next episode. The mornings had been filled with dance practice, vocal training and advice from models and makeup artists on how to look good 24/7.

The afternoon events however was all about teamwork, variety and whatever else made for good entertainment. The Red Team was the stars of the show, after all they had Changkyun and Mir, with their 4D personalities and odd senses of humour. They had the cute, awkwardness in Yoshin who was the girl dance master and Jessie’s charms and good-looks.

The final day before their showcase had been a brutal one. Most teams had forgone sleep in order to practice their sets and most would have preferred to spend the whole day getting ready. But the producers had other ideas.

Teamwork. That was the object of today’s game. The contestants had split into their groups and being given a set of five task to complete all needing everyone to take part to complete the tasks. Most of them had been incredibly physical.

It hadn’t helped that the summer heat had hit a new high and no amount of air-conditioning could cool down the large gym filled with over 100 people. After three hours of teamwork, three trainees fainting to heatstroke and a lot of sweat, Team Red had finished first but it had left them all drained and ready for a good nights sleep.

The roommates stumbled in through the door, the rapper headed straight for his bed while the Yoshin just fell to the floor groaning in pleasure as the tile cooled his body. While he was effectively blocking the doorway, no one complained. He was acting as a giant doorstop allowing a nice breeze to blow into the sweltering room.

“Ya Changkyun-ah, are you purposely trying to make us look like plebs next to you?” Whined Mir with his head hanging over his bunk.

Changkyun mustered energy to raise a questioning eyebrow. It was Yoshin who answered from the safety of the floor. “He means you little strip tease out there.”

Changkyun giggled and tried to explain that had been an accident. During one of the tasks Changkyun had snuck of to the refreshments table in the hopes he could quench his thirst. He could feel the sweat dripping down his back and he kept having to sweep his drenched hair out of his face. Sure he may have acted up the sexy way he did it for the camera but more than anything it was a total frustration. He looked around to ensure the camera was still filming his team.

As he grabbed his water off the table a bead of sweat managed its way into his eye. Cringing in pain he lifted his shirt to wipe it away, which naturally ended up exposing his pale belly. He wasn’t as ripped as Wonho or Shownu but he had a little definition in his abs and the way he was standing sweat glistening all over him, naturally made him camera candy. He hadn’t seen the producers zoom in on him and he didn’t hear the excited squeal from the female camera operator as he poured the rest of his water bottle over his head in attempt to cool himself down and wake himself up.

“Yeah man this is a survival show not a porn set. Although if I had to do you, I wouldn’t complain.”

The boys erupted into laughter at Jessie’s kinky remark and forgetting about their bone-deep tiredness, they started throwing horrible pick up lines at each other. And if Changkyun managed to find himself sitting on Jessie’s lap for the rest of the night, well it was all for the fun and games.

—————

For the fifth time that day Hoseok checked his notifications on his phone. It had become a bit of a habit since he had sent the message to Changkyun. He was frustrated that the boy hadn’t replied in over a week.

“Maybe he is just busy, he is in a survival show remember!” Said Kihyun from his seat on the couch.

Hoseok agreed but wasn’t convinced.

“What did you say to him anyway.”

Hoseok blushed and passed the phone to the main vocalist. He was ashamed to admit that he had spent 20 minutes trying to figure out what to say. He had written and rewritten the message so many times he couldn’t even remember how many drafts he had made.

“Mmmm hyung you do realize you hadn’t sent the second text, right?”

Hoseok grabbed his phone and sure enough in the typing section was the message he had spent so long on, he let out a schreech. “Noooo, no that’s means he only got the first message oh man no wonder he didn’t reply, it sucked.”

He began to pace again and Kihyun tried to remedy the situation. “Well maybe send it now, say you forgot to press send and then send one wishing him luck for today’s episode.”

Hoseok nodded and looked over the message cursing himself for not checking to see if he hadn’t actually sent the goddam thing.

"Hey KKungKungie. I am sorry about last week’s shitty text. I forgot to hit send of the long one. I am a pretty terrible hyung. I know this past year has been awful but I want us to start being friends. I want to be the hung you need me to be, we all want to change, for you! Changkyunie I…"

He deleted the message in frustration and instead typed out a Good Luck. He would call the maknae tonight and talk properly.

——————

Changkyun’s nerves were firing at all cylinders. He looked over the rest of his team, they were all as nervous as he was. In fact one of the younger trainees known as Kim Jongjin, had already thrown up twice.

“Okay listen up, we have got this! Remember your part and just pretend we are in the practice room. Team Red fighting.” Mir yelled. As the eldest he had taken up the role of leader and as an experienced Veteran in the industry his advice and guidance was a welcoming feeling for the rest of the team.

The Green team’s performance came to an end and it was obvious from the applause they had done well. Changkyun took four deep breaths.

Be the stage

Be the rap

Show confidence

I am I.M

It was his ritual and it worked every time.

At the sound of their name the group ran onto stage. The lights were brighter today and the judges a little more focused. The group did their greeting bowing to the judges and the audience. After a round of obligatory questions the team got into their positions.

They had to blow the judges away from day one which is why their set was a tad different and risky. Changkyun hoped it would work.

The music to Infinite’s BTD began and the set began. The crowd were cheering enjoying the song and just as the lead came to the infamous scorpion dance, the music changed and Changkyun growled. He began to rap and it was one of his own, one he had written one night after a particularly difficult day with the members.

 

Don’t pretend you can’t see me ‘Cause I’m still here.

I cry every night for slice of your love

but no more

But your lies cannot hurt me so bow down and cower.

I am a king

I am the calm, I am the storm I am everything you every wanted, everything You ever needed

But you threw it all away, to stuck to try something new.

I will go high I won’t descend, you can not stop me

So do not pretend that that I am not here and you not see me.

‘Cos I have outgrown you and this is your end.

 

The crowd got louder and as he finished his lines the group had gotten in position for the next piece of the set.

MBLAQ’s This is War intro started and Changkyun could see the judges excited faces. Mir would start from his first rap which would lead into the chorus.

The older rapper had teared up when Changkyun had suggested using the song and Yoshin had been the most excited to preform the iconic dances.

The set continued and Changkyun had to stifle a grin when Jessie managed to hit the high note perfectly. It had been incredibly tough to get the songs to flow well together and even harder to get the other boys to be able to pull the songs off.

The song ended and Changkyun struck a pose, breathing hard he looked directly at the camera. He couldn’t help the small smirk that formed. After all applause was deafening and he could see most of the judges were impressed.

Once the applause had died down, a judge stood his face blank. “I have to say that was quite the production whose idea was it?”

The team pointed to Changkyun who took a step forward.

“Why am I not surprised,” said the judge.

The man looked down at his notes from a second.

“Why did you chose to do your set this way.” Changkyun brought the mike up to his mouth.

“There are so many talented idols in this show that I knew we would have to stand out right from the get go. By covering two iconic songs we also made sure to give homage to those groups that came before us.”

The judge nodded. “And that rap transition. That was an original, correct.”

He nodded and for a quick second the judge looked impressed. “It was deep. Well done. However, while 90% of the group were in sync there was one who was lagging.”

The rapper looked around and caught the face of Kim Jongjin. He looked on the verge of tears and whispered a “Sorry” towards Changkyun.

“We will work harder for the next episode,” he said with a small bow of his head.

The judge didn’t respond instead he consulted the other judges, the female judge from the last episode looked positively euphoric. She caught his eye and a feral grin spread across her face. The atmosphere was tense and Changkyun a hand snake around his waist in comfort. It was Jessie.

“Seeing as though you are the last team to preform, we have decided to announce tonight’s big reveal.” The judge paused for dramatic effect. Changkyun looked at Jessie who seemed just as puzzled as he was. There wasn’t meant to be be any reveal that night.

The judge spoke up and it caused an uproar. “As there is only a few episodes of the show and so many talented boys vying for the nine spots. We have decided tonight will be an elimination night. Tonight we will announce the names of the worst 20 and they will be sent home.”

Team Red took their seats to shocked to celebrate their stage. 20 contestants would be eliminated. Changkyun's heart felt like it had fallen into the pit of his stomach, it was at that moment he realized how much he wanted to make it. Now, there was possibility that all this may come to an end and he would have to return to the cold, friendless like he was forced to live with Monsta x. The camera tracked them after all they were the most popular, catching the range of emotion throughout the team. Jongjin hung back, already tears were threatening to fall. Changkyun grabbed onto him and pulled him towards the chairs. “I am so sorry hyung. I tripped on the transition and couldn’t get back on beat. I am so sorry.”

Changkyun enveloped the boy in a hug, remembering all the times he had stumbled over a step during practice and how the members treated him. Despite being frustrated he wouldn't show it, he would only offer advice and support.

“Hey there is nothing to be sorry about, you were amazing. You are not going home tonight. I promise.” He hoped he was right.

As if to prolong the pain the judges decided to name where each boy was placed as of that episode, starting from the current first place.It went to Jessie. Changkyun came in a close second. Mir was 7th, Yoshin was 10th. Team Red all placed under 50 with the trembling Jongjin coming in 49th. Changkyun stopped listening after that, relief flooding his body. He had managed to keep his team intact and he had come in second losing to Jessie by only three points. But the team would need to work harder with 20 boys gone the competition would sure heat up and he was more determined then ever to make the top nine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get up. I had the Chapter all written out and it was a good one, soooo good but for some reason my computer hates this chapter and refuses to save this chapter at all. So hopefully this one is okay and at this point I just want it up and gone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It goes from a bad to terrible day for Hoseok as rumours of them bullying Changkyun start to come out. His mood isn't helped by the newly found fact that he may just be attracted to the youngest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is entirely from Wonho's pov.

Hoseok stormed into the bedroom he shared with Hyungwon and Shownu and slammed the door shut behind him. He was ready to blow a casket. His thoughts were already in a state of confusion from the previous night and then he had to put up with the events of today. He paced the tiny room and tried to collect his thoughts, it wasn’t working. He knew he was going to be in a world of trouble when the others got back. 

Grabbing his earbuds and workout bag he left the dorm in a hurry for the gym. The gym was his escape, if he needed to think, he lifted weights, needed to calm down, he did yoga and if he needed motivation, he ran. Today was a weights day.

Upon arrival he was relieved to find the room empty. Changing quickly, he began to warm up. He caught his reflection in the mirror and while he would usually admire his physique. Today he questioned himself.

“What the hell is wrong with you.”

If the reflection could have answer it would have said all Changkyun's fault.

*The Previous Night*

Hoseok and Jooheon had pretty much ran into he dorm to get into living room. The second episode was still a good 10 minutes away from starting but while neither would admit it, they needed to see how their maknae was doing.

Since the other rapper had left the dorm, Jooheon had completely changed his attitude towards the other. Gone was indifference and superiority complex, now the boy acted as if he were a twin, missing his other half.

The past week had been a time of change for them all, just in different ways. For Hoseok, he had found himself lost more in his own thoughts. Even though Changkyun was quiet and tried to stay out of there way as much as possible, he missed the boy’s presence. 

Shownu and Kihyun joined the other two of the couch, bringing a tray of healthy snacks and beverages. 

Minhyuk came running out of his room wearing one of Changkyun’s oversized hoodie and he jumped on top of Jooheon, managing to smack Kihyun in the face with one of the sleeves.

Minhyuk had been another one to completely pull a 360 in regards to the maknae and Hoseok knew that despite the extraness the other boy had put into his efforts, he was legitimately missing the youngest. He wanted to be a better hyung. 

Hyungwon had been silent throughout the week but Hoseok had caught him listening in when the others were discussing future plans to make the maknae feel more at home.

The music to the show started and they all hushed up. Hoseok found himself watching each scene in the hopes of seeing Changkyun and he was more than gifted with scenes.

The show seemed focused of Team Red and Team Green. They hyped up a rivalry Hoseok was sure didn't exist. He was happy to see Changkyun interacting so well with his teammates and it was clear they all looked up to him. He was however annoyed to see the singer Jessie hanging all over his maknae.

He wasn’t jealous, he told himself. Then the camera zoomed in and it caught the two in a close cuddle. Changkyun had his head down already a blush on his face as Jessie whispered into his ear. Okay maybe a little jealous, especially as it seemed the boys were attached at the hips.

Then came the moment that changed everything for Hoseok. It was the last event before the teams showcased their acts. It had been hot the day before and it was showing on the contestants. Their clothes were damp, faces flushed and hair clung to their faces. Somehow Changkyun still looked amazing. His team had managed to complete their tasks before the others and Changkyun had slunk away to the beverage table. The camera followed him.

While checking out the offering on the table, a drop of sweat fell into his eye and he grimaced. Not knowing he was being filmed, the boy lifted his sweat soaked shirt to wipe his face exposing his thin stomach, a small trail of hair leading beneath his waistline. The edges of the camera softened as it slowed down the shot, a sexy track playing over it. Hoseok felt his mouth go dry and he was sure his pants hadn’t been this tight when he put them on.

Then the little shit had to go and pour a bottle of water over his head, like a goddamn supermodel in an ad.

Hoseok had to excuse himself as he rushed to the bathroom. He splashed water onto his own overheated face. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his body and the unfortunate situation in his pants. Looking up at his reflection he scolded himself.

“Get a grip Wonho, you have barely spoken to the guy this past year and now you suddenly want to bone him.”

He let out a frustrated sigh. He had always known that his interests lay on both side of the fence, so the shock wasn’t so much that it was a guy. 

The shock was Changkyun.

None of it made sense, he had never felt his way towards the other. This was just one more problem to add to the pile. He slowly made his way back to the living room ignoring the knowing look from Kihyun.

The innocent Minhyuk’s eyes never left the screen as he filled the older boy in on what he missed.

“The acts just started. So far only Blue has gone!”

Hoseok nodded in thanks but he was no longer paying attention, his mind to caught up in his newly found attraction to the youngest. As the Orange team did a terrible rendition of Exo’s growl, Hoseok realized that the attraction may not have been all that new. It was just no longer covered over by his indifference to the other.

Changkyun fit all of Hoseok’s ideals. He was classically handsome, a strong jawline with intelligent eyes that peered into your soul. His dual personality was one of the most compelling things about him, On the one side he was the soft, mature and attentive. Sometimes too grown up for his own age. Other times when he let the side of himself shine through he was a jokester, full of odd noises, adorable aegyo and smart quips. 

Finally it was Team Red’s turn to preform and Hoseok snapped out of his thoughts. The team looked good and as Changkyun walked onto he stage, Hoseok could see he had already transformed into I.M.

The group were really good and doing one of Infinite’s songs helped to showcase the synchronization the group had going for them. Then the music changed and I.M growled.

His rap voice was deeper then usual. His face was focused but as the meaning behind the words became to sink in, Hoseok realized it wasn’t focused. It was cold, hard anger.

‘Cos I have outgrown you and this is your end. 

Hoseok’s stomach did a flip. What did that mean? He looked over to the others and Jooheon caught his eye. The other rapper seemed just as troubled by the words. There was no denying it the rap had been meant for them.

 

That night Hoseok had been unable to sleep and instead decided to read fan comments about the latest show on their fan cafe. He wished he hadn’t. Half of them spoke about how hot they now found Changkyun, a few were even a little +18 in their descriptions. He shoved the feelings of anger and jealously down. Pretending the comments didn’t bother him he continued scrolling until one thread caught his eye.

BTSBaByGirl: “Changkyun oppa is so hot. I ship him so hard with Jessie, there is definitely something going on between them. I mean Changkyun has never shown this level of kinship with anyone before.”

Changkyun’s apple hips: “I ship them so hard too. Like Jessie wants him so badly, like did you see how thirsty he looked when he was staring at Changkyun. But it isn’t a surprise Changkyun oppa doesn’t do skinship with Monsta X considering their relationship.”

MonstaX saved my soul: “What do you mean?” 

Changkyun’s apple hips: “Isn’t it obvious. They hate each other. There have been rumours that the group never got close to him after no mercy and that was why he was entered into United 100. But didn’t you listen to his rap tonight he was obviously talking about them.”

BTSBaByGirl: “Oh poor oppa why are they so mean to him. Ya do you think this means he will leave Monsta X?”

Hoseok logged out right after that and rolled over. He forced himself to go to sleep knowing they had a packed schedule the next day with a fan meet in the morning and an interview that afternoon. 

His dreams however were filled with Changkyun. 

 

Naturally Hoseok woke up the next day in a mood. He could already hear Kihyun moving around in the kitchen. He decided he needed some advice and the main vocalist was always his go to person. 

His butt hadn’t even yet touched the seat when Kihyun spoke.

“So do you want to talk about last night.”

Hoseok’s mouth dropped open, how did he always know.

“Eh, yeah actually I would like to.”

Kihyun nodded and taking a pot off the stove he poured two mugs of coffee. They sat in silence for a while. 

“I think I am attracted to the maknae.”

Kihyun took a sip of coffee before he answered.

“Yeah I figured.”

Hoseok looked shocked, “How?”

Kihyun rolled his eyes.

“Hyung you only were those loose sweatpants, which makes hiding an excited Wonho junior a little, dare I say, hard.”

The other boy laughed at his joke while Hoseok groaned. Not because of the pun but because someone had seen. 

“No one else saw don’t worry. But I have to say this kind of came out of left field.”

Hoseok scoffed. All of Monsta x, bar Changkyun, knew about his bisexulity so he knew Kihyun was talking about who he was interested in.

“You think I don’t know that. I mean, it kind of makes sense, his is totally my type and now that we have all decided to actually treat him right…” he tapered off unsure how to continue.

Kihyun looked uncomfortable, “hyung I hate to be that person but this isn’t a good idea. One we are idols so you know how that would go down and two Changkyun probably hates us, as he has every right to do. You heard his rap last night, he isn’t going to chose to stay. I know I wouldn’t.”

Kihyun’s voice caught, “I couldn’t sleep last night so I decided to watch No. Mercy. You every watch it?”

Hoseok shuck his head. He hadn’t wanted to live through that agony again.

Kihyun sighed again, “I wish I had sooner. Maybe then…maybe then we would have seen how bad it was for the kid. He had no idea what he was getting dropped into. Hyung his face, he seemed so excited to meet us but we just treated him like shit. Watching his eyes lose the happiness he came in with was heartbreaking. He tried so hard to make us like him and we…”

Kihyun began to cry,  
“Hyung, he has no-one, stills has no-one. I wish I could go back, take it all back but I can't and now our maknae hates us and our team is going to break up all because we couldn’t get past our pettiness.”

 

After their morning cry, Hoseok felt worse although he supposed it was nice to know Kihyun was now fully committed to trying to keep Changkyun in the group. 

The fan meeting had been in full swing for a good hour but you could see the rest of the group were not as boisterous as usually. 

A fan sat across from him and he put on his biggest smile. She didn’t smile back, she slowly passed her booklet to him.

“Is it true?”

Hoseok looked up in surprise. Her eyes meet his and for some reason he was reminded of his mother when she used to look at him in disappointment. 

“Are the rumours true, that you guys hate Changkyun and bullied him so much he is going to leave the group.”

Hoseok struggled to answer, “No…what...No it isn’t…its not like that… he left the group to promote it for a while. No, he is our precious maknae we love him very much.”

The fan looked disgusted, “You’re lying. Do you think we haven’t noticed the way you treat him? If he is so precious to you, when is his birthday.”

Hoseok froze, was it January or no maybe it was June. The fan however took it for a none answer. “How about his favourite colour. His favourite movie. His favourite food.”

Hoseok was starting to panic and glanced over to the other members for help but they were all busy with their own fans.

“What a shock you know nothing. I really like you guys but I can’t support a group who bullies their own members.” And with that she got up and stormed out. It left the singer in complete shock. 

The rest of the event passed relatively smoothly, a few fans had commented on the absence of the maknae and how much it hurt to have him gone.

 

Finally it was time for their TV interview and that is when the shit hit the fan. The show had the group sing their lastest song and it was evident that without their other rapper they were lacking.

The hosts were vicious. At first their jokes had seemed harmless, good for variety. But it had soon strayed into forbidden territory.

“Now we know your seventh member, Changkyun is currently competing in this year’s hottest competition but how does it feel to have the least liked member out the dorm?”

Hoseok’s face fell. He felt Shownu tense up next to him, the leader tried to laugh it off and change the subject. But the hosts were relentless.

“It is okay you guys don’t have to pretend, we all have people we dislike that we work with. I would have been so happy to know my bad co workers were being sent away to a survival show.”

Hoseok could feel his rage starting to boil over. The hosts continue with their onslaught,

“Jooeheon what was it like having your best friend replaced by someone who can’t seem to stay in one group longer than a year. The guy is like a bad luck charm first Nu’bilty and if rumours are to believed soon Monsta X.”

And Hoseok lost it.

“What the hell do you know?” He yelled pushing towards the hosts. Shownu went to hold him back but he had always been the strongest especially when angry.

“You know nothing about what it is like to work your ass off in a survival show only for them to bring in someone else a few episodes before the end. Then for that person to make it. But Monsta X is going now where and neither is Changkyun, he belongs to us and no one is taking him away.”

He pushed Shownu off and stormed out the building. He managed to dodge their managers and walked his way back to the dorm and eventually to the gym

 

He dropped the dumbbells and took his earbuds out his ears. He looked at his phone and grimaced upon seeing the number of messages and missed calls, most of them Shownu or Wookyu. 

He finger hovered above the call back for the manager. But something was nagging away at his insides. He opened up his contacts and hit the number he needed. It rang three times.

“Hello?” Answered the deep voice on the end.

“Changkyun-ah. It’s Hoseok, I really, I really need to talk to you!”

It was silent for a few seconds, the sounds of heavy breathing the only thing he heard.

“Hyung? Mmmm, listen this isn’t the best time, I’m kinda in the middle of something.” Changkyun managed to say between heavy breaths. Hoseok frowned and then he heard it a secondary voice, low and sultry, he couldn’t hear the words but he could figure out the tone and knew the owner right away.

“Hyung I don’t…”

“Please Changkyun please.” He practically was begging. He needed to fix things with the youngest, beg him to stay with he group and if his imagination was right, he needed to get him away from Jessie.

A sigh came from the other end of the phone and he could hear a muffled conversation.

“Okay, lets talk.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessie and Changkyun grow closer while Hoseok's big mouth pushes the maknae further away from the group. Deciding that they can't let Changkyun leave they break into the studio in the hopes of begging him for one last chance but Hoseok's jealousy may ruin everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little more mature than the others.

Hoseok had asked to meet him in person at a small cafe that was tucked away in a corner near the studio. Changkyun was glad it was closer to him than the Monsta X dorms, he wanted the time to figure out what Hoseok wanted to say to him. But all he could think about what happened earlier with Jessie.

The two boys had been going over the plans for the next set. They had been brainstorming for what felt like hours, he knew they had to make this performance as mind blowing as the last. As the song came to an end, Jessie fell to his knees and put his head back. It exposed his throat and his adam’s apple. Changkyun had turned away at that point. He wasn’t sure what was going on between them. Their skinship was starting to border on actual fliratation. The rapper found his heart fluttering everytime the singer whispered sweet nothings to him and his body was starting to respond to the intimate touches. He was even starting to have rather sexual dreams about the other boy.

He took a sip of water and tried to put his head back into the game.

“I think we need to add a little more sex appeal.” said Jessie as he got back to his feet. The singer was right. They were doing a rendition of 2PM’s Without U but there was still something missing that would blow the mind of the judges. They had already gotten permission for sprinklers to be installed to simulate rain.

Changkyun nodded, “what do you have in mind?”

Jessie smiled and shifted the music to the rap piece that Changkyun would be doing. He positioned the boy.

“Here when you say 'Listen everything happens for a reason', rather than me returning to the back I come up to you and touch you like this.”

His back to the audience, he placed his arm around Changkyun’s midriff and turned his head away.

“Then you will say the line this is your first time dating another guys, huh and turn to look at me and I’ll…”

He turned his head to look at Changkyun, their faces were but a few inches apart. Changkyun found it hard to breath but he knew with the connotations behind the line and their skinship. It would drive the fangirls crazy and the judges would love it. 

Changkyun grinned and agreed to the change so they went through the song again this time adding the new choreography. But as he turned his head to look at Jessie the other boy brought his lips against his. It was nothing more than a small peck but he moved back breathing into Changkyun’s space asking for permission for more. Changkyun granted it, turning to the other boy he gently grabbed Jessie’s face and pulled him in. He felt Jessie wrap his arms around his back and pull so they were flush against each other. It was magical, this wasn’t Changkyun’s first kiss but it was certainly his first with this much intensity, this much desire behind it.

Jessie broke the kiss but it was to latch himself to the rapper’s neck. Chankyun let his head fall back to enjoy the admissions of Jessie’s tongue. He hadn’t realised him had let out a moan until Jessie pulled away, his pupils blown wide.

“Damn that noise is hot, let me make you do it again.”

At that moment Changkyun’s ringtone broke through their haze. He dug in his pocket, his mouth still attached to Jessie’s. He broke away and answered the phone, he knew he sounded out of breath but he could blame in on practice.”

“Hello?” he answered realizing he had no idea who had called.

“Changkyun-ah. It’s Hoseok, I really, I really need to talk to you!”

Changkyun felt his whole world come to a grinding halt and he placed his hand on Jessie to stop the boy’s ministrations. Why the hell would Hoseok be calling him. Jessie smirked and started sucking behind his ear, Changkyun had to bite back a moan.

“Hyung? Mmmm, listen this isn’t the best time, I’m kinda in the middle of something.” Jessie huffed at the statement and Changkyun wanted nothing more to put the phone down and see where things would lead with Jessie.

“Leave him baby,” Jessie pressed a open kiss to his jawline. “I am not one to share especially someone as amazing as you.” He pressed his body closer to Changkyun and the rapper could feel Jessie’s hard member rubbing against him. 

Yup it was time to end this call.

“Hyung, I don’t…” he started

But Hoseok’s pleading voice came through the speaker and it broke through his resolve, “Please Changkyun please.”

Changkyun wanted to scream but instead he gently pushed Jessie away and despite the frustration in his eyes, Jessie smiled softly and ran a hand across the other’s face.

“Go see what the prick wants and when you come back we can finish we started.”

Changkyun bit his lip, “You sure?”

Jessie pressed a soft kiss to his lip and rested his forehead against his. “Hell yeah, I’m not going anywhere.”

Changkyun smiled and brought the phone back up to his ear.

“Okay let’s talk.”

Back at the coffee shop Changkyun felt himself blushing especially as Jessie kept sending rather inappropriate messages. The bell rang on the door and the rapper looked up to seen the muscular member of his group slink in. The other boy took a seat across from him. 

An awkward silence fell over them and it wasn’t helped by the emptiness of the cafe at this late an hour.

“Thanks for you know.” Hoseok waved a hand around. Changkyun nodded and poured the other boy some tea. He lifted his head and was shocked to see him staring with an intenstity Changkyun had never seen seen before. As if catching himself Hoseok looked down, his eyes falling the the other boy's neck and his face changed to anger.

“What is that on your neck?”

Changkyun cursed his stupidity. Oh course Jessie had left a mark.

“Oh this we were playing around and I got hit in the neck with a mmm mike cord.”

Hoseok’s eyes narrowed at it was clear he didn’t believe him. But he let it slide.

“So what did you need to talk to me about, hyung?”

 

It was Hoseok’s turn to feel awkward he had practiced what he would say the whole way to the cafe. But actually sitting in front of Changkyun had blown it all out the water. It didn’t help seeing the glaring mark on the other’s neck. Mike cord his ass, it was only further proof that there was something between his maknae and that piece of shit, Jessie. 

He took a deep breath, he had one chance at this:

“I have being a bad hyung to you. I know that and I want to try and fix it.”  
Changkyun looked shocked at the acknowledgement.

“We let ourselves getting caught up in some game No. Mercy was trying to play and we took it out on you. It wasn’t fair and it still isn’t. I know this past year has being rough.” he sighed

“I know about the therapy and antidepressants.”

Changkyun looked away at the confession but Hoseok put his hand on the other boy’s arm. His heart hurting at the shock on the other's face as he stared at the contact. He realized this was the first time he had touched the youngest without a camera around.

“I know this maybe too late but I no we, all of Monsta X want to do right by you. Make Monsta X a family with you in it. I know you may never fully trust us but these past few weeks have opened our eyes.”

Changkyun smiled. It was small and cautious but the amount of hope in the boy’s eyes were enough to make Hoseok’s heart do a flip.

Then he messed it all up.

“Watching you on the show made us realize we need you in the group.Especially if you leave we disband because Starship doesn’t want to replace you and we tried to get Hyungwon to take your part. But it isn't the same. I don’t want us to disband, being in this group is like the best thing that happened to me. I don’t want some silly misunderstanding ruining that. Then there are the rumours that we bully you going around which isn’t helping matters. So we have decided we are going to try get along, all seven of us. It will be as if the past year never happened.”

As he spoke he didn’t the smile dropping off Changkyun’s face, the hope disappearing. When he looked at the other boy all he saw was stone cold hatred.

The maknae sneered, “Just when I thought you couldn’t stoop any lower. Is it seriously so hard to actually want to care about me for me not so your precious group doesn’t disband.”

Hoseok tried to answer back.

“I am not just going to forget the worst year of MY life just so you can feel less shitty in front of your fans. And silly misunderstanding,it wasn't a misunderstanding when you guys purposing forgot to tell me you were going out to celebrate our debut. I wanted at home thinking you guys had gone out to get food.” Changkyun hissed.

He stood up and slapped some cash on the table. He leaned forward and looked Hoseok dead in the eye. The intensity was so strong the older boy sat back in his seat.  
“Was it a misunderstanding when I had to hold back tears in the dance room every single time we practiced because you and Hyungwon thought it would be fun to point out every one of my flaws. Was it a misunderstanding when you forgot me at Musicbank and the Mnet studios and in the countryside when we filmed deokspatch. Was it a misunderstanding when every single day of my life I have being forced to feel like an outsider, to scared to speak, to scared to be myself all because you guys decided you couldn’t get over your petty attitudes.”

He leaned closer to Hoseok, the older boy feeling very small under the scrutiny of the youngest and in a low, cold voice the maknae said, “Until now I was planning on coming back to Monsta X, hoping that if I proved myself on the stupid show you guys would treat me like I belonged in the group. But now, now I plan to debut with Unit 9 and I am going to watch as you and the rest of those assholes fade into nothingness.”

With that he turned on his heel and stormed out leaving Hoseok feeling absolutely sick to the stomach. Shakingly he pulled out his phone, ignoring the tears that were threatening to fall. How had he managed to mess up so badly"

He called Wookyu.

The manager pulled up not long afterwards and Hoseok shuffled into the van. He was shocked to see the other five members of Monsta X in the van. They all looked so worried and at the sight he burst into tears.

During the ride back to the dorm he explained what he had done, explained about the meeting with Changkyun although he left out the part about the hickey on the boy’s neck, he would tell the others later when Wookyu wasn’t listening.  
He told then word for word what the maknae had said.

The rest of the members were silent but it was Wookyu who spoke up.

“This is what I have been trying to warn you boys about from the very beginning.”

His expression was pained. “We told you to treat him better, tried to warn you this would lead to you all getting hurt. I wanted so badly for you seven to all be one big, happy family. Bu you are all so stubborn. Starship bought Changkyun in because they had bought his contract off his previous company. They had planned to train him and debut him with another group a few years from now. Then Gunhee started to act up.”

Jooheon sat forward at the mention of his friends name, “what do you mean.”

Wookyu sighed he could get fired if this came out but at this point he may not have a job for much longer anyways.

“It was around episode 6 he just started acting up saying he thought the idol life was to rigid. He got caught with a girl in the dorm rooms, he swore at a fan and I had to pick him up a number of times from the bar, when he was too drunk to even stand. Then he started bringing Minkyun along with him and they just started getting in too much trouble. Drinking, sex and who knows what else. So it was decided they would be cut from the lineup."

He let out a long sigh and shared the secret the company had forbade him to ever speak about, "Guys the members of Monsta X were chosen long before the show started. The show was only filmed to bring in fans before the company invested money in you guys. So Changkyun was shoved in to replace Gunhee and Minhyuk you took Minkyun’s spot.”

The news left everyone reeling especially Minhyuk. There was silence as the news sunk in.

“Hyung please how do we fix this? “ begged Shownu.

Wookyu only wished he knew.

 

Changkyun was lost in his own thoughts. He hadn’t returned to the studio yet as he hadn’t wanted to take his sour mood back to the others nor could he handle the questions right now. 

Hoseok had put the final straw on the metaphorical camel’s back. He never thought the other boy would so out right say what he did. And to so blatantly sweep away the experiences of the past year made Changkyun realize that in their eyes he was truly nothing.

He felt all too familiar tears well up in his eyes, the heart breaking sadness choking his airways. He had to stop walking, gripping onto the nearest wall he slid down and bought his knees to his chest. He began to weep. It was a mournful, pitiful sound.

He weeped for the boy he had once been before he decided to become an idol. He cried for the fact he would never be able to debut with Nu’bility the first set of boys he called family. He weeped for the part of him that still wanted the members of Monsta X to love him, except him entirely. He felt his whole body tremble as he realized that no matter what he did he would never be good enough for them.

By the time he returned to the dorms he was physically exhausted. Jessie had waited up for him and without a word Changkyun crawled into his arms and fell asleep.

 

The next day all of Monsta X’s schedule had been cancelled so the company and managers could smooth out any ruffled feathers from the day before. Hoseok was ready to fighting with anyone who looked his way funny. It didn’t help that all the members were giving him the cold shoulder. Jooheon had practically yelled at him for an hour the night before saying Hoseok had ruined any chance with Changkyun. 

“This has to end,” stated Kihyun. “We need to find a way to see him again all seven of us, apologize properly and try to make him see sense."

“I think I have an idea,” a small voice piped up.

The boys all turned and their stood Minhyuk dressed again in one of Changkyun’s hoodies. Since hearing the news that he had never supposed to have being in the group and was in the same boat as maknae, the usual bouncy blonde had locked himself away in the bedroom.

“I say we go see him tonight once the cameras have stopped rolling and beg for his forgiveness.”

“Wait so you want you to break into a heavily guarded studio surrounded by cameras and producers, so we can beg his forgiveness? I’m in!” said Hyungwon.

So that is how the six members of Monsta x found themselves breaking into The United 100 studio. It was surprisingly easy all things considered. Jooheon pointed out the building he thought was the dorm rooms. The group quietly made their way to the dorm rooms. They could hear chatter and music from the open windows. 

“Wait what room is he in?” asked Hyungwon in a hushed tone. The boys looked back and forth at each. Hoseok raised his hand. “It is 219”

Shownu raised his eyebrows, “How do you know?”

Hoseok blushed, he wasn’t ready to admit that he had, upon finding out his attraction to the maknae, began obsessively following fan accounts dedicated to the youngest. The fans were like hawks and the never missed a detail when it came to their bias. Kihyun saved him from having to answer as he spotted a group of trainees heading their way. Thankfully they were hidden from sight.

Once the boys had passed the group the made their way upstairs and to room 219. Shownu hesitated, wringing his hands together but Jooheon reached around and rapped his knuckles on the door. It was noisy in the room but somehow they were heard. The door swung open revealing Mir staring at them in confusion. The tall, gangly kid called Yoshin came barrelling forward his face pulled in a look that could challenge Hyungwon. 

“Holy shit Mir hyung, this is Kyunnie hyung’s group.”

Mir didn’t look impressed if anything he looked down right annoyed at the sight. Yoshin didn’t pick up on the fact.

“Mir hyung, its Monsta X. Hyung, why are they here?”

Mir turned and swung his hands in a comically defensive way.

“I don’t know dummy, give me more than a nanosecond to talk to them. Aish kids these days.”

He turned back to the group, his voice dripping in ice.

“Why are you here?”

Shownu cleared his throat but Hoseok jumped the gun. The leader threw his hands in the air frustrated at the lack of respect his members had.

“We want to talk to Changkyun.”

Mir let out a forced laugh, “Haven’t you lot done enough? Why can’t you just leave him alone or are you seriously so cruel as to keep torturing the kid for something he had no control over.”

Kihyun spoke up in a respectful yet pleading manner. “Please. We truly do mean to apologize, Hoseok was a total idiot yesterday and said the wrongs things. All we won’t to do is talk to Changkyun. Lay everything out on the table and let him know that we are truly, deeply sorry.”

Mir pulled a face and shook his head. Finally he answered, “Fine, he and Jessie are working on our next stage. They should be in the Team Red dance room. It’s on the first floor at the back of the building. Just... he is a really good person and he doesn’t deserve your hate.”

He closed the door on them. 

 

Changkyun ran around the room as Jessie sat on the floor laughing at the other boy’s antics. They were taking a quick break.

“Ya Kyunnie, you should wear those pants more often they really show of your apple hips.”

Changkyun made one of his weird noises before stopping mid-run. He had a huge grin on his face.

“Hyung, you are such a perv.” Jessie threw his head back in laughter, exposing his throat. Changkyun licked his lips, he know the other boy was doing it on purpose so he decided to call quits to the break. 

The two got into position as the music started and they watched their performance in the mirror. They were still building the song and the choreo. Changkyun felt his heart beat faster as it got to that verse. Jessie finished his part and turned his back to the mirror. Changkyun began to rap, Jessie’s arm snaking around his waist and he knew that his voice had just dropped two octaves. As he finished the line he looked towards Jessie, the tension was thick enough to cut with a knife. Thankfully this time they managed to make it through the whole song. 

He walked over to the laptop to restart the song but Jessie apparently had other ideas as he wrapped his arms around Changkyun. He kissed the side of his neck and Changkyun felt his head roll to the side, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the ministrations.

“You are so fucking sexy.” the older boy whispered in his ear and spun him around. He pushed the rapper against the mirror. Changkyun grabbed the boy’s head and smashed their mouths together moaning. The older boy hoisted him up and Changkyun wrapped his legs around the other. He liked where this was going, little did he know he had an audience.

 

After leaving the dorm room the group had continued on towards the dance rooms. As they got closer Hoseok felt his heart race faster. The Red Team’s dance room was the last on on the right, light shone brightly into the dark hallway from the thin glass window in the door. Muffled music and voices could be heard. The group huddled around the window to catch a glimpse of what was happening inside. 

They had seen everything. At first it had just being the two boys playing around but the dance had left Hoseok shaking with jealousy. He couldn’t help it he could feel the sexual tension even out here. He knew the others could too.

Then the music had stopped and Hoseok had to watch as Jessie began to kiss the back of his Changkyun’s neck, he had to watch as the boy’s head rolled back in pleasure. Minhyuk had gasped at the sight, Hoseok had told them about what he thought was going on but this was physical proof. Then they had begun to kiss, it was hot and was going somewhere Hoseok couldn’t compete with and so he did what he thought was right at that moment. He barged into the room screaming at them to stop.

 

Jessie practically dropped Changkyun in fright and the two boys turned to face the intruders. It took a few minutes for Changkyun’s brain to get out of the horny fog it was in and compute what he was seeing. Monsta x in the United 100 studios and they had just witnessed everything. He turned away from them slightly to wipe at his mouth. He knew his lips were red and swollen.

Thankfully Jessie took charge of the situation, standing in front of Changkyun so the others could barely see him.

“Why the hell are you here, this studio is off-limits to non-contestants and even if it wasn't you are not welcome here. So leave.”

Hoseok took a few steps forward ready for a fight.

“We are not going anywhere pretty boy, not until we have spoken to our maknae. If anything it is you who should leave before I break your nose, if you even so much as think of kissing him again”

Jessie though wasn’t willing to back down, ignoring as Changkyun pulled on his arm.

“Your maknae? What a joke you have no claim to him or what he does. It’s a little too late to be the protective hyung now isn’t it?”

Hoseok went to rush forward, he so wanted to wipe that smirk of Jessie’s face, preferably with his fists. However this time Shownu was ready to take charge and his anger at the the muscle singer was enough to pull him back. The leader pointed a finger in his face, “You have done enough damage so shut up.”

Shownu stepped forward and tried to catch the maknae’s eyes from his hiding spot behind Jessie.

“Changkyun-ah I know we have no right to ask this of you but please can we talk, the seven of us. Let us try to fix this mess that WE put you in and then YOU can decide what to do.”

 

Changkyun looked up. He had never seen this side of the group. The robotic Shownu was holding out his hand slightly and he had a small smile on his face, Kihyun was anxiously chewing on his nail, Hyungwon wouldn’t meet his eye but the blush on his face meant his mind was still reeling from what he witnessed earlier. Minhyuk and Jooheon were holding onto Hoseok who looked murderous. 

He looked at Jessie, his wonderful, caring Jessie. He touched the other boy’s arm a little more firmly until they locked eyes. Jessie seemed to understand.

“Are you sure?”

Chahgkyun bit the inside of his mouth and shook his head but he had to do this.

“I’ll be fine.”

Jessie leaned forward and placed a small peck on his cheek. “I’ll be right outside call me if you need me.” With that he left the room sneering at Hoseok as he passed by.

The awkwardness in the atmosphere intensified and Changkyun was aware that it was very much them versus him. Shownu invited them to sit in a circle grabbing the still fuming Hoseok and plonking him down next to him. The rest of the team followed suit and Changkyun found Jooheon sitting close by to his left and Minhyuk sitting even closer on his right. 

“Right well we are going to not discuss that mmm the kissing thing. Lets first…”

“No I think we should discuss it, after all it's kind of the elephant in the room. Are with you sleeping with him, has he asked you too?”

Hyungwon turned and hit Hoseok, “dude will you shut the hell up.”

But Changkyun had had enough, Hoseok’s tone had awoken his anger.

“That is none of your business but if you so badly want to know then yeah I am.” he lied.

He wondered for a second why the older boy seemed so devastated by the news but he was ready for a fight. 

“ It is my life and if I want someone who cares about me and shows me some fucking affection then I will let him do whatever he wants to me. I don’t care if you have a problem with it, none of you have cared about me or my life before. So don't try to start now not when I will not be part of this group for much longer.”

Jooheon spoke up trying to remedy the situation.

“Changkyun-ah, that is what we wanted to talk to you about. We actually do really want you in the group. We make a great team, you and I. But I was just too much of an ass to acknowledge it. I can’t rap without you, we are a rap team, an unstoppable duo. We are going to be the new G-Dragon and Top.”

Changkyun shook his head in anger but Minhyuk took the opportunity to chip in.

“Wookyu told us something. The line up was chosen before the show even began. You and I were put in to replace Gunhee and Minkyun because they had messed up to often.”

Changkyun grimaced, “yeah I know.”

The group was taken aback. 

“Wait, what? You knew?” asked Kihyun.

Changkyun nodded, “Yeah Gunhee told me the night after the lineup was announced. He told me everything. Asked me to do the best I could do. He was actually pretty nice to me, said he was glad it was me that took his spot.”

Minhyuk looked down in confusion, “ Why didn’t you tell us, tell me.”

Changkyun laughed but it was empty, “You guys would never have believed me. Heck, up until last month, you guys would still question if I did my chores correctly. Besides I couldn’t take away your happiness at thinking you had made it into the lineup on your own.”

Minhyuk wanted to cry. This entire time the stupid kid had being looking out for him even at the expense of his own happiness. 

Shownu sighed, “ Listen Changkyun. I am going to give it to you straight. We messed up, we were too stupid and too stubborn to accept you and now we have this ticking time bomb hanging over our heads. Yes, like Hoseok mentioned yesterday there are rumours that Monsta x will disband if you leave so I would be lying if I said that wasn’t part of the reason we want you to stay. But the thing is we want you to stay because without us knowing you became a part of our family. We realize that without you we are incomplete and we realize now that without us knowing you wormed your way into our hearts. Look at Minhyuk for instance, look at what he is wearing.”

Changkyun turned to the visual and for the first time took in his appearance.

“Is that my favourite hoodie?”

Minhyuk blushed and nodded. Jooheon let out a sigh, “he has been wearing your clothes all week. Quite frankly it is getting a little weird.”

“I told you I miss his smell,” Minhyuk pouted and looked down at the floor. “I just miss you.”

CHangkyun was flabberghasted, “How can you miss me. Other than on camera or at fan events, you barely acknowledge me and usually that is to throw an insult at me about my skin, my dancing or whatever. I’m sorry but this is a little hard to believe that suddenly you guys care about me when you have never gave a shit before.”

Changkyun held up his hands as Shownu tried to speak, “No I am sorry hyung but it is hard for me to feel anything for you guys when you have made my life a living hell this past year. I thought I deserved it, I thought that I wasn’t worthy of love. You guys never cared about me before this, never cared all the times I went missing, when I had a panic attack or had to cry in the bathrooms so Hyungwon wouldn’t laugh at me.”

Jooheon reached over and grabbed the maknae’s hand but the younger boy pulled away. Jooheon didn't back down.

“We know and that is why we are here today. We want to change, let us prove to you that we mean it. That we aren’t going to go back to the way things were. Let us at least try to win you back. Please, let us be there for you when you need us.”

Changkyun went to decline but stopped. He remembered what Wookyu had said when he dropped him off in front of the United 100 studios. “The team is there for you.”

What was the harm in letting them try to prove themselves, watch them grovel at the feet of someone they hated in an effort to keep their group together. In the end it would be pointless. He was never going back, even if he didn’t make the top nine he had already decided to leave Starship and seek a contract elsewhere. He had already gotten emails from JYP and Jellyfish entertainment.

“Okay fine," he smirked. "Try to win me back. You’ll have until I leave this show otherwise I walk and Monsta x is no more.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Red suffers a major setback and the horrible judge makes a comeback, this time intent on hurting Changkyun. Meanwhile Monsta x are ready to prove to the maknae that they have changed and he belongs with them.

Jessie looked at him like he had lost his mind. Changkyun thought perhaps he had.

“Are you serious? You actually agreed to their bullshit?”

Changkyun grimaced, he knew the singer would be shocked but he hadn’t expected the anger.

“Baby, look what they did to you. You said so yourself before you came here you were ready to give up. How could you even think of returning to them after everything they put you through. They reduced you to a husk of yourselves and at the first sign of them apologizing you are just going to give in?”

Changkyun grabbed the other boy’s face in his hands, “I don’t intend on going anywhere with them. My plan hasn’t changed, they can grovel all they want but I am not going anywhere. I just want them to feel the way a little of what I used to, wanting someone so badly to like you only for them to throw it back in your face.”

He sighed and looked around the dance room the rest of the Monsta x members had vacated a few moments earlier. He wasn’t sure if he truly believed his own words. His members had seemed so sincere in their talk, like they actually wanted to apologize to him, wanted to prove that they wanted to be friends. But the thing with idols was that they were good actors, their entire lives a show for the masses. The group had managed to fake their friendship with him for the fans who was to say they weren’t turning the theatrics on him.

But there was something about the way Jooheon had looked at him, it was the same way he had once looked at Gunhee. Then there was Minhyuk, the member who hated him the most was wearing his hoodies and saying he missed him. None of it made sense and it was making him feel a little nauseous.

Had he fallen into some alternate universe?

The member who had stood out the most was Hoseok. His odd behaviour was going to drive Changkyun to a mental breakdown at this point. Their meeting at the cafe had been an emotional rollercoaster ride first giving the rapper hope only for the older boy ruin it all. the group had explained that it was a mistake, the muscle man was bad with his words. Then there was his weird outburst from before. He looked ready to strangle Jessie. If the maknae didn’t know any better he would say Hoseok was jealous but he scoffed at the idea. No, there was only one explanation for it and that was his hyung had to be against his relationship.

It wasn’t a hard stretch of the imagination. They lived in a homophobic society and Hoseok was in the same depth of hatred for the maknae as Minhyuk and Hyungwon.

After allowing Jessie some more time to settle down, the boys left the dance room. The singer slid his hand into Changkyun’s, intertwining their fingers together.

“I’m sorry about how I acted earlier. I just… you deserve the world and I just want to protect you from anything that is out to hurt you.”

He sighed, “I just want you to know that I care about you so much. To be honest it’s kind of scary how fast and hard I have fallen for you. Regardless of what happens, I want you to be happy!”

Changkyun felt his heart swell, drawing closer to the other, “Jessie hyung, this is the happiest I have ever being and being with you, its magical.”

 

The whole drive back Hoseok had been fuming. He had barely paid attention to the leader as he had lectured him. he knew Shownu was tired of him jumping the gun and causing more problems with Changkyun but it was going to to slow for his liking and they were losing the maknae. What he would give to go back and punch Jessie in his smug little face. The way he had kissed Changkyun with such lust, had sent the coil of jealousy in his mind into overdrive. Then there had been the way he jumped in front of Changkyun like some bloody Prince Charming.

It didn’t help that his imagination was running wide replacing Jessie with himself in those scenarios. Man he was in deep.

“Okay I am just going to come right out and say it. That was bloody awkward. We almost watched our maknae have sweaty sex with a guy.” said Hyungwon.

The mood immediately shifted in the car. Hoseok glanced around wondering what the others were thinking.

Jooheon pouted, “Yeah how come the youngest gets to all kinky with some hottie and I haven’t even lost my virginity yet. It's not fair.”

Minhyuk cooed at the other rapper while Kihyun pulled a face.

“Okay eeuw, totally not what I meant. What I was trying to get at is I didn’t know the kid liked guys.”

Kihyun answered that they didn’t really know much about anything when it came to Changkyun.

Shownu glanced at Hoseok from the driver’s seat, “What do you think Hoseok-ah. You seemed to have a lot to say earlier.”

He cringed at the leader’s tone, he knew he would have to explain himself so might as well get it out the way. “Ihaveacrushonthemaknae.” he said in one tumbled sentence.

“What?” asked Shownu.

“I SAID I HAVE A STUPID CRUSH ON CHANGKYUN AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM WITH THE ASSHOLE OKAY.”

Shownu pulled the van over and turned to face him.

“You have a crush. On Changkyun? What the hell are you playing it at Hoseok?”

The other members, except Kihyun, looked shocked at the confession.

“I guess that explains things,” said Hyungwon.

Shownu glared at the younger boy before turning to back to Hoseok, “Since when?”

“Pretty much since we decided to be nice to him. Maybe before that but I was to stuck up my own ass to notice. I mean he is totally my type.”

Shownu threw his hands up, in what little space was in the driver’s seat and made a small noises of dissatisfaction.

“That is kind of a massive 360 hyung,like it seems a little odd that you can go from hating Changkyun to suddenly being in love with him.” said Minhyuk innocently.

“Says the guy wearing his hoodie,” snapped back Hoseok a little more harshly than he intended. 

As it seemed to be nowadays, this escalated into a fight between the members all yelling obscenities at one another.

Finally Kihyun spoke up, “As much as I find this whole affair hilarious, it isn’t helping the situation. While I turn love to see Hoseok suffer over his crush, this fighting won't help us win back Changkyun. Let’s head home before the managers get back from the company and find us and the van gone. Then we need to come up with a game plan.”

The other boys agreed and Shownu swung back into the lane, all the while glaring at Hoseok from the corner of his eye.

By the time they reached the dorm it was nearing midnight. They snuck into the dorm hoping the managers would be in their own rooms or still at the company. Luck didn’t seem to be on their side.

The living room light switched on and Jooheon screamed at the sudden appearance of Wookyu out of the darkness. He looked ready to murder them all.

“Where the hell have you idiots being?”

The boy’s all looked down like guilty children who had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

“We went to go see Changkyun so we could apologize to him. We asked him if we could try and make things better. He agreed.” said Minhyuk timidly.

Wookyu’s face went red and then he lost it. He grabbed the cap that was on his head and threw it to the ground before stomping over to them.

“If I didn’t depend on you morons to make a living, I would murder all of you right now. I have spent the whole morning trying to convince Starship not to put any of you on suspended contracts. They have had enough of you boys and are looking for a good enough excuse to rid of you. What will the say when they here you stop the van, and wait how did manage to talk to Changkyun?”

Shownu pulled a face as he answered knowing that it would only anger the manager further, “Mmmm we may have broken in.”

Wookyu opened and closed his mouth a few times as he tried to speak. He looked ready to strangle the leader. Instead he put his hands up in defeat and walked away. 

The group shared a look and Shownu decided to go smooth things out.

He returned an hour later looking completely drained. Once the other members had stopped crowding around him, he managed to explain what had happened. The company had decided to put their faith in the group and had decided only to cut Hoseok’s pay for one month for his outburst at the tv host the day before. Hoseok was okay with that. Wookyu would also not inform the company of their little joyride in exchange they would keep him in the loop when it came to things with Changkyun.

Then had come the good news, as per the contract with United 100, the maknae would have to return to the dorm and his group for one week following the airing of the third episode. This would be the time the group needed to win him back. Despite the late hour they started planning.

 

\----------------------

Team Red were all drenched in sweat. They were taking a much needed break from practicing their new set. Some of the younger trainees still had the energy to run around and play. Changkyun just laughed at their antics from his spot on the floor, his head resting on Jessie’s lap.

He couldn't help but feel a swell of pride as he looked over the other boys. They had all worked so hard and despite knowing each other for three weeks had already formed a strong camaraderie. He frowned as he noticed they were missing someone. Mir wasn’t in the room.

The older rapper had been oddly quiet all day. Changkyun climbed to his feet with the excuse of finding Mir. He had a soft spot for the elder boy, both having similar personalities and pasts.

Changkyun had been surprised when he found out Mir’s own group had hated him in the beginning. His other members had thought his a talentless cheater who only made it in because of his brother-in-law owning the company. But eventually they had come to love him as their odd, little rapper maknae.

He found Mir leaning over the banister outside the hallway to the dance rooms. He was staring at his phone a look of sadness on his face.

“Mir, hyung is everything okay?”

The other rapper turned and gave me a soft smile but he had tears in his eyes.

Changkyun worriedly put his hand on his friend’s shoulder and Mir handed him his phone. It was a message from MBLAQ’s leader. As Changkyun read he felt his heart break for the other rapper.

“I knew that the chance for disbanding were high after Thunder and Joon left but I kind of always hoped we would be okay, just the three of us."  
He looked up to the sky as if trying to calm himself.

“The thing is I am not even angry. I am more sad for what we used to have but MBLAQ is old now. Like Seungho hyung said it is time for he and G.O to enlist. Maybe it is time for me to go too.”

Changkyun looked over at Mir and placed a hand hand over the other boy’s. “But hyung what about the competition?” 

Mir shrugged, “I’ll drop out. No use for me to stay here trying to promote a group that is disbanded. Besides, I’m tired Changkyun-ah. Tired of always having to be perfect for fans who turn their backs the minute the pretty ones leave, tired of the stress and the toll is takes on my body. I think it is time for a new chapter in my life.”

He turned to Changkyun and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug, “You guys have made these past few weeks amazing but it is time I step aside and let the younger ones shine. Changkyun-ah, don’t give up okay! You are going to be great, better than I could ever have hoped for. Whatever happens just know that you have a friend in me.”

Changkyun hugged his older friend back feeling his heart break at the thought of losing someone he know considered family.

 

Mir’s exit was swift. His company had called and made all the plans with the producers. They naturally loved the idea. It would make viewership skyrocket. A member of the most popular team was leaving all because of his original band breaking up.

The next day his bags were packed and he was ready to go. Six camera men and a producer were crammed into their tiny dorm room ready to catch every emotion as the boys said the goodbyes. Trying to ignore the audience. Changkyun pulled his friend into a hug, burying his head in the place between the older’s shoulder and neck.

“Just don’t forget about us okay?”

Mir laughed and placed a brotherly kiss on the younger rapper’s head, ignoring the coos it brought from the cameramen.

“How could I forget about three of my favourite people. Just show the world what you are made of. Once you are out of here you will have to come visit me wherever I am based, Okay?”

Despite the cameras, Changkyun let himself cry. Mir was gone and he had lost the older brother he had always yearned for.

 

The day of the third episode came sooner than hoped. With Mir gone it left a space in the group. The rest of the boys had turned to Changkyun and Jessie as a form of co-leaders, which was stressful enough without the added weight of having to change the choreography of their set. He was thankful one of the trainees, Yeongmin was a semi-decent rapper. Yoshin had been a big help too, the younger boy was an absolute dance genius and had managed to rework the steps to allow for nine rather than 10 people.

The groups were all quietly eating breakfast in the dining hall. It was clear from the nervous taps and the half eaten bowls of food that every one of the remaining contestants were on edge. None of them were denying tonight would be a hard one with another 20 eliminations. They had been informed of it the night before to let them know that once the pool was down, the crews would start focusing more on the individuals themselves.

One of the producers clapped their hands to get everyone’s attention. 79 pairs of eyes to to look at him. The man smiled, Changkyun rolled his eyes, even with the cameras of the crew were overly nice. Unlike the others, Changkyun knew this was all a ploy. The producers at No. Mercy had been the same way. Luring the contestants into a false sense of security so they would feel happy to open up to the crew. But nice people didn't put an 18 year old kid into the middle of a competition for shits and giggles. It wouldn't work on him this time. 

“I firstly want to wish you all good luck tonight. We are hoping to see another round of fantastic performances. Now as you know 20 of you will be going home tonight.” he pulled an exaggerated sad face and Changkyun wanted to gag.

“But for those of you who make it to the next round, you will also be going home.”

A wave of confusion went through the crowd and the producer waited until they were all silent again.

“In an effort to get to know you boys better we will be allowing you to return to your homes for one week with a portable camera. Your task will be to film your daily lives. This will be an opportunity for the fans to get to know you and for you to show your best side to the audience.”

Changkyun had to hold back a laugh. The universe must really have it in for him. One week back with his other members, watching them attempt to be nice to him all in an effort to save their own asses. With the cameras in their faces they would be overly nice. 

Their behaviour the past night was still swirling around in his head. He couldn’t get over the fact of how sincere they sounded. But he wasn’t stupid enough to think they could just change overnight. One thing his mom had always said was a leopard cannot change his spots.No matter how much he had wished for it before the others would never care for him, in their eyes he would always be an outsider. 

 

As it was with competition days, the backstage area was abuzz with boy’s warming up their vocal chords or their bodies, doing whatever it was they needed to do to prepare for the show. It didn’t help that now the contestants would compete in front of a live audience.

Changkyun was pacing, he had checked all the boys and the outfits enough times that Yoshin had even snapped at him. Telling the rapper that they were fine and he was just hovering. The words reminded him of how the rest of Monsta x would get frustrated by Kihyun's pre-preformance nagging. It was the only time Changkyun had felt any care from the main vocalist but he had long since figured it was pure selfishness on the other boy's part. He didn't care for Changkyun, he only cared how he made Kihyun look on stage.

They would be the last performers of the night and already most of the teams had already gone. Changkyun wanted to throw up. He never felt this nervous before a show but he had never had a leadership position before nor had he attempted something as sexy as what their choreography required. He suddenly felt an urge to run and never stop running. Who was he kidding someone with his level of self-esteem and looks couldn't pull of sexy. He felt the familiar pressure on his chest a signal of the oncoming panic attack. 

Amidst the growing fog in his head, he felt his phone in his pocket vibrate, he had forgotten he had left it in there. His mom had called before the show, her and his father were apparently hosting parties for all their friends to watch her baby preform. He knew it was because they were so incredibly proud of him but it had only added to the ball of pressure in his stomach. 

He pulled the phone out expecting it to be another text from his parents but was instead greeted with a selfie of his Monsta x hyungs and manager Wookyu holding up a messy handmade sign with Good Luck Changkyun written in four different sizes and a mixture of blue and pink. There was also what he figured was a wolf howling at the moon painted underneath. He stopped in his tracks and stared at the picture. 

He started to write back a quick thanks but stopped as he heard the producer calling their names to prepare for next up. He started repeating his mantra in his head slowly feeling some of the anxiety take a back seat. They lined up on the left curtain ready to make their entrance. Team Green was on stage giving it all they got and from what he could see they were doing pretty well with a rendition of Exo's Growl. Changkyun played with the phone in his pocket, he knew it was silly but for some reason he felt better after seeing the selfie, maybe it was the idea of his group supporting him. He quickly pulled out the device and held it up in selfie mode. Pulling a face he snapped a shoot and wrote back About to go on!

He felt a little silly sending the selfie back but if they could pretend they were trying then so could he.

“Team Red, you’re up. Good luck.”

\-----------------

Minhyuk and Kihyun admired their handy work. The sign looked terrible but it was the thought that counted right. Wookyu had informed them of the time Changkyun would perform, it being a few hours before the third episode aired.

It had been Hyungwon’s idea to send the youngest a message of encouragement, knowing that it worked wonders for him whenever he got one from his parents. It took them at least 20 tries to get the perfect, effortless looking selfie and Wookyu had almost murdered them after the fifth attempt.

“Okay and sent.” said Shownu. He nervously went to put the phone down but decided against it. Wookyu had quickly rushed out needed to get some things done for company but not before imparting some encouraging words. 

“I am proud of you boys. I told Changkyun you would be there for him. I am just glad I didn’t give him false hope.”

Changkyun’s reply came exactly 7 minutes and 13 seconds later. Hoseok had been counting the seconds. The group crowded around Shownu’s cell phone and as soon as he opened the message a ruckus ensued. Kihyun gripped his chest like a proud mother while Jooheon and Minhyuk clung to each other yelling cute at the top of their voices.

Hoseok was surprised by the reply he had expected a quick thanks or nothing at all but like the constant surprise Changkyun was, the kid had replied with a selfie of his own. It was a little blurred because of the low lights but it didn’t hide his little pout or how gorgeous he looked. A rather dirty thought popped into Hoseok's head about those pouty lips and he had to think of dead bunnies to try calm the situation in his nether regions.

Even without the youngest explanation it was clear they were about to head out onto stage, he could see Team Red lined up with matching looks of apprehension. Okay and his eyes were wondering again to the way the youngest’s clothes were tight enough to frame his thin body, how it hugged every part of him like a bodice.

Shit, Hoseok thought. This crush was leading him down a hole he wasn’t sure he would be able to climb out of.

\---------------

On stage Team Red took their positions. The lights went out and a sole spotlight focused on the stage, the rain machine attached to the stage began to sprinkle. The dramatic intro to the song began and Yoshin stood up. He began to dance and Changkyun had to admit, it was breathtaking. He had seen a lot of amazing dancers but there was something about the way Yoshin moved, as if he was telling a story with his body.

The rest of the team moved into their positions, slowly, sensually. Yeongmin, the rapper who had taken Mir’s spot was center stage to start the song. Changkyun took his place behind him extending his right arm for the iconic piano chereo. Jessie was opposite him and the older boy looked absolutely amazing right now. 

The music began and Changkyun began to move his hand as if he was playing the piano and as it hit the lower note he stepped out. He was ready for this.

Yeongmin began to rap and Changkyun felt pride swell in him at how far the young boy had come in only a few short days. He still wasn't as good and Mir or himself but with a bit more training he would be great. The song progressed and Changkyun began to feel apprehension as his part with Jessie approached. The chorus began and he could see people in the audience dancing along to the song.

“Listen everything happens for a reason, everything happens for a reason.” his deep voice came through strong and powerful. 

He moved towards Jessie who was looking at him with low-lidded eyes. He was more than thankful when the boy looked away.

“This is your first time dating another guy, huh?”

He turned his head making sure to keep the mic low so the audience could see what was happening. Jessie turned his head on cue and the sexual tension between them was undeniable. Changkyun was pretty sure he heard a few happy screams from some of the more vocal audience members.

Finally the music came to an end, sweat drenched his face. He looked towards the judging panel and was pleased to see the enjoyment on most of their faces. The female guest judge from the first episode was back and she sat unaffected in her seat while the judge sitting next to her had jumped up and starting clapping.

He shifted to look at Jessie. As if sensing eyes on him the older boy turned and sent a suggestive wink in his direction. He let out a little laugh. The group gathered in the front to hear what the judges had to say. For the most part it was positive with the words sexy and chic thrown out.

Then came the female judge. She practically snatched the mic from her fellow judge’s hand. She looked right at Changkyun.

“Unlike my fellow judges I was actually disgusted by what I saw up there.” 

The other judges were taken aback by her words as was most of Team Red. All except Changkyun, he merely raised an eyebrow and looked her right in the eye. Sensing he wouldn’t wilt under her scrutiny, she readied her next attack.

“I do not see the need to act out some kind of homosexual fantasy just to try and win a few favours.”

Changkyun’s eyes narrowed at the way she spat out homosexual, wondering if she perhaps knew of his relationship with Jessie. It wouldn't be the first time she had gone to such lengths as spying on him. Since her first attack on him, something had bugged him about her. So being the researcher he was, he had looked into her background and was surprised by what he found. He was more than ready for this showdown.

“What I don’t understand is why the rest of your group would go along so readily with such a disgusting choreography. I wouldn't expect anything less from someone like you but did you have to bring these innocent boys down too.”

The other judges attempted to take the mic away from her while the cameramen hesitated whether to film the interaction. The rest of Team Red were muttering in place, shocked at the words but one person seemed unaffected by them.

Changkyun smirked and looked around gearing up for a retort. His tongue darted out of this mouth to wet his lips. When he finally spoke, his voice was dangerously low. It was a tone he had only used a handful of times in his life and only when he was beyond pissed off.

“I am sorry that I have somehow offended you but why don't you share with the audience what your problem is with me?"

A murmur from the crowd, this was practically underheard of. An idol talking back like that especially to a judge. Jessie placed his hand steadily on his shoulder but Changkyun shrugged it off. He’d had enough, he was tired of people hating on him for no reason and he was done with this judge.

“First you ask me to sing, the only rapper you made to do so. You tried to humiliate me!”

He took a step forward and the judge sneered up at him.

“Then you attack this choreograph and show yourself to be a homophobe. So then Kim Minha, what’s your issue, with me?”

She smirked and gave a mirthless laugh.

“Is that how you always talk to your elders or you real such a pathetic little shit that you have to whore your way into this competition too. You are a talentless hack Lim Changkyun and you never deserved to be in Monsta x in the first place.”

A collective gasp went through the crowd but no one moved, not daring to get in between the two. To everyone’s disbelief Changkyun began to laugh and he sucked air in through his teeth. 

“And there it is. Finally she comes clean. Did you really think I wouldn't know who you were? Tell me how is your ex Gunhee doing these days? You know the guy who dumped you when he heard how you tried to sabotage my entry into No. Mercy by starting those rumours about me cheating. The last time those rumours almost destroyed me but there is one thing that you didn’t take into account now. You failed then Minha when I was weak, what makes you think you would succeed now?”

Minha looked taken aback, it was obvious she hadn’t expected Changkun to know who she was nor had she expected him to fight back. But she was already in too deep and she needed to win.

“He should have been in your place, he should have been famous and then when he eventually went solo I would be his wealthy girlfriend but you ruined my relationship just like you ruined my chance of being rich.

The crowd began to boo her, throwing in a few nasty words. Finally the head producer and security arrived. He ushered her out and turned to the crowd to apologize for allowing this to happen. As Team Red was ushered off stage, Changkyun lingered his eyes on the screaming Minha.

“This isn’t over Changkyun. I won’t stop until I ruin your life.”

\---------------

As was to be expected the producers left the altercation in the show knowing the scandal would bring in higher ratings. Amongst all the chaos the 20 boys who were eliminated barely factored into the equation. Team Red lost two members bringing the number down to seven.

The Monsta X members however were stuck on the altercation between Changkyun and the judge Minha.

“Jooheon did you know anything about this. About Gunhee and this girlfriend of his?” asked Shownu.

Jooheon looked shocked at the question and shook his head. “No hyung, to be honest I haven’t really spoken much to him since he left the dorms. He kind of stopped talking to me after that, I always figured it was because he was angry at me or jealous that I made it and he didn’t. I had no idea about any of this.”

Hoseok raised an eyebrow at the confession, he was surprised that Jooheon hadn’t spoken to his so called best friend in a year especially when he was so mean to Changkyun for taking his friend’s spot.

“Man to think this whole time all those rumours I thought were true about him were just rumours some gold digger made up. How could I have been so stupid.” Hyungwon hung his head in shame.

Hoseok had been guilty of believing those rumours too and judging by the looks on the other’s faces they were too. It was just further proof of what the youngest had put up with over the past year. He felt is heart drop to his stomach as he remembered all the times he had thrown a mean comment in Changkyun’s direction about being a dirty cheat. The worst being the week before their debut when he had rudely asked whose dick he had sucked to get the part.

He made a note to apologize to Changkyun for that too. The others were lost in conversation so Hoseok excused himself to his room. The situation just kept getting worse, he needed to talk to Changkyun. He pulled out his phone from under his pillow. He dialled Changkyun’s phone. It went to voicemail. 

“Hey Changkyun-ah. We just saw the episode. You kicked ass out there and for that Minha girl. We had no idea about her and... Listen I know you probably don’t believe me but I am so sorry for all the things I said about you being a cheat. It’s just… I was stupid to believe the rumours and you deserve…”

He paused. Changkyun deserved everything, he deserved the world, he deserved a group who loved him from the start not one that had to try and mend a year’s worth of bullying. Changkyun deserved to debut with Unit 9 and life a long, happy life as their main rapper. The problem was Hoseok was a possessive man and Changkyun was his maknae. 

“Changkyun-ah we will see you tomorrow and I will not rest until you are back where you belong, with Monsta x.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so short and boring. Work has being a nightmare and I haven't been able to put as much time into the story but I'm hoping to get another chapter or two up this weekend.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things steam up between Jessie and Changkyun while the hyungs of Monsta x decide to throw a party for their youngest. Changkyun finds himself in an interesting situation but secrets come to light, that could disrupt his well laid-out plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little more smutty so be warned. There is mentions of having sex as well as minor decriptions but nothing too bad.

After the events of last night he had been very much in need of some love and care. After Yoshin had fallen asleep, Jessie crawled into Cangkyun’s bed. At first they talked about nothing and everything. Then the kisses had started, slow and soft. Jessie’s lips barely touching his own. Then it had deepened. Tongues fighting for dominance, hands roaming with reckless abandon. Changkyun’s mind clouded with lust, Jessie climbing on top of him pulling his shirt over his head.

As Jessie’s hand traced his inner thigh he remembered Hoseok’s question.

“Are you sleeping with him?”

He had lied then, the boys never been able to find the time and space to go any further than hot and heavy makeout sessions. Now it seemed like things maybe leading to something more. It wasn’t like he hadn’t slept with people before. There had been a girl back when he first became a trainee who had taught him how to do sinful things with his tongue. After that he had figured he leaned more towards the male persuasion and had a bit of a thing with a few of his fellow trainees at his old company. 

But this was different, Jessie wasn’t some quick fuck. He was someone Changkyun really liked and judging by the way in which Jessie touched him, he felt the same way. Yet there was something holding Changkyun back. A well of guilt was bubbling up within him. He tried to push the thought away as Jessie slide a hand into his shorts eliciting a breathless moan from Changkyun. 

The noise had stirred Yoshin and Jessie had stopped his ministrations. Changkyun felt a tiny sliver of relief as Jessie climbed off him, promising they would continue another time. As they had fallen asleep he had realized the reason for his guilty feelings was he felt like he was cheating but that was ridiculous. Who was he cheating on.

The morning came too quickly. Changkyun, who was wrapped in Jessie’s arms, had awoken to the sounds of Yoshin grabbing his things. The youngster had been over the moon to find out he would be able to go home for one week. The boy hadn’t seen his parents for longer than a weekend in over two years.

“See ya next week hyung.” grinned Yoshin patting the sleepy Changkyun on the arm that wasn’t encircled by Jessie. he stopped for a second and frowned. In a small voice he said.  
“Don’t be to sad about going back to your Monsta x hyungs. Knowing how cool you are I am sure they actually do miss you. But if they are total jerks call me and I will hop on the first train from Busan and kick all of their asses.”

Changkyun chuckled at the idea of the gangly giraffe-like Yoshin trying to fight Shownu or Hoseok. Heck Hyungwon would probably easily beat him but it was the thought that counted right?

Once the door closed Changkyun felt a gentle kiss placed on his shoulder.

“The kid’s right. I’ll happily come and fight them for your honour.”

Changkyun turned to face the very much awake Jessie and fluttered his eyelashes.

“Oh my prince in shining armour.” he said in a high pitched voice.

Jessie pulled an exaggerated face and began tickling the rapper, which earned a chorus of high-pitched screams.

After a small bout of tickling Jessie pinned Changkyun to the bed and he was reminded of their actions from the night before. 

“How about we finish what we started but without an audience this time.”

Before the older boy could offer any more incentive Changkyun leaned up and kissed Jessie. Screw his silly guilty feelings from the night before he was actually going to have sex with Jessie, the only person he was actually with.

Hands began to roam hungrily. Fingers curling into Changkyun’s waistband while the other hand pulled him up slightly from the bed. His shorts slide down his legs and Changkyun felt a blush spread across his face. He was fully naked in front of Jessie who was now sitting back to admire the view. 

Changkyun went to cover up, realising that someone like Jessie who had a defined body like a greek sculpture was looking at him. His skinny, average sized body that bruised to easily.

“Don’t. Don’t hide yourself away. Your beautiful!.” Jessie said breathlessly.

The singer was looking at him like HE was the most alluring person the other had ever see. Changkyun felt his heart swell, no one had ever looked at him this way. No one had ever called him beautiful. He had been called okay looking or average. In the beginning his Monsta x members had even called him ugly, pointing out all kinds of flaws including his old looking face and his acne scars. But Jessie was different.  
In that moment Changkyun decided to give himself fully to Jessie, body and heart.

\---------

“Oh my god are you deaf I said two inches to the right. You are ruining everything Lee Minhyuk.” yelled Kihyun from across the room as he attempted to guide Hyungwon and Minhyuk on hanging the huge welcome back banner on the practice room mirror.

Minhyuk looked ready to kill the shorter singer. He had been ready to kill him since late last night. The group had decided to throw a bit of a welcome back party for the youngest. They knew he would be a bit weirded out if it were just them so they had invited a few people in the guise of it being celebration of Changkyun making it to the next stage of the competition. It also would give them time to learn more about their maknae while trying to make him feel wanted. 

Ignoring the ensuing fight between Minhyuk and Kihyun, Hoseok gently placed the platter of sushi on the snack table and for the fourth times checked to make sure everything was perfect. He knew how Kihyun was feeling only he was better at hiding it. 

After the reveal of Gun’s ex-girlfriend's scandalous behaviour, the members had vowed to work doubly hard to prove to Changkyun they were worth it. After the episode and his voice message to Changkyun, he had crawled into bed and logged into the fan cafes for the group. The chat was alight with the newfound knowledge that the rumours of Changkyun cheating were utterly false. The rapper’s fans were in full out war with those that had believed the rumours even going so far as to declare Changkyun an independent entity from Monsta x.

“When he goes we go with him.” one fan had wrote in all caps.

While the fan war worried him he did feel a burst of triumph at the lack of Changkyun and Jessie content. The rapper’s argument with the judge had overtaken any shippable moments. He stuck his tongue out at a picture of the singer, determined now more than ever to win over the maknae and his heart.

A couple of the guests had stated to arrive. Some of the group’s makeup and coordi noonas, including the one who absolutely doted on the youngest. There were of course the group’s managers, save Wookyu who was picking him up, and as well as Sistar’s manager. A group of shy looking trainees walked in and Jooheon ran to greet them. The main rapper had insisted they be invited as they were the group Changkyun would eat lunch with and occasionally hang out with. Hoseok had felt his heart break at the news. The trainees were fairly new, having been signed to the label around the same time Changkyun had been. They didn’t hate him for cheating them out of debut like many of the older trainees felt he had. It also had shocked Hoseok as he had never noticed that the maknae barely ate lunch with them instead sitting alone at another table or with a group of nervous 16 year olds.

He wondered what else he had failed to notice when it came to Changkyun. 

“The van just pulled up. Everyone get ready.”

 

\---------

The drive to Starship Entertainment was thick with tension and it made Changkyun shift nervously which didn’t help the post-sex stiffness. Wookyu was focused on the road and Changkyun grimaced. 

Once Changkyun had gotten his breath back that morning he had rolled over to switch on his phone after having switched it off after the show, not wanting to see the fallout from his fight with Minha. The first thing that popped up was a voicemail from Hoseok which Jessie had pressed play before Changkyun had a chance to even think what it could say. The older boy had bristled at the message.

“Changkyun-ah we will see you tomorrow and I will not rest until you are back where you belong, with Monsta x.”

Changkyun had stopped him from an outburst by kissing him deeply but was stopped from going any further by an onslaught of messages. He cursed the bad reception in the dorms. 

The last message was sent from Wookyu, 2 minutes prior and the man was entering the dorm ready to pick him up.

Problem was Changkyun was naked and covered in sweat, salvia and cum. His hair was plastered to his forehead and he could smell the scent of their activity in the air.

“Shit, shit, shit.” he yelled jumping from the bed. Hurriedly he pulled on any clothes he could find lying around. He had managed to half pull on a shirt and his underwear when the door had opened. The emotions of Wookyu’s face would have been funny were it not so serious a situation. The manager’s eyes darted between the half dressed Changkyun frozen like a deer in the middle of the floor and the obviously naked Jessie hiding under the sheets. Then back to Changkyun and the huge hickey forming on his chest his eyes slowly travelled down to the stain on his stomach. Wookyu immediately averted his eyes and swallowed his anger.

“Changkyun-ah, get washed up, get dressed. I will be waiting outside the door. We will discuss this in the car.”

10 minutes into their drive and it was evident Wookyu was trying to figure out what to say. Changkyun played with the loose strings on his favourite black hoodie, it was his safety blanket and he was glad for its soft comfort despite the heat.

“How could you be so fucking stupid?” the man finally yelled.

Changkyun turned in surprise. Wookyu gripped the steering wheel with an iron grasp.

“Sleeping with a male contestant. Kid do you understand what happens if this came out. Both of your careers would be ruined.”

Changkyun bristled at the comment. It was a trade secret that most idols slept with those within their own groups. With dating bans imposed and stalkerish fans, you had to get your pleasure somewhere. Wookyu had to know this and if the man sensed the youngers thoughts, he explained with a sigh.

“Kyunnie, right now things are very volatile with you. You are the talk of the town especially after that shit with Minha, which by the way is another thing I am pissed at you for not telling me about. But this is a competition and he is for all intents and purposes the enemy. What happens if Minha or one of the producers walked in on you two today?”

Changkyun was quiet. He understood now where the manager was going with this. Living in the society they did, if their secret got out it would destroy them both. He felt tears well up in his eyes, which Wookyu noticed.

The manager placed his free hand he placed it on the rapper’s shoulder, giving it a fatherly squeeze.

“I know this is hard to hear Kyun but you need to think of your career first. Once things settle down then you can do what you want but for now you need to be careful."

“But I think I love him Hyung.”

Both were taken aback by the confession. Changkyun couldn’t believe he had uttered the words especially not like this but he felt like it was true or at least as true as he could feel.

The van pulled into it’s parking space outside the Starship Building.

“Shit Changkyun-ah, seriously, you love him?” Wookyu sighed and looked at the maknae. The youngest nodded.

“I think so. He calls me beautiful like no one else has. He makes me feel like I mean something. Hyung, I have never been special enough to anyone to feel like I mean something to them but Jessie actually cares about me.”

Wookyu shook his head, his heart breaking for the younger boy.

“Kyunnie. Listen don’t let yourself fall for the first person who makes you feel special because you are special, you don’t need some guy to tell you that. And this is only going to end in heartbreak. Take it from me I have been through something like this. One second you are on top of the world and the next they are breaking your heart into a million pieces. I was in love once, she made me feel like I was the only person that mattered, she made me feel special and then she left me for a richer guy.”

Changkyun rolled his eyes ready to be done with this lecture. He wanted to say that his heart had already been ripped to shreds by Monsta x and it was only because of Jessie that it felt whole again. He wanted to yell that his relationship was nothing like that, that Jessie was better than that.

But Wookyu wasn’t done.

“What happens when he goes back to his group hey? Even if you guys make it all the way to the final 9, Jessie will not stay. He is too close to his group and as far as I know his contract pays better than Unit 9 will. What happens if you don’t make it and return to Monsta x, what will happen to your love then. Are you going to throw away your entire career for a love that won’t last?” 

With those words echoing between them they climbed out of the van.

Changkyun walked behind, his feet feeling heavier each step he took towards the building. He felt as if he were waking from a dream and back into the harsh reality. Wookyu’s words were repeating in his head, he hadn’t thought about what would happen once Unit 9 was announced. All he had thought was about getting into the group.

The happy writing on the Starship sign seemed to taunt him, Welcome back to reality loser, it seemed to say. He pulled his hood up, trying to block out the voice in his head, the one that had grown silent while at United 100. 

Now it was back with a vengeance.

“You don’t deserve happiness!”  
It yelled.

“This is what you deserve. You don’t deserve to be loved.”

He felt the familiar pain course through his body, like steel was being pushed through his veins. His shoulder’s began to sag and he felt like he was walking through quicksand. 

He wanted to scream and cry. This place was a curse to him, it held no happiness only painful and hateful memories. The further into Starship he went the further he went from the happiness at the United studio.

Wookyu had noticed the shift in the youngest’s mood and he suddenly wished he could take it all back but he knew he was right. Changkyun was playing a dangerous game and the kid was only going to get hurt.

He patted the boy on his shoulder, noticing how the confident rapper he had picked up at the dorm had transformed back into the scared kid he had been only one month early. He cursed himself. He was supposed to be helping to make Changkyun feel welcome and wanted in the company. He had tasked to do so both by Monsta x who were working so hard to try keep the boy around and now by the CEO. The boy’s sudden popularity had boosted the company’s profit.

“Hey chin up Kyunnie. I’m sorry I was so harsh out there. I didn’t mean to sound like an asshat. Listen let’s have fun today, the members have something big planned for you.”

Changkyun nodded but he had a violent urge to run out the door and never return. He looked back at the closed doors of Starship, the voice in his head screaming insults.

“Changkyunnie.” came a loud voice. 

Startled Changkyun turned in the direction of the voice only to be envelope in a massive hug. From the shock of blond hair now shoved in his face and the long, high pitched squeal emitting from the person it was Minhyuk who was clinging to him like a four armed octupus.

Suddenly the older boy took a step back and with a frown on his face looked the rapper up and down.

He tapped a finger his bottom lip then pointed at Changkyun. “Why are you dressed like that?”

Changkyun pulled his sleeves down further over his hands. “Like what hyung?”

Minhyuk’s eyes narrowed, “Like you are trying to drown in your clothes. The way you used to dress, as if you were trying to hide from…”

He turned on Wookyu, “what did you do?”

The manager had the decency to look abashed and Minhyuk looked ready to murder the older man. He turned a softer, caring gaze back to Changkyun.

“Now this won’t do. Let’s go change you into something more dazzling and Wookyu hyung can go explain to the others why you will be late.” 

Changkyun was a little taken aback as the manager went to do Minhyuk’s bidding leaving the youngest to get dragged off towards one of the recording booths.  
The room was the one the Kihyun and Hyungwon shared. The happy virus grabbed a large duffel bag and began digging through it. 

“Aren’t those Kihyun hyung’s spare clothes?”

Minhyuk gave an evil little giggle, “Yup and he is going to be so shocked when he sees how much better you look in them then he does. I am going to make you look amazing, it will blow them all away especially Hoseok hyung.”

Changkyun’s ears perked up at the last piece of information and went to ask what the other boy meant but was shut up when Minhyuk handed over the clothes.

He him handed a pair of tight, maroon pants, a white v-neck top and a studded leather jacket over before sitting down on the couch, smiling brightly at the maknae.

Changkyun lipped his lips and stared awkwardly at Minhyuk. 

“What you waiting for get dressed.”

Changkyun looked at Minhyuk like he had grown a second head. He never changed in front of any of them always afraid at the comments they would make about his body and it didn’t help that his body had very clear evidence of his morning activities marked upon it.

“In.. In front of you?”stuttered out Changkyun begging the floor to open up and swallow him.

Minhyuk grinned and nodded.

“It’s not like I haven’t seen a guy’s body before and your outfit last night left very little to the imagination. Besides it’s not me you have to be worried about.”

The last part was mumbled under a cough and Changkyun frowned. He may not be close with with any of his members but he had spent a long year observing their behaviours and he knew the sly Minhyuk was up to something.

He backed into the corner and turned to face away from his grinning hyung. He toed off his shoes slowly hoping the other boy would get bored and leave. It didn’t work.

He let out a sigh knowing that short of a fire or natural disaster hitting the building he would have to change. He pulled his pants off first quickly and tried to maneuver into Kihyun’s tight pair. He grimaced a little as the odd movements brought him minor discomfort. He hadn’t had sex in a while, it was only natural his body would feel this way but he really wished it didn’t as he could feel Minhyuk’s eyes burning a hole in his back. 

Once the pants were fastened Minhyuk clapped, “Wow look at those apple hips, who knew you were hiding them juicy things under all those layers.”

Changkyun froze at Minhyuk’s words. The boy’s flirtatious comments were not odd, he acted this way to all the members, all except him. Shaking his head he removed his hoodie, feeling more exposed than he had with his pants off. Next was his shirt, he turned making sure Minhyuk wouldn’t see the massive hickey on his chest.

It was only when the other boy gasped that he remembered Jessie raking his nails across his back

“Oh my god it looks like you got into a fight with a mountain lion, or an angry woman or oh…Jessie?”

Changkyun turned, pulling the shirt over his head. The gig was up, didn’t matter if the other saw the hickey. Minhyuk’s face was pinched.

“So you really are sleeping with him? I thought you said it just to get a rise out of Hoseok but I am impressed.”

Changkyun was shocked into silence. He forgot how intuitive the other could be. 

“Is that why you were upset when you came in with Wookyu. Did something happen? You can talk to me, I can help.”

Minhyuk was looking at him the same way the other boy would look at Jooheon or Shownu when he knew they needed to talk. But he only looked at his friends that way and Changkyun was not his friend, he had made that clear time and time again throughout the past year.

The voice in his head whispered what he was thinking, “They are only being nice to save their own asses. They don’t care about you they never will.”

Changkyun felt his shock turn into anger and he lashed out at Minhyuk, releasing a year’s worth of pent up anger towards the other boy.

“It is none of your fucking business what happened. Since when do care anything about me? You, Lee Minhyuk and the rest of those assholes have treated me like shit since I joined this fucking company. You want me to talk okay hyung I’ll talk. I know what it was like wanting to debut with friends and having it ripped away from me but the thing is you still got to debut with the rest of your friends. I was just backup thrown in for TV ratings. Then I have spent the past year fading into nothingness. MInd, body and soul you have destroy every part of me and then finally I get a chance to escape and I find people who genuinely like me.”

He pulled down the shirt a little exposing the bruised skin, a sharp feeling of pride shooting through him.

“Yeah this is from Jessie. I thought I didn’t deserve happiness or love, I...I still don’t but for the first time ever I am feel like I matter, that I mean something. Only for this fucking place to remind me that it isn’t real. Because at the end of the day he will go back to his group and I will lose the only person who actually cares about me.”

He felt angry tears prick at his eyes, a lump forming in his throat. Minhyuk’s thin arms encircled him into a gripping hug. He tried to push the other away not wanting to show weakness in front of someone who had once told him he shouldn’t cry in front of people as it made him look uglier than usual. It was the reason he always turned away from fans and others when he teared up. 

But Minhyuk was surprisingly strong and the older boy grabbed his face and with his thumbs wiped the tears from his eyes. It was then that he realized Minhyuk was crying too, not small tears but had big, fat drops of water running down his face.

“Listen here Lim Changkyun. I will never be able to apologize or take back what I did and said to you this past year. I should have embraced you from the start but I was a stupid fool who didn’t think of you as a person only a problem. I was wrong to treat you like that but I can never take it back. I know our relationship with always be damaged but I and the others want to spend the rest of our lives proving to you that you matter, that you are beautiful inside and outside and most importantly that you are so loved. We will love you more than any fan can, then any other group can, then even Jessie can.”

He placed a gently kiss on the maknae’s forehead.

“And even if you debut with Unit 9 and Monsta x disbands, we will not stop loving you. Because at the end of the day we are a family and that comes first before anything else. We were just too blind to see it”

Changkyun let the words flow over him. He could hear the sincerity in the words, the absolute love behind them. It felt like his whole world had stopped in the realization that his members had being telling the truth. They actually wanted to make amends with him, it wasn’t about stopping the band from splitting they wanted to actually mend their relationship. He curled himself into Minhyuk’s side allowing himself to cry. He knew that the damage done would never be fixed, not fully. Not matter how hard they tried the destruction they had incurred on his was unfixable. He was unfixable.

\------------------------

Hoseok was pacing. Minhyuk and Changkyun had been gone for a solid 40 minutes. Wookyu had made some vague comment about Changkyun needing to freshen up before joining the party. He had tried to get more from the manager but the older man was actively avoided him.

Finally the door opened and Hoseok felt his whole world stand still, there in the doorway stood the most beautiful person he had ever set eyes on- Changkyun.

He was dressed in what he was pretty sure was Kihyun’s spare clothes but it looked godly on him. Minhyuk had obviously done his hair and makeup. The makeup was subtle but enough to define his soulful eyes, his strong jaw and his barley there dimples. His brown hair was gelled away from his face for a change and it just made him stand out even more.

Minhyuk stood behind him grinning softly and Hoseok could see the other boy had been crying, his eyes still red and puffy.

“Hyung welcome home.” yelled one of the trainees and Hoseok almost died at the lopsided dimpled smile Changkyun threw in the kid's direction. He hugged them all, laughing his signature deep chuckle at something one of them said.

Then Shownu cleared his throat and Changkyun’s face fell to neutral. Minhyuk came up behind him and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Hoseok had to quell the jealousy monster inside him as he saw the youngest smile and relax a little a the touch. What had Minhyuk said to the maknae?

Shownu smiled his awkward smile, “Welcome home Changkyun. Even though you are only back for a week we want to hmm congratulate you on making it to the next round and hmmm yeah have fun at your party.” He then clapped stiffly.

Kihyun facepalmed on the other side of the room. He had worked hard with the leader to come up with a good speech.That stilted nonsense had not being it and judging by the flush on Shownu’s face he knew it too. 

Changkyun took a few tentative steps to the leader and held out his hand.   
“Thanks hyung for this. It’s...very nice.”

Shownu waved off the hand. “Handshakes are for strangers hugs are for members.”

The maknae was obviously taken aback by the but agreed and held out his arms but Shownu being the oddity that he was grabbed the side of Changkyun’s head and brought it to his chest. Laughter erupted as the two most awkward members attempt at a hug. Finally the youngest peeled away only to be stolen away by Jooheon to look at some lyrics in his notbook.

“Enjoying the view.”

Hoseok jumped and swore as Minhyuk appeared innocently behind him.

“Jesus Minhyuk you scared me half to death. And no, what, I’m, I’m serving drinks.” He said sweeping a hand over the cans of cola. 

Minhyuk raised an eyebrow before moving closer to Hoseok. He bit his lip obviously contemplating whether to tell the muscle singer his secret.

“Spit it out Minhyuk, what is it?”

Minhyuk nodded towards the door, “Not here. Let’s talk outside.”

The door closed behind them blocking out the noise inside.

“Firstly did you make him wear that outfit on purpose to get me riled up?”

Minhyuk smirked, “Maybe.”

Hoseok narrowed his eyes but Minhyuk waved away his anger.

“He’s in love with Jessie.”

Hoseok took a step back as if had been physically punched. “He’s what?”

Minhyuk grimaced and put a hand on the older boy’s shoulder.

“Wookyu walked in on them after they had sex this morning. He kinda went off at Changkyun and thats kinda when he realised he loved Jessie.”

Hoseok suddenly had trouble breathing. He had always been bad at crushes instead falling hard and fast for the object of his desire but something was different with Changkun. His old crushes were thought of as how they could benefit him, a pretty Ulzzang girlfriend to up his status or a mysterious rocker boyfriend to get him into the music scene. But with Changkyun he wanted to fall in love, grow old together. He imagined a future with the younger boy.

Minhyuk shook him out of his thoughts, “Hyung this doesn’t mean it’s the end. You are much better than Jessie. You know that, I know that. It just means that you have to pull your head out your ass and make him fall in love with you.”

Hoseok nodded, easier said than done especially when it came to Changkyun who seemed impervious to his charms.

“Oh and hyung whatever you do don’t try to stare at his hickey on his left pec right about here,” Minhyuk said with a smile pointing at the spot Changkyun had his hickey.

“Or at the passionate, love making scratches on his back. He seems a little embarrassed about them. Okay byeeeee.” He ran back into the room and all Hoseok could think was curse that Lee Minhyuk.

\-----------------------

Changkyun felt a little overwhelmed. His talk or rather full blown freak out in front of Minhyuk had been a loss of control that weighed heavily in his stomach. He never cried in front of the others, never, it was his number one rule. Yet with a few simple words and a pat of the head, he had spilled his soul. Curse that Lee Minhyuk he thought.

“So what do you think man. I’ve been working on it since before, it was supposed to be for Gunhee and I but, maybe you and I could do it. I’ve marked the passages I think you would rock at.”

Changkyun was brought back to the present at Jooheon’s question. The older rapper was looking at him expectantly but there was something in his eye that made Changkyun grab the notebook. Jooheon was trying to reach out to him using the one thing the both had in common, rap.

Changkyun raised an eyebrow at the title. 'Best Friends.'

“Maybe one day” whispered Jooheon hopefully.

Changkyun read on, it was good and could definitely see Jooheon performing it. For himself however, the words would be a lie. Wouldn’t be the first time a idol faked emotion for the sake of a song but he knew for this duet to work, the two would actually have to be close.

“Yeah it’s good. I would move these two around and maybe break up the chorus more make it a back and forth thing.”

Jooheon took back the proffered book and looked thoughtfully at the lyrics.

“Yeah that could work. We can start working on it when you get back. I’ve been thinking we should start producing a mixtape. It would be the sickest mixtape ever.”

Jooheon’s infectious mood had Changkyun agreeing, even offering up his own track ideas. But a small voice at the back of his head reminded him this would never happen. He was still leaving Monsta x surely there was no one they could convince him otherwise.

“I am going to kill Minhyuk for stealing my clothes although I have to admit they do look better on you.” Kihyun walked up to the duo, a rather pensive Hyungwon in tow.

The main vocalist handed the rappers each a plate of cake. Kihyun pouted, “We did have a cake made for you but Hyungwon got greedy while you were getting changed and started eating it.”

Hyungwon shoved his hands in his pockets like a naughty child, “I didn’t think anyone would notice if a few small pieces was missing.”

Kihyun smacked his arm, “You idiot you took the whole left corner of the cake and then tried to cover it up with a napkin.”

Changkyun burst into laughter and the others joined in happy to see the maknae actually open up a little. The four chatted for a while, the three older members softly issuing their own private apologies.

There was just one member he had yet to encounter. He was certain he had seen Hoseok when he entered the room but now it seemed he had disappeared as had Minhyuk. His eyes narrowed in suspicion and old feelings of defensive paranoia kicked in. Were they talking about him, was this a ploy to make fun of him some more.

A hand touched his ear and he jerked back, pulling a face at the offender. Hyungwon had the decency to look sheepish.

“Sorry you have cute ears.”

Changkyun grabbed his ear and made an awkward sound.

“Uh thanks?”

Kihyun noticed the odd exchange and turned on Hyungwon.

“Seriously are you at it with the ears again?”

“But look how cute his ears are.”

Changkyun blushed, Hyungwon had never called him cute before. Ugly and short yes but never cute. He smacked away Jooheon’s hand as the boy had reached for his ears too and covered them with his hands. The three older members cooed at him.

“Aigoo look how cute he is. Ah our little aegyo maknae.”

“Who is cute?”

Shownu walked over to the group with Minhyuk and the elusive Hoseok. The latter couldn’t meet the maknae’s eye and Changkyun couldn’t help but feel a little put out by the action.

“Changkyun has cute ears and he got all shy about them. I think he may actually be cuter than Jooheon.”

The aforementioned rapper looked shocked at the thought of not being the cutest and the conversation dissolved into a round of teasing. Changkyun felt himself relaxing and enjoying the moment. He very rarely was included in the group’s little chats and yet here he was smack bang in the middle. An outsider would have no idea from looking at the group that the youngest never felt like he belonged.

During the conversation Hoseok had slowly moved over towards him swapping places with Hyungwon. Before long he could practically feel the older boy looming over him and so he turned to look at him sharply. From the way he quickly averted his gaze it was obvious the older singer had been staring.

“Something wrong hyung?” he asked sweetly but there was a poisonous tip on the edge of his words.

Hoseok seemed to trip over his answer.

“Oh no you just look very nice in that outfit. Is that new perfume you are wearing, you smell nice too, like apricots and grass.”

As if noticing how awkward he sounded, Hoseok tried to channel the cool and collected Wonho.

“Sorry what I meant was. It is a little hot in here why don’t you take your coat off? Relax a little.”

Changkyun narrowed his eyes at the other singer. It wasn’t a secret that regardless of the weather Changkyun always wore a number of layers. Hoseok reached over towards him and tried touched his arm. The maknae backed up and a sudden rush of fear fluttered through his mind. Had Minhyuk told Hoseok about the marks left by Jessie. It was obvious the older singer had something against the relationship and had being pretty voal about it. WHat would he do if he found if he saw the marks himself.

As if sensing Changkyun was onto him he backed off uttering a small apology. It was like the whole mood of the party was gone. He suddenly felt uncomfortable in the tight, exposed clothing and the other’s friendly looks felt like fakes. He quickly excused himself in the guise of going to the bathroom. 

What were the group playing at, they were obviously trying to get him to like them and yet Minhyuk had clearly told Hoseok about his activities with Jessie. His hands began to shake, a clear sign that he was starting to panic. He needed to get the bathroom before he had a full blown panic attack in the hallway.

“Changkyun-ah wait.”

Hoseok had followed him out, the older boy’s face a mask of worry and fear. He walked up to the youngest, backing him against the wall, their bodies mere inches away from each other. Changkyun felt heat rise in each cheeks at the closeness.

“Wait please. I didn’t mean to offend you. I just… look Minhyuk told me about the marks on your back and the hickey. He said the two of you had… why him, why Jessie?”

Changkyun looked into Hoseok's eyes. He had expected to see digust or anger but there was something else, they were wide with the need to know why he was with Jessie. It didn't make sense, why was he acting the way he was acting?

“What does it matter?. What I do behind closed doors doesn’t impact the group or you.”

That was the wrong thing to say and Hoseok grab onto the collar of his jacket. Changkyun couldn’t back up any further, Hoseok was close enough now that he could feel the taller's boy's breath on his face. He noticed Hoseok's hands were shaking.

“You don’t understand do you. Everything you do matters to me.” Hoseok yelled.

Changkyun frowned, “What are you talking about, how am I…”

But his words were cut of as Hoseok pushed himself forward and with desperation, kissed him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changkyun tries to sort through his swirling mess of feelings afte the kiss with Hoseok. He also finds himself enjoying the company of the other boys.

Hoseok had panicked in the practice room. He had been to handsy, too pushy as he looked for the marks Minhyuk told him were on the youngest's body. Then he had seen the change in Changkyun’s personality. The youngest had practically run out the room and Hoseok had followed ignoring the frustrated look from Shownu.

The leader had warned him to behave himself around the youngest and so naturally he had done the opposite. 

The boy was heading to the bathroom, Hoseok could see the stilted way he walked and knew something was wrong.

“Changkyun-ah.”

The boy turned to face him and it was like a dam broke within him. Changkyun was pale and his eyes slightly unfocused. Having known about the panic attacks for the past year he knew the signs. He had caused this and now he had to fix it. Changkyun would never return his feelings if he had a panic attack every time they interacted.

He backed the youngest against the wall hoping that the other wouldn’t be able to back away. This was his one chance at trying to make the other understand that he wanted them to be friends. Well, he wanted them to be more than friends but that wasn’t the point right now.

“Wait please. I didn’t mean to offend you. I just… look Minhyuk told me about the marks on your back and the hickey. He said the two of you had… why him, why Jessie?”

Okay he hadn’t meant to say that but it was true why did the boy have to fall in love with someone like Jessie. Someone Hoseok couldn’t compete with. The boy was classically handsome, bordering on sexier than Hoseok. But above all else he had treated the maknae like the sun while Hoseok had treated him like the plague.

But he needed Changkyun to understand and as he looked into the watery eyes in front of him, the two brown orbs questioning his actions. He knew that this wasn’t a crush, he was in love with Changkyun.

“What does it matter?. What I do behind closed doors doesn’t impact the group or you.”

Hoseok wanted to either shake the boy or curl up into a ball and cry. Changkyun had essentially confirmed what Minhyuk had told him. His mind was yelling at him and he grabbed the youngest’s collar ignoring the way he flinched away.

“You don’t understand do you. Everything you do matters to me.” He yelled. He was desperate, he knew it was stupid but he felt like it was now or never that he proved to Changkyun that he cared. But he cared because he couldn’t get the other boy off his mind. Because subconsciously he had been watching Changkyun since day one. 

The maknae started to answer but Hoseok panicked and leaned forward covering the maknae’s mouth his his own. He tasted of cake and something oddly like Changkyun. And oh shit he was actually kissing the other boy. He fully expected the youngest to push him away but after his initial surprise, he eyes closed and he seemed to melt into the kiss. Hoseok had moved his hands onto either side of the youngest’s face. Changkyun’s own hand gripped his shirt like it was life line.

It was like a puzzle had finally fitted into place. This felt right, like Changkyun had been the thing he was missing all these years. Then reality hit.  
With strength he hadn’t witnessed from the youngest before, Changkyun pushed him off. His eyes wide with shock and guilt. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. Both them breathing hard from the exhilaration of the kiss. 

“Changkyun I’m sorry, I just….”

Changkyun shook his head, his bottom lip jutting out as he waved of the explanation. He looked like he was trying to figure out what to say.

“What…why did you kissed me. You hate me.” 

He looked so lost that Hoseok felt the urge to embrace him. But Changkyun took a step back.

“No, I don’t understand and to be honest I don’t know if I want to understand. Let’s just forget this ever happened okay.”

The words stung like a dagger and Hoseok felt like a bucket of ice cold water had been thrown over him.

“Hyung please.”

The voice was broken and in that moment Hoseok knew what it was like to be heartbroken. He nodded in agreement. 

Changkyun looked like he wanted to say more but he shook his head and walked on towards the bathroom. As Changkyun walked away, Hoseok let himself slide down the wall and began to cry.

\-------------

Changkyun slammed the bathroom door closed behind him and ran to the sink. He splashed freezing cold water on his face in the hopes of rinsing the memories of the kiss.

The kiss.

He should have pushed Hoseok away the minute he had touched their lips together and yet Changkyun had allowed himself to fall into it. The way Hoseok had kissed him had being intoxicating and desperate. He had kissed Changkyun like he was the air desperately needed to breath. It was completely different to the soft, loving kisses from Jessie.

Oh god, Jessie.

“You idiot.” he yelled at himself turning and slamming his fist into the bathroom stall door. He pulled out his phone and hovered above the other boy’s number. He hesitated.

He should call and tell Jessie everything but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. How could he say confess to the guy who he supposedly loved that he had being kissed by the one member of the group Jessie disliked. And that Changkyun had kissed him back.

No, this had to be kept a secret, it was a one time mistake. Regardless of how he acted in the moment he would never feel that way about Hoseok. There was to much between them, between him and all the other boys.

He needed to talk to someone. The other members were out of the question and he didn’t feel like getting psychoanalyzed by Dr. Song. He knew just the person, pulling out his phone he dialled the number.

“Mir hyung, I need some advice. Can we meet?”

\--------------

He met the older rapper in the playground a few blocks away from the Monsta x dorm. He had been shocked to find Mir’s apartment was within the area. The older boy handed him a iced coffee and sat down on the swing. He looked like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders yet there was a sadness to his face like he was barely keeping himself for crying.

They chatted for a while, about Team Red, Changkyun’s encounter with the horrible Minha and of course MBLAQ’s disbandment.

Finally Mir turned to him, his face caring and soft, “So how about you tell me the reason you called me?”

Changkyun opened up told him everything that had happened.  
“I feel like I am drowning. First my group suddenly wants to be my best friends despite practically hating me last month, then Hoseok kisses me out the blue and I actually kiss him back. Hyung I liked it but... Jessie. What do I do?”

Mir took a sip of his coffee and looked up at the storm clouds that had begun to gather above them, then he began to laugh it was low and sad. Changkyun was taken aback by the act wondering how his situation could be found to be comical.

“Sorry Kyun I don’t mean to laugh it is just remember when I told you that I came late to my group to?”

Changkyun nodded.

Mir bit his lip. “They hated me, they bullied me to the point where I was ready to leave the industry all together. Because of it I hated them and I hated myself. I know what it is like living and working with people who can’t stand the sight of you.”

He pulled out his phone and opened a picture folder. It was filled with pictures of the group laughing, smiling being one big happy family. He handed the phone to Changkyun and the younger rapper felt himself filled with jealousy at the closeness the group shared.

Then one day things changed. During a broadcast one of the hosts got a little too touchy with me, I was barely an adult at that point and it made me so uncomfortable but every time I tried to move away he would move closer. I was on the verge of tears when Seungho pulled me away and placed me between him and Joon. It was the first time they had ever done anything nice to me.”

Changkyun nodded in understanding and Mir continued, his voice distant as he remembered the early days.   
“Then slowly things began to change, the nasty comments stopped, they included me in things and eventually started seeing me as the maknae but the damage was done. I spent so long holding onto that anger and hatred that no matter what I never felt close to them as I should have.”

He took back his phone and opened another folder entitled JoonMir and Changkyun was shocked to see the loved up, couple selfies. There was one of the two in matching outfits. One of Joon asleep cuddling onto a half naked Mir who was beaming.

“As they changed, my relationship with Joon happened. We started sleeping together as a friends with benefits but over the years it evolved and grew. While we loved each other in our own way, I could never bring myself to trust him.”

Changkyun was shocked at the confession. He had been a fan of MBLAQ as a kid and had always thought the two were a little close. But it was the idea that no matter how long they had being together the younger hadn’t trusted him that was the most shocking.

Mir placed a hand on Changkyun’s knee. “What I am saying is sometimes people suck but sometimes people change. Your group is trying and they will apparently keep trying to be your friend regardless of what happens. It won’t erase the past but don’t hold on to those feelings. Don’t let the rest of the time you are with them be marred by what had been, focus on what could be.”

Changkyun pulled a face. Mir had previously supported his plans for leaving the group but now as they sat on the rusty swing set something had changed in the older rapper. As if answering Changkyun’s unspoken question, Mir spoke again only quieter and with choked back tears.

“Joon visited me today. Told me he has started dating this actress he is working with. He said she may be the one to marry, she would make the perfect wife. Almost eight years we have been together and he leaves me like what we have meant nothing, that I mean nothing. And then he told me that I had no right to be angry or upset after all I was the one who never gave up my heart to him and made our relationship seem temporary. Thing is he was right and now I have to see the one I actually love fall in love with someone else because I was too stubborn to give up the past.”

Changkyun pulled his friend into a hug and let the older boy cry into his shoulder. He had come here to get help but his friend needed him right now. He pondered over Mir’s story, how despite being with Joon he had never bought himself to get over his feelings from their earlier years and now it ruined his relationship. Changkyun tired not to think of the parallels between his situation and Mir’s.

And yet there were many differences. Mir’s group had come to care for him on their own, no overwhelming sense of disbandment looming over them. Monsta x had been forced into their friendlier ways towards him. 

Then there was the situation with Hoseok. Changkyun couldn’t get the way the other had kissed him. While Jessie’s were soft and wanting, Hoseok’s were desperate and domineering. The idea that Hoseok wanted him so badly had a part of Changkyun feeling giddy. The boy who had once called him ugly and useless now wanted him but Changkyun wondered if it was only because he was with Jessie. He knew how competitive the second eldest could get and how easily his lost interest in the thing he had wanted once the thing was his.

He decided that was the most obvious explanation for Hoseok’s sudden attraction to him. Changkyun sneered as the voice in his head whispered that once Hoseok had him, the other was abandon him, reminding Changkyun that he meant nothing. Yet Mir’s words kept floating through his mind.

“Hyung are you trying to say I should just forgive them for everything the did and just, what, stay with them.”

He knew he sounded a little more harsh than he intended but he felt more lost and alone than ever before. His head and heart were a confusing swirling mass of emotions and muddled thoughts.

Mir though didn’t seem to taken aback by the question.

“All I am saying is don’t spend the rest of your life living with a grudge because whether you make it to Unit 9 or not, this will stay with you. Just open up, show them the Kyunnie we know and love. In turn let them show if they genuinely want you in the group and as their friend or if it is all a ploy to stop you guys from disbanding.”

\-------------

When Changkyun returned to the dorm that night he returned with a sense of determination. He was still determined to make it to the final lineup of the show, prove to everyone that he was able to but he wouldn’t make the decision to stay until Monsta x had proven themselves. This week would be their trial period and each member would have to prove to him that they were willing to be his friend. As for the situation with Hoseok, Mir had given him advice on that too- “See what his true intentions are and figure out your feelings in the meantime before things get too serious with Jessie.”

It was true that since his talk with Wookyu he had been feeling less than solid about his relationship with the other boy. The timing of it was bad, they were competitors in a highly popular, televised show. Their attraction to one another had not gone unnoticed by the viewers. Then there was the thought that once the show came to an end Jessie would return to his group, Changkyun had been so wrapped up in his own desire to leave Monsta x that he had failed to notice Jessie never mentioning leaving his own.

It wasn’t rare for members outside of groups to date but the few that lasted were tough. Conflicting schedules and the industries need for competition made it hard for the relationships to prosper. 

He was surprised to find some of the members were still up when he got back. He had felt bad for leaving the party that had been thrown in his honour but seemed they didn’t mind.Minhyuk, Jooheon and Hyungwon were watching something on the TV. The older rapper had long passed out, his soft snores drifting towards Changkyun over the soulful score from the drama. Minhyuk ushered him over and made space for him. He wanted to decline and crawl into the safety of his bed but that was what the old Changkyun would do, he had to soemwhat help the relationship too. So instead he sat on the couch and let himself get immersed in the drama. He soon found himself sinking into a more comfortable position on his side, his legs curled up. This apparently was invitation for some unexpected cuddling. The forever sleepy Hyungwon had slowly started to slide until his head was resting on Changkyun’s thigh and he sighed in happiness.

“Oh my god you have the perfect pillow butt.” he squeezed the aforementioned butt. Changkyun said nothing to weirded out by the tallest's behaviour. Minhyuk patted his head and smiled.

“Well you are screwed now Kyunnie. Hyungwon is never going to let you go knowing how comfortable your ass is.”

Then as if both realised the sexual innuendo behind the words the two began to laugh. Changkyun let himself be immersed in the fun of the moment. He had never laughed like this with any of Monsta x at least not with the cameras off. Hyungwon pinched his butt.

“Maknae stop moving, I’m trying to sleep on your beautifully round butt.”

At that exact moment Hoseok walked into the room. He had obviously gotten out of the shower, his hair wet and nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. The room went silent. Minhyuk because he knew what had gone down between the two earlier after Hoseok had returned to the dorms in a huff. Hoseok’s eyes went back and forth between Hyungwon blissfully unaware of the glares being thrown in his direction and Changkyun who had turned a bright shade of red. 

He wasn’t even sure why he was blushing. It wasn’t like Hoseok had any claim over who slept on his butt, especially not while he was standing there practically naked, his face bright and bare, hair pushed back, the water droplets slowly running down his toned chest curving around the hard ridges of his lower abdomen lazily moving below the towel to his…  
Changkyun pulled his attention away embarrassed by the way he had been drawn in. What the hell was wrong with him. The atmosphere grew a little tense as Hoseok didn’t move his stare fixed on Changkyun.

“Hyung you are going to catch a cold go and get dressed and come watch with us.” said Minhyuk softly as Jooheon let out an obnoxious snore from his position on the floor.

Hoseok blinked as he was pulled back into reality and hurried off mumbling something about getting dressed. Minhyuk sent a small smile in Changkyun’s direction but the moment was gone. The maknae stood carefully placing Hyungwon’s head on a pillow and bid the blonde goodnight. He intended to head to his bedroom but instead wandered into the kitchen. Sitting at the table he pulled out his phone and dialled Jessie’s number. With all that had happened that day he needed to hear the other boy’s voice. It would help him forget the thing that had cropped up between him and Hoseok.

“Hi you have Jessie I am not available right now so leave a call after the beep. Thanks!”

The beep sounded in his ear, “Hey hyung. Things are going surprisingly well here but well something happened with Hoseok, he…” he sighed deciding not to talk about what had happened not until he figured things out first.

“I just miss you call me when you are free.”

 

The next day came too fast and Changkyun found himself been gently shook awake by Kihyun. It was then that he realised he had fallen asleep at the kitchen table. The older boy was looking at him with worry in his eye. It wasn’t the first time the youngest had fallen asleep in places other than his bed but it was usually to avoid the wrath of the other members.

“Is everything okay, Kyunnie?”

Changkyun wiped the drool from the side of his mouth and blinked open his sleep filled eyes. He nodded and stretched the ache from his back, looking around the room. It was weird to hear any of the members call him by his nickname unless there were cameras around trying to give of a sense of familiarity. But there were no cameras, just he and Kihyun.

“Silly kid, go take a shower and then come help me make breakfast.”

Changkyun did as he was told and upon returning the two fell into an easy, quiet rhythm. As they waited for the rice to cook, Kihyun turned his gaze towards Changkyun. 

“Do you really love him?”

The question shocked Changkyun and for a brief second he wondered if the older boy was talking about Hoseok before realising that he was asking about Jessie. 

“I know I don’t really have a right to ask but I want us to be friends. I want to be the person you come to when you need to talk. But to be honest I am worried about you and him.”

Changkyun scoffed at the audacity of Kihyun although he wasn’t surprised. The main singer wasn’t exactly know for his subtlety when it came to speaking his mind. 

“I mean I’m worried that you may be rushing things with him because he is the first person to show you any affection in a while that’s all.”

Changkyun couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The fact that Kihyun had the audacity to say something that that was incomprehensible. He felt anger surge through him, if this was how the group was trying to be friendly to him then they were doing a pretty crappy job.

“What the hell is that supposed mean?”

\-------------

Ignoring the lack of honorifics Kihyun held up his hands in a calming gesture. He knew the youngest would balk at the question but it was a valid one. He and Shownu had spoken about it upon finding it out from Minhyuk the day before. While the others had been shocked at the confession, Kihyun had felt a lump of worry settle in his chest and from his talk with the leader, he had felt it too.

The maknae had gone for so long without any care and affection. From what they had heard and seen Jessie was overly affectionate, which to Changkyun would have seemed like water to a dehydrated man. It had been Shownu who brought up the idea that Jessie could be using the relationship to his advantage.

“Changkyun I know you may not like what I have to say but think about it. He is your rival in a very competitive show. What happens if your relationship is just a ploy to get him further?”

Kihyun knew this wouldn’t help his own relationship with the maknae but right now he needed to be the kid’s voice of reason. Since the group’s epiphany he had spent many hours contemplating on his actions. He hated himself for the way he had turned a blind eye to the other’s treatment of the youngest. He knew that other than Jooheon, he was the least nasty to the youngest but he was still guilty. He would make amends and he would do it in a way his heart told him was right. He had sworn to himself that he would be Changkyun’s protector and carer. Shownu had joked that it sounded more like he would be the kid’s mother and Kihyun had sworn seriously that if that what was wanted, so be it. He would mother the shit out of Changkyun.

Hoseok may be trying to get into the youngest’s pants but he was going to be the one to look out for Changkyun even if it meant’ doing the tough thing.

Changkyun obviously hadn’t got the memo, “You have no idea what you are talking about. You don’t know him, hell you barely know me. Keep your nose out of this Kihyun and stay the hell away from me.”

He turned to leave but Shownu was blocking the doorway. The leader must have arrived sometime during their talk and Kihyun felt bad as the youngest’s face went pale.

“Hy...hyung...I”

Shownu uncrossed his arms and gripped the youngest’s bicep. It was no secret that Changkyun was scared of Shownu and their awkwardness around each other was evident even on camera.

“Changkyun-ah, he is right. I know we don’t know him and you are right when we say we don’t know you but we are trying here. All we are saying is there is so much that could go wrong and after everything we have done to you it isn’t fair to see you get hurt again.”

Kihyun came up behind them and went to say something more when Jooheon came storming into the kitchen. His face lit up upon seeing Changkyun. Ignorant of the situation he pushed passed Shownu and grabbed Changkyun.

“You come with me, got something to show you.”

Shownu made a noise under his breath. “Jooheon we are trying to have an important conversation with Changkyun. You can wait.”

But Jooheon shook his head and yanked Changkyun towards the door, “Nope sorry hyung this is very important. Gots to go byeeee.”

\----------

Jooheon manhandled him to the bedroom and Changkyun immediately noticed the changes around the room. He noticed there was more pictures of him on the wall next to Jooheon’s bunk and his stuff had been moved into one of the drawers rather than stuffed into a corner.

“Yikes that was a bother. Your welcome by the way.” said Jooheon as he dumped a face mask and ball cap into Changkyun’s arms.

“For what.”

Jooheon stopped his faffing and gaped. “For saving your ass from the interrogation from mom and dad. Besides I think it's awesome you are with Jessie. He seems like a cool dude and he is pretty sexy.”

Changkyun was taken aback. To hear Jooheon speak like this to him like they were friends was not exaclty foreign at least not when the cameras were not rolling. It further reconfirmed the group were really starting to care for him. It was also nice to know that the one person he looked up to in the group actually approved of his relationship with Jessie.

“Don’t get me wrong. I am kinda still pissed that you happen to have not one but two pretty hot guys trying to bang you.”

Changkyun choked on the air he was breathing and Jooheon let out a laugh. “Bro, Hoseok hyung had has the biggest hard on for you since we started wanting to be good hyungs. In fact he was one of the first to want to be friends. I was THE first though. I almost fought Hyungwon for your honour so your welcome for that too. Now get dressed, we are going out.”

The youngest hesitated for a few seconds before agreeing. In truth he had always yearned for a friendship with Jooheon and so he decided he would go along with it. They spent the morning at Jooheon’s favorite arcade and then after lunch the two decided to take a walk down the market streets for a spot of shopping.

“Kyunnie, what do you think of this?”

Changkyun turned and shielded his eye while letting out a fake horror filled scream at the monstrosity of a shirt Jooheon was holding up. It was bright neon yellow with studded black stripes like a rave going bumblebee.

“Oh you are such a drama queen. It’s not that bad. I think I might get it.”

Changkyun snatched the offending item out of his hand and threw it back on the table.

“You will thank me later,” Changkyun said.

He was shocked at how easily the two of them got along once away from the others and their duties. They found themselves laughing at the same jokes, references the same movie quotes and acting like they were old friends. For a few hours Changkyun actually forgot about everything that was happening in his life and it felt like he was merely hanging out with his best friend. 

As the day turned into evening the two settle onto a park bench with a pair of iced coffees.

“Today has been awesome. Who knew you were so cool?” said Jooheon with a grin on his face.

Changkyun took a sip of his drink and answered as truthfully as he could, “You would have known if you hadn’t been such a jerk this whole time.”

He half expected the older rapper to yell at him instead Jooheon wrapped his arms around him and rested their heads together.

“God I was an idiot. I am so sorry Changkyun-ah. I was a jerk but I want us to be best friends, closer than brothers.”

He found himself agreeing without hesitation. Unlike with the others, he felt no apprehension forgiving his fellow rapper. Maybe it was because he had reached out to him during No. Mercy or how during work sessions the two forgot the animosity between them. It was easy to forgive Jooheon. It would take a while to get to the level of friendship Jooheon wanted but Changkyun was sure it would happen.

Whooping in delight at the fact that Changkyun had forgiven him Jooheon swung his arm across the maknae’s shoulders.

“Now we have that out the way. Let’s talk about the elephant in the room… your growing list of guys who want to bang you. Like I am not going to lie I’m impressed and maybe a little jealous.”

Changkyun laughed at that, a little taken aback by the familiarity in Jooheon’s statement.

“Well I would rather not have this situation it is confusing the heck out of me.”

Jooheon pulled a face and so Changkyun filled him in. Leaving no detail out, it was surprisingly easy to open up to the older rapper who seemed absolutely enthralled by the story.

By the end of it night had fallen and the streetlights came on.

“Holy shit Kyunnie. You are in a right pile of poop here.”

He gently took Changkyun hand and bite his lip, “What are you going to do though.”

The maknae shrugged. He looked up at the sky hoping to see stars but it was impossible in the brightness of Seoul.

“I don’t know hyung. I seriously feel like I love Jessie but when Hoseok kissed me, it was like switch went on in my head. I’m so confused because I had a plan. Make it to Unit 9, leave Monsta x so that both you guys and I would be happy and live happily ever after with Jessie. But now I am not sure what I am going to do?”

Jooheon worried away at his bottom lip, a habit he seemed to do when he was upset.

“You still want to leave Monsta x?”

Had it been only a few days ago he would have answered yes in a heartbeat but this time he hesitated. The group was actually trying to befriend him and he knew in his heart that Jessie would return to his group. But the voice in his head still stuck there, whispering that once everything was over who was to say the others would cease to care again. He thought about all the nice things they had done for him and how it would hurt so much more. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to take the pain this time round.

Before he could answer, Jooheon suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He pulled a face.

“Yikes they others aren’t happy with me taking up your time all day.”

He brought the phone to his ear and even from a distance Changkyun could hear the angry yelling of Shownu.

“Yes hyung. We are on our way home now. No I haven’t corrupted the innocence of our maknae if anything he has corrupted me. Yes hyung, sorry hyung.”

Jooheon rolled his eyes and Changkyun stifled a laugh. The day was forced to an end but as the boys returned to the dorms Changkyun felt a bond forming with Jooheon, one he was sure he never wanted to go away.

Before they even reached the threshold of their dorm, the door swung open and a fuming mad Kihyun stood in the doorway. The identical yelps from the maknae line would have been cute were they not terrified for their lives.

“Where have you been?” the main singer screeched and Changkyun was reminded of Molly Weasley from Harry Potter. He had to stifle a laugh at that comparison.

“Sorry hyung, I, um we…”Kihyun cut Jooheon’s pathetic attempt at an excuse off and pulled them both inside.

“Wash up and join us in the kitchen, I made all your favourite dishes Changkyun.”

His voice went soft and he looked down at the floor, “To apologize for this morning.”

Monsta x were just full of surprises it seemed and all Changkyun could do was take the apology and go wash up.

The meal was amazing and Changkyun felt himself forgetting that he was an outsider to these guys as they chatted like old friends. The only one who didn’t partake was Hoseok. This was the first time the boys had interacted since their kiss and to say it wasn’t awkward as hell was a lie. His eyes kept straying over to the older boy in the hopes of catching his eye but Hoseok kept his head firmly down and barely said a word all night. It bothered Changkyun to no end.

He wasn’t sure why it annoyed him so much, it’s not like he returned the older boy’s feelings right.  
As he looked away from Hoseok for the 20th time in the past five minutes he felt his phone vibrate. It was an incoming call from Jessie. His face lit up and he excused himself from the table.

\---------------

Hoseok watched him go and he felt his heart drop to his stomach. The maknae had spent the whole day avoiding him or at least that is what it had felt like. He had hoped to get the youngest alone to apologize, try to explain what he was feeling but everytime the youngest would run in the opposite direction.

He had cried on Minhyuk’s shoulder the night before when Changkyun had supposedly slipped away to bed. Minhyuk had somewhat become his unofficial councillor.

“Give it time. You confused the shit out of him with the kiss but I have a feeling that if you give him some time to figure things through then he will come to you. Just stop acting like a horny teenager and try to be his friend first.”

Easier said than done. Jooheon had hogged Changkyun attention all day and now they were acting like they had been best friends for life. He knew he was acting childish and jealous, as Jooheon had always being the closest to the youngest to begin with but Hoseok felt it wasn’t fair. 

He was drawn out of his sulking when Kihyun let out a loud sigh, his eyes drifting to where the maknae stood in their living room, his back to the group as he happily spoke to Jessie.

“I don’t like this not one bit. Kid is going to get his heart broken not to mention I don’t trust that Jessie.”

Hoseok was surprised by Kihyun. He had thought he was the only one against the rival singer.

Jooheon evidently was not. “Hyung how can you say that. Jessie seems real sweet and it’s obvious he really cares for Changkyun. Give Kyunnie the benefit of the doubt, it’s not like we have the right to get involved with his personal affairs.”

Hoseok felt betrayed when Hyungwon readily agreed with the rapper. 

“Jooheons shockingly right for once. We barely know Changkyun and now all you guys are acting like you have some right to dictate how he lives his life. Trust me when I say this isn’t how you are going to win him over.”

Shownu shook his head, “He is our maknae and part of this team what he does affects all of us. None of us know how Jessie is and how he may act in the future. What happens if he one day outs Changkyun, . The kid will be ruined and I would have failed my job as a leader.”

The discussion was beginning to heat up and Hoseok felt himself feeling closed in. He needed some fresh air. The final straw came when he heard the deep laugh come from Changkyun, it was so warm and filled with care. He practically ran from the room pushing past Changkyun on his way out the door. He tried not to think about the worried way the maknae shouted his name as he ran past.

He ran out of the building and only stopped when he got to the park across the street. He found his favourite spot, a park bench overlooking the city. How the hell had he found himself in this situation, falling for someone who would never love him back. He had messed up with Changkyun. There was no way he would be able to fix their relationship now. His mind spirled into a pit of self-loathing and pity. He was so engrossed in his own self-hatred that he didn't hear the footsteps approach him until he felt someone sit next to him on the park bench. 

He looked up and was shocked to see a worried Changkyun staring at him. 

"You okay hyung? What happened?"

Hoseok let out a pitiful laugh and took a deep breath. How could he explain to the person that was at the core of his problems what was going on. Not to mention the way Changkyun was looking at his was making his heart do front flips. But Changkyun was smart and incredibly intuitive.

"Is it because of yesterday?"

Hoseok could only nod and he felt himself being pulled into a hug. It was surprising but he melted into the embrace, and let himself cry as Changkyun rubbed lazy circles into his back.

\----------

Changkyun wasn't sure why he had followed Hoseok nor why he was sitting here holding the older boy as he bawled his eyes out. He had been so happy to talk to Jessie letting the other boy's soothing voice wash over him but he had quickly ended the call when Hoseok pushed past. It didn't help that Jessie had being so understanding to why he had to hang-up. Despite his own feelings towards the other boy, Jessie was only trying to be nice. Changkyun wondered how he would react if he found out about their kiss.

A kiss that apparently had Hoseok in tears. He had seen the other boy cry before, his hyung was a emotional person but this was different. Hoseok kept saying he was sorry and Changkyun soothingly told him it would be okay.

Finally Hoseok pushed away and wiped his eyes. He looked away but the look on the older boy's face was heartbreaking.

"I'm sorry Changkyun for messing everything up. But thats what I do I ruin things. Always have." he stiffled a sniffle but Changkyun placed a hand on his knee.

"Don't say that hyung. You don't ruin things"

Hoseok looked at him in disbelief. "I ruined you didn't I? Ruined your time in the group, ruined any semblance of a relationship that we could have had. I'm an asshole who destroys all things good."

To hear some one like Hoseok say things like that was shocking. Seems like he wasn't the only one who hated himself but despite everything that had happened Changkyun felt a strong urge to comfort the older boy. 

"Shin Hoseok, Wonho hyung you listen to me. I know we are not friends but I know you well enough to say you are a good person at heart. You treat our fans like they are the most precious things in the world, your are an amazing, loving son and to the others you are a pillar of support to the group."

Hoseok turned to him and the look in his eye took Changkyun's breath away, "What about you?"

Changkyun couldn't answer, he knew the vindictive part of him had a lot to say but the close proximity to the other boy, the puppy dog eyes and fact that Changkyun's own heart was racing a mile a minute made him lose all rationality.

Instead he leaned forward and softly brushed his lips to Hoseok's. Even from this, it felt like a tiny spark had a lighted. Hoseok was obviously surprised by the kiss but soon kissed back his hand moving to caress the maknae face. For a few seconds the two boy's were lost in each other.

Then in the distance a car honked and the moment was broken. Changkyun pulled away and jumped to his feet. What the hell had he just done. He had just kissed Hoseok again. The lost, hurt look on the other's face wasn't helping and neither was the voice yelling cheater in his head.

"Shit that wasn't meant to happen. I...let's head back before the other get worried about you."

Hoseok stood and reached out for Changkyun but he moved out of reach. He felt tears forming in his own eyes, he was the one who ruined everything not Hoseok. He was being selfish and cruel. He didn't deserve Jessie and he shouldn't be dragging Hoseok down with him.

"Changkyun, please. I don't understand it either but you can't deny it, there is something between us. Let us figure it out please."

As if the heavens were tormenting him, Changkyun's phone beeped with a message. It was from Jessie.

"Is Hoseok okay?"

Changkyun wrote a quick reply ignoring Hoseok who looked close to tears again and the voice inside his head yelling cheater.

"Yeah I found him. Let him cry out his troubles on my shoulder."

"You are truly an amazing person Kyunnie. The world doesn't deserve you."

Changkyun grimaced, if only Jessie knew the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, work has been nightmarishly busy lately and I have barely had time to breath.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changkyun spends time with his hyungs as each of them find ways to befriend him but just when things start to look up for the group Minha appears with an ultimatum that could tear the group apart.

If someone had told Changkyun a month ago that he would be acting friendly towards the other members of Monsta x he would have laughed at them.

His week off had past by in a dreamlike state, the members of Monsta x had each taken some time to get to know him and in turn allowed him to get to know them. After his day out with Jooheon, Minhyuk had decided to take up his attention the next day. With Kihyun tagging along, the three boys had headed to an internet bar to plan some games. Minhyuk had thrown an oscar worthy performance when he found out the others had never heard of the new game called Overwatch. He then spent the rest of the morning coaching them on how to play while the afternoon was spent shopping, a chore Kihyun had needed to accomplish. Changkyun had been happy to accompany him but Minhyuk had whined like an angry child the whole way.

Changkyun found Minhyuk had zero knowledge of personal space and for a person who had barely had any human interaction for a year it was odd and a little frustrating to have Minhyuk hang off him all the time. Yet when the ray of sunshine was busy elsewhere Changkyun felt himself missing his presence and so lavished in it when Minhyuk turned his attention on the youngest.

Kihyun’s way of bonding was an interesting one and Changkyun had to admit the older boy was starting to remind him a little bit too much of his mother but he wasn’t complaining. He found he enjoyed being babied. He also found himself helping Kihyun more with the chores around the dorm and it obviously made the other immensely happy. 

The day after that he was awoken by Hyungwon pulling him out of bed and into a pile of blankets on the floor by the tv for a movie marathon. At first it had been awkward but as the morning wore on, Changkyun found himself falling asleep as Hyungwon had practically wrapped himself around the maknae. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes when he saw the look of jealousy on Hoseok’s face when he came back from the gym and again when he tried to join them only to be shooed away by Hyungwon.

“Be gone hyung, it my bonding time.”

Changkyun found himself liking Hyungwon. The had similar quiet personalities and it was nice to not have to exert so much energy in their hang out time. The only problem was he walked away with a bruise on his shoulder from the slaps he recieved everytime Hyungwon laughed. He hoped that wouldn’t become a thing.

Jooheon was by far the closest to him, the second youngest had even insisted on the two of them wearing matching friendship bracelets. The two youngest found themselves getting scolded more often than not. It wasn’t Changkyun’s fault, okay maybe it was a little but he was having fun. And if Jooheon thought it would be a good idea to hide in the bathroom with a squid on his head in the hopes of scaring the others than so be it. It had been funnier when Changkyun had slipped said squid into Jooheon’s bed that night. His ears were still ringing from the scream of terror.

Shownu had been borderline the most awkward. The leader had taken him out fishing. Apparently it was what the eldest’s dad used to bond with him and his brother. Neither of them were any good and they spent most of the morning in silence interjected every now and then by odd life advice from Shownu, which left Changkyun more confused than inspired.

It had been around the time the leader muttered a solemn “Everyone goes through tough times it is how you handle it that makes you who you are.” That Changkyun noticed the piece of paper hidden in Shownu’s sweaty palms. He began to laugh out loud when he saw it was a list written by Kihyun. It said "How to bond with Changkyun and stop being so weird."

Point one only said “Don’t say any dumb quotes, its uncomfortable and confusing. No one gets them Hyunwoo, no one!!!!”

Shownu looked at him in shock and then upon seeing the maknae could clearly see the paper he went to hide it away.

“No hyung don’t thats oh my god thats awesome. No one has made a list yet.”

Shownu scrunched his face up in the cute way he did when he was happy and Changkyun could see why everyone called him a teddy bear. The rest of their outing was filled with giggling at the list, their fishing rods long forgotten.

But the part that felt like hell was the weird thing between him and Hoseok. When they were around each other it was like neither could think straight. He was playing a dangerous and cruel game. He hated himself for what he was doing, Jessie didn’t deserve this. But each time Hoseok smiled over at him or allowed a stray hand to touch him, all thoughts of Jessie vanished from his mind.

It hadn’t been lying when he said he loved Jessie but whatever this thing was with Hoseok was like a wildfire it was taking over every part of him. Despite everything he felt himself falling for all of his member’s friendship. He could actually see a future with them and a small part of him wanted to quit the show and come back to the group. But there was still the voice inside his head saying this was all fake and once it was over, the others would return to normal.

“Hey Changkyun its my day to spend with you. So mmm do you maybe want to go see a movie maybe grab some lunch.” Hoseok stood in the bedroom doorway, his hand rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. 

Changkyun smirked. He was naturally a little bit of a cocky brat, something the others were starting to learn about him. He licked his lips enjoying the way Hoseok’s eyes went to them, his adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed.

“Like a date?” he asked his voice low. He was getting good as this flirting thing.

Hoseok laughed but it was shaky, “What no… unless that’s what you want because that’s cool.”

A wave of compassion hit him as the older male struggled to find his words. Despite been the overly confident Wonho on stage when it came to the thing between them, the elder have grown shy and uncertain leaving it up to Changkyun to take the lead.

Putting on their masks and caps the two boys left for the theatre. Changkyun had even put his glasses on deciding wearing his contacts would be too obvious.

They chatted like two teenagers on a date, giggling, awkwardly brushing their hands or bodies against one another.

“So I checked the listings there is Captain America or X-men that would be fun to watch,” said Changkyun checking his phone as they had climbed on the bus.

Hoseok pushed his knee against the youngest. “How about we see both. I know how much you love Superhero movies and I do too.”

Changkyun grinned and happily agreed. They stood in line for the popcorn, couples and friends all happily chatting away. A large billboard caught Changkyun’s eye, it was an advertisement for United 100 and staring back at him were his and Jessie’s face. It was like a piece of ice had been stabbed through his heart and his smile instantly faded off his face. He had barely spoken to Jessie that week, using the truthful excuse that he was busy getting wooed by his members. Naturally being the sweet, understanding guy Jessie was he wished his boyfriend luck and had told him to call when he was free.

Changkyun looked down ready to turn to Hosoek and ask to leave. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, he was essentially cheating on Jessie. He had become a person that he had always despised. A part of him tried to justify the matter that since their second kiss a few days previously the hadn’t kissed since and so in reality there were just being friends on a perfectly amiable date.

“I have to say your butt looks really nice in those pants. Like I don’t know if anyone has said this before but damn.”

 

Hoseok knew he shouldn’t having been staring so badly but he couldn’t help it. Since figuring out that he liked the youngest member in a more than platonic way he had been drawn to the youngest slim figure. It was a rare occasion when he wasn’t covered up with eight layers of clothing and you could actually see everything. Today was one of those days and he approved of what he saw.

Changkyun turned to face him and he was shocked to see the pained look on the boys face. He stepped forward and pulled Changkyun close to him. He was about to ask the younger boy what had caused his mood change when the billboard caught his eye. Changkyun looked fierce as hell on it but it was the sexy smirk from Jessie that made Hoseok roll his eyes. 

He had tried his hardest to forget about his competition for the youngest’s heart and now it seemed even here the boy was on the mind of Changkyun. He had to fix that.

“Hey don’t be upset. I know you feel bad about all this. But whatever happens, happens for a reason right?”

He smiled as sweetly as he could hoping his aegyo would work and as Changkyun’s eyes meet his, there seemed to be an unspoken understanding between them that neither fully understood.

They watch the movies, stuffing their faces with popcorn and chocolate. With the lights dimmed Hoseok had slipped his hand into Changkyuns. It was warm and felt comfortable. He wished he could stay there with the youngest forever but as the final fight of the last movie played, he looked over at Changkyun. The maknae’s face was light up in excitement. He was beautiful. He wasn’t the stereotypical korean beautiful but his long face, deep eyes and smirking smile had Hoseok’s stomach doing flips.  
It also helped that the outer beauty was accompanied by a warm heart and a 12D personality. He had had a few girlfriends and boyfriends when he was younger but he never felt this way about them like he did about Changkyun.

As if sensing the others eyes on him Changkyun turned his head to look at Hoseok. His eyebrows crunched in confusion. 

“You okay hyung,” he mouthed.

Hoseok couldn’t help but smile. He was falling for Changkyun and he was falling hard.

They decided to have lunch at a cute little cafe that sold pastries and pies. They found themselves talking about the future. Changkyun wanted to produce his mixtape and maybe get into some acting. Hoseok wanted to take more of a role in producing the group's music and maybe do a few duets.

After that the two took a walk to the nearest park where everyone else in the city seemed to have descended upon. There was a bunch of smaller artist performing and the two boys spent their afternoon in the presence of the thing they both loved- music.

“So are you nervous about the next few rounds of the show,” asked Hoseok as the two made their way back to the dorm walking along a dimly lit walkway through a heavily treed area.

Changkyun thought about it for a second before he shrugged. “I don’t know. Like I’m doing well but I keep waiting for them to through the wrench into the system you know.”

Hoseok went quiet biting his lip. He knew his next question would kill the mood but the uncertainty of not knowing was starting to get to him.

“If you make it to the final nine will you stay?”

Changkyun stopped walking and Hoseok almost kept walking. He knew the question was difficult for youngest but it was something they all needed to know. They were trying their best to show him how much they had changed, how much they all wanted to be his friends.

The maknae ran a hand through his hair and looked at his shoes, that pained look on his face.

“Hyung…it’s not that easy.”

Hoseok’s heart fell to his stomach. Had they failed?

“You guys have all being so amazing but it feels like a dream. I shouldn’t say this, forget about it.”

He went to move away but Hoseok reached out and grabbed his arm with both hands, his voice and eyes pleading.

“Changkyun, please don’t hide away from me. I know there is no evidence to back it up but you can trust me, you can talk to me!”

He squeezed the arm ever so gently. Changkyun looked up his eyes haunted he spoke, his voice small.

“I’m scared that this is a dream and when I wake up things will be back to normal, that you guys won't care anymore. What happens if I decide to stay and in a few months you guys decide I’m not worth it. I went through so much this past year that I find it hard to trust anymore. I’m tired of fighting to fit in, I’ve done it ever since I was a kid. I just want, I don’t know. I just want to be part of Monsta x.”

And with that Hoseok couldn’t help himself as he lurched forward and pressed his lips to Changkyun’s. Pulling the other boy in he felt Changkyun melt into the embrace and he couldn’t help the smile that formed on his own lips. 

 

Naturally things had to come crashing down.

It was the last day of Changkyun’s days off before he was to return to the United studios. He was making his way to Starship Studios with camera in hand. He had been so preoccupied with his group members that he had totally forgotten about his filming task. He would grab some clips from the studio, some of where he worked and then of the farewell dinner that night. It would be perfect.

He was practically grinning from ear to ear as he spoke into the camera, he usually hated doing these things but he was in to good a mood to care. 

"And this is the studio that I work on the songs in. I recently got a new mic and it really makes my voice sound crisp. Once I switch my computer on then I can show you." He grinned like a little kid into the camera, his eyes sparkling. He was happy.

 

However, back at the Monsta x dorm the six remaining members were in chaos. The young women sat across from them, a sinister smile on her bright red lips. Minha.

“Well what it is going to be?”

“You’re insane and we are going to stop you,” hissed out Joohoen from where he was held back by Hyungwon. 

She laughed, “You can’t stop me. I will destroy him one way or another.”

 

She had arrived at the dorm not long after Changkyun had left for the morning. She had insisted she come up for she had a proposal for them. 

Hoseok hated her even more in person, especially after she sent a flirtatious wink in his direction. She pulled a purple usb from her bag and waved it around. Without a word she plugged it into Kihyun’s laptop and a video popped up on screen.

“When my baby #Gun was ousted by that useless waste of space you call a maknae, I decided to destroy him no matter the cost. You guys should really check the gifts fans give you, you never know what could be planted in them- listening devices, cameras.”

She hit play. The screen transformed into the small studio that Jooheon and Changkyun shared. The time mark was six months prior. Suddenly the door swung open and in ran Changkyun. Despite the graininess of the camera, the group could see the blood running down his nose mixing with the tears. He slammed the door shut, hunched over as if in pain.

Hoseok tried to think when Changkyun had gotten such a bad nose bleed and then it hit him.

The youngest was still getting over his ankle injury meaning he couldn’t do all the dances quiet as well as the others. Something that was not his fault but that hadn’t stopped them for turning on him.  
Tensions were running high that week, Hosoek’s past had been leaked, Shownu was facing a lot of slack for being a ‘bad’ leader and a vocal coach seemed to have it in for Kihyun. Changkyun just became the verbal punching bag for all their problems and anger.

The group knew he shouldn’t have even been practicing that day. It was obvious the pain was getting to him and the meds weren’t easy on his body. But none of them cared, they all had their own issues and they blamed the youngest for half of them.

On what felt like the 100th run through of the song Shownu had spun to fast knocking right into Minhyuk. The ball of energy fell backwards his elbow connected with Changkyun’s nose. Immediately blood started falling. His hand shot up to catch the liquid but some had managed to drop to the floor.

Hoseok grimaced at the memory, they should have swarmed around him offering comfort and apologies and instead they had attacked like sharks smelling blood.

The practice had resolved into chaos.

“I am sorry Minhyuk. Look we are all tired okay…” said Shownu. 

“We are only tired because the fucking idiot can’t do anything right.” yelled Minhyuk poking a finger sharply into Changkyun’s ribs ignoring the blood dripping down his face and the whine of pain. 

“Seriously Changkyun are you capable of doing anything right. You are holding us back and I am tired of it. Your disgusting, go clean yourself up.” that had been Hoseok. Angered by the netizens and his past, he took it out on the vulnerable maknae.

They hadn’t cared when he ran out the room, they hadn’t cared how he felt but as the video played on the screen, Minha grinning like a psycho, Hoseok wished he had cared.

Changkyun had started hysterically crying, muttered over and over. “Not good enough. Never good enough.” as he tried to wipe the blood from his face. He was pacing and judging from the way he was muttering hateful things to himself, he wasn't in a good frame of mind. He took the ball cap off his head and flung it against the wall.

“WHY CAN’T I EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.” he yelled. 

Then he fell silent, his movements stopping as he looked towards his bag. The youngest never got dressed with the others, probably for good reason. Instead he prefered to change in the small studio so the others wouldn’t comment of his body, his face etc. 

Tentatively, his hand stretched into the bag and pulled out a bottle. Hoseok couldn’t see the label but he was pretty sure they were the painkillers he had been given for his ankle. 

Unscrewing the cap he seemed to pause for a second and then tipped the bottle into his mouth. He threw the bottle down and before long began to wobble, slowing sinking to the floor out of the way of the camera. 

It wasn’t long after that a knock came at the door, Wookyu’s worried voice asking if he was okay. Without an answer the older male let himself in and panic settled across his face. He ran and dropped to his knees the camera going a little out of focus as it tried to deal with the fast motion.

“Oh my god Changkyun, what have you done? What did you take.”

The sound of retching could be heard as Wookyu put his fingers down the youngster’s throat trying to force up the pills. The manager could be heard on the phone. First to the ambulance and secondly to the group’s second manager telling him to take the others home and to say that Changkyun’d had a bad reaction to his pain pills and would need to go to the hospital.

“Your gonna be okay Changkyun okay, you’re going to be okay.”

 

Minha pressed paused and looked around the room, the group were obviously distraught. Their youngest had tried to commit suicide six months prior and they hadn’t known about it or maybe it was because they hadn’t cared enough to know.

“Aww look at your faces if I didn’t know any better I would have thought you actually gave a shit about the loser.”

“We do care about him.” hissed Kihyun.  
“Now why don’t you tell us what you want.”

Minha took back her usb.

“I know you have this idea to try and win the cheater’s affection over to stop you from disbanding and from what I have seen this last week, it seems to be working.”

The boys shared a look.

“How the hell do you know its working?” asked Hyungwon, his eyes narrowing.

The woman threw her head back and laughed, “I told you I was persistent. That little asshole tried to ruin me so if it meant following him around for a few days then so be it.”

She waltzed over to Shownu adding a little extra swing to her hips.

“Little Changkyun has fallen for all of your charms. He thinks your his friends which is why when he get back today, you will treat him like he is nothing again. I want all of you to act like you did when he first came here. I want you to break him!”

Hoseok pushed past Minhyuk and Kihyun who had been tasked at holding him back and got right into the lunatic’s face.

“You’re insane. We aren’t going to hurt him anymore so the fuck would we listen to you for.”

Inbetween their faces she brought up the usb, “Because if you don’t I send this clip of tragic, broken little Changkyun to every news outlet, fancafe and social media site that I can think of. This industry hates people that aren't perfect, with this kind of evidence, they will crucify him. So it it is up to you how he gets hurt. By his loving hyungs or through a career destroying video.”

Hoseok looked ready to murder her but Minha smiled and sat back on the couch.

“I should also warn you that if you try to cross me or trick me in any way this video goes up. So if you even try to tell Changkyun, I will know!” she looked around the room smirking as she did so.

Hosoek turned to Shownu, gripping his arm. “Hyung we can’t agree to this, we can’t turn on him again. Please hyung.”

But Shownu closed his eyes and frowned, he had already decided and it was like a slap to the face.

“We’ll turn on him, it will be less damaging this way.”  
The woman smiled as she climbed to her feet.

“Once the competition is over I will destroy this usb. Good luck boys.”

As soon as she left the dorm, Hosoek turned on Shownu.

“How the hell could you agree to that?”

Shownu looked defeated but it was Kihyun who came to his rescue despite the pain etched on his own face at the decision.

“He had no other choice hyung. Its that or the video goes out. This we can at least control it. Make it hurt less.”

Minhyuk moved into the circle Jooheon and Hyungwon following behind him. “Wait you mean we are actually going to be mean to him. We not going to tell him.”

Shownu shook his head, “You heard her, she will know if we try anything. She had a fucking video camera in the studio for god’s sake who is to say she hasn’t put some in our dorm. No we do as she says even if it breaks Changkyun at least it saves him from the video and the shit storm it would bring."

But the leader had a plan. While they had been talking with Minha, Shownu had filmed the whole conversation and sent it to Wookyu. There was no way he would let Minha win not when they were so close to being a family. For now thought they would have to play her game.

 

Changkyun was in great spirits he was practically skipping back to the dorms, a set of six iced coffees in a bag while he happily sipped on one. He walked into the building and as he went through the doors a woman wearing a large brimmed hat bumped into him.

“Oops I'm sorry,” he said. She mumbled something and carried on walking. He climbed into the elevator and pushed the number to their floor, a frown etched into his face.

He was pretty sure she had responded with “You will be.”

Keying in the code to the dorm, the first thing he noticed was the silence and then the heavy tension in the air. He walked through seeing Jooheon staring emptily at the muted TV. He seemed lost in thought. Changkyun bounced over to him and pulled out a drink and shook it in his face.

“Ooh look what I got you. Your favourite drink.”

“I don’t want it,” he said his tone forced and distant.

Changkyun smiled thinking the other boys was just being difficult.

“Oh hyung come on, I even added two extra dollops of syrup just the way you like it.”

Jooheon swotted the drink away sending it flying across the room and made Changkyun jump in shock.

“I said I don’t want it dammit.” growled out Jooheon.

Changkyun smile had begun to fall of his face as he stood up.

“Oh okay. I’ll just clean it up. I’m sorry.”

He went over to the split drink and grabbed some tissues from the kleenex box on the side. He wondered what was wrong with Jooheon and vowed to make him feel better once the spill was cleaned up.

“What did you do now?” asked Kihyun coming out the kitchen drying his hands on a towel. Changkyun could see Minhyuk in the doorway trying not to make eye contact with him.

“Ah we just spilled a drink. I got you guys one too. It’s in the bag.” he said, his voice faltering as he saw the look from Kihyun. It wasn’t soft or kind one he had seen that past week, it was an all too familiar a look from before- anger.

“Just clean up your mess we don’t want anything from you. Why do you always have to be so clumsy?” said Minhyuk. His voice cold.

Changkyun’s heart was beating faster as he looked around the room at the three members. 

Footsteps came from the hallway and there stood Shownu, Hyungwon and Hoseok. He tried to catch the latter’s eyes but he was staring intently at the floor.

“What… what’s going on?” he knew his voice sounded weak but this wasn’t right. Something was wrong. The way they were looking at him, the sneers on their faces. These weren’t the members he had slowly become to care for and trust, no these were the assholes from before.

Oh god he thought to himself. It’s happening, his nightmare, they had gotten what they wanted and now they were dropping the act. He had fallen for it. His barely healed heart was ripping apart again.

He looked at Shownu who looked away at the eye contact and then over to Kihyun.

“Hyung please what’s going on?”

Instead the singer throw the dish cloth at him hitting him in the face.

“Clean that mess up and then go pack your shit, you leave in the morning.”

“Thankfully.” said Hyungwon.

And Changkyun whole world came crashing down.

 

He had cleaned the mess up, the rest of the drinks long forgotten on the table. He walked to his bedroom carefully bypassing the kitchen where the others were quietly having Dinner. He closed the door and as he did so the sob he had held in the entire time broke through.

He slid down the back of the door, the scene all to familiar to him and he cried. He was stupid, he had fallen for the others’ act, they had lied to him, told him they were sincere and he had fallen for it, hook, line and sinker.

He suddenly felt dirty like he was covered in oil. They had all played some massive prank pretending to be his friend to get him to stay and then there was Hoseok. 

He suddenly felt sick and pulling the waste paper basket close to him threw up his lunch.

Hoseok had kissed him, pretended to have feelings for him for what? None of it made sense but he wasn't thinking rationally anymore, his worst nightmare had just came true. He packed his bags through the tears, his hands shaking at he put his garments away. He was stupid to have trusted them and he deserved the heartache. He went to the back of the closet and grabbed his other bag. He would never be coming back here.

He packed everything except for the stupid friendship bracelet from Jooheon that he ripped off his arm. The beads scattering across the floor.

He'd called a taxi to pick him up. It was no use calling Wookyu, he was Monsta x’s manager and the others had made it obvious that Changkyun didn’t belong there, he never had.

Pulling his bags to the entrance he contemplated saying goodbye but decided not to. No use saying goodbye to strangers. And with that he left Monsta x and his happiness behind.

 

They heard the apartment door close and it was like the tension in the air finally snapped. Jooheon got to his feet and tossed his stool across the room.

“Are we seriously going to sit here and do nothing.” he yelled out in anger.

“We didn’t have a choice. Just trust me, things will right itself.” said Shownu. The leader looked like he had aged 10 years in the last few hours. 

Kihyun sat away from the group biting at his thumb. He hated what he’d had to do, hated the way the maknae had looked up at him, the way he say the last glimmer of hope die in the youngest’s eyes.

Minhyuk was crying into Hyungwon’s shoulder, the taller male eyes distant and sad. 

Hoseok was absent from the table. He had refused to come out of his room once they had turned on Changkyun, the older boy couldn't get the other’s voice out his head. The small, desperate tone as he tried to figure out what was happening. 

He refused to cry though, he had no right too. He wouldn’t cry until he found a way to protect the youngest and apologise. He just hoped that Shownu’s plan worked otherwise they would all be doomed and Changkyun would be lost to them forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter sucks. I haven't had much motivation for these next few chapters lately but it is getting closer to the end. Will try to update more often!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The members of Monsta x are falling apart. Can they stop Minha's dastardly plan and get back their maknae or will they fail.

Shownu fiddled with the string on his hoodie, his eyes roaming the faces of the people passing by, anyone on of them could be Minha. Wookyu was late and the group’s leader was starting to feel anxious. It seemed to be a feeling that was becoming all too familiar to the young singer.

Someone touched his shoulder and he spun around, raising his hands in defense. Wookyu held up his hands in apology as he tried to catch his breath. The dark circles under his eyes and the worried wrinkles match that on Shownu’s own face. It had only been three days since Minha had waltzed into their dorm, waving the usb with Changkyun’s suicide attempt on and gave her ultimatum. Three days since they had been forced to turn on the makane, forced to watch his heart break in front of them and all their hard work go down the drain. Three days since the group had broken when Changkyun had closed the door on them.

“Sorry I’m late things are not going as well as we had hoped.”

The two men were meeting away from anywhere that could be associated with Monsta x. They still had no idea how far Minha’s reach went. The group and a few of Starship’s employees had done a sweep of their dorm, studio and practice rooms. They had found six cameras in total including the offending one in the rappers’ studio. Jooheon had smashed it to pieces in anger, something he had been doing a lot lately. Shownu didn’t want to think about that though. He would fix the rest of the members once he fixed this mess.

“Our lawyers have been pouring through ways we can stop her but we are not finding anything. Technically she hasn’t done anything illegal.”

“What. She is trying to blackmail us with a tape she filmed against our knowledge.”

Wookyu frowned, “The cameras all were installed in gifts, we should have been more careful when receiving said gifts. She could easily say that because you guys accepted the gifts you were agreeing to be filmed. As for blackmail, well she isn’t asking for money in exchange therefore it doesn’t count as blackmail and we can’t get her on that either..”

A black cloud seemed to hang over the two men as they let the information sink in, “Then what do we do hyung. Changkyun hates us and is definitely now going to leave the group. We have no guarantee Minha won’t use the usb even with us having done what she said. She has some messed up vendetta against him and will destroy him through any means necessary. The group is falling to pieces. Jooheon is self-destructing, Minhyuk hasn’t stopped crying and Hoseok is closing in on alcohol poisoning. I can’t do this hyung, I just can’t.”

Wookyu stepped forward and enveloped Shownu into a hug. “Don’t give up okay. We are going to do everything in our power to stop this and get Changkyun back. Just for now we keep playing her game and we will keep looking into how we can stop her. Even if it means we have to play dirty too.”

Shownu nodded and Wookyu turned to leave but Shownu needed to lay one last thing to bed.

“Hyung why did you keep Changkyun’s attempt from us. Why didn’t you tell us?”

Wookyu’s left eye twinged, a tic they knew meant he was frustrated.

“I didn’t tell you because he begged me not to and I agreed because I didn’t think any of you deserved to know. The kid was in a vulnerable state of mind and I was worried what would happen if any of you found out. You are all great guys but you were a bunch of assholes.”

He knew it was true but it didn’t hurt any less. His youngest member had been hurting for so long and they had failed him, Shownu had failed him but he wouldn’t this time.

 

Jessie watched Changkyun go over the team’s track with the music producer. The teams were been paired up to create original songs with some of the industries biggest names. The rapper pointed out a part in the song that could be changed to suit the feel they were going for. 

Usually he would be happy to watch Changkyun work away on their music set, watch the way his face lit up when he figured out a way to make things fit together but this wasn’t his Changkyun.

Since coming back from their week off the younger boy had been distant, quick to anger and quiet. They hadn’t spoken about what had happen to change things. When he had last spoken to the other things seemed to have been going great, the rest of Monsta x actually trying to make him feel like the special guy he was.

He felt the couch dip beside him as someone sat down, it was Yoshin.

“What’s up with Changkyun hyung. He snapped at me at vocal warm up this morning he I sounded too much like the bastard Kihyun.”

Jessie grimaced, so his boyfriend’s mood was because of his old group, he should have known.

“Don’t worry about it Yoshin. He just needs to be reminded that we are his true friends. I knew those assholes from his group were up to no good.”

Jessie wished he had been wrong but he had never trusted them. Not after hearing how they treated Changkyun before. Now all the progress he had been making to becoming a confident, happy person were shot. It made Jessie’s blood boil but he wasn’t going to let that group destroy Changkyun. Not on his watch.

 

Kihyun was stress cleaning, he knew that but what else was he supposed to do. He hadn’t been able to sleep, for every time he closed his eyes he saw Changkyun’s face, the smile faltering, fear churning in his eyes. And he was scrubbing this plate harder than he had before.

It wasn’t fair. None of this was. Having Changkyun becoming so close to them had changed something in him. He had found himself wanting to protect the little weirdo. He knew he wasn’t one to be cuddly or overly touchy like the others but he had found himself wanting to hug the maknae on a constant basis, as the boy’s small figure offered a comfort he hadn’t known he needed. He had found a little brother in Changkyun and it had all been ripped away with the cruel words he had been forced to say. 

He slammed the dish into the sink and steadied himself on the side. He closed his eyes to try calm himself and there was Changkyun hunched over the spilt drink, his smile slipping away.

Kihyun rubbed the palm of his hand into his eye trying to get rid of the image only to be replaced with the resigned face of the maknae from the video, grabbing onto the pills downing them in a hope to end his life and the torment he felt.

It was their fault, all of this wouldn’t have happened if they had just gotten over their hatred. If Kihyun had just held his hand out sooner, shoved aside his anger and grabbed on to Changkyun then none of this would have happened. Changkyun wouldn’t have felt the need to down his pills and if he had, for whatever other reason, then his members would have been there for him.

 

Hyungwon cracked open the door to the bedroom. He didn’t even look in Minhyuk’s own bed for him rather he looked above to where Changkyun would have slept. When the youngest had left he had taken almost everything, his blanket, pillows and favourite plushie but Minhyuk still insisted he could smell the youngest in the sheets. It broke Hyungwon’s heart.

He had been the last to come to care for Changkyun but once he had let go of the hate he had felt a sort of solidarity with the youngest. Both were awkward introverts with old souls. The day he had spent with the youngest felt like a lifetime ago but something had clicked in him. Changkyun completed their little family.

He had always felt like something was missing from the group, he had originally thought it was Seokwan or Gunhee. His mom had insisted it was Changkyun, that if they let him in then they would understand but he had laughed at her suggestion. She had been right of course as his mother always was. In the short time Changkyun had allowed his real personality to shine through, he had weaved himself into all their hearts. He had become the glue the group needed to fit together, his was the missing piece finally put into the jigsaw only to ripped out cruelly and the group was incomplete once more.

He moved towards Minhyuk, the usual ball of energy had barely moved from the bed unless it was at the behest of the others. 

“Hey hyung it’s time to get up for a bit. I ordered some pizza for dinner.”

“I’m not hungry.” came the small voice. Hyungwon pulled the blanket down a little from Minhyuk’s face.

“Please hyung you need to eat.” he pleaded but Minhyuk shook his head burying himself deeper into the blankets. The group was falling apart and it was all because of Minha. If he ever saw that evil woman again…

“I know I don’t deserve to be sad but I can’t help it.” Minhyuk whispered beneath the covers so quietly Hyungwon barely heard. The taller boy climbed into the bunk and allowed the other to rest his head on his chest. 

“I just can’t stop thinking about what Changkyun went through, alone for an entire year. I was such a jerk, the things I said to him, the things I did to him and he never said anything. He suffered all of it alone for a year without any friends to get it through it, ” he cut off unable to say anymore. 

“My best friend commited suicide when we were 15.” whispered Hyungwon.

Minhyuk raised his head from the other boy’s chest a look of sadness and shock playing across his features. It wasn’t a story he had told before partly because he always blamed himself for not seeing the signs, not trying to save his friend before it was too late.

“He had always been the complete opposite to me but we were like two sides to one coin. He was loud, popular, he had the whole world at his feet but he was suffering and I didn’t notice. No matter how hard he tried nothing he ever did was good enough for his parents. He was head of our class four years in a row, but he was one percent behind the top kid in the city so they called him dumb. He played several different instruments, spoke two languages and was on the waiting list for one of the countries best universities but they still wanted more.”

Minhyuk gripped his hand and he only then realised he was crying. 

“He had started acting out, purposely failing tests, skipping basketball practice. He even started fighting with me. I was so mad at him for throwing everything away but he kept saying I didn’t understand. Then one day he didn’t come to school. I didn’t think anything about it until our teacher sat us down and told us he had passed away the night before.”

He remember the way he had felt when he heard the information, like he had short-circuited. His best friend gone forever. 

“It was only a day later I found he had jumped off the roof of his apartment building. He left a note saying he couldn’t take being useless anymore and he wanted it all to end. He said that he had been crying out for help and no one had listened. I vowed from that day that I would never let something like this happen again and I failed.”

The room was silent as both allowed the heavy subject matter to still. He felt remarkably lighter for having finally told someone about it. The guilt of never being able to help his friend had weighed heavily on his conscience since he was 15.

“I can’t fail Changkyun again.” he whispered.

“Neither will I,” whispered back Minhyuk.

 

“Cheers.” yelped Hoseok as he clinked his new open bottle to Jooheons and both boys downed their drinks. He had been on a drunken bender since Changkyun had left, his mind was a blur and he was happy that way. Jooheon had joined him sometime earlier that day, the alcohol helping to calm down his violent outbursts from the day before. If Hoseok wasn’t drowning in alcohol he would have been worried about how the rapper was handling the precarious situation they had found themselves in.

He had listened as Jooheon spoke about how Changkyun was his best friend, his friendship soulmate. He completely understood what the younger meant when he said Changkyun had been the person he had been missing his whole life, the part he needed to complete himself. He poured himself another shot not caring when half of it sloshed onto the floor.

“What do you think Changkyun is doing right now. Do you think he is okay? Do you think he is warm enough, oh no what if he isn’t sleeping well?” slurred out Jooheon a pout on his lips.

With a tsk Hoseok poured himself another shot of soju and tipped it back.

“I bet you he is getting comforted by that loser Jessie. I bet that asshole is loving this.”

Jooheon yanked the soju bottle from his hand and Hoseok fell forward a little at the force of it. 

Jooeheon’s anger had returned, “Are you fucking serious hyung? Is that all you care about, fucking Jessie? Changkyun thinks we hate him, we have some crazy bitch blackmailing us and our group is falling apart yet all you can think about who can stick their dick in him.”

The rapper stood, bottles scattering to the floor. He pointed angrily, “Changkyun is the one who keeps getting hurt over and over because of us. He should have us trying to help him not making things worse. I don’t care if I have only been friends with him for a week, he’s special. I would do anything to make things better for him. What are you doing? Drowning in alcohol because you can’t think about someone other than yourself. You don’t deserve him and you know what I hope Jessie makes him happy, because he deserves happiness.”

He turned and left the room slamming the door behind him just in time for the bottle Hoseok threw to smash into pieces against the wood. Screw Jooheon he didn’t know what he was talking about. 

Falling back onto his bed Hoseok closed his eyes, the world swaying even behind closed eyelids.

Deep down he knew Jooheon was right but it didn’t make it any easier hearing it. He had always been the emotional one in the group, it wasn’t a weakness it was just something that sometimes caused problems. He was focused on Jessie because he didn’t want to focus on Changkyun. For every time he thought of the youngest pain wracked through his body. He should have fought harder for him but he hadn’t.

He couldn’t even call or text the other boy as Shownu had taken away all his devices, nervous he would break their communication ban and have Minha send out the video.

That was another thing he was purposely no thinking about. He didn’t want to think about how many times the youngest had contemplated taking his own life in the past year, surrounded by hatred and loneliness. How many times Changkyun had stayed late at the studio just to avoid coming home. Hoseok wondered if he even considered the dorm to be home or just the place where his tormentors lived. 

He must have passed out because when he opened his eyes, Kihyun was worryingly turning him onto his side. He brought a washcloth to the older singer’s head and make a noise of comfort in his throat.

“Oh hyung what are doing to yourself? We need you to be strong for us, for Changkyun.”

Hoseok reached out his free arm but Kihyun kept splitting into three images.

“Kihyunnie, you look so sad. You should have a drink with me.”

He tried to sit but Kihyun hands gently pushed him down again. He shook his head as he placed a bucket next to the bed and a large bottle of water.

“You need to sober up hyung, please!” he said in a small voice.

But Hoseok’s eyes were closing again and man was he tired and why couldn’t he feel his lips right now. Ha that was weird.

When he woke again it was as bile rose up his throat, retching into the bucket as the alcohol he had consumed came up with fiery vengeance. His head was spinning and his stomach was leading a revolt, yeah this would be fun. He lay back down wiping a hand across his mouth, it was dark and he could hear murmured voices outside the door. Hyungwon and Shownu’s beds were stripped and he realized with a jolt of sadness that his behaviour had probably exiled them from their own room.

It took him a lot longer to get up then it should have, despite his nap he was still very drunk. Sipping on the water he cringed at the foul taste in his mouth. The door opened bringing in far to much light for Hoseok. Kihyun apologized and quickly closed it behind him. He knelt in front of Hoseok and handed him a cool pack. The older boy hadn’t even being aware that he was sweating bullets until now. The main singer gagged a little at the sight of the vomit but quickly composed himself.

“I’m just going to clean up this mess and then I think it be best if you have a shower, you are actually starting to smell like death.”

He grabbed the oher’s hand and Hoseok felt the piece of paper transfer to his own. News about their plan finally. Kihyun left, leaving the door open a fraction to allow in some light and Hoseok lay back down holding the piece of paper up.

“Legal route is looking problematic may have to resort to tougher tactic soon. Changkyun is trying to break his contract.”

He sighed, it was not the good news he had been hoping for. He knew everyone in the company was working on trying to find a solution but he known from the beginning they would have to play a tough game back if they wanted to stop Minha. But how was the question he could not answer. If Changkyun was trying to break his contract then they had even less time than they had hoped.

 

“Seriously Yoshin, it’s one, two, three spin. How are unable to comprehend such a simple dance move? Are you seriously that dumb?”

Changkyun knew he was being an ass but he couldn’t find it in himself to care anymore. 

“Start from the beginning and five, six, seven, eight.”

He didn’t look at the reflection of the others in the mirror knowing he would find matching hurt faces. Since returning from his week off he had become a beast, he had barely spoken to Jessie and kept snapping at the younger trainees. But he couldn’t help it, inside he was falling apart and the anger was the only thing keeping him a float. 

He had been stupid and he was paying the price. Monsta x had played him, pretending to be his friend in order to get what they wanted. It had been an elaborate long con and they had won.

He wasn’t stupid to see their behaviour towards him had changed right after he had agreed to stay in Monsta x. He was most angry at himself for falling for Hoseok, allowing his intoxicating words to blind him from the group’s true cause.

But he would still have the last laugh, the day he had returned to the United Studios he had began the long, legal battle to nullify his contract with Starship Entertainment. However, the company had kept stalling and it was starting to piss him off. That morning he had even tried to make the condition that upon his departure the company would get all of what he had made in the past year. He wanted nothing to do with his old group.

The music stopped and the practice came to a halt. Changkyun spun around to find Jessie at the laptop his back to the group.

“Everyone take a much needed break. I need to have a talk with Changkyun.”

The rest of the boys scattered more than happy to be out of the rapper’s presence. Jessie turned and it was evident he was hurting just as much as Changkyun was.

“I don’t know what happened last week to make you act like this and I am sure that whatever happened deserves your anger. But this group, Yoshin, me, we don’t deserve it.”

Changkyun gritted his teeth and turned away from Jessie. He didn’t want to talk, he wanted to practice, he wanted to make top 9, debut with the group and forget the past year had ever happened.

“Don’t turn away from me! I tried to give you space but you are acting like the very guys you hate. We are all still learning this dance, Yoshin didn’t deserve you yelling at him like that.”

Changkyun knew Jessie was speaking the truth but his emotions were running away with him. He lurched towards Jessie, anger prevalent in his eyes but the singer held his ground.

“We have practicing this dance all day, he is our main dancer if he can’t get a simple move he isn’t going to make it in the business.”

Jessie poked him in the chest, his own angry tone matching Changkyun’s.

“We are not the ones you are angry with, Monsta x is. Stop taking your rage out on us! I am not going to allow you to treat those trainees in the same manner your group did because it isn’t right nor fair.”

Changkyun was breaking, “What about me? Where were you when I needed protecting from them. Why did I have to suffer through a year of their snide comments and cruel words. What did I do to deserve their hate? Please tell me because I’m tired. Tired of fighting for their love. I tried to be good, tried to be all the things they wanted me to be but I was never enough for them.”

That was the truth, he could feel tears running down his face mirrored by the ones running down Jessie’s. But he didn’t deserve the kind singer’s tears not after he had so easily given into Hoseok’s fake love.

“You are a good, beautiful, talented person who never deserved their hatred. People are just cruel sometimes because it is easier than looking to their own faults. I will never let them hurt you again and even if it takes me years to help you see what you are worth it then so be it.”

He stepped closer as if approaching a wild animal, his hands up in a calming manner but Changkyun moved away. He knew Jessie was trying to help but he couldn’t bring the other boy down with him. The voice inside his head was screaming that he had finally got it, finally understood he wasn’t good enough, never would be. He deserved to be alone and Jessie was something pure that he was only going to spoil.

“Kyunnie please don’t push me away. Let me help you.”

But Changkyun shook his head and looked away from Jessie so that he wouldn’t have to see the heartbreak on his face.

“Just leave me alone Jessie. I don’t need your help.”

“Changkyun please…”

“I said leave me alone. I don’t need your fucking help.”

Jessie blinked back tears and nodded in defeat. Pulling open the door he threw one last thing over his shoulder.

“I don’t care what you say. I’m not giving up on you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter but I wanted to get something out for you guys. This took a darker turn than was planned but yeah. Leave Kudos and Comments, they make me write faster and better!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changkyun begins to fall into a downward spiral while the boys of Monsta x make an ally.

“We are not breaking into her house Jooheon, end of story!” yelled Shownu bringing his fist down onto the kitchen table. No one flinched, these outburst were becoming all to familiar. It didn’t help that they were all exhausted mentally and physically as they tried to come up with some way of fixing the mess they were in. 

“What else do you expect us to do hyung? You heard Wookyu earlier, the lawyers can’t help and the company is ready to break his contact. They couldn’t even hold on for a week before they broke. Stealing that usb is the only way we will will, that or kidnap her.”

Minhyuk and Kihyun nodded their heads in agreement with Jooheon. Shownu would get no help from them. He was at his wits end and was starting to question his ability as the group's leader.

“Maybe we should just let him go. Let him be with a group that love him from day one.”

The group turned to the speaker, Hoseok had barely said a word since coming out of his drunken stupor so it was a shock when he began to talk. His voice was small and resigned.

Jooheon jumped to his feet ready to argue when the doorbell rang. The group froze, the last time the bell rang it had been Minha, bringing about her evil ways and the group's destruction.  
Shownu made eye contact with Kihyun as the singer got to his feet, straightening out his shirt. He slowly walked to the door stopping with his hand halfway to the handle. 

What if it was Minha come to cause more chaos although what more could the woman do. The bell rang again this time for longer as the person of the other side grew impatient.

He pulled open the door and took a step back in surprise.

“Jessie?”

The visitor stepped into dorm without an invite. He crowded Kihyun’s space easily towering above the cowering main singer.

“I am trying so hard not to pommel my fists into you ugly mug but I won’t because I need you and the rest of these fuckers to fix whatever it was you did to Changkyun.”

Shownu cautiously approached Jessie, his hands up in a small gesture of surrender. As he got closer he noticed how awful the boy looked. His hair was sticking up at odd angles, his eyes were bloodshot with huge bags underneath them and his makeup, put on haphazardly, wasn't enough to hide the pimples that peppered his skin.

“Jessie calm down. Listen there is some things you need to know about the situation and if you care for Changkyun then you may be the only person who can help us."

Jessie didn't budge instead he seemed to loom over Kihyun more earning a squeak from the other boy.

"Jessie please this is important. Changkyun needs your help."

The other boy glared once more at Kihyun then backed up. Despite how tired he looked he held his head high.

“Okay fine let’s talk.”

Shownu lead the other to the kitchen where the remaining members were seated around the table. They all looked rather shocked to see him there'd even more so but the anger on his face. Hoseok on the other hand refused to make eye contact with him and that was fine with both of them. Kihyun came in behind sneaking past so as not to catch the fiery boys wrath again.

Shownu offered him the free seat around the table not thinking about the fact that it was Changkyuns.

“How is he?” asked Shownu. It was the thing that had been on all of their minds.

"Why should I tell you?" he spat back.

They deserved that especially from someone who didn't know the whole story.

Jessie looked away shaking his head. He seemed resigned and as he spoke they could understand why, “He’s not doing well. He's been a total asshole since he got back. He keeps yelling at everyone, he almost got into a fight with one of the camera men today and an then he refuses to even acknowledge me or our relationship. When he isn’t acting like a complete dick he is pushing himself back the point of exhaustion in the practice room. He hasn’t eaten since he got back, that fives days without eating. The only time he gets any rest is when he literally passes out. I’m worried that he might….”

“Worried he might what? Please Jessie if he is likely to hurt himself again we need to know. I don’t know if you know but Changkyun has suicidal tendancies and right now he isn’t in a good place.” pleaded Shownu.

Jessie looked conflicted. “It’s funny you guys actually sound like you care!”

As if awaken from a slumber, Hoseok turned on Jessie and through gritted teeth hissed that they did care. Before another fight could ensure Shownu cut in deciding to explain the situation.

“We are being blackmailed by that judge Minha she has video of Changkyun from a few months back when he tried to… when he tried to kill himself a while back. She told us either we turn on him again or she would release the video. That footage would ruin his life and his career for good, you know how people are around here about depression.”

Hyungwon interjected to make sure Jessie understood they never meant anymore harm to come to their maknae at least not this time around. “We really did want to fix things with him. We let a stupid show ruin what should have been a beautiful relationship and we twisted it into something cruel. I know this sounds dumb but we care about him and we want him to be happy with us, in Monsta x.”

The atmosphere was heavy as Jessie digested the information putting together the pieces. The emotion consumed him as he buried his head in hands and began to cry. It was Jooheon who reached out to put a comforting hand on his back. Jessie looked up sniffing back the anguish.

“I figured there was something wrong. I saw the anti-depressants he was taking and heard the way he described the way his felt in the past year. He kept talking about being tired and not being good enough. Yesterday I went to the practice room to bring him to bed and he was sitting there just staring at his reflection. His face was empty as if there was no longer anyone there inside.”

Jessie shook his head, “Changkyun is one of the brightest people I have ever met. I won’t let some crazy woman hopped up on revenge. So if that means teaming up with you assholes then so be it. How do we do we bring down this bitch?”

Shownu smiled despite the name calling now they just needed a plan.

 

Changkyun let the music push him, he was so tired that he could no longer feel the pain in his bones, the emptiness in his stomach but the voice in his head would not shut up.

“Your still not good enough Changkyun.” it practically screaming in his head.  
“Look at you sweating like a pig, disgusting. You dance like a robot and rap like a wannabe. Now wonder the others hate you.”

“Worthless”

“Useless”

“You would be better off dead!”

He fell to the floor as his legs gave out on his. His whole body was shaking and he could feel the dark edges of a blackout creeping around his vision. Good. that way he would be able to sleep and the only time the voice would shut up.

He pulled himself over the the mirror his back resting against the cool glass. His breath was ragged from the overexertion and he could hear the blood pumping through his ears, drowning in their new track.

In two days he would have to perform it for the competition and all his flaws, his failures would be on show.

“You would be better off dead,” whispered the voice seductively. His eyes wandered to his bag. His antidepressants were in there, the miracle that was supposed to fix his fuck up mind. He laughed bitterly at the thought. Sure wasn't helping him now.

He felt more broken and alone than ever before and he deserved it. He had pushed away Jessie, the one person that actually cared for him because Changkyun had been stupid enough to fall for Hoseok’s cruel tricks. His mind kept replaying the last time the muscular singer had kissed him, the way his eyes had seemed so sincere and ecstatic that the younger felt the same way about him. The guy was definitely a good actor and Changkyun hated him even more for it. 

He shook his head to try get rid of Hoseok’s face only for it to make the darkness around his vision expand. He allowed his eyes to close, hoping unconsciousness would take him soon.

The sound of the door opening registered in his tired brain but he couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes, he figured it would be Jessie. The kind soul coming to take him to bed.

“Hello Changkyun!”

The high-pitched voice cut through the fog like a razor and his eyes flew open. Standing across from him, her lips jutted out in fake worry was Oh Minha.

“How the hell did you get in here?”

She raised a eyebrow, her pout growing, “ Those morons forgot to take my security pass when they so horribly dragged me out of here. Which i suppose is a good thing it allows me to come see you.”

Using the mirror for balance he struggled to stand up, breathing heavily as the exertion it used.

“Why are you here?”

She cocked her head to the side allowing her hand to come up to her face in what he guessed was meant to look innocent. He knew better.

Without a word she walked over to the laptop that had thankfully stopped playing the new song. She fiddled around with it but he couldn’t see what she was doing, in the dark without his glasses he was practically blind. 

Using whatever energy he had left he stumbled towards her and the laptop. It looked like she had pulled up a video on the screen and as he got closer she hit play.

He scrunched his face in confusion as he recognised his and Jooheon’s studio. It was static and silent. Then the image of himself running into the room, nose bloodied and eyes wide with fear. Hie eyes drifted to the date of the video.

He instantly knew what was going on and he whole body went cold. 

He lunged forward and hit the pause button. He didn’t need to reminded of his failed attempt. His heart was threatening to beat out of his chest and onto the floor. 

“How did you get this?”

She pulled a puppy dog face and sighed sadly.

“Jooheon gave it to me. Apparently he put cameras in the studio to try catch you messing up or stealing his things. He thought I could use this to blackmail you,” she said stepping forward and bringing a hand to his face, caressing his cheek as he tried to move away.

There was no way what she was saying was true but the voice in his head whispered that made sense. One more nail in his coffin. Tears sprung into his eyes at the thought that Jooheon, someone he thought could have been his best friend, would use one of the lowest moments of his life as blackmail.

“I had planned on destroying you for the way my life has being but this is too cruel,” she cocked her head and stroked his hair.

“They called me after you let. They wanted to make sure you didn’t make it to Unit 9 and instead faded into nothingness. They are scared of how great you can be. They were so cruel, the things they said about you…”

He knew he wasn’t in his right mind but his body was running on adrenaline, his mind was clouded and broken and he couldn’t help but be drawn into her words.

“What...what did they say about me?”

“Oh sweet Changkyun you don’t want to know. It was so horrible the things they said, ugh it makes me sick just thinking about it. Hearing them talk that way about you well I realised how much you must be suffering. I made me realise how much I want to help you.”

“Why would you want to help me, you were the one who started the rumours about me in the first place. If it hadn't been for you I wouldn't be in this position.. Why the hell should I trust anything you say.” he tried to make his voice sound confident and strong but it came out as desperate as he really felt. 

He knew he was shaking and it was becoming a struggle to hold himself up. It didn’t help that Minha was crowding how space a kind yet condescending smile plastered on her face.

“Changkyun, you and I are alike. We have been kicked and beaten by this world. I turned against you because I decided you were the cause of my problems not the fact that Gunhee never really loved me and was just using me.”

She sniffed dramatically but Changkyun was too tired to notice how fake it was.

“I used you as scapegoat when I should have helped you instead. Think about Changkyun, you and I will make a great team. I know the ins and out of the celebrity life, I can make you a star, help your talent shine through, protect you from people like Monsta x. You already have a fast growing fan base and your name is becoming a household name. I can make you an international superstar.”

She moved closer to them so that her spearmint breath ghosted across his face.

“Make it to Unit 9, leave Monsta x and I will be your manager. We split your wages and live the good life. We will show all those who said you could never make it, that said you were never good enough THAT you are good enough!”

Changkyun looked up upon hearing her last sentence.

“You think I’m good enough?”

She fluttered her eyes in his direction, “Yes of course I do.”

At those words, his legs finally gave way and he fell to the floor but Minha’s arms wrapped around him.

“Oh my poor baby you are working so hard.”

His eyes closed as unconsciousness took him Minha pulling his head into her chest.

“Sleep now my Changkyun, I’ll take care of you.”

His eyes had already closed as her features morphed, the smile turning into a smirk. She would take care of him alright and get paid to do so.

 

Jessie clicked his phone into sleep mode. He had just gotten off the phone with Shownu and he was already running late for practice. He had barely slept the night before but he felt more hope than before. Knowing that Changkyun’s group were shunning him to try protect him from a huge scandal had put some of his worries to rest. But the big glaring problem remained, how to protect Changkyun and destroy Minha.

While the others worked on trying to obtain the video and destroy Minha for good he was tasked with explaining to Changkyun what was going on. Try to get the rapper to understand why his group did what they did.

Convincing him would be easier said than done. He hurried into the practice room expecting to see the solemn faces of his teammates as they tried to stay out of Changkyun’s wrath. Instead he found them standing in a circle their attentions all turned with bewildered expressions to Changkyun.

The boy turned to him and Jessie inhaled at the sight. The rapper still looked terrible but there was a small smile on his face.

“Ah Jessie I’m glad you came. I was just apologizing to everyone for what an ass I have been this week.”

Jessie walked in slowly as if the situation were a bomb waiting to go off. He joined the circle standing on Changkyun’s right side. He moved his head to the rapper’s ear.

“Listen I really need to talk to you. It’s important.”

Changkyun turned to him flashing a huge grin in his direction, Jessie could see it was forced, could see the dead look still prevalent in his eyes.

“Later hyung, I was just about to explain why I was being such an ass.”

He turned back to the circle and clapped his hands. “Now I know I owe you all an explanation and so here it is. Some of you may have heard the rumours that my former group Monsta x bullied me. Well those rumours are true. The past year they have called me names, ripped up my favourite plushy, hurt me, pushed me around and then they apologized. With the fear of disbandment with me joining this show, those sadists decided to pretend to be my friend, one of them ever tried to act like he wanted to fuck me.”

Jessie frowned at that but pushed that down with the growing panic in his stomach, the other trainees were sharing looks. Yoshin caught his eye questioning what was going on.

“And then once they had created this false sense of friendship and family, they went and broke my heart. They turned on me just like before. So I have been going through some stuff this week but that’s over because…”

He took a step forward, his grin truing to a steely, determined gaze.

“I will make it to Unit 9 and watch as Monsta x burns to ashes in my wake. I plan on making Unit 9 into a world renowned sensation and 8 of you will come with me. Now who is in?”

His speech had riled up the others and they were all chanting Unit 9, all except Jessie.

He pulled on Changkyun’s sleeve.  
“Kyunnie we really need to talk, this is important please.”

After a short time Changkyun nodded and allowed the older boy to lead him into the hallway. The younger following behind at a distance.

Jessie stopped and looked around to make sure no one could overhear them or rather so Minha couldn’t.

“Listen Changkyun there is something I need to tell you about your group and why they turned on you.”

Changkyun just shrugged, he looked so small. His cheeks had hollowed out, his eyes were droopy and sad.

“This situation is beyond fucked. You remember that crazy judge Minha?"

A small nod.

"Well she is blackmailing them. She has a video, it’s… god it shows you swallowing pills Changkyun. She has a video of you trying to kill yourself.”  
He knew he getting worked up but the idea of Changkyun, his wonderful, kind Changkyun hurting himself was like a knife to his heart.

“She wants to destroy you but she gave them the option, either they turn on you or she releases the video. Why aren’t you more worried about this?”

He had noticed at the confession that Changkyun’s expression had barely changed. Almost like he knew. 

“They really are fucking deluded.”

Jessie was taken aback, “What?”

Changkyun bared his teeth.

“What is their plan hey? Turn on me and then go whoops just kidding now we have the only person you care about on our side. They seriously want to take everything from me. They just can’t be content with taking my happiness, an entire year of my life but now they have to take you away from me too.”

Jessie shook his head and reached out for Changkyun but the boy was out of reach.

“Changkyun no, that’s not it. Listen I’m telling the truth. I went over there last night ready to beat the crap out of them for hurting you. But they are hurting too they didn’t want to do it but they figured rather that then have the video go out. Minha threatened to release it if they told you. That’s why I’m telling you.”

Changkyun though didn’t seem to be listening. He was shaking whether from anger, melancholy or exhaustion, Jessie couldn’t be sure.

“You really have fallen for their shit too.” 

“No, listen I know sincerity when I see it. I want to help them so that they can help you. I love you Changkyun!”

Changkyun laughed, it was low and mocking. “You want to help them hey? You may be inclined to reconsider when you find out that I was cheating on you behind your back with Hoseok. Yeah, that’s right, despite knowing I was with you ,Hoseok decided to play a little game. He kissed on the day I got back, they all threw me a fucking party then he acted like I was the best thing in his life so I kissed him."

Jessie jerked away like he had been slapped, he searched Changkyun face for a sign of a lie but nothing. He was telling the truth. The hot tears that had been threatening to fall finally dropped down his cheek.

“No your lying, you wouldn’t.”

But Changkyun closed his eyes his anger seeming to dissipate in the wake of the other boy’s sadness, “Now you know who I am. I destroy everything around me. Despite being in love with you I allowed myself to fall for another. So yeah they took everything from me and I deserve it.”

The rapper turned and walked back into the practice room leaving Jessie alone in the hallway as their relationship crumbled.

 

Monsta x were in their own practice room that morning. They had been informed that it would be wise for them to start learning their choreography as a six member group. Minhyuk and Hyungwon would act in Changkyun spot in their old songs and Jooheon would continue on as the group’s only rapper. While their was no real decision on whether the group would disband or not, the groups managers had decided it was better than them sitting around, getting lazy.

None of them were happy with the announcement. They followed along to the choreographers actions trying to tightening their ranks without the maknaes presence.

Kihyun didn’t need to be the mom of the group to understand that the others were barely holding it together. He wanted this stupid day to be over. They had sent Jessie on his way in the hopes Changkyun would listen to him but his nerves felt like they were on fire. What if the other boy failed? 

He was so busy concentrating on the problem looming over all of them that he missed his cue to move back into place at the same time Hyungwon who was trying to move up front for the final rap and so got trapped between a very confusing Jooheon and a distracted Hoseok. The group ended in a pile of groans on the floor, the choreographer sighed and switched off the music.

The guy was obviously frustrated as they continued to make mistake after mistake.

“Guys I know getting used to the new lineup is difficult but how hard is it to do a dance with one less person. Like shit what is up with you guys?”

Kihyun cringed, the older man had every right to be annoyed. They had been at it for hours and it was their own choreography but they were distracted by their missing member. But he was yelling at a group where all of the members were on edge.

It was a toss up between Hoseok and Jooheon on who would blow up first so he was surprised when it was Minhyuk angrily got to his feet.

“What is up with us is that we are fucking missing our maknae. We had no choice on it and now we have to be a six member group. It isn't right and it isn’t fair.”

Kihyun had expected the choreographer to be throw by the outburst but instead the older man snorted.

“I thought you guys would have been over the moon to get rid of him. You all hated him?”

“We did,” answered Kihyun before anyone else could argue back

“Until we realized how much he meant to us and the group.”

The man pulled a face and shrugged, “Well that is quite the 360. Listen you guys take a break, get your head back in the game. I know losing a member sucks but that's the industry, if you can't get used to it then you perish. We will get back to it later.”

He left the room in search of coffee and some pretty female trainees.  
As soon as the door closed Shownu hurried over to his bag to grab his phone and the others eagerly awaited his return. He frowned at the lack of his notifications, Jessie should have updated him by now. Not wanting to worry the others he went to turn back to them with a smile when his phone beeped.

He quickly opened it up,

“We need to talk. Meet behind United Dorm in half hour. Be there!”

He informed the others a worried expression on his face. He had a bad feeling.

“How are we going to get out of practice. We have already had so much time off lately that I doubt they will just give us a day off?” said Kihyun in a worried tone.

Shownu nodded, “Well we don’t have to all go. Jooheon, Hoseok, the three of us will go see Jessie and the rest of you hold down the fort.”

Kihyun and Minhyuk immediately started arguing while Hyungwon stomped his foot in anger. Shownu waved a hand to shut them up.

“The reason you guys are getting left behind is because I trust you three the most. Hoseok is too hung up on Changkyun to think straight and Jooheon can’t keep a secret to save his life.”

Jooheon nodded in agreement. He really was terrible at secrets.

Placated the remaining members agreed to the terms. 

“Okay that makes sense but the three of us can’t just waltz out of practice now can we.” said Hoseok in a whiny tone. 

Shownu frowned as his mind tried to figure out what to do when Jooheon swung his fist neatly into Hoseok’s jaw. The whole room went silent except for Hoseok’s groan of pain.

“What the fuck Jooheon?”

The rapper hopped from foot to foot and motioned at Hoseok to come at him which he did. The two tumbled into a ball of fists and yells. The door to the practice room swung open and the groups managers and the choreographer ran in.

Pulling the boys apart, Wookyu glared at the group.

“What is the meaning of this. Brawling with each other like drunken schoolyard bullies.”

“He started it,” Hoseok pointed at Jooheon who was nursing a pretty nasty welt on his arm.

“Well maybe if you weren’t such a little bitch all the time than maybe I wouldn’t feel the urge to punch you. Maybe if you hadn’t been such an asshole Changkyun would still be here.” Jooheon tried to run at Hoseok, who had kicked his leg out but both were restrained. 

Wookyu rubbed a hand across his face in frustration, he was getting to old for this shit.

“Okay I don’t know what the hell is going on here but you two need to figure this shit out. Hyunwoo you are the fucking leader you need to start doing your job. Take these two morons and go for a walk, cool off and then come back.”

The three boys agreed, Jooheon and Hoseok stomping out the room with Shownu bringing up the rear.

“Smart thinking Jooheon but next time maybe give us a little warning before you start swinging.” Shownu said patting the younger on the back.

Hoseok turned and lightly smacked Shownu on the shoulder, “Don’t encourage him. That was real freaking hard Jooheon, you could have gone a little easier on me you know.”

The rapper shrugged, “I have being wanting to punch you for a few days now. And for a guy with that amount of muscle why resort to biting?”

He held out his arm where a red mark was forming, teeth indents purpling. Wonho just grinned and they hurried out of the building and hailed a taxi. Shownu sent a message to Jessie saying they were on their way.

 

The team’s set was ready and Changkyun knew it would definitely draw the attention of the crowd. The makeup noona slathered on the makeup, getting him ready for one of the stupid challenges the show had come up with, most of the other boys had gone already and he could hear screams in the background. He rolled his eyes, why did shows do this, how was playing scary pranks on the contestants supposed to help them be better performers.

“Ya Changkyun-sshi keep them eyes still. Also my skills are good but even I can’t hide these bags. Are you getting enough sleep?”

She was trying to be kind but he couldn’t help being annoyed by her meddling. He ignored the question and reminded her to put more cover on his acne scars.

How was he supposed to explain that the only time he got sleep now was when his body literally gave out. But being tired helped keep the voice silent and that was what he needed. He needed to focus on the competition, on the music and not on the voice trying to push him over the edge he was precariously standing on.

This week had being the longest he had ever endured. It felt like a lifetime ago when he had sat cuddled with the members of his group and acted as if they were his friends. He could only imagine what they must have thought of him sitting there, a lamb amongst wolves as he foolishly fell for their cruel plan.

The familiar wave of pain pulled at his heart and his throat felt tighter than before. He pulled his face away from the makeup artist as she made a noise of protest.

“Can I just have a minute alone please.” he tried to sound commanding but he failed, it was clear he was on the verge of tears. She smiled sadly and left the room. 

For the first time that week he looked at his mirrored back eyes and grimaced. He looked terrible. He curled up as much as he could on the tiny makeup chair. Why did he have to be so weak? The voice swirled around his brain.

“You are weak and a burden, you would be better off dead.”

He climbed off the stool and grabbed for his backpack. He knew he wasn't supposed to take more than one of his pills per day but he needed for his brain to shut up for just a few hours. He needed to get through the rest of the day. 

He dry swallowed the pill coughing as it dragged against his parched throat. He would have to sort that out, he wouldn’t be able to woo the crowds if he couldn’t rap the next night. He reached for his water bottle when his phone beeped. It was from Minha.

“Hope you are doing okay baby? Make sure you eat something to keep up your strength. Can’t have you passing out on stage now can we. Ps. If anyone hassles you let me know, I am your new manager after all.”

He tossed the phone back into his bag in disgust. But the girl was right he couldn’t afford to pass out on the stage because he hadn't eaten all week. He needed to eat again. His scanned the room and his eyes fell on a bowl of apples. Better than nothing he thought as he scooped one up taking a tentative bite of it. It tasted like ash in his moth and he spat the piece out. 

“Im Changkyun, you’re up next.”  
He threw the apple into the trash and promised himself that he would try to eat something that night.

 

The cab pulled up outside the studio and the three climbed out. Jessie had told them to meet him in the alley behind the dorms. Thankfully there were only few fans milling around outside the gates with the grey clouds threatening to bring rain. Not enough to recognize them but enough that could get them in trouble if they were caught sneaking around.

The snuck around the side making sure to keep an eye out for Jessie and any hawk eyed fans.

The other singer was pacing up and down, a hoodie covering a practice outfit. At the sound of their approaching feet he looked up and upon seeing Hoseok marched over to him and decked him right on the opposite cheek Jooheon had punched. 

Hoseok doubled over his hands cupping his face, “What the actual fuck you psycho?”

Shownu came between the two, holding Jessie back as the boy tried to break free. His face was pinched in anger but his eyes were bloodshot.

“You dare to show you face to me you piece of shit.” he yelled pointed at Hoseok.

Hoseok nursed his jaw, “Can everyone stop punching me please. My face doesn’t deserve this.”

Shownu ignored it and instead turned his attention to Jessie, “What the hell is going on Jessie.”

Jessie backed off and spun in frustrated, when he spoke his voice was thick with emotion.

“He cheated on me. Changkyun, cheated on me with him.”

He yelled pointing at Hoseok.

Shownu turned to Hosek who had gone quiet while Jooheon tried to look anywhere but at the scene. Jessi’s face fell.

“You guys knew?”

Shownu sighed and turned his full attention to the other boy. He looked absolutely heartbroken and for some reason he felt guilty for it.

“We knew. We didn’t agree with it but we knew there was something between them. I know this hurts and it was a totally shitty move on both of their sides.”

He threw a glare at Hoseok, “And I know it is not fair to ask you to help someone who has hurt you like this but Changkyun still needs your helpplease. You can’t abandon him.”

Jessie looked taken aback.

“I never said I would abandon him. I am angry and hurt? Yes! Do I hate him? Right now, yeah a little. But he is in trouble and despite everything that has happened I know he is an amazing person and I’m going to do everything I can to help him.”

Shownu felt his heart swell with compassion, despite being heartbroken Jessie was still willing to help Changkyun. It made him want to work harder for his maknae too.

Jessie sighed and pushed his hair out of his face, “Anyway the reason why I had called you here is I tried to talk to him but he didn’t seem shocked about the news if anything he seemed to think you guys were playing me. Something is wrong here, really wrong.”

He further described what the two had talked about and Shownu winced when he got to Changkyun’s confession. The youngest had obviously done it to hurt the other but why?

“There is something else too. I’ve been hearing rumours that they are going to rework the groups and one of the cordi noonas over heard that Changkyun and I will be put into new groups if they do. He is barely talking to me now, he certainly won’t be if we get split up.”

Shownu swore under his breath this was going from bad to worse.

“Shownu hyung, I will keep looking out for him but you guys need to get that usb. If you stop Minha than we have a better chance of helping him.”

Jessie was right of course. He had no other choice. Without Changkyun the group would surely disband and it wasn't right to leave the youngest in such a lurch. He turned to look at Hoseok and Jooheon.

“Alright boys. Its seems we are going with Plan B, we’re stealing that usb.”

 

Changkyun pushed open the door to the dorm. He didn’t bother to switch on the light, instead immediately collapsing onto the bed. He was glad to have the bedroom to himself although the reasons why were not good ones. Despite apologizing Yoshin was still avoiding him like the plague and Jessie hadn’t been seen since their talk that morning.

The rapper felt terrible. He ruined everything and everyone around him over and over again. It had happened with Nu’bility, then he had ruined Gunhee and Jooheon’s dream of debuting together, he had ruined any hopes on Monsta x being a family and now he had ruined the friendships he had created with the other competitors. 

There was no way the relationships would ever be repaired, even if he wanted them to be. People always abandoned him in the end. His Nu’Bility family had stopped talking to him completely once he joined Starship and even his own parents, while they loved and supported him, couldn’t stand being around him for too long. 

But he deserved the loneliness, deserved the pain of being abandoned. 

“No one would miss you if you were gone. No one would mourn. They would be happy to see you go.”

He placed his hands over his ears knowing full well it wouldn’t block out the voice but it didn’t matter. He just needed it to stop because he wasn’t sure how much longer he could fight it. 

He tried to remember the lessons the psychologist had given him but her image kept shifting into the Monsta x members each of them saying over and over how much they hated him, then her face changed to Jessie’s-his face full of heartbreak, tears running down his face.

“You broke my heart Changkyun you don't’ deserve love.” 

He squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth the voices changing faster now like a broken loop. He was starting to breath heavily, it wasn't a panic attack per say but it did feeling like he had fallen into a void.

A hand touched his shoulder and like that the pressure stopped. He felt dizzy and exhausted but he knew someone was standing beside him. Someone had pulled him out of the brink, he turned his eyes adjusting to the light that was filtering into the room.

Jessie’s worried face was staring back at him. His mouth was moving as if he was saying something but it all fuzzy, like it was behind a closed door. He felt the other boy pull him up into a sitting position and the bed dip as he sat down.

Two hands gripped the sides of his face, they seemed so warm. A thumb wiped at the tears he hadn’t know he was still crying.

Jessie’s voice was coming through now, fuzzy but he could make out some words.

“Just breath okay...I’m here...not going to leave.”

He knew he didn’t deserve the care but he was too tired to fight as Jessie pulled him into a bone crushing hug. 

“I’m going to keep you safe okay! I don’t care if you keep pushing me away because I know you are sick and this isn’t you talking. I’ll take care of you.”

As he closed his eyes he realised that this was the second night he was falling asleep in the arms of someone who promised to take care of him. He wondered if any of them really, truly cared.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minha digs her claws into vulnerable Changkyun but Minhyuk and Hoseok take to the internet to support their maknae

The stage lights felt like a million tiny suns bearing down on him as Changkyun tried to maintain his pose but his smile was slipping off. The night’s performance had been mediocre as best, nowhere near meeting the expectations of the judge and crowd. He glanced at the crowd in question and his stomach dropped at the sight of their bland faces.

Their set had been full of mistakes. One the trainees had got caught up singing and had forgot to move at the right time. He had then scrambled to get to his spot and had practically jumped on Yoshin’s ankle and it was clear from the way the boy was limping that it was injured.

Jessie while still sounding great hadn’t seemed to have the drive and motivation he usually did and Changkyun knew it was his fault. He himself had been less than stellar. He had tried to eat the night before to get some energy but his food deprived belly had revolted against him and he had spent most of the immediate time throwing up which meant his throat was raw and his voice scratchy.

Due to his lack of health he had found himself sweating bullets before the first bridge was even done and he was so badly out of breath that he couldn’t rap any of his pieces instead rely absolutely on the recording.

They were released for a bit while the judges spoke amongst themselves. Jessie swung Yoshin’s arm over his shoulder to take the boy to the nurse backstage. Changkyun went to the drinks table intent on grabbing another energy drink to try make it through the rest of the night. 

As he went to pick up one of the cans when he spotted a figure to the left of him. He was taken aback to see Minha looking back at him. He hurried over to her pulling her behind one of the curtains.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he whispered nervously.

She smile condescendingly at him and grabbed his hand, “Oh my Changkyun I’m you manager remember I have to support my money maker.”

He pulled a face, “Wookyu is still technically my manager while Starship holds my contract.”

He didn’t want to make her mad. Her odd behaviour was throwing him for a loop and he didn’t have the energy or drive to do anything about it.

She smiled again and cupped his cheek, “Oh baby it’s only a matter of time before they drop you. Then you will be all mine. Just remember that I care the most about you and soon everyone else will love you too. You just need to work harder and become the best.”

He bowed his head, she was right he needed to work harder if he wanted to make it.

“Teams onto the stage.” yelled one of the production team from the door. Changkyun smoothed out his clothes and moved towards the stage. Minha called after him,

“Just remember my Kyunnie. It’s me and you against the world.”

He ran off towards the stage after giving her a quick nod.

The teams lined up, CL and Key standing on the stage grinning out at the audience.

“We have seen some amazing performances tonight from all of the competitors up on the stage but unfortunately tonight we will say goodbye to another 20 boys.” Key said with a bit of a sad tone.

Changkyun felt his heart drop at the news. He knew the eliminations were going to happen but after his dismal performance he was hoping he wouldn’t be one of the 20. He didn’t know what would happen to him if he didn’t make it to the final nince. He could never go back to Monsta x even if he wanted to. He wouldn’t be able to survive another year with a group of people who obviously hated him.

“So if we call you name step forward and know you spot is held, the order of you name being called is by no means your position in the competition.”

Names began to be called out. Changkyun watched as competitor after competitor got called up, Jessie was called thankfully as was a number of the trainees within the group. 

But as the spot began to fill Changkyun began to worry, why wasn’t he being called up.

There was six more names left to be called out and Yoshin and himself were still behind. He was smiling but he knew panic was starting to set in across his face.

“Kim Sohyoung aka Young Dolla.”

A blonde trainee almost fell as he took a step forward. Changkyun could feel the cameras zooming in on him. He was one of the crowd favourites and yet with five names remaining he had yet to be called out. He knew the smile had slipped off his face and was being replaced with worry.

“Kim Yoshin.”

He turned to his friend and squeezed his hand in congrats. The trainee hobbled forward.

Four more spots.

“Lee Minkey.”

A boy to his left with dimples rivalling Jooheons made a squeak of happiness as he stepped forward.

Two more spots left. This was beginning to seem just like No Mercy and just like then he saw his chance of making it slipping away.

“Lee Jongsuk.”

Oh god he was starting to shake, he wasn’t going to make it. He had failed. A familiar wave of panic shot through him, his chest feeling tight, a panic attack. No now he tried to tell his brain please not now. His breaths were coming in spurts, the trainee next to him was giving him funny looks.

“And finally the last contestant,” Key paused for dramatic effect.

“The final contestant is Im Changkyun aka I.M”

He almost fell over relief rushing into his body, he willed himself to step forward even though his exhausted body was shaking as he tried to hold back his emotion. 

“To those who didn’t make it, good luck for the future and to those who did congratulations.”

He felt hands patting his back in congratulations but he couldn’t focus. He tried his best to smile, hug those that wouldn't be returning but he was running on adrenaline, that which was now fading.

He just had to stay standing until the show was over. He watched as the eliminated competitors left the stage. His eye caught that of Minha’s as she waited in the wings. His felt his hairs stand on end as she blew him a kiss.

Key and CL were talking again and he pulled his attention back to them. 

“With the pool of competitors diminishing it is time for the teams to start switching it up. So from now on each week the team will be randomized. This will allow them to learn how to work with different people while remembering that at the end of the day only nine can be chosen.”

“And to make things more interesting from next competition on the public will control 50% of the vote. So choose wisely for your vote will help to choose who makes it and who goes home!”

He felt a strong pair of arms fasten around his waist.

“Just lean on me okay.”

It was Jessie his voice small and friendly and it was only then that Changkyun noticed he was shaking. He allowed his weight to fall onto Jessie. As the other boy make it look like they were just standing side to side like very close friends. 

The music was playing and he could see the show’s producers ushering them off stage. Jessie helped him along and as they walked into the dark of the stage. Minha was gone but he couldn’t shake the troubled feeling in his stomach. Once they were backstage he pushed away from Jessie ignoring the look of hurt the boy shot him.

“Thanks hyung. Would have been embarrassing if I passed out on stage.”

Jessie moved closer to him but Changkyun moved away. He hated how the other was still being nice to him, he didn’t deserve it. He was toxic, he shouldn’t be allowed near the kind boy.

“Changkyun let’s get you something to eat maybe a protein bar or some fruit. When was the last time you ate?”

The rapper waved him off, “Jessie please stop being so nice to me. I don’t deserve your kindness.So please just leave me alone.”

Jessie jutted his jaw, “Changkyun I am getting tired of this. Stop pushing me away. Yes you cheated on me and that hurt. But you are in a bad place and I want to help.”

“I don’t need your fucking help!” Changkyun yelled turning a few eyes in their direction.

“I don’t need you your help and I don’t need you. I used you to get to where I am now.” he hissed. He knew it was a blatant lie but he needed to protect Jessie from the darkness that surrounded him. He couldn’t ruin the shining star that Jessie was. Hurt him to help him.

The lie worked as a million different emotions fluttered across Jessie’s face before it settled on hurt anger.

“You are a real bastard, you know that?” and with that he sulked off, furiously pushing past the few competitors who had been trying to eavesdrop.

Holding back tears Changkyun walked off towards the food table. He knew he needed some nourishment and fast. He just needed to focus on getting food and not the fact that for the second time that week he had hurt Jessie.The sooner the other left him alone the better it would be for Jessie. 

He grabbed a protein bar and some electrolyte water and hurried off to a unoccupied corner to eat in peace. He didn’t want to have to hang around with the happy competitors right now. 

He began to nibble on the bar trying to not gag at the taste of it. He let his brain wander to happy memories something his psychologist had taught him to do when things got too tough. 

He remembered his old friends in Boston, they were barely old enough to be allowed out without adult supervision but boy did they have fun. Bouncing on his friend Connor’s trampoline. Learning to swim with his classmates. They didn’t laugh at his weird accent back then if anything it made him more appealing.

He thought of his two best friends in Israel. The three were inseparable, they were the ones who introduced him to music, they even started a band. He laughed a little at that memory, it was a fond one.

He could feel himself relaxing a little as he remembered the first time he had auditioned for a spot in the industry. He had thought for so long he would follow his dad into the science industry that the news of him auditioning and getting accepted was a shock to both his parents. His dad had been angry at him but his mum had been so proud of him for taking control of his own life.

“You did well today sweetheart.”

Changkyun’s eyes flew open and he looked at Minha. A shot of panic went through him. He looked around to made sure no one could see them.

“Why are you still here?”

Minha pouted and sat down taking his hands into her own. He wanted to pull away but couldn’t, her strength outweighing his measly one.

“I’m here because I am worried, you almost didn’t get called today Kyunnie and then we would have both being screwed now won’t we.”  
Her smile slipped a little as she gripped his hands tighter than needed. She yanked him closer to her.

“I won’t let you mess this up for me a second time you understand. I deserve to be famous.”

Upon seeing the wide look of fear on Changkyun’s face she loosened her grip and smiled up at him, fluttering her eyelashes.

“I’m sorry my baby. I just don’t want you to lose this competition.”

She pushed some of his sweaty hair away from his face.

“We need to public vote for next week, I’m gonna work some of my internet magic and you…” 

She looked him up and down with a critical eye.

“You need to get into shape and fast. Eat as much protein as you can and start working on some abs.”

“Why?” he asked his voice stuttering.

“Because you look like crap.”

She prodded at his exposed ribs.

“No girl wants a sack of bones like this, they want abs, they want sexy. They also love a few interesting tidbits of things overheard in the dressing room like how much of a good boyfriend you would make or the fact you would date a fan. You need the fans’ vote, the judges are already starting to look to the younger rappers in the competition.”

She stood up before he could argue back and placed a kiss upon his forehead.

“Urgh now go wash up you stink.”

With those parting words she hurried off before she could be caught. He chugged back the bottle of water ignoring the protests from his stomach. Despite everything Minha was right something that he noticed was becoming a common theme. She saw him for the piece of shit he was and yet she wanted to help him. 

He needed to start wooing the fans and the only way he would be able to do that was if he allowed Minha to help him. But he needed to get out of this funk, he needed to think straight.

\-------------------------

Hoseok had walked out of the room before the show had even finished. He couldn’t stand how frail Changkyun had looked up on the stage. They had done that. Their maknae was swirling into a pit of self hatred and depression and he was too far away for any of them to help. 

The maknae’s self cam from the hours before they turned on him had made him want to be sick. To see Changkyun so happy and carefree knowing that only a few hours later they would turn him into the shell of Changkyun they saw on stage. It hurt his heart and knew the others were feeling the same. 

Jessie’s explanation of the shape Changkyun was in was nothing compared to seeing him on the stage and it broke Hoseok’s heart. Kihyun hadn’t even been able to watch the show too upset upon seeing the maknae in the state he was. The main singer still solely blamed himself for the youngest’s break down.

They had already planned to break into Minha’s house but it was starting to be harder than thought. They weren’t thieves, they had no idea what went into breaking into someone’s home. Minhyuk had brought up the fact they would have to do it while she was home in order to search her bag.

That had thrown some cold water over their plans but Hoseok was not about to give up. If he had to break into the crazy girl’s house on his own then so be it. 

He slammed the door to the his bedroom closed and climbed onto his bunk, the image of Changkyun’s face falling as his name was the last to be called out. Sure they had been reassured it was not a reflection of their standing but that wouldn’t be how fans would take it and neither would the maknae. The fact he was chosen last would just be another hit to his already low self-esteem.

He pulled out his ipad and opened the I.M fancafe he had joined in disguise. 

He blanched when he saw the posts.

I.M’sGurl: “I.M oppa looked so sick tonight. I hope he is okay. He looked so skinny too!

I.M what I Fan: “I wondered what happened, he seemed so happy in his self cam like actually happy. I wonder if something happened with Monsta x.

Canitouchthebutt: No surely not, look at all the fan pics of them from the break. Like he looked like he was bonding with the others. Remembers the pictures of him and Jooheon at the arcade. Maybe he is just really sick.

I.M’sGurl: I don’t know something seems fishy here. I just hope they didn’t hurt him.

Monbebe4lyf: I heard that the group is already started practicing as a six unit group because Changkyun is trying to break his contract with Starship. And it happened right after he left the dorm. I think Monsta x did or said something to him!

Hoseok bit his lip, he needed to fix the situation somehow, get them to stop talking about the rumours. He wrote out a text under his pseudonym.

IluvChangkyun: It’s only naturally they plan to perform as a six unit group in case Changkyun does make it to the final group he will be gone for half a year at that point. I think we should him messages of love and support regardless of what is happening with him. We need to support him.

The chat exploded with messages of agreement and he breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe fan message’s would help the maknae.

A knock came at the door and Minhyuk walked in. The ball of sunshine had taken to the breaking into Minha’s house the best. He had spent hours researching how to pick locks and disable alarms.

“Hey Hyung, the shows over. They are going to start splitting the groups each week kind of like what they did with us in No Mercy. Kyunnie looked bad though, I thought he was going to pass out.”

Hoseok bit back a sigh.

“We need to break into Minha’s house and soon. I need Changkyun feeling good again.” said Minhyuk.

Hoseok nodded and moved over so Minhyuk can climb in. He agreed with the younger boy but they still had a lot of planning to do.

“By the way has Jessie contacted Shownu hyung yet?”

Minhyuk shook his head but there was something in his eye, “Hyung what if even when he finds out the truth he doesn’t want to come back?”

Hoseok’s heart contracted. He had been thinking the same thing all day and while he would fight tooth and nail to bring his boy back, they couldn’t do anything if Changkyun really wanted to leave. After all a few weeks of being nice to him didn’t erase a year of hell.

They lay like that in silence for a few minutes allowing the gravity of their situation to settle over them. Finally Hoseok pulled out his ipad and went back onto the fan cafe and smiled as the heart warming message for Changkyun rolled in. Minhyuk giggled next to him.

“I can’t believe you are ILuvChangkyun, I’m on there too as I.M’Sunshine.”

Hoseok burst out laughing. “When did you join?”

Minhyuk scrunched his face up in thought, “Well to be honest I joined everyone’s fancafe about six months ago. Mostly to watch what everyone is saying but I started posting in it about two weeks ago.”

Hoseok was impressed and slightly annoyed. He had thought he was the sole member on the cafe but Minhyuk had beaten him to the punch. They scrolled through the notes when a memory occured to the elder.

“Wait I.M’Sunshine isn’t that the one who ends every post with some kind of positive Wonkyun hashtag?”

Minhyuk smiled and typed something out, the entire time looking Hoseok in the eye almost like a challenge. He hit post and Hoseok turned to the screen and snorted at the reply.

I.M’Shunshine: “That’s cos I’m your biggest fan homie. #Wonkyun for life #MyShipHasSailed

For the first time in a week, Hoseok laughed and Minhyuk joined him.

\------------------------

Changkyun woke up in a cold sweat. It was starting to become a reoccuring event since the end of the last episode. The nightmare was the same every time. He was on a date with Hoseok and the boy kept trying to hold his hand while Jessie stood in the background saying over and over that his members where been blackmailed. Then Minha would appear, an imposing figure standing over him as she sowed strings into him making him into a human puppet.

It didn’t help his stomach was killing him after all the crap he had put it thorough lately. He rolled over trying not to wake Jessie or Yoshin. They needed their sleep after the past few days, it was only three days after the last show but it felt like an eternity. After the show the teams had all been divided. From now on it was every man for themselves and they would be split the groups for the few remaining episodes.

The next episode would see him and the three other rappers including Yeongmin perform a hard hitting hip hop song. He was shocked at how great Yeongmin had become at rapping since they had made him replace Mir. The youngest had taken to it like a duck to water and Changkyun was proud of the kid. 

The other two rappers, Sangmin and Minho were forgettable in the grand scheme of things but Changkyun had been working hard on creating a good enough song to wow the audiences using all of them. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore he got out of his bed and pulled on his clothes. He headed to the gym to try work out some of his frustrations.

The night air was sticky with the summer heat. He frowned at the feeling of his shirt immediately sticking to his body, he had started eating again despite the yelling of the voice in his head he knew he needed to stay strong and his clothes actually were fitting again somewhat thankfully.

Despite everything happening in his life, the continuing voice of hatred, his cruel group members, the situation with Minha and of course the show, at least he had music. Minha was right, he needed to wow the fans if he wanted to make it to the final nine and he needed to stay strong doing it. 

Three days of working out and eating better was not enough to show any improvement especially after starving himself for a week but he felt better. Switching on the lights to the room, he pulled out his phone and earbuds.

Climbing onto the treadmill he started at a slow pace and quickly logged on to his fan cafe. The loving messages from his fans were the sole thing getting him through life right now.

The hashtag #Love_I.M was still trending since the night of the last episode and he couldn’t believe how nice it was to actually have people who cared for him not because they needed him to be famous or to keep their band together.

ILuvChangkyun: “He has the most soulful eyes and kindness heart. Changkyun-ah I love you!”

He grinned as his favourite user came online. ILuvChangkyun had become his own personal compliment machine. Once an hour like clockwork the user would post heartfelt comments. He wished with all his might he could thank them but the show had refused to let them use any social media at all.

I.M’Sunshine: “Nope I LOVE HIM MORE!!!!! Changkyunnie is so beautiful, handsome and talented.”

Changkyun grinned and there was his other favourite. He wasn’t sure why but the two had taken it upon themselves to be his personal cheerleaders. With their words in mind he pushed through his workout. Every now and them he would check the comments feeling renewed vigour. 

He moved over to the weights, placing his phone where he could see the comments flood in. He looked at his reflection hating the person staring back at him. The voice was there snickering at how scrawny and pathetic he looked. He gritted his teeth and tried to push past it. Letting the music in his headphones carrying him away as he thought about the kind words from his fans. The sweat was starting to stick to him, his hair damp and his muscles burning.

Movement on his phone caught his attention. Placing the weights down he grabbed his phone. The comments were all about how hot and sexy he was. How amazing he looked, how boyfriend he looked.

He scrolled up and his heart stopped. There was a picture of him head held high, a slight smirk on his face lifting weights. The sweat was clinging to him and had he not known it was him he would have thought the person was attractive as hell. He spun around.

“Minha? Is that you.”

A figure appeared from the shadows an excited glint in her eyes. 

“15,000 views already and it’s only being up for five minutes. Damn you going to be a superstar in no time.”

He frowned at her, “you can’t just break in here and take pictures of me without my permission.”

She waved off his argument anger on his face, “Shut up Changkyun. You want publicity this is how you get it. You’re an okay rapper and that will only get you so far. You need to sell yourself to get those votes. Your not ugly but you need to look better.”

She grabbed his face and jerked it to the side, “You skin looks like shit. What the hell are you even using on it?”

Changkyun jerked out of her grasp his heart falling at her mean words.

“I’m doing a 10 step ritual given to me by a dermatologist. She said it would take time.”

Minha wasn’t happy with his answer. She circled him like a hawk.

“There isn’t much we can do about your height unfortunately but maybe we can play around with your image. You already give of the mysterious, tsundere vibes so we will play it up.”

She wrapped a delicate hand around his neck, finger brushing over his adam’s apple. He knew it was a threat.

“Work hard my sweet I.M and I will too.”

She left the room disappearing into the shadows she came from. If Changkyun hadn’t been scared of her before, he was now. He didn’t like leaving so much of hs future in Minha’s hands but as he looked at the comments pouring into his fancafe the photo was being spread around and people were taking notice of him. 

He looked over at his reflection again, he would work hard to change himself. Anyone was better than his true self!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shocking confession, a disturbing discovery and a huge twist awaits the members of Monsta X and Changkyun.

Changkyun leaned back in the chair and groaned in frustration. A small voice came over the intercom from the recording booth.

“I’m sorry hyung I just can’t seem to say this word right.” Yeongmin said pitifully. The other rapper had made leaps and bounds since joining the show but he wasn’t quite ready for level of intensity Changkyun needed.

Leaning forward he pressed the intercom to speak back to the younger boy. He knew he should shout at him for messing up the simple line again. It’s what any producer would do, what Jooheon would do to him all the time.

“Hey don’t sweat it. Come back in here and lets see how we can change the lyrics.”

The younger boy looked like he could cry in relief and Changkyun felt bad. Yeongmin wasn’t a rapper at least not originally. He had latched onto Changkyun like a leech trying to learn everything he could but the older boy wanted to tell him to look else where. He was barely better than Yeongmin. Which was partly why he had thrown himself so hard into the work this week, it made him feel normal again trying his best to be the best. He didn’t necessarily feel better, the voices in his head still whispering that he wasn’t good enough but the music helped to drown it out. The loving messages from his fans were his life line. This week he felt that perhaps life wasn’t so dark

A frustrated sigh came from behind him and Changkyun immediately bristled. 

“Why are you being so nice to the loser. It’s not like he is any good. Let him fail and then the real stars can shine.”

Changkyun spun around to face the other two members of the rap group, Sangmin and Minho. The former refused to look up from his cellphone while the latter continued to whine. The pair were the laziest, untalented assholes he had very met. Despite his own personal crisis the team was relying solely on his for the week’s performance and yet they acted like they were the stars of the show. Like it hadn’t been Changkyun who had written all the raps, had helped compose the song and had even planned most of the set.

It was true he was throwing all of himself into the production but the constant work help get his mind off what was happening in the rest of his pitiful life.

“Well Minho-shi how about rather than complaining about it go practice you own rap, you are still two syllables late to each beat and the ad libs you keep adding sound like dying cats.”

Minho scowled at the scolding before he got to his feet, “yeah well at least I am not washed up at 20. I still have a future, you going onto your third group. Don’t you get no one wants you.”

Changkyun sprung to his feet, his physique was no match for the larger rapper but his anger was scary enough.

Sungmin came between them holding Minho back, “Don’t dude it is not worth it. We need him to make the next round, if he doesn’t kill himself by then.”

The other two snickered as they exited the room and Changkyun just fell back into his seat. Since the last episode the rumours had been getting worse. His obviously terrible state during the last episode had been broadcast across the entire nation and some fans had decided that he was obviously suicidal. Some of the contestants had decided the same thing.

It certainly didn’t help that they were right but he felt watched now as if some of them were secretly hoping he would.  
“I’m sorry I got you in trouble, again.”Yeongmin said coming around the corner trying to make himself appear smaller.

Changkyun shrugged, “It not your fault. This is a competition. Soon everyone is going to be at each other’s throats. I’m sure they are really nice guys other wise.” He said sarcastically.

Yeongmim laughed, “yeah no they are just as bad with out the competition. Sungmin in is in my company and he is a total ass all the time.”

Changkyun patted him on the back and grabbed the lyrics off the boy, “Enough talk of those losers, lets figure out what we can change this line too.”

They worked on the lyrics for the next hour until they decided to break for lunch. As they exited the room he managed to walk into someone he had been avoiding all week.

Jessie.

The boys just stared at each other all their unspoken feelings like a wall between them. Other than sharing a dorm they had rarely seen each other let alone spoke. Changkyun so desperately wanted Jessie to hold him again whisper that he was lived but he knew he didn’t deserve it.

“How’s the set coming along?” Jessie asked as cordially as possible.

Yeongmin just grinned not sensing the tension between the two. “It’s amazing Changkyun hyung has helped composed the song, written all our raps and even figured out how we will be on stage. Man he is so amazing.”

Jessie’s eyes never left Changkyun’s face, “Yeah he really is.”

Before either could answer the singer walked away leaving Changkyun to feel like his heart had bene pulled out of his chest again. He patted Yeongmin on the back and the two walked off towards the dining hall but not before he threw one last longing look over his shoulder at Jessie’s back.

———————————————-

Minhyuk lowered the binoculars from his eyes and bite his lip. “Seriously who spends this much time at home? Like does the girl not have a job?”

Kihyun shrugged as he peered over Minhyuk’s shoulder. The two were in their manager’s personal car stalking out Mina’s apartment. The address Gunhee had provided them thankfully was still the one the woman resided at, which at least helped with the whole breaking and entering plan.

Minhyuk suddenly sighed and placed the binoculars on his lap. 

“Are we doing the right thing? I mean we are trying so hard to get him back but he may not even want to come back. Maybe we should just continue as a six man group and let him go on with Unit 9.”

Kihyun just punched his arm.”No way, he is our maknae and our rapper. I know this sounds crazy but I feel like once this madness has passed over, things are going to be amazing. I just feel that without him we won’t be complete.”

Minhyuk nodded, he knew Kihyun was right but he couldn’t help but think that if he were in Changkyun’s boots he certainly wouldn’t want to come back. Who would want to be part of a group that had pushed him towards deep depression, had bullied him and then had turned on him right when things seemed to be looking up.

Kihyun punched his arm again.

“Ouch. Hey I agree with you man stop punching me!”

Kihyun pointed behind back towards the building, “Not that! Look its Mina.”

True enough the young woman had just stepped out the door, dressed to the nines with her expensive sunglasses blocking out the afternoon sun.

She looked around and the two singers sunk low into their seats. After a few moments, Minhyuk whined as the seatbelt was cutting into his neck.

“Is she gone yet?”

Kihyun peeked over his head and sat up again. He could see the woman walking off down the road. Immediately Minhyuk called the rest of the group.

“Hyung the bird has left the nest, I repeat the bird has left the nest. Operation Fuck you Mina is a go.”

He rolled his eyes as Shownu replied. 

“No hyung. It’s army code, never mind, Mina has left her building. Its time to snatch the flash drive.”

A loud Oh came through the speaker and Kihyun giggled. The leader assured them they were on their way and hung up. Minhyuk rubbed his hands together gleefully.

“This is so exciting. I have always wanted to do something like this.” 

Kihyun looked at his friend in concern, “You always wanted to break into a blackmailer’s house to steal a hard drive that has the video of our maknae’s attempted suicide so that we can tell him the truth.”

Minhyuk just squinted his eyes in confusion, “No you massive dildo I mean like to commit a crime.”

He just rolled his eyes and brought out his phone to pass the time until the others arrived. He immediately went to look up any tags that were trending and once again he saw Changkyun’s name. Their youngest had been trendy since his candid gym picture and it seemed the saesang fan had struck again. It was stamped from earlier that morning and showed Changkyun stretching as he exited the dorm room, his hair a little messy and his boxer short hanging low on his hips.

The comments madeMinhyuk a little uncomfortable for most of them were sexual in nature and the others were asking for the fan to get more intimate pictures. It made him angry to see someone was exploiting the rapper, especially when he was so vulnerable.

The Fancafe suddenly lit up and Minhyuk frowned as the new message appeared. It was from the creepy fan.

“On my way to get some more shots of our favourite rapper, who wants a shower shot?”

The responses were instantaneous and most of them were disgusting. He read some out to Kihyun who just grimaced at each one.

Changkyun’sBootay: “try and get a dick pic. I feel that is a real monsta if you know what I mean.”

I_want_Changkyun’s_babies: “Get us a video, I want to see all of him.”

Minhyuk shut his phone off too disgusted in what he saw. It made him so angry that the security wasn’t doing anything to stop it but he knew how much publicity the creep was bringing to Changkyun and therefore the show. There was no way they would stop her, even if she caused a scandal.

A sudden knock on the widow startled the two in the car. Hyungwon’s face loomed in the window as they screamed. Minhyuk climbed out the car and punched the giraffe on his arm. 

“You dick, you almost gave me a heart attack.”

Hyungwon shrugged nonchalantly, “One could only wish.”

They huddled around the group’s van and Shownu relayed their order. Jooheon and Hyungwon would act as look outs. One in the car, the other at the end of the street. The others would make their way up to her apartment where Minhyuk with his newly developed lock picking skills would crack the door open. Shownu and Kihyun would look for the stick while Minhyuk and Hoseok rid of any backup on her computer.

“Okay hands in. One, two, three Monsta!” 

They set to work. The first part of the plan went smoother than expected but as the door to her apartment swung open they realized they were far out of their league with Mina. The girl was obsessive for on her wall was what looked like a investigators case notes.

A picture of Changkyun’s debut teaser picture hung in the middle of the wall and red string came out from it. 

Minhyuk approached the wall in horror. Every one of her plans from her false rumours from No. Mercy right up to now were laid out. 

“Jesus she is trying to make him into her cash cow.” He said to Shownu worriedly. It was clear that the maknae’s saesang fan was her and she was using the pictures to try increase his popularity in the hopes she would become rich off him.

“She really thinks this will work, that Changkyun will actually make her some kind of trophy wife.”

Minhyuk giggled, “Gonna be a bit of a shock when she figures she‘s missing some key components to what he likes.”

Shownu however didn’t find it funny. “Does she seriously think she can get away with this? Does she seriously think Changkyun will forgive her?”

Kihyun came up behind them reading what looked to be a diary, “I think he may already have.”

They spun to look at him, a frown etched deeply into his face. “Listen to this. The plan is working like a charm. I have forced a wedge between Changkyun and his group, the little freak is spiralling out of control and I am the only one he can rely on. He brought my lie that his group were the ones trying to black mail him with the video and that I am the only one who can protect him. I would have preferred to destroy him but the cockroach is indestructible. If you can’t beat him, join him.”

He looked at the others, “This is so fucked up. She is so freaking twisted. She made him think we are the ones with the video.”

“Hmm guys you may want to come look at this.” Hoseok called from one of the bedrooms.

The three walked towards him and the muscle boy held up a hoodie, it looked oddly familiar.

“Wait isn’t that Changkyun hoodie? The one that went missing like three months ago?”

Hosoek nodded as he placed it on the floor and pointed to a box. It was filled what looked like different goodies. Minhyuk looked through the box and his blood ran cold. He picked up a half empty bottle of face cream while Kihyun looked at a half written lyrics book.

“These are all Changkyun’s thing.”

Hoseok looked through the box holding up an iPod with the earbuds still attached. “Isn’t this the iPod Changkyun said he had lost?”

Minhyuk noticed something attached to the box. It was a tiny bag which held a key and the code to their dorm.

They shared looks, “Wait has she been letting herself into our dorm and stealing Changkyun’s stuff?”

That thought alone creeped Minhyuk out the most. That this women who wanted nothing more than to hurt the rapper had been sneaking around their home. How she had managed to get said entry code and key was a mystery but they would be changing it the minute they got home.

Shownu’s face suddenly light up as if it were Christmas. “I know how we are going to bring her down.”

The leader swept an arm across the house pointing at each thing, “This whole place is a trove of criminal activity. Defamation of character, fraud, stalker like behaviour, breaking into people home and stealing stuff. If we present this to our lawyers then they will have to take action. We find the chip, delete the extras and take pics of the evidence. ”

Minhyuk clapped his hands at the genius plan but Hoseok had doubts, “Great idea but how do we prove it without giving away that we in fact are breaking in and stealing something from her?”

They all deflated at that. Then Minhyuk gave a whoop of delight.

“We don’t have to grab the evidence we just need someone who can?”

The others looked like he was off his rocker so he explained.

“Who do we know that she originally was with? Who was the one who was dating her when she decided to start her vendetta against Changkyun? Who would she she happily let in here if he pitched up? Who would be willingly to help Changkyun and get back at her?”

Shownu just smiled, “Gunhee.”

———————————-

Changkyun scrolled through his fan cafe growing uneasy at the sexual comments coming in from Mina’s message. He hoped she wouldn’t actually take a picture of him in the shower but he wouldn’t put it past the girl to do such a thing to him.

“Close your mouth for a quick second.” Said the sweet makeup artist as she lined his lips. He felt nervous and he should for tonight was the first night the show would be live and was the first one where the fans would vote. It was a two hour long special and he was already worried about the outcome.

He scrolled some more messages until a thread caught his eye. One of his most active fans was talking about how discovering Monsta x had given her happiness in a very dark time in her life.

Let’sPartyBaby: “Seeing Changkyun up on stage like that. I saw myself, the dark eyebags, the sunken cheeks but most of all in the fake smile. To know he is possibly like me makes him so human but it also makes me worry because I know how bad it can get. How bad the voices can get. I don’t know what I will do if he stops fighting.”

Canitouchthebutt: “You are strong no matter what and you are loved. Changkyunnie is strong and loved too. We as his fans need to be there for him, show him that we love him and that if he does suffer from depression that we are here for him just like we are here for you and anyone else that feels alone.”

Chankyun_StoleMyHeart: “Amen to that sister. If there is anything that Changkyun has taught us is to keep fighting and be resilient. So we will do that for him and for each other.”

He smiled at the exchange, he had seen a few messages like this, some fans sharing their fears and illnesses while others surrounding them in support. It gave him hope in his heart he had long thought extinguished.

The makeup artist clipped the mic to the front of his shirt. She smiled happily up at him.

“Don’t be too scared, they will ask you a few questions about the show, a few questions about music, your fans, any future plans. Now this is live so it will be going out to the fans before the show so this is a last minute attempt to snag some votes.”

He smiled at her kindness despite his nerves and looked up at the tv where the current interviewee was wrapping up his turn.

The young woman clapped her hands and took a step back to admire her handiwork. He thanked her and moved towards the room where the individual interviews were occurring. Before he got too far she gently touched his arm and looked around conspiratorially.

“Just so you know a few of us on the team are rooting for you. We really like you, you such a nice, kind person. Meeting you actually made me a fan of yours, I even joined your fan cafe, the one you were on just now. I’m on it all the time.”

He blushed at the confession, he still wasn’t used to having fans especially ones that weren’t attached to the rest of Monsta X. 

“I check it on a regular basis, it the one that that gets me through each day.” He answered back.

She smiled. “I know things are hard right now but you have us your fans and you have your group who support you.”

He laughed before he could even stop himself, “Yeah they are really supportive alright. Supporting me right out the group.”

The girl frowned and shook her head, “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t know, I just thought things were changing. This sounds crazy but a lot of us seriously thought that the two biggest supporters on there, IluvChangkyun and I.M’Sunshine were Wonho and Minhyuk. It just seemed so like them, their words and actions… anyway you had better hurry. It’s your turn. Good luck.”

He hurried to the room with the woman’s words in his head but he quickly dismissed them as fantasy. He knew his group and he knew where he stood with them. If they had been supportive of him then he would never have been in this mess to begin with.

He sat on the seat across from the interviewer and the large camera crew. It was pretty intimidating but he couldn’t let it show. Mina had warned him that he had to show charisma and charm, something she constantly reminded him he didn’t have. But he could do this then he would go up on stage for the first live show.

He grinned and thanked the crew for their hard work. Fans loved a respectable boy!

“So I.M how does it feel to be this far in the show and doing so well?”

He smiled trying to look sincere and flattered. He felt nothing but animosity for these people but it was the fans he needed to impress, their vote he would need.

“To be honest it so humbling to be here. Working with some of the best minds in the industry and just interacting with so many different kinds of talent. I think that no matter how good you are or how long you have been in the industry there is always something new to learn.”

He smiled waiting for the next question. They were mundane things about the show, his music and then they hit him with a curveball.

“Now a lot of fans have been very worried about you since last week’s episode, some going so far as to say you may be mentally ill. What is your comment to that?”  
Internally he groaned, he knew this question was coming up on the outside he smiled sadly.

“I love my fans they are such wonderful people. I was very sick on the last day of filming and I kept pushing myself when I shouldn’t have being.”

He took a deep breath realizing this could hurt him a lot but something inside him told him to do it.

“Truth is I do suffer from depression and anxiety. It is not something dirty or something bad. Many idols, actors and entertainers suffer from it and so do students, teachers. parents, garage men, everyone. I have suffered from it for a long time and I have been on medication since I was a teenager. The industry is a demanding one and it constantly forces this need to be perfect all the time, which can be exhausting.”

He took a deep breath feeling his throat constrict from unshed emotions. He gazed into the camera to the fans and non-fans who felt like him. He had no idea where this was coming from but something about it was empowering despite the absolute fear consuming him

“There is nothing wrong with you for feeling like this but never keep it bottled in. It never ends well, I know that all too well. I know what it feels like to be utterly alone, to think that you’re unlovable and that you are a waste of time and space. I know this because I still feel like this but maybe it is time we sought strength from one another. I know this could hurt my career and lose me fans and friends but maybe it is time we started talking about these things, started to realize that it does not define you, does not make you a bad person because I am tired of feeling this way, I want to be better.”

His voice was powerful, striking and as he blinked away the concentration he noticed the crew was oddly quiet then one of the writers ran up to him and gave him a hug. He was shocked but hugged her back when she whispered a thank you into his ear.

“Mmm okay cut to commercial.” Said the director finally his voice a little shaky.

“Thank you I.M-shi that was mmm thank you for opening up like that.”

He nodded and thanked them all before walking out leaving the atmosphere tense. As soon as the door closed behind him he clutched his heart. What the hell had he just done, what had compelled him to act like that. The next contestant for the interview walked past him and gave him a pat on the shoulder. He seemed nervous as he spoke to the rapper.

“I…I suffer from panic disorder. So thank you for opening up like that, it….it’s nice to know I’m not alone.”

Changkyun realized the other boy must have been watching the show live and he gave the others shoulder a squeeze.

“We are never alone. Even when we most feel like it.”

———————————-

Jooheon put down the phone a grin spread across his face. He knew he could count on his oldest friend. The rapper had reached back out to his old girlfriend under the guise of making up as friends. She had been reluctant saying she had a boyfriend who loved her. Jooheon had gagged a little at that.

The others had told him what they had found in Mina’s apartment. He had no idea how bad it was. The girl was down right psychotic and to think she was so obsessed with Changkyun. It gave him the chills and made him even more determined now knowing Changkyun was in her grasp.

“Honey hurry up, his interview just started.”

He cursed as he hurried back into the living room for where the rest of the group was huddled for the latest episode. They all already had their phones with them to vote for their maknae. Just because they didn’t want to see him leave the group didn’t mean they didn’t want him to win.

“To be honest it so humbling to be here. Working with some of the best minds in the industry and just interacting with so many different kinds of talent. I think that no matter how good you are or how long you have been in the industry there is always something new to learn.”

He squeezed in-between Minhyuk and Shownu. Their maknae looked better today at least, less likely to pass out. He looked at Hoseok and saw how relieved he looked.

“Now a lot of fans have been very worried about you since last week’s episode, some going so far as to say you may suffer from mental illness. What is your comment to that?”

Jooheon almost got whiplash turning back to the tv. What kind of question was that? Shownu made an angry noise under his breath and Kihyun shuffled nervously.

They could all see that it had thrown Changkyu for a loop as his professional smile faltered for a second. There was a brief period of silence as the maknae tried to come up with an excuse but then he seemed to deflate and when he looked into the camera again, his eyes were so filled with raw emotion it almost blew Jooheon away. It was like he finally had an insight into the boy’s mind and as the younger spoke he realized how true that statement was.

Changkyun bore his soul. He confessed to being ill, to having bad thoughts. Then he reached out to others telling them the it was okay. It was at that moment that Jooheon felt in awe of the boy, how strong he was, how strong he had always been.

He had been forced into a show with boys that hated him, had to live a year with people who despised him all the while fighting his own mind. Yet here he sat telling others with similar issues that it was okay to have them, in a country where the very thought was taboo. He here was telling them that he would be their support as they were is despite the fact he was suffering too.

“…. because I am tired of feeling this way, I want to be better.”

The set was silent as the news sank in, a strange tension surrounding everyone and then suddenly from behind the camera a woman appeared and flung herself at the boy. He hugged her back and through his mic they heard the woman’s muffled thank you.

It broke Jooheon’s heart. The next few interviews were unimportant or at least no one in Monsta x were listening. They were to stunned about what they had just seen.

“Fuck he has balls of steel.” Said Hyungwon in awe.

But Jooheon was worried. It was no secret that many idols suffered from mental illness but it was swept under the rug, a forbidden thing to even mention and yet Changkyun had practically just blown the lid right off. He was going to receive a ton of backlash and Jooheon hoped he would be ante to handle it.

“He is fighting back.” Said Kihyun suddenly in realization.

They group turned to him. “Look everyone saw after last week that something was wrong and we now know know that Changkyun knows about the video. He knows someone wants to use it against him so he confesses to everything and boom the video isn’t as hot anymore. Even if they use it maybe people will be less inclined to hate him and more inclined to support him. It genius really.”

It made sense and Jooheon once again had to give kudos to the boy. They watched the rest of the show in silence, only coming to life when it was Changkyun’s rap set and the voting.

Jooheon was blown away by the song the competition's rappers had prepared or rather Changkyun had mainly prepared as the title accredited him with almost everything. The rap was about been strong when everything is out to stop you from winning. It was obvious now where the inspiration came from and it make Jooheon proud of his younger counterpart.

The voting had come once everyone had finished and It was intense. Jooheon had already started four different accounts just to vote and by the end of it he was sweating with nervousness.

“This week’s episode has been one for the history books folks and of course we are ready to end it with a bang. Tonight we will be announcing the last 20 boys to be eliminated leaving 19 contestants. The 19 who will compete for the final nine spots.” Key joyfully said electing a whoop of applause from the crowd.

“Now we had our audiences vote for the competitors who they feel deserve to move onto the next round. Now we will announce those moving to the next round starting from number nineteen.” 

CL handed the mic to one of the judges who looked over the crowd of boys. Even through the tv screen Monsta x could see how nervous Changkyun was. His rap had received a loud applause but how did it fair with the voters especially after his interview. 

The chosen boys moved into position. Minho from the rap set was 17, Sungmin 15 and Yeongmin was 10. Changkyun raised his head as they got to the last five, he glanced towards Jessie who too had not been called.

“In fifth place is Kim Sohyoung aka Young Dolla.”

“In fourth place is Kim Yoshin”

Changkyun’s dances firmed almost tripped over himself moving towards the front.

“In third place is Eric Kim.”

“Second place is Yakumi Oe.”

The show’s token foreigner moved into position face in total shock.

There was a commotion throughout the crowd as everyone looked around, there was one spot left and the show’s two favourite’s Jessie and I.M had yet to be picked.

“What the fuck.” Said Jooheon under his breath. Changkyun’s shoulders fell as the camera zoomed in on him. They knew what he was thinking, he was done for, he had failed to get any further and it most likely had to do with his confession. The show paused for a bit for suspense.

“And in first place and the final competitor to move to the final round is Im Changkyun aka I.M”

The rapper looked up in uncertainty mouth opening and closing. He looked towards Jessie who seemed to be in shock. How had the singer not made it?

Key took back the mic and spoke over the cheering of the crowd. “Don’t switch of just yet after this break we will go backstage with the final 19 to get their thoughts.”

 

—————————

Changkyun couldn’t believe it. He had made it but Jessie hadn’t. He didn’t understand, the singer had placed first each week, he had a huge fan base and then it hit him, Mina.

The evil bitch had to have something to do with it, she had warned him she would stop at nothing at until he was number one and someone she had managed that. He wanted to scream not only had he got here now not on his own but at the mercy of Mina. 

Forgetting all about their fight he hurried over to Jessie and flung his arms around his neck.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. This isn’t right.”

He wasn’t practically sobbing and he was pretty sure everyone would be watching this.

Jessie gently pushed him away and grabbed his hand. They followed the rest of the crowd into the backstage away from the cameras.

Pulling him in between the curtains, Jessie rubbed a tear away from Changkyun’s face.

“Hey don’t cry. You deserve this. You worked so hard.”

Changkyun shook his head. He didn’t deserve anything, Jessie was now a victim to his climb to the top and he hated himself for it.

The singer smiled sadly, “Truthfully I am kind of glad this is over for me. I want to go home. I want to see my group members. I don’t understand how I didn’t make it either but I am okay with this. Changkyun-ah look at me.”

He did so and tears welled up in his eyes, this was the boy he had fallen in love with, the boy who had fallen in love back and yet the one who he had hurt because of the bastard Hoseok and his own stupid feelings.

“I still love you and always will. But I am not the one you will be happy with. We knew this would happen I will go back to your group and you, you must go back to Monsta x it is where you belong.”

Changkyun pulled away from him betrayal written all over his face.

“Kyunnie, your group members they aren’t the bad guys, Mina is! She is the one trying to blackmail you. She wants to do to you what she did to Gunhee. She is using you Changkyun. Your group is trying to protect you from the video.”

“I.M please move to the backstage.” Ushered one of the crew members pulling him away from Jessie.

“Changkyun please listen to me. Monsta x is who you belong with. They are your family! They will protect you.”

He tried to turn back but the crew member pushed him into the room with the other finalists. It was silent despite the fact they were the winners of the week. They all looked as exhausted as he felt. He hurried over to Yoshin and Yeongmin, still reeling from what had just happened and Jessie’s insistence he return back to Monsta X.

The camera crew were already set up in the room and Key was fixing his hair.

“We are live in 10 seconds.” Yelled one of the directors.

Yoshin leaned on his shoulder.

“I don’t want to do this anymore hyung. First Mir now Jessie. At least you are feeling better.”

He squeezed the lanky dancer’s knee. He couldn’t believe how things had gone so bad so fast. This show was ripping him to pieces. He then realized Key was talking but he was too tired and emotionally drained to care. He was also waiting for the fallout from Mina for what he had done during the interview but he had to talk to her. Ask her if what Jessie said had been the truth.

“Now you are probably wondering why you boys have all being called here? You all did very well but we like to add some spice to the show.”

Changkyun couldn’t help but roll his eyes. They didn’t need anymore spice, this boiling pot was hot enough.

“So contestants and viewers as you know MBLAQ’s Mir left us earlier in the season and we have planned to have 20 competitors fighting for the 9 spots. So everyone we would like you to meet a little bit of a late comer to the the competition and the 20th contestant, Zee.”

The whole group went silent as a young boy nervously walked in and bowed.

“Hello my name is Samuel Oh or Zee. I am a rapper. It is very nice to meet you.”

He was greeted by silence. United 100 had just pulled a No.Mercy and Changkyun was now on the other side of the table.


	15. Chapter 15

“Hello my name is Samuel Oh or Zee. I am a rapper. It is very nice to meet you.”

Hoseok’s mouth dropped open at the scene on the television. The scene was too close for comfort. He heard Kihyun swear under his breath. The camera swung around to Changkyun whose face had gone completely blank.

Hoseok couldn’t believe the show had pulled this kind of stunt but at the same time he wasn’t entirely surprised. This shows only wanted ratings they didn’t care for the people on it. He just wished it didn’t have to include Changkyun. Hadn’t the kid gone through enough?

Zee’s lopsided smile falling off his face as he was faced with the blank stares from the other contestants. Hoseok shifted beside Jooheon and the edge of the couch in discomfort at the cruelty of such a move. His heart went out to see and he now understood why so many fans were still bitter about the way they treated Changkyun when he first came. He had watched No Mercy before, quite a few times in fact but to see a similar scene play out in front of him where he wasn’t involved, he couldn’t help but be angry.

Suddenly Changkyun stood, his body stiff as if posed for a fight. His lips were pursed in anger and his dark eyes were set in snake like slits as he turned all his anger outwards. But he wasn’t glaring at the newcomer Zee instead he was glaring at those behind the cameras. A snarl appeared across his face before he shook his head. Eyes falling to the floor. No one else in the room moved almost like they were waiting for Changkyun to react first. Whatever he decided they would go along with.

“Zee is it?”

The new rapper looked like he was about to pass out so he could only nod. Changkyun nodded back in response face still blank. The camera zoomed onto his face and you could see the way his tongue poked out in frustration. It was silent, you could hear the heavy breathing from all the people in the room as well as the discomfort from the producers. Then his face split into a huge smile.

“My name is I.M but you can call me Changkyun. It is so nice to have another rapper in the group.” 

Holding out a hand Zee could only stand there and blink in shock. Changkyun let out a cute laugh and placed the boy’s hand in his own for a shake. 

“Welcome to the team Zee.” 

The camera zoomed out while focused on the two rappers and their unlikely meeting. The scene froze as it faded to black. The credits rolled across the screen intriguing viewers to tune in next week.

Jooheon jumped up from the couch whooping in delight.

“Hell yeah United 100 take that! Our maknae isn’t going to give you what you want.”

But Hosoek couldn’t feel the same kind of enthusiasm for the move. He was amazed at Changkyun’s reaction. He had just suffered a huge emotional blow from the elimination of his ex boyfriend and yet he had so warmly welcoming the intruder.

It was so different to how they had treated Changkyun, maybe that was why the rapper had greeted the other so warmly.

Minhyuk suddenly stood from the couch and stormed out the room leaving everyone shocked at his odd behaviour. They heard the bedroom door slam behind him.

“The fuck is his problem?” Asked Kihyun with a disgusted look on his face.

Hoseok patted the main singer on the knee. He would go see to the blonde. He thought he had an idea what was going on but he preferred to ask Minhyuk personally.

He knocked on the door but let himself in without waiting for an answer. The younger boy was pacing back and forth anger all over his face. He seemed to be mumbling to himself.

“Minnie you okay?”

“This is such bullshit!”

He continued to pace so Hoseok decided to sit out of the way on Jooheon’s bed to await the other’s outburst. Pushing the ridiculous amounts of caps to the side he had barely sat down when Minhyuk burst.

“How could they do that? After everything they have done to him. I’m pissed they would do this to him, he didn’t deserve.”

The second eldest raised his eyebrows at the other’s words, the move had been a low blow but he knew Minhyuk was roping all of his anger that he had for the situation with Changkyun into one thing.

“Look at how he reacted. He was mad sure but at the people who deserved it not at the new kid. That is how we should have reacted. That is how we should have reacted. We should have been angry at the No. Mercy producers not Changkyun. If we had then we would have never been in this mess.”

Minhyuk lashed out grabbing the chair which usually held all their laundry and hurled it against the wall. Hosoek flinched at the sound but said nothing.

“I hate this. I hate myself! We are supposed to be friends, we are supposed to be fucking family and yet we shunned him. Then he goes and shows the world how much better he is than us. He made us look like assholes and he is right.”

Hosoek grimaced as the other’s voice grew in a few octaves as he tried to hold back tears. He had to admit he felt the same way as Minhyuk. To see Changkyun so happily accept the other rapper had left a sour taste in his mouth. Not because he was jealous but because the maknae had been more mature then they all had.

“Why didn’t we just treat him better, why didn’t we want to love him. I’m tired hyung I am tired of all of this. I just want our family back, I want Changkyun back. This isn’t fair.”

Standing he walked over and enveloped Mimhyuk in a hug feeling the tension leaving the other’s body. The younger boy began to silently weep into Hoseok’s shoulder and the elder had to put his head up to try stop himself from bursting into tears.

But he disagreed with Minhyuk all of this was fair, they were finally getting punished for the cruel ways they had treated Changkyun. His mom had always said Karma was a bitch, now he firmly believed it.

—————————————-

“You can take the bunk here. It belonged to MBLAQ’s Mir but he left already.” Said Changkyun as he led Zee to their dorm rooms. He was trying his best not to look at the empty bed where Jessie had slept. The eliminated contestants had already left the studio grounds during Zee’s introduction. Changkyun hadn’t even had time to ask him what he had meant earlier. Why he had been so adamant that the situation was not what he thought it to be.

The new rapper bowed low in thanks and Changkyun just waved it off. He knew he was coming across as a bit of an asshole but he was a hotbed of emotion right now. He wanted to cry, to punch something or just scream. He was pissed and rightfully so. He held a little anger towards Zee but only because of his late entrance into the show. He knew it would fade in a few days and he sure as heck wasn’t going to treat the kid badly or let him know that he held some resentment.

Zee reminded him to much of himself. Shy but clearly ready to take on the world, whatever this kid’s story was Changkyun wasn’t going to be the asshole to destroy him.

“You can use the closet behind you for your clothes and if you need a drawer for personal care products the bottom shelf should be empty. Yoshin is your bunkmate but he will probably be in later.”

He turned away wanting desperately to leave the room, go anywhere where he could release all his pent up emotions. Bu he stopped in his tracks when Zee spoke up, his low pitch even lower in a whisper.

“Why are you being so nice to me? Like I just came in last minute and I’m a rapper like you? Why aren’t you yelling or being mean?”

Changkyun didn’t turn for his heart was beating in his chest. Maybe the kid didn’t know his story. Or maybe he did and still didn’t think anyone would like him. Maybe he was like Changkyun had been and thought he deserved to be hated on.

He peered over his shoulder hoping the younger boy wouldn’t see his heavy breathing.

“I am being nice to you because I was you. It is not your fault you were added last minute you probably just want to debut like everyone else here. I am nice because no one deserves to be treated the same way I was.”

And with that he walked out the room, feeling the growing panic rising in his chest. He had tried to force everything down in front of Zee but everything was bubbling to the surface. He felt like he was drowning.

Jessie was gone.

His only source of comfort in this place was gone. No matter how far he pushed the boy away he knew he had always been there for him and yet Jessie had actually been happy to leave.

“I still love you and always will. But I am not the one you will be happy with. We knew this would happen I will go back to your group and you, you must go back to Monsta x it is where you belong.”

Jessie’s last words echoed in his head. Not the one he was supposed to be happy with? Belong with Monsta x? Why had the boy been so adamant he returned to Hoseok and his group. What was he missing?

He didn’t even know where he was going as he practically stumbled out into the dark night heading towards the chain link fence behind the dorm. He fell against the metal hearing it bounce as he bent over as panic finally gripped him. Tears were also threatening to fall as he tried to understand why things were happening. 

He was tired, tired of feeling like he didn’t belong, like he wasn’t good enough, like he was a pawn in some else’s game.

“Fuck all of this.” He said between huffed breaths.

“You did well tonight my love!” The cold, twisted voice of Minha came from behind him.

He didn’t bother to turn.

“You are number one as it should be.”

He felt her run her hand over his back coming to rest on the back of his neck. It could have being comforting had her grip not tightened, nails pinching into his soft skin. He jumped at the action as she hissed in his ear.

“But I worked to goddam hard to get rid of that loser Jessie for you to lose your shit now and don’t even get me started on that little confession bullshit you pulled. It paid off somehow but telling the world that you are some fucked up freak with mental issues isn’t going to win you fans.” She pushed him away.

His face scrunched in confusion. “Got rid of Jessie? What did you do?” 

She simply rolled her eyes and Changkyun suddenly felt cold. He was stupid for putting any faith in her, for loosening to her. He knew what she was capable of, she had run the smear campaign against him.

“You cheated didn’t you? I was never meant to be in first place, you cheated and therefore so did I. Why the fuck would you do that?”

She looked back at him anger on her face.

“I did what I had to do to get you on top, I did it for you, you ungrateful little prick. How dare you question me.”

She lashed out before he could think, her palm slamming against his check. The force made the rapper fall back a little, Turning his head to the side, eyes wide in shock.

She forced him to stand before bringing her body flush to his. He tried to lean away but her hand grip his chin and the glint in her eye scared him.

“Baby I am doing this all for us. For you! We deserve to be stars!”

He couldn’t speak his own hand gripping his stinging cheek. He realized this woman would stop at nothing to get what she wanted. He cursed himself for falling into her trap.

“You’re fucking crazy.”

The smile dropped off her face and for the first time the full extent of her personality shone through. A sneer came across her face.

“Everything that I have done I have done for us, for me. I will not allow you to ruin this again. So you had better start playing ball Changkyun otherwise I will destroy you and that fucking group of yours. They were so quick to jump to your defence when they found out about the video, even went so far as to break into my apartment to get it. They so desperately wanted to protect you. It was shocking easy to get them to turn against you the minute I threatened to release the video. They didn’t want to hurt their precious maknae but it was that or I would release the video.”

It was like suddenly all the oxygen had been sucked out of his body. The video didn’t belong to his group, they had tried to stop it from being released. They had tried to protect him.

“What? But you said…”

She moved back and let out a sound that could only be described as a cackle.

“Oh come on Changkyun do you really think those idiots have enough brain cells to come up with a blackmailing scheme? I had to make sure they backed off, your success will be because of me not them! And I will not allow you or those assholes to ruin any of this for me.”

She grabbed him around the neck and squeezed cutting off his airways. He struggled for breath clawing at her hands. Eyes widening as he struggled to breath.

“You will do as I say Changkyun. I will be rich and famous even if I have to destroy a hundred people doing so. Even if I have to destroy you and Jessie and those stupid fuckers from your group. So play nicely and they will be safe.”

She let go and he took in a huge gulp of breath and he rubbed his sore neck. Taking a step back she fixed her outfit, face smile back in place.

“There are two more episodes left. Don’t fuck it up!”

She strode away in victory not realizing that she had just awoken something in the rapper, a deep seated anger he had buried under all the self-hatred and fear. He spat out a glob of phlegm before he stood up tall.

Monsta x was innocent, they had been blackmailed with the video, they had tried to protect him. Jessie had been eliminated because of Minha. He had been played, the woman had used his insecurities and problems against him. He was tired of been the victim.

The bitch had no idea who she was messing with. He watched her go, a plan forming in his mind.

“Two can play at this game but only one can win. And I don’t intend to lose.” He whispered under his breath.

———————————

Jooheon angrily sat back arms folded as Shownu muttered a low curse under his breath. Hoseok was just as frustrated. Gunhee seemed a little put out by the reaction. It had been three days since they had broken into Minha’s apartment looking for the usb.

“I am sorry guys I tired my best but as soon as I suggested going back to her place she said she knew what I was up too. Said that you guys need to stop what you are doing or she will hurt Changkyun. I had to leave before she caused any more of a scene. Sorry.”

Shownu patted the rapper on the arm, “It’s not your fault Gunhee. You tried your best.”

They were all silent for a while, their plan had failed again and now Minha knew they were trying to stop her. 

Gunhee seemed a little uncomfortable. “Listen Hyung you need to get Changkyun away from her. She is serious trouble. She stalked me for a year after we broke up she sent me death threats and even tried to poison my little sister because Minha thought she was my girlfriend. If she says she will hurt Changkyun, then she will!”

That worried Hoseok. How could he protect Changkyun.

Minha was getting worse, Jessie had called the day after his elimination he had seen Minha leaving the studio in a huff after the last episode. The singer had been convinced the woman was behind his elimination as someone had been running a smear campaign against him the week before the voting.

Changkyun was now even more isolated and after his confession about his mental health he had been getting a lot of attention, a lot of it negative. It hurt Hoseok to read the comments that had come in, while fans were supportive there were some anti’s who were just down right cruel. Some called for him to leave the show, some even went so far as to say he should just kill himself, get it over with. If Hoseok ever found those fans it would be bad for them.

His musings were broken by the sound of Shownu’s phone ringing. The leader paled as he answered.

“Fuck I forgot about the contract thing.”

Hosoek felt his blood go cold. In all the madness with Minha he had totally forgot about the company making a decision today on Changkyun’s contract. He watched as Shownu listened to the verdict, his shoulders slumping with each word.

“No that’s okay thanks for the update. Are you sure there is no way…”

Hoseok closed his eyes to prevent any unwanted tears. He knew from the leader’s demeanour that this wasn’t good news. He had heard the rumours of the bigger companies scouting the maknae and if they had offered enough money to Starship there was no way they wouldn’t agree to let the rapper go.

“Wait what. Seriously? Yeah yeah no I can wait.” Said Shownu suddenly in surprise. 

Hoseok’s eyes flew open as with he and Jooheon both leaned forward. Even Gunhhe seemed intrigued as he sipped on his coffee. Jooheon patted the leader on the arm.

“Hyung what is going on, Hyung? Hyung!”

Shownu frustratedly pushed the main rapper’s hand away as he tried to listening to what was going on.

Hoseok kicked the leader’s shin.

Shownu rolled his eyes and covered the mouth piece. “Changkyun just pitched up alone. He wants to speak with CEO Kim Shidae alone.”

He turned way as their manager came back online.

“Yes hyung, I am here. But why would he be there without his lawyer. Hyung do you think he is calling off the proceedings?”

Jooheon looked at Hoseok in hopefully excitement. 

“Oh okay hyung please call us back as soon as you know something.”

The questions started as soon as Shown put down the phone the leader waving at them to calm down.

“Hyung what’s going on?”

Shownu raised his eyebrows as if he was confused.

“Well it looks like they agreed to his contract being broken but now they are holding the broken contract back until after the talks.”

The four boys exchanged glances. What was Changkyun up too?

————————————-

“Ah Zee you did amazing in practice today. We are going rock this week’s show.” Said Changkyun as he sat down across from the rapper. The boy choked on his tomato soup at the sudden appearance of the older rapper. Changkyun jumped across and patted him on the back.

“Shit sorry man didn’t mean to scare you.”

Zee blushed but trying to cover it up under an air of nonchalance.

“Ah no hyung you didn’t scare me I just mmm soup is hot.”  
Changkyun raised an amused eyebrow. He had to admit the younger boy was cute in a puppy kind of way. He chocolate brown hair hung shaggily over his small eyes. He had a lopsided smile which didn’t seem to come out to often.

It was at that moment Changkyun realized the younger boy was sitting alone and since his arrival seemed to stick to himself.

“Hey if you would prefer to be alone I could move.”

He knew what it was like to need alone time maybe the kid was the same way.

“No wait please…” Zee said holding out a hand to stop Changkyun.

Changkyun settled down again as Zee rolled his eyes at himself.

“Sorry it is just. I kind of just…I just ….” He looked around the cafeteria at the others who were all eating and jovial talking with each other. Changkyun wanted to hit himself of course they kid had been sticking to himself, everyone here were already friends and he had spent the past few days sorting out his plan that he had completely forgotten about the new kid other than when they were in the practice room together. They had been paired ups to do one of the songs together as all the groups would now be doing three songs each to showcase all of their skills.

“Shit man, sorry I should have been more assertive, introduced you to some people.”

Zee nervously shook his head, “No, no hyung you were busy but thank you for sitting with me.”

Changkyun nodded and grabbed a bunch of ramyun from his bowl, it was nice to be eating again. 

Zee spoke this time in English, something that had been doing in order to stop anyone stealing their ideas.  
“This may not be my place but I think for the final bridge we should swop lines. I can’t pronounce those words as fast but I have a slightly higher tone that will work well with that set of backtrack.”

Changkyun thought for a moment and then nodded in agreement.

“Sounds good dude. And don’t be scared to talk to me about these things. We are a team right?”

He slurped up some more ramyun, trying to ignore the fact that since finding out his group turning on him had been part of Minha’s blackmailing scheme he couldn’t help but think of Hoseok again. The older singer had been cropping up more often I his dreams and his thoughts.

“Mmm so tell me a bit about yourself.” He asked the younger in the hopes of taking his mind of things.

Zee looked surprised by the question. They had spoken a little during practice but it was mostly about music and the show. Changkyun didn’t know anything about the kid.

Zee’s inquisitive eyes searched Changkyun’s face after a little while he put down his soup spoon and hunched his back, breaking eye contact with the older rapper. He reminded Changkyun of a kid in trouble.

“Well I was born and raised in Canada. I always wanted to be a musician, ever since I was a kid but my parents. Well they hate the idea, they want me to take over my dad’s shipping company but I hate it. They aren’t bad people they just don’t understand, my parents worked so hard to build that company up and they feel like I am throwing it in there face. I make a deal with them they gave three years to make it as a trainee and debut. I have three months left before I have to go home. This show is my last chance to follow my dream.”

Changkyun had been unprepared for the info dump. No longer hungry he pushed away his plate. He felt bad for Zee not only had he been brought in last minute when every one had already established fans and friends but he was battling a time limit. As he watched the kid look at the floor an odd feeling overtook Changkyun, the need to make things right for him too.

He grinned to himself, 

“Well if this is you truly want then you need to show that you are the best. And we need to get you some fans, you are going to need their vote. And I think we need to rearrange our song a bit, give you more lines, give you some spotlight.”

Zee looked a little confused, “Why are you helping me? Aren’t we supposed to be competitors?”

Changkyun smiled and grabbed the other’s toast off his plate. “Dude if I am to prove I am the best I have to beat the best. Besides I have…”

He paused himself not knowing how much to tell the boy. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust him per say but Changkyun wanted to keep his plan close to his heart, lest Minha figure something was up.”

“Anyway that doesn’t matter. Here let me introduce you to people.” He looked around and immediately spotted Yoshin and Yeongmin chatting with one of the staff members. He waved them down and like two puppies they came bounding over.

Yoshin being the kind soul he was immediately began talking Zee’s ear off about dance and how dancing was like rap with the body. Yeongmin however cautiously sat beside Changkyun glaring at the new rapper.

“How can you be so nice to him. He is the completion.”

Changkyun nudged him in the side, “So are you! Listen Zee deserves to prove himself and so do we. Just focus on being the best and treat him nicely you never know you may end up debuting together and you want to be best friends.”

Yeongmin looked thoughtful for a second before he turned towards the other two and began asking Zee who his favourite rapper was.

Changkyun smirked and went back to his cold ramen.

—————————————

He hunched his shoulders to try keep in the heat. The heatwave had finally broken and the rain had finally arrived. No matter how many layers layers he wore, he was still soaking wet and horribly cold. Under the cover of darkness he waited hoping no-one would spot the shady looking character hiding around the alley way.

“Kyunnie you here?” Came a stage whispered voice.

He stepped out the shadows. The other jumped and gripped his heart.

Changkyun pulled down his hood and grinned at Mir who gave him an evil glare.

“Fuck Changkyun give a man a little warning next time before you appear out of thin air like some demon coming for my soul. I am an old man god dammit, I have a weak heart.”

Changkyun narrowed his eyes ready to quip back when Mir shoved the package he had asked for into his hands. Changkyun took the bag and peeked inside. He smirked, perfect.

“You sure about this? Minha seems like she will stop at nothing to get what she wants. She is smart Changkyun.”

The young rapper nodded as he slung the backpack over his shoulders and shrugged. 

“Yeah but I am smarter.”

That didn’t seem to mollify the elder. Mir rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. Even from that distance Changkyun could tell the elder was calling him stupid.

“Hyung I don’t have a choice, she started this and I am going to end it.”

He pulled a thick envelope out of his pocket and handed them to Mire, hoping they would help him change the topic.

Mir eyed it. “These the tickets?”

Changkyun nodded.

Mir rolled his eyes agin, “You are awfully confindent that you are going to make the final episode.”

Taking the tickets the older rapper stuffed them into his own pocket.

“Tell them nothing. Tell them to come to the final show. If they ask you questions just tell them you don’t know anything. Your ticket is in there too, you had better be there.”

Mir narrowed his eyes as if trying to figure out what was going on in Changkyun’s head.

“What are you planning Changkyun. I mean the whole thing. I may have only known you a short while but I know you. You are smart, sometimes to much for your own good. What if you fail?”

Changkyun shook his head, he wasn’t going to fail. He couldn’t fail, he had to make everything right. For everyone.

“Hyung I know what I am doing and if by chance I do fail, I will be the only one hurt.”

Shaking his head Mir said nothing more on the subject, instead he wrapped his arms around the other and squeezed him tight.

“Stay safe kid and destroy that bitch.”

Changkyun watched as Mir disappeared into the night, the heavy rain obscuring his footsteps. Changkyun took his hands in his pockets and played with the last envelope. He had one last thing to do that night before he could return to the dorms.

Hailing a taxi he gave the man the address, hoping it was the right one. He had taken him ages to find the address finally finding it after promising to be Giri Boy’s errand boy for the rest of his life. As the night lights hit his face he went over the speech in his head. He wasn’t one for talking and truth be told he was terrified. Not just of delivering the speech but for everything, his plan could back fire and he had lied to Mir because if he failed everyone involved would be hurt. Which is why he had to succeed.

‘We’re here.” Muttered the cab driver in a monotone voice.

Changkyun handed him the money and climbed out. The rain had let up but there was still a damp chill to the air. Thankfully the weather meant they were few pedestrians around and the few that were out were too busy trying to get to their destination. No one was bothered by the hoodie clad young man staring outside the fancy set of apartments. He rang the apartment number.

Thankfully a tired male voice answered. “Hello who is is this?”

“Mmm hi my name is I.M I was in the show United 100 with Mir, Bang Cheolyong. I need to talk to you.”

There was silence on the other side and Changkyun thought the man had left. He was about to turn away disappointed when the door buzzed open. The rapper whooped in delight as he ran inside. Okay the hard part was over now for the absol9horribly difficult part. He climbed into the elevator and pressed the button for the fifth floor in the elevator. He went over his speech one more time.

He hoped Mir wouldn’t be angry with him but he couldn’t help it. He had to make things right for everyone. He just hoped this would work.

Apartment 504. Taking a deep breath Changkyun knocked on the door. It opened to reveal Lee Joon. The singer turned actor was even better looking in real life, no wonder Mir loved him. 

But the older man reeked of alcohol and looked like he hadn’t slept in days and judging by the stubble around his face and coffee stained shirt wasn’t taking care of himself either. Joon looked him up and down before he shrugged and walked back into the dark apartment.

“Come on in then.”

Changkyun closed the door behind him and took a look around the living room. Like many idol apartments it was filled with posters and photographs of themselves. But littered throughout were more personal photographs and many of them included Mir. 

“Make yourself at home. Do you want a drink, I have water, apple juice, a shit ton of alcohol.”

“Oh I’ll just have whatever you are having.”

Joon looked impressed and muttered how that was a bad choice before he walked off to the kitchen. Changkyun sat on the couch and immediately noticed the reams of papers on the coffee table. There was a pile of wedding invites thrown haphazardly but on top was a box of photographs and as Changkyun took a closer look he realized they were pictures of Joon and Mir. Couple pictures, one of them on a beach sharing a cocktail, Mir dressed up like a pirate. Joon was obviously reminiscent of the old days which explained his appearance. Changkyun smirked maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as he thought.

——————————-

Kihyun rolled his eyes for the hundredth time that hour as Minhyuk yelled some obscurity at the game he was playing. The main singer was trying to relax with an iPad game but his best friend wouldn’t shut up. He hauled a pillow at the blondes head.

“Ya dumbass shut up will you before we get complaints from the neighbours again.”

Minhyuk been the little shit he was simply started yelling louder. Kihyun went to smack him again when the door bell rang. Sucking in air he kicked Minhyuk as he went to open the door fully prepared to have to apologize, once again for his loud group.

However the person in the door way was not Mrs. Kwang from the floor below or the heavily pregnant and very angry woman from next door, instead it was Mblaq’s Mir. Changkyun’s friend from the show.

The rapper smiled and bowed to Kihyun who after a few minutes sloppily bowed back.

“Mind if I come in?”

Kihyun took a step back and let the other in. He was a little shocked to see the man that he couldn’t even introduce himself properly.

“Your Yoo Kihyun right . The main singer of the group? Changkyun said you have an amazing voice.”

Kihyun blink in shock, he didn’t think the maknae would ever say such a nice thing about him. He finally found his voices Minhyuk paused his game, eyes widening as he ran off to the other rooms mist likely to rouse the others.

“Do you want a drinks or some food?”

Mir waved away the offer and smiled as he saw the rest of Monsta x minus their maknae all congregated in the room.

“Now I know this may seem odd me just pitching up here but Mmm well Changkyun asked if I could give this to you.”

He handed over the envelope of tickets and Kihyun gratefully took them, peeking inside as he did so.

“Tickets to the final show?”

Mir smiled and nodded as Hoseok and Jooheon battled to grab said tickets.

“He wants us to come to the final show?” Asked Hyungwon with a worried tone.   
“Why?”

Mir smiled, “I wish I knew. That idiot is up to something but he refuses to tell me anything. All he says was to give these to you and make sure you guys come. Said it was very important. He keeps saying he is gonna make things right.”

“How?” Asked Shownu

“Make what right?” Added Kihyun at the same time.

Mir just shrugged looking a little frustrated.

“I wish I bloody knew. You know how Changkyun is always been all cryptic and shit.”

Kihyun sighed out loud, typical of Changkyun to keep whatever he had planned to himself even from someone he trusted. They knew their maknae was up to something. First the contract had been put on hold until the end of the show, then they had all been told their own contracts were been amended although they didn’t know for what and now this.

“Mir-sshi, please if you know anything. We just want to keep him safe. There is this woman, Minha, she is trying too…”

Mir held up a hand and sighed, “I know. I know all about that. Listen I love Changkyun, he is like the little brother I always wanted and I will do anything to keep him safe but we have to trust him.”

Kihyun wanted to say more but Mir hurried towards the door saying the taxi was waiting for him downstairs. The main singer thanked the former idol and closed the door behind him. 

What was Changkyun up to?

He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach, a feeling he always got when things were about to go crazy. Nowadays it usually concerned his group members so much so that Shownu and Minhyuk jokingly called it his Mama Bear instincts. Lately it had been cropping up at the mere thought of the maknae being in trouble. 

“Oh Changkyun I hope you know what you are doing.” He whispered to himself.


	16. Chapter 16

“What about you Changkyun hyung?

Changkyun looked up in confusion at the question. He had been so absorbed in his planning diary that he had stopped paying attention to what his friends were talking about.

“Mmm about what? I wasn’t paying attention.”

Zee tried to smother his laughter while Yeongmin just rolled his eyes in frustration.

“Seriously hyung I have been talking to you for 15 minutes and this whole time you have been writing in that bloody book of yours. What are you writing anyway?”

The young rapper leaned forward but Changkyun slammed it shut and sat on the book. He couldn’t have anyone seeing his plan.

“Hands off grubby fingers.” He swatted at the youngster who sat back with a pout. Zee patted the other on the shoulder although the sentiment was barely needed for they were sitting so close. In the span of a week and with a little nudging from Changkyun the two younger rappers had grown close, just as he had planned. It hadn’t been very hard. Zee was in need of friends and Yeongmin had someone to stick beside him and support him.

“Yeongmin asked who you think is the best looking member in Twice.” Zee said as he dumped the last of his rice into Yeongmin’s bowl as the other clapped with happiness.

A tray slide onto the table next to Changkyun and Yoshin grumpily dropped onto the seat. Changkyun wrinkled up his nose as the smell of sweat hit him.

“Eeuw Yoshy did you have a shower after dance practice?”

The boy turned to glare at Changkyun with a look that could kill, “No I haven’t, excuse me if my smell offends you.”

He threw his head to look at the other rappers, “Also all members of Twice are equally beautiful and talented and people need to stop judging them based on something as arbitrary as looks.”

The three rappers shared questioning looks before Changkyun stood, grabbing his book as he did so.

“Alright, not that this hasn’t been fun or anything but I have to head out, lots to do. Just remember tonight is our second last episode. Zee you need to make sure you shine tonight. Get them fans interested in you.”

The newcomer nodded and with that Changkyun wondered off preparing for everything he had to do. He felt a bout of nervousness, not because he was technically sneaking around doing not so legal things but because tonight he would officially put his plan into action. All the preparation was done and now it would all be coming to fruition. 

He walked to the practice room that had been previously used for his group. Now that there were less people in the show, most of the room had been closed off. Ready for when the next show needed them. That didn’t mean Changkyun didn’t still come into the room when he needed some alone time. The room now covered in dust held a lot of memories for him, most of them good.

His first kiss with Jessie, his group members begging him to allow them to make things right, meeting new people. He caught his reflection in the sun fogged mirror. God how he had changed in such a short few weeks. He had gained and lost so much here.

He remembered his kiss with Jessie, how quickly he had fallen in love with the kind singer. He knew that no matter what happened in the future he would never forgive himself for what he did to the boy. He just hoped that once he was free of this place they could be friends. He walked over to a corner of the room and slide the pile of boxes out the way. The bag Mir had given him sat behind it. He grinned and pulled it out. He took a laptop out of it and opened it up. The live feed came on.

“Okay Minha lets see what shit you have been up to today.”

————————-

“Did you guys see this?” Yelled Jooeheon as he skidded into the room practically following down beside Minhyuk waving around a piece of sheet music.

Hyungwon grabbed it out his hand.

“Hero? Draft 1?.” He read out loud. “This is from PunchCloud’s lyrics book. Did you steal this from him? He is going to kill you.”

Jooheon waved away his concern. “Apparently that is our next comeback song. Gun overheard management talking about it. They started writing this last week for us but look at this huge paragraph here.”

He pointed at the middle section and Hyungwon’s eyes grew wide. “Is this for real?”

“What” asked Kihyun as the tallest handed the sheet to Hoseok and Shownu.

“Changkyun’s name is beside this rap. Why the hell would they prepare a song for us if they were planning on signing him away?” Said Jooheon excitedly.

Hosoek jumped to his feet, “Wait does this mean… Is Changkyun still with us? Is that what the talks with Shidae were about?”

Shownu, ever the voice of reason tried to calm his excited members although it was obvious from his lit in his voice that he was hopeful too.

“Wait, lets not jump to conclusions. They maybe writing this because PunchSound doesn’t know about the situation or maybe the company is doing it just in case. We don’t know what os going on and this is only the first draft, they could still take away his section if he is leaving.”

Jooheon wasn’t deterred though. “But think about it guys. Why create a comeback song with Changkyun’s name in if they knew he was going to leave, even if they knew there was a chance he wasn’t coming back a song wouldn’t be the first thing they would do. They would have us do press conferences and fan meets before even thinking of a song. They would try to promote us as a six man group before a song. But a comeback right after he returns to Monsta X will bring about great publicity and shows how strong we are as a group.”

That seemed to interest the others. Jooheon felt like it was Christmas and he wasn’t even sure whether or not one hundred percent Changkyun was coming back but with the contract talks suddenly coming to a halt and Changkyun having sent them tickets for the final show. Maybe things were changing. Maybe the youngest was coming back to them.

They chatted excitedly amongst themselves. They had been hopeful since receiving the tickets a few days previous. Hosoek had also excitedly shown them a selfie the maknae had posted to his fan cafe the previous day where he had tagged himself as Monsta X maknae under the title prodigal son. 

Their manager came in and ordered them to move onto vocal practice. They still had to keep their voices strong. Jooheon hated these sessions now. While he hadn’t particularly liked having Changkyun with him before he had befriend the maknae. Now he absolutely missed having the youngest in the room. He always hated practicing solo and now he was the group’s only rapper he begrudgingly trudged to the practice room.

He flopped into his seat and angrily pulled out his sheet book to begin warming up. His phone rang, the shrill noise filling the room. Rolling his eyes he angrily picked it up without looking at the number. It was most likely Gun or his mom.

“Hello.”

“Hyung its me, Changkyun.”

He jumped up, heart beating, “Changkyun oh my god. Hi, how’re you. Mmm…”

He couldn’t speak, his tongue tied up. He had writing speech after speech on what he would say when he spoke to the maknae again. Now naturally, because he had the memory of a bloody goldfish, he couldn’t remember any of it.

“Hyung listen I know. I know about Minha, I know about her blackmailing you. But I need to hear the truth before I make a final decision. I trust you because you opened up to me first about you feelings during No.Mercy so please be honest with me.”

The voice on the other side seemed so tired that it killed Jooheon and yet the fact that Changkyun had reached out to him gave him hope. He wasn’t sure what was going on but he had a feeling that whatever he said right now would be the make or break point for Changkyun. He needed to do this right.

“We didn’t want to do it. When she came to us, we were so happy that we were all finally getting along we felt finally like a family and then she showed us the video. Hoseok and I we were prepared to do whatever it took to bring that bitch down but she barely gave us any choice. It was hurt you or let that video get out.”

The very thought of what was on that video made him upset. He hated thinking about it, thinking about how his actions. His stupid vendetta against the kid could have made him responsible for his death.

“I hated myself while watching that video and I couldn’t stand for it to be released. I couldn’t have every asshole out there going after you, ruining your life just because you reached a low point in your life and I know this was our fault, we did this to you. So we agreed on turning against you. I am sorry Changkyun. We never meant it, we never meant any of it. We truly did want you to become part of our family. I wanted you to be my baby brother, my best friend but we messed up. We kept messing up and Minha was just the tinder that set this shit show alight. I am so sorry Changkyun, I am so goddamn sorry.”

Without realizing he had begun to cry. He knew it should be Changkyun crying after all he had been the receiver of all the hatred and cruelty for so long. He kept repeating that he was sorry hoping Changkyun could understand how sincere he was.

When Changkyun spoke again there was a croak to it as if he too was trying not to cry.

“Thank you hyung. Please don’t tell the others I called I don’t want them to know. See you next week. Oh and watch tonight’s episode!”

And with that he put down the phone.

“Changkyun, Changkyun?”

He sighed in frustration and threw his phone onto the table angrily. What had that been about? Why didn’t Changkyun want the others to know he had called and what was this final decision he needed to make?

But the most important question was, how the hell was he going to keep this a secret from the others?

——————————-

Changkyun dropped his cellphone and stuffed his fists into his eyes. Taking a few jerky deep breaths he tried to calm himself. He was tired of crying, he needed to be strong but hearing Jooheon break down like that on the other side of the phone had almost broken him.

He knew right away Jooheon had been telling the truth especially as he already knew what had gone down on that night. But to hear that his group actually did care about him and had only turned on him in order to protect him from the video been leaked was like a sledgehammer to his heart. It was nice to know he was wanted and that his plan wouldn’t be for nought. They would need a long time to heal but he was sure it would happy in time.

Taking a shaky breath he stood up and paced around the room he had half an hour more before he needed to be in makeup getting ready for tonight’s show. One more week, seven days before everything came to an end and the start of his new life began. 

His phone pinged with a message, “Good luck babe! Show them what you are made for. Don’t mess up, I can’t keep fixing your messes.”

Minha!

His sadness immediately dissipated replacing by cold, hard loathing. He couldn’t wait until she went down. The girl thought she was smart but she had nothing on Changkyun.

He replied with a meek, “Yes Noona I will make you proud.” The action made him want to throw up a little in his mouth but she needed to be placated. She needed to believe she had him tied around her finger. He couldn’t wait until she fell, he would take the bitch down and he would have fun doing it.

The show that night had a packed audience and as usual Changkyun felt the nervousness coursing through his veins. He rubbed his hands together as he turned to bring his full attention to the TV’s set up in the backroom. The competitors could watch the show as it aired. Right now they were showing the rest of Zee’s arrival to the show and more specifically how he had fit in so fast. Changkyun brought his attention to the screen trying not to let the grin on his face show. 

The scene was from Zee’s third day when Changkyun, Zee and Yeongmin had a rap off much to the amusement of Yoshin and a few others. Changkyun had purposely messed up his rap watching as Zee took the crown. They had collapsed into a ball of giggles after that. A few shots of them in the various ‘fun’ events the show would hold for ratings such as a ghost prank and dressing up like a girl.

Then there was an interview with Zee.

“I was so afraid when they brought me in late. I seriously thought the other trainees would hate me but this past week has been amazing. Honestly without Changkyun hyung I don’t think I would have made it very far. He has become my mentor and friend. He really is one of the best people I have ever met.”

Changkyun felt a wave of compassion for the kid. They had only know each other for a week but he felt protective over him.

The next scene was a montage of the practices. One was of him and Yoshin dancing to Growl, which brought back a few memories of his old group, Nubility. God how he wished some days that he could have debuted with them. 

The main part of the show finally began and the competitors all became just a little more alert. The next 40 minutes passed like a dream, each of the contestants trying to prove why they belonged on the stage. By the time the end was coming Changkyun was sweating from the dance number he had done with Yoshin only 10 minutes before. 

Zee was nervously pacing up and down beside him nervousness all over his face.

“I.M, Zee, Yeongmin and Minho two minutes until curtain.” 

Okay here it was. The remaining four rappers would do a special set they had prepared to end that night’s show. 

Changkyun grabbed his friend’s shoulder and gripped it hard. "Just remember go hard for this one. Also I heard the audio is terrible today so make sure you rap out loud. But you all into the rap as if there was no backtrack okay.” 

Zee frowned but nodded anyway. Perfect.  
“Okay rappers to the front.”

The four boys hustled to the stage, Changkyun bringing up the rear as he got closer to the sound booth he jerked his head at the man behind the counter. The man dropped his head in return. Changkyun slid something onto the desk, “Cut the backtrack here but keep it going in his earpiece.”

The man nodded, “Sure thing man. Oh and thanks for getting me Hyojin’s number. I have had a crush on her forever.”

They both looked off towards where one of the producers was helping a contest with his earpiece.

Changkyun patted him on the shoulder. “Anything for a friend.”

He took his place on stage, the feeling all to similar to No. Mercy except this time he was controlling the outcome.

The low base started and the screams of fans rose. Minho began to rap. The guy was good but his bad attitude was to evident in his work and he was still one of the lessor favourites. The crescendo arose, he brought the mic to his mouth.

“I am what I am man.”

The screaming of the rose almost overtook the music, he smiled at the support. His first paragraph was rapped slow so people could hear the lyrics.

“Baby it don’t matter if you like me or not  
Because guess what, i’M learning to love myself.  
Not broken no matter what’s in my head  
Petty bitch that I am learn to live to watch  
You fall. Choosing what matters, Choosing me.”

He bent low as the music swelled, taking a huge breath ready to do the next paragraph in one, fast breath. This one would be a message. A message to his fans, to Minha if she was smart enough to get it but most importantly it was a message to Monsta x.

Take me outta my mind  
Make me feel whole again  
The seventh one, the prodigal son returns  
A David and Golitath, its me verses me  
So fee-fi-fo-fum, here I come  
An original Monsta, Now and forever one.

The base dropped and the crowd went nuts. The beat was in his veins and he grinned into the audience as Yeongmin started his rap. He had worked with the youngster until he was able to write most of his own raps and naturally as Changkyun had composed the song he had even Yeongmin and Zee the most lines.

He bopped his head, drawing the audiences attention to the stage as Yoengmin rapped. Each day the boy got better, he was a star and Changkyun was going to make him one.

The base dropped again for the chorus, which they all yelled out. The audience getting involved in the catchy tune. Finally it was Zee’s turn, the cheers quietened for him but they wouldn’t for long.

Zee rapped his first two lines, his husky voice hidden behind the music and Changkyun turned his head spotting the audio tech. The man gave a nod and flipped a switch, the background track disappeared and Zee’s strong, natural voice came through. The boy having no idea he was without a back up track was still going hard. 

The crowd was looking at each other in shock and awe at how amazing the new kid was and before Zee had even managed to finish the crowd was cheering in a crescendo even higher than Changkyun’s.

A conspiratorial smirk appeared across his face. The plan was now in motion!


	17. Chapter 17

The night of the second last episode:

Jooheon was practically vibrating with excited energy and it was starting to annoy Hosoek. Practice had been particularly horrible today. He had messed up his vocal practice and his voice coach had gone off on him for two solid hours. It wasn’t exactly his fault. He was so wrapped up in what was going on with Changkyun that he had stopped practicing his voice warm-ups in the morning. Then he had missed lunch and now was quite frankly hangry.

“Wookyu hyung can you please hurry up. United 100 starts in like 15 minutes and I really don’t want to be late to watch it.”

Hosoek’s eyes narrowed as he looked over towards his dongsaeng. Since earlier that afternoon Jooheon had kept going on about how they had to watch that night’s episode. In fact he had insisted that they couldn’t miss it. It was a given they would watch the episode so he couldn’t help but wonder what had gotten into the rapper.

“We will get there when we get there Jooheon.” Said the manager with a frustrated sigh as the vehicle inched forward in the afternoon traffic jam. Wookyu was starting to look a little haggard as of late and the older man was more snappish than usual. Hoseok put it down with having to be in charge of the problematic group and having to deal with the backlash that was coming from the stressful situation the group was in.

Jooheon shifted frustratedly in his seat and looked down at his phone for what was probably the 200th time since they left the studio.

“Okay spill the beans! What has gotten into you?” Said Kihyun turning on the current youngest.

Jooheon’s eyes went wide with fear as tried to hide his phon. Hyungwon was faster as he reached out and grabbed it holding it above his head. Jooheon attempted to snatch it back. All of them ignoring Wookyu’s call to behave.

“What is so important in your phone you have to keep looking at it?”

Jooheon growled and lunged for his phone again. “Nothing asshole. Now give it back.”

Hyungwon moved it further out of reach and Jooehon pouted. 

“I just want to make sure we see Changkyun perform tonight. I don’t want to miss anything. I want to make sure he knows we’ll still support when he comes back.”

Hoseok grabbed the phone for Hyungwon and dangled it before Jooheon. “What do you mean when he comes back? What do you know that you aren’t telling us Jooheon?”

It came out harsher than expected but something was up and then were already been kept in the dark about so many things. The fact that Jooheon’s mouth was opening and closing like a fish signified he was up to something too.

“It’s nothing I just…”

Hoseok keyed in Jooheon’s code rolling his eyes at the simple 1111 password. He slapped the boy’s hand out of the way and went to text messages. Jooheon had sent at least twenty texts to Changkyun in the past few hours. That wasn’t entirely suspect every now and then one of them would spam his phone hoping he would respond.

The last one however piqued Jooheon’s interest for it had said, “Stuck in traffic but I am trying to making it back to the dorm. I promise we will watch tonight’s episode. And I meant what I said. I am really sorry about the way I treated you. I want us to be brothers and best friends!”

Hosoek glared at Jooheon but his heart was starting to beat like a jackhammer. Jooheon refused to meet his eye which meant he was keeping something.

Kihyun who was leaning over his should told him to check the phone calls. His heart stopped. There in the recents column was Changkyun’s name. The maknae had called the phone!

He spun the phone around to face Jooheon who looked like he was about to cry. “What the hell is this?”

At that point Jooheon started wailing. “I’m sorry! He asked me not to tell you guys he called. I didn’t want to break any more of his trust again. Especially because he…” He broke up and burst into tears.

The rest of the group were restlessly looking at one another. Even Wookyu turned to look at Jooheon although he seemed a little less shocked at the confession.

“Because he what?” Asked Shownu as calmly although they could all hear the thinly veiled excitement in his voice too. Hosoek had to admire the leader’s resolve.

Jooheon pouted as he explained the phone call from earlier. How the youngest now believed them about Minha’s blackmail. How he had asked to hear the truth from Jooheon and how he had told the other to watch tonight’s episode.

Hosoek looked at his watch and cursed. The episode would start in 10 minutes and they were still a few blocks from home. Traffic was at a standstill. At this point it would be faster walking.

He threw open the van door and leapt out. 

“Hosoek what the hell are you doing?” Yelled Wookyu.

Kihyun must have clued in and was climbing out behind Hoseok. “Sorry hyung if we wait in the car then we will miss the show but if we walk then we will get home in time. There is no way we are missing our maknae on TV.”

And before the manager could respond the rest of the group had climbed out and was running down the freeway heading towards their dorm. People honking and cursing as the six boy weaved in and out of traffic.

They were sweaty and tired by the time they fell through their doorway. The show had just started as they squeezed onto their couch music sweeping through the small room.

The show, as usual, began with scenes from the past week and Hoseok felt his heart swell when Changkyun appeared having a rap off with the new kid Zee. The rapper had obviously made himself lose so Zee could win. Changkyun could easily have won it, he had seen the boy do it before during No. Mercy. The little smirk the maknae tried to hide was evidence enough as Zee jumped up and down in happiness. 

He felt humbled by how kind Changkyun was to the other even when they were playing around and acting odd together. Even when the boy had come in last second and right after Jessie had been eliminated.

They all giggled as Changkyun performed Growl alongside Yoshin. Hosoek had to admit the youngest, despite his wobbly legs, looked good doing it.

Finally was the last performance of the night. The four remaining rappers had a song they had prepared or judging by the information on the screen had been prepared by Changkyun and Zee.

The beat was amazing and Hosoek felt himself bopping his head to the music. He had to admit it was a badass track and then Changkyun stated rapping.

“I am what I am man.”

The crowd went wide and Hoseok couldn’t help but give a whoop of delight too.

“Baby it don’t matter if you like me or not   
Because guess what, I’M learning to love myself.  
Not broken no matter what’s in my head  
Petty bitch that I am learn to live to watch   
You fall. Choosing what matters, Choosing me.”

Hoseok deflated a little at that. While it seemed Changkyun was trying to get better it didn’t exactly sound like anything good for the group. Then the youngest took a deep breath. The camera’s zooming in on his face, there was a spark in his eyes and he looked dangerous. A shiver ran across Hoseok’s spine.

Take me outta my mind  
Make me feel whole again  
The seventh one, the prodigal son returns  
A David and Golitath, its me verses me  
So fee-fi-fo-fum, here I come  
An original Monsta, Now and forever one.

The crowd screamed at the admission but back in Monsta x’s dorm silence reigned supreme. The only sound was the remote controller falling from Minhyuk’s limp hand.

“Did he just…” asked Hyungwon looking to the others. Like a spell had broken the group leapt off from the couch and became screaming and hugging one another.

“An original Monsta. Now and forever one.”

That’s what Changkyun had said. He was choosing Monsta X!

 

Seven days until the Finale:

Changkyun stretched out his body enjoying the feeling of his muscles elongating after a good night’s sleep. He looked around the dark room and could hear the snores from Zee and Yoshin. He reached behind his pillow and pulled out his phone from where it was charging. He had forty new messages from Monsta x and a few dozen calls. He smiled. So they had watched the episode.

He climbed out of bed and slipped into something warmer than his boxers. Pocketing his phone he walked outside. The dew from the cold night had settled on everything adding a quint shine to everything. A beauty that didn’t exist past this time. He walked to the abandoned practice room and did some morning stretches. The other boys wouldn’t be up for another hour or so which gave him plenty of time to work on himself. And that meant every part of himself.

He dialled a number he had neglected since arriving at the studios.

“Hello, this is Doctor Song Hyorin.”

“Hello Dr. Song. It’s Im Changkyun!” He felt nervous for some reason. 

“Ah Changkyun-ah. I was wondering when you would get back to me. I haven’t seen you in a while.” Came her kind voice. His shoulder’s fell he felt so guilty for not visiting the psychologist but almost like sensing his feelings she let him know it was okay.

He told her everything from being sent to United 100 to his up and down relationship with his group and Minha’s blackmail.

Unsurprisingly she had watched all of the episodes to keep a track of him.

“I was surprised you came out about your struggles but I am incredibly proud. It is not an easy task but it will help you continue to fight it and grow.”

He tried not to tear up but it was hard. He thanked the woman and made a promise that he would turn up for his next appointment. 

“And Changkyun. Just remember it is okay to have bad days but you are stronger than this. Start leaning on your group if they are truly wanting to be your friends now. I believe it you!”

With that phone call under his belt he felt ready to face the rest of the day. He headed towards the cafeteria finding his usual table empty but a few other table had tired, blurry eyed boys were up eating breakfast. He grabbed his food and sat down. This next part of his plan was a fun one but again was nerve wracking. He pulled out his book and looked at his page. He had a short sentence he had planned for each of his members. Been the cryptic asshole he was he was going to send them each a word per day of the message until the finale.

He sent a message to the group, “Seven Days in a week, Seven Boys in a group, A Word or Two a Day for each of you, to make a message of what I want to say!”

Jooheon: Should’ve

Shownu: Be a

Kihyun: It

Minhyuk: You

Hyungwon: You’re

Wonho: I

He smirked as he placed his phone back in his pocket. The confusion would be legendary and Monsta x needed to know that he liked to create chaos sometimes.

“‘Sup Hyung! Why are you always up so early?” Yeongmin climbed into the seat across from him with a plate piled high with food.

Changkyun smiled, “I like to wake up early rise with the sun. Get the most out of my day. A hour or two in the morning gives me sometime to work on myself.”

“You disgust me.” Zee practically fell into the seat next to Yoeongmin, eyes still partially closed and hair standing up like he had been electrocuted. He put his head on Yeongmin’s shoulder and went back to sleep.

Changkyun snorted at the sight, “Ah you make such a good couple!” Zee opened one eye and launched a piece of toast at Changkyun head.

They ate in silence for a while until Yoshin came galloping into the room, limbs flying like a cartoon character. He skidded to a halt squeaking in excitement. A few other contestants and crew glared at him for disturbing the peace but he didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh MY GOOOOOODDDDD! Have you guys seen the assignments for this week?”

He waved a piece of paper in front of them and Changkyun snatched it off him.

As usual it contained the breakdown for the week which included an obstacle course and an outing to the zoo. Then there was the musical assignments. The remaining boys would do one huge set and then each would do an individual set. Then would come the final voting and the announcement of the final lineup. He had seven days to make sure everything worked according to plan.

Zee, now no longer asleep, looked worried and Changkyun nudged him.

“You okay man?” He asked in English.

Zee bit his lip, looking like a little, lost puppy.

“Hyung I don’t know if I can do this. What if I don’t make it? I can’t go back home.”

“Hey you are not going home and you will make it to the final lineup you hear me!”

Zee still looked skeptical but it didn’t bother the older rapper. He didn’t need Zee to understand for his plan to work.

“Well it looks like this morning we gave some games and friendly competition. Who wants to bet they make us dress up like girls.” That elicited a round of moans.

—————————-

“I…I. Thats all he sends me.” Said Hosoek pacing back and forth. 

The group had received their first word and so far all of them were a little confused.

“Yeah well it is better than it.” Said Kihyun whose eyes hadn’t leave his phone screen.

Hosoek had to admit he wasn’t sure about this game Changkyun was playing. The cryptic message. The phone call to Jooheon and of course his rap from the night before. Despite all this Wookyu and Shidae were oddly quiet on the topic. It was infuriating.

“Mine just says Be a. Like what is that supposed to mean. Ah the little shit.” Said Shownu although there was a nugget of affection in his voice that hadn’t been there before when speaking of Changkyun.

“Whatever I don’t even care. I am just glad he said he was still a Monsta like he literally declared it to the country.” Said Joohoen happily as he bounced up and down on the couch.

Hosoek had to admit he was pretty excited about that although there was still a nagging piece of doubt in his mind. What if Changkyun had finally decided to get back at them? What if he was playing with them? Trying to hurt them in the same way they hurt him?

He shook his head and told himself that Changkyun wasn’t like that right? The maknae would come back and they would be happy. But where would that leave their personal relationship? Surely the act of pushing him away had closed of the boy’s heart forever. Hoseok was still madly in love with the maknae and now that he didn’t have the Minha problem to deal with he could focus on his feelings again. Naturally he found that he wanted things to work about between him and Changkyun. He wanted to feel the boy’s lips on his own again!

He doubted Changkyun would just fall for him for a second time but he had promised himself he would keep pushing to prove he loved Changkyun. 

“What you smiling about over there?” Asked Hyungwon sitting down beside him.

Hosoek fixed his face and levelled his friend with a dirty look but it didn’t deter the other. 

“You were thinking about Changkyun, weren’t you?”

Hosoek tried to laugh it off, “Yeah of course I was. Aren’t we all?”

Hyungwon raised an eyebrow and rolled his eyes. “Yeah we are all thinking abut him but you are thinking about him in a different way. But you know what hyung I hope things do work out for you guys. I want you both to be happy.”

Hosoek blushed at the confession. “I don’t think he will care for me that way again. I broke his heart and even though he knows the truth. I don’t know I am just worried.”

Hyungwon patted his legs, “Hyung I believe in you and just try to be the best person you can be. It will take time but things will sort itself out, because you want it too.”

“Huh when did you get so smart?”

Hyungwon shrugged, “I have always been smart. You just can’t see beyond your own self sometimes.”

With that Hyungwon got up and walked over to the kitchen leaving Hoseok gobsmacked in the living room.

—————————————-

Changkyun downed the bottle of water, face scrunched in exhaustion. The morning’s activities had been crazy. Even the camera crew seemed tired as they had run around after the contestants. They had played somewhat of a game similar to running man.

“Okay that’s it, send me back to Canada. I can’t do this.” Said Zee stumbling over to him. Changkyun handed him a bottle of water which he gratefully took.

“You did great out there Zee. I noticed how much the cameras were after you. That’s good, more screen time.”

Changkyun spotted Yoshin and Young Dolla walking towards them. He waved them over and handed them bottles too.

“Remind me to start going to going to gym more because that took a lot out of me.” Said Young Dolla.  
“You did amazing though Zee. I couldn’t believe how fast you are.”

Zee blushed at the unexpected complement and Changkyun patted him on the back. At that point he noticed the cameras pointing towards them. Positioning his body so that Zee became the new focus he hopped on the compliment Zee train too.

“Yeah I can’t believe how fast he is. He just came zooming up behind me and grabbed my number before I had even sensed him. We should call you the Flash or something like that.”

Zee went beat red and Changkyun couldn’t help but give him a huge patting him on the head.

“Ah well maybe if you guys weren’t so slow.” Zee laughed which caused a bout of fake rage from the others. Eventually they fell into a fit of giggles.

“Alright boys thats a wrap. Head to lunch and then to your practice room for the main song. Remember we have a zoo outing tomorrow.”

They bowed a thank you to the staff and as soon as the cameras had gone all the contestants relaxed no longer acting like perfectly idols but normal guys. 

The group headed to the cafeteria groaning as they saw the bland salad options they had lined up. 

“God what I would do for a hamburger,” said Young Dolla as he threw a pile of soggy lettuce onto his plate. Changkyun heartily agreed. His appetite had recovered thankfully since his week of hell although the calorie restricted foods they were given didn’t really help all that much.

He was about to suggest sneaking out that night to hit up the local western food joint when his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. He quickly excused himself and hurried off to the bathroom. Minha was calling, just the person he needed.

Trying to make himself sound meek he answered the phone, “Minha noona, Hi”

The irritated voice came over the other end setting his nerves on edge.

“Changkyun-ah do you enjoy pissing me off?”

He narrowed his eyes wondering what he had done to annoy the woman. Not waiting for his answer she continued.

“Your little rap has caused quite a stir amongst the fans. They know all believe you are going back to Monsta x.”

Ah so that’s what had set her off.

“I’m sorry Noona. I did it because I need Monsta x’s fans to vote for me. Please forgive me Noona. I only wanted to make you proud.”

He tried not to gag at his own words. Thankfully it seemed to work as her voice sweetened like syrup.

“Oh my baby it is so sweet you are trying to help. But you are not smart enough to run this plan. Leave it all to me or ask permission next time.”

Anger flashed through him but he easily contained it. He would win in the end, let the bitch have her fun. He made his voice even more small and weak than before.

“Yes noona, you are right as always. How can I make it up to you? Maybe I can come over?”

He waited with bated breath. This was it either she would take the bait or his plan would halt in its tracks.

“Oh Changkyun you are a good boy. Be here at 9 otherwise there will be hell to pay.” The call ended and Changkyun allowed a smirk to crawl across his face. She had taken the bait now to reel her in.

By the time 9 rolled around Changkyun’s whole body felt alive with nervousness. Minha had let him into her apartment. He had been there only one time before for part one of his plan and he still felt like there was something very wrong about the place. 

The last time he had come was to install his cameras. The ones Mir had given him. He thought it only right, she had bugged his studio and he in turn had bugged her apartment. He looked around glad to see none of them had been discovered. His eyes wondered to the locked door in her apartment. He had been unable to get into the room the last time he was here but now he had a way in.

Minha was dressed in a blood red pleather dress, her tits pushed so high up her chest that it looked uncomfortable. Changkyun made sure to widen his eyes and stumble over his words. Make her think he was a bumbling, blushing horn dog.

She waltzed over to him and wrapped an arm around his neck bringing her body flush to his. Her perfume stung his nostils. He had to stop himself from pushing her away instead he put a hand on her hip and the other snuck into his pocket making sure the lock picks were in his pocket.

She nuzzled his face forcing his face to align with hers and then she kissed him. Her lipgloss was sticky and her mouth full of saliva. Despite this he kissed her back mentally high-fiving himself when she melted into the kiss. He broke away but continued to run a hand down her body.

“We should really celebrate tonight. Celebrate the knowledge that I will win this show and it is all because of you.”

He turned away from her and reached into his backpack. He pulled out a bottle of red wine, Chateau Margaux. Minha’s favourite and most expensive brand of wine. Her eyes lit up and she reached for it.

“Oh my god this is my favourite kind of wine. How did you know?”

He shyly shrugged, “I asked around. I just want to make you proud Noona.”

She cupped his face and cooed. “That’s my baby. Be a doll and open it while I get some glasses.”

She hurried out the room and he watched her go with a scorn on his face. 

He partook in the first glass trying not to grimace at the vile taste in his mouth. He quickly poured them another glass.

“To us! For we will show the world how great we are.”  
He brought the glass to his lips and watched her down the red liquid. He pretended to pour himself another glass. Upon seeing his full glass she quickly filled hers up. Already there was a twinkle in her eye.

“To you my lovely Minha, the smartest and sexiest woman I know.” 

He watched her down the rest of the bottle her eyes growing glassy the drunker she got. Changkyun still nursed his second by the time he pulled out the much cheaper bottle. She climbed onto his lap and sloppily tried to kiss him.

“Once you debut again I am gonna tell the world that you are mine. I will tell them how I nursed you back to health after Monsta x broke your heart. They will see me as a hero. I’ll be famous. It is what I deserve!” She slurred.

He rolled his eyes and handed her another glass smirking as she attempted to grab it but missed. He held up his glass.

“Oh trust me you will get everything you deserve Minha.” 

As soon as the wine left her glass she slumped forward unconsciously. Changkyun roughly brought her head back. She was out cold. Just like Gun said she would be.

He deposited her on the couch and shivered trying to get rid of the feeling of her hands on his body. Thank god for Gun’s advice. The other rapper had been shocked to receive Changkyun’s phone call but when he heard what was planned for his ex he was all too happy to go along with it. He had even confessed to trying to help Monsta X break into her house the first time and that’s when he had found out about the obsession Minha had with Changkyun. The stolen clothes and other personal items, the weird mission board. He had to see it for himself.

He hurried over to the door and jiggled the handle just in case. It was still locked.

Squatting down he went to town on the lock. He had spent hours trying to learn how to use lockpicks, giving up precious time when he should be practicing. After 10 minutes and two broken picks the door swung open. The sight inside was worse than what he had expected.

It was like seeing a shrine to his life only this person was hellbent on destroying him. It was chilling to see but he went forward anyway. Posters of himself were plastered onto the walls some with a big red X over his face. Others had hearts.

The box of his stuff was there just as Gun had said it would be. He wondered what his group must have thought when they originally saw this stuff. His favourite hoodie, the one that had gone missing months ago. A bottle of acne cream he had thought lost during a flight. How long had this woman been stalking him and how could no one have noticed.

But he didn’t have time to dawdle on his emotions or the discovery, he had a job to do.

He grabbed the camera he had in his bag and sat it down in from of him. Making sure it captured all of the room. He pressed record and smirked into the camera.

“Hello Minha. I think you’ve met your match.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait. Things have gotten crazy at work and I don't have much time to write right now. But I will finish this story even if it takes me until the end of the year!

\---------------Six days before final episode:-------------------

Changkyun had always loved the zoo. There was always something so marvellous about being able to see wild animals right up close. Yeah he knew there could be problematic, the animals looked up in small enclosures. Always watched never able to be the animal they should be. Yeah so maybe he could identify with these creatures. After all wasn’t been an idol just like been a zoo animal. He shook his head, god he was going back to his emo phase. A period in his life he liked to gloss over.

As with all zoos he was immediately drawn to the wolves. He searched their large enclosure for any sign of them. He was sorely disappointed. He pouted, what use was this tiny cages if you couldn’t even see them.

“Ah hyung whats with the long face” He turned to see Zee walking up behind him with a elephant plushie and a cameraman in tow. Internally Changkyun smiled. The new rapper was starting to get a lot of attention however not all of it was positive. But he would keep on working on it. The world needed to know what a gem the rapper was.

Changkyun threw his arm around the kid’s shoulders despite him being easily a few inches shorter than Zee.

“I’m sad ‘cos I can’t spot my favourite animal. The mighty wolf. The hunter of the North! If I was an animal I would be a wolf.” He threw his head back and howled loudly.

Zee scoffed, “Yeah right you’re more like a pomeranian.”

Changkyun’s mouth dropped in mock shock, “You little brat. This isn’t how I raised you!”

Zee patted him on the head, “Hyung if anything I’m raising you.” And walked off.

Changkyun looked into the camera, “Kids these days.” And then walked off to the next exhibit leaving the cameraman giggling behind him.

These little interactions were perfect. The show had been releasing little clips like this on their website to get people ready for the final showdown. If Changkyun could build up enough support for Zee then he had done his job.

He had to admit amongst all his scheming, his underlying fear of what would happen in the future was starting to get to him. He knew he needed to control his anxiety least it set off another low point. So he was set on enjoying today. After all it was a nice day, the sun shining high overhead.

His stomach grumbled and as he had promised himself to start eating better, he headed to the cafeteria in search of lunch. A few other contestants were there and they waved at him as he walked passed. It was nice to have so many people liking him enough to greet him. It made him realize just how much he mean tot people. Grabbing some ramen he headed over to an empty table that overlooked the gorilla enclosure. He needed to be alone for a little bit.

Pulling out his phone he sent the next set of messages.

Shownu= Better

Jooheon= supported

Kihyun= wasn’t your

Minhyuk= were

Hyungwon= an

Hosoek= forgive

His finger hovered over the send button to Hosoek’s word. The nagging voice of doubt was in his head and he had to admit it had a reason to be there. He was acting on the assumption that his group wanted him back. He knew Jooheon had said so and Minha’s confession seemed obvious but he couldn’t help but wonder.  
Shaking his head he hit send. There was no use in stressing now. He had started on this path and he would see it through to the end. Besides he was Im Changkyun, a devious genius who always got what he wanted in the end.

“Alright spill. What is really up with you?” He looked up from his ramen as Zee sat across from him with a burger and fries. Thankfully this time it was there were no cameras following him.

“What do you mean?” Changkyun asked, genuinely not knowing what Zee was picking up on.

The younger rapper seemed a little sheepish suddenly as he dipped the same fry in the ketchup over and over.

“Are you okay? Are you feeling bad again?”

Changkyun heart squeezed with affection. He had opened up to the younger rapper about his depression and the horrors of the past year. He had however left out the tiny details of Minha’s blackmail, his relationship with Jessie and his plan to fix everything. Somethings had to be kept close to the heart.

Patting Zee on the hand he explained that he was okay just a little tired. But Zee still looked a little worried.

“I worry about you hyung. I just want you to be happy.”

“Hey I’m just tired don’t worry I am feeling better than I have in a long time.”

Zee worried away on the inside of his mouth. 

“Ya I see you are moving up in the polls. Fans are really starting to love you!”

Zee shrugged not looking up form his food, “Yeah and it is only because of you. Hyung I know this is going to sound weird but ugh please don’t hate me! Okay here it goes… You’re my hero!”

Changkyun’s ramen dropped off his chopsticks. Had he heard that right?

“When I first came to Korea. I auditioned for Starship. They said they weren’t looking for anymore rappers because they already had Jooheon, Gunhee and you!”

Changkyun frowned as he did the mental math. Zee would have auditioned for Starship only a few days after the final lineup for Monsta X was announced.

“I was a little pissed at that so I looked you guys up and I was blown away. By you! Sure Gunhee and Jooheon are amazing rappers but you had this perseverance to show the world that you were the best. Here I was sulking because my parents gave me a deadline on my dreams and yet you had been shuffled between groups, forced into a show just before the end and had to endure all the hatred form the others. I watched all your old videos from Nu’bility and No. Mercy. I didn’t understand how you could continue to get knocked down and just get right back up again.”

 

Zee gave a nervous giggle, “When I found out I would be on United 100 with you I was so excited I didn’t even think of how you would react. And yet you welcomed me with open arms. You continue to be my hero!”

He ended his confession with a grain, “Oh my god I sound so sappy. It was a lot cooler in my mind.”

Changkyun cockily shrugged his shoulders and stole a fry from Zee’s plate. “Well sappy or not that was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Oh Zee you are so kind.”

He did one of his weird body rolls and Zee burst out laughing.

Little did Zee know but his confession would be further fuel in Changkyun’s mind. The kid deserved the world and Changkyun would give it to him.

———————————-

“Oh my god he forgives me!” Yelled Hosoek running into the living room with nothing but a damp towel wrapped around his waist. Kihyun groaned at the sight of wet tracks left in his wake. He really needed to talk to the others about cleanliness. 

Hosoek brandished his phone in the air, “He forgives me. He forgives me!”

Jooheon got up and snatched the phone off him.

“Forgive? That was your word? How do you know it means he forgives you!”

Hosoek rolled his eyes and flicked his head side to side loosening water all over the place. Kihyun groaned in annoyance.

“Yesterday my word was I. Today it is forgive. Hello! Obviously it it going to say I forgive you.”

He whooped in delight. Jooheon shoved the phone back to Hoseok and pouted.

“That’s not fair. I want something like that. All I get is ‘supported’. Like what does that even mean? Why is he torturing us like this?”

The rapper threw himself on to the couch in a huff. Shownu who had been pouting on his armchair glaring at his phone finally threw it down.

“Well it’s better than what I got. ‘Better’. Be a Better! Be a better what?”

Hosoek still dripping sat next to his friend and patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry hyung we still have the rest of the message.”

There were silent for a few moments before Minhyuk shoot up in his seat eyes wide.

“Oh no!” He whispered under his breath.

“Oh no this is bad!”

“What’s up Minnie hyung” asked Hyungwon worriedly. 

Minhyuk, with eyes as wide as saucepans, turned his phones towards them and their blood turned cold.

It was an article form the top Kpop news agency and it was trending at number 1.

In big bold letters was the headline: “United 100 scandal as fan posts shower nudes of idol contestant I.M.”

Hesitantly Hosoek scrolled down and he choked on the air for there was a cropped picture of Changkyun, their Changkyun washing his hair and he was very much naked. It had been taken from the back although his head was turned slightly from the water. 

“She did it. Minha she posted it just like she said she would.” Whispered Minhyuk in terror.

But Hosoek didn’t care about Minha right now. This was a whole new nightmare for their maknae and he just hoped the boy would be okay.

——————————

Changyun took one look at the photo and burst out laughing much to the shock of the United 100 producers who had called him up to their offices.

“Changkyun-ah I don’t know if you realize this but this is very scandalous. You were photographed in the shower.”

Changkyun put the printed page down onto the table and leaned back with a smile.

“How is this a scandal FOR ME? I was simply in the shower as any human would be. A saesing fan managed to get past YOUR security in YOUR building and take a picture of one of YOUR contestants.”

The producers glanced uncomfortably between each other. 

The picture had been a shock that much was certain. And yet he wasn’t surprised. With Zee and Yeongmin catching him in the polls Minha must be growing desperate. She had promised him she had the picture but truthfully in all the chaos he had forgotten about it. While it was uncomfortable seeing his naked ass plastered all over the internet he had to admit at least she had made him look good. The picture was an unforeseen hitch in his plan but maybe he could use this to his benefit.

The producers spoke amongst themselves when Changkyun’s phone buzzed in his pocket. Excusing himself he told them it was a call from Shidae and Starship’s members. The worried look in their eyes was perfect.

“Hello my sweetheart. Did you like my gift?”

He snarled at the purr of Minha’s voice but the women thankfully didn’t hear.

“You have fallen a little in the polls after that little asshole Zee stole the show but I have a few things up my sleeve. You should see the nsfw comments on the picture. I had to refrain from hurting your fans after all it’s my boyfriend’s body they are talking about.”

Boyfriend? He wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. She was seriously delusional but he had to play her game just a little while longer.

“Thank you Noona. That was very thoughtful of you! I also want to apologize for leaving so suddenly the other night. I wanted to stay with you until you awoke but I had to head back to the studio in case I got in trouble.”

She cooed at him and it made him want to throw up. But he had her right where he needed her.

“Noona you will be there for the last show right? I really need your support, please Noona!”

She sighed condescendingly into the receiver, “Of course I will be there my pet! I promise.”

He smirked thankful that she couldn’t see him. Five more days and she would have what was coming for her. He said goodbye as she blew a kiss into the phone and walked back into the boardroom.

He fell into his seat with a cocky glare in his eye.

“Now how about we figure out how to fix this situation without me involving my company. Whom are very angry right now as you can probably imagine. They even were talking about damages and getting lawyers involved.”

The producers nodded and leaned forward, “Of course. Of course. What can we do?”

Changkyun leaned forward with a smirk, “I favour to ask for. I have something I want aired…”

 

——————————- Five days before last show———————————

 

Kihyun looked over the lyrics. He had been handed the sheet by his voice coach earlier that morning. It was the upgraded version of the song Jooheon had stolen. Their next comeback.

Hero.

His heart clenched as he realized Changkyun’s name was no longer on the raps instead they stood blank as if waiting for an owner to claim them. A set of raps without a rapper. Jooheon could in theory do them but it wouldn’t;t be the same. At that moment Kihyun realized they needed Changkyun’s deeper voice to offshoot Jooeon’s higher-pitched one. 

He shook his head. The maknae had to be coming back, he had to, otherwise why all the secrecy and the messages?

Speaking of said messages, he couldn’t help but wonder what today’s would be. So far he had received ‘It wasn’t your…’

Wasn’t his what? The very thought made him feel a little sick. Wasn’t his place to be main vocal? Wasn’t his place to try make amends with the maknae. After what he had done he couldn’t help but feel maybe that was what the maknae was getting at.

If Jooeheon was correct than Changkyun knew the truth about what had happened that night he turned on him. Yet he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Couldn’t help but feel like there would always be a division between he and the kid if he did return. Words like that stung even if they were said to protect him.

His phone buzzed on the table beside him and he practically jumped out of his chair to grab it. With shaking hands he opened the message.

“Fault?” He whispered under his breath. 

Then it hit him, “It wasn’t your fault.” Without warning his legs buckled and his eyes began to tear up. Changkyun knew and he didn’t blame Kihyun.

It was as if the maknae had somehow read into his mind. He knew that Changkyun wouldn’t reply back to their texts but he couldn’t help but write out what he was feeling anyway.

“Changkyun-ah you have no idea what this means to me. Since that day, my guilt has been eating me up. So thank you for the message!”

The door behind him flew open.

“Ass! You’re an ass! Thats what the little shit sends me.” Yelled Hyungwon bursting into room fuming. Minhyuk carefully followed behind him. Kihyun wiped the tear from his eye and watched as the tallest member paced angrily back and forth.

“Ass. How dare he? Like way to go on trying to fix things buddy. Oh my god, I just…”

“Well he isn’t lying you are an ass! Esepcaii;y towards him. We both were by far the meanest to him and you were the last to make amends. Mine so far is “You were the” and I can already tell its going to be bad. Hyungwon don’t get worked up until you have the final message.” Said Minhyuk sagely.

“What about you Ki? You seemed a little teary before Hurricane Giraffe here interrupted you.”

The main vocal showed his best friend Changkyun’s message. 

“Ah that’s sweet. Almost like he knew how badly what happened was affecting you. Kid’s pretty smart!”

Hyungwon huffed from where he was sulking in the corner.

They finally got to warming up their vocals or at least the two eldest 93 liners were Hyungwon was still sulking. But by lunch time they were eagerly discussing the new comeback.

“But what happened to Changkyun’s name. Like his lyrics have been left blank?”  
Whispered Hyungwon who had seemingly got over his message. They placed their trays on the table waiting for the other three to join them.

Kihyun shrugged and he leaned across the table conspiratorially. “I think they are trying to shock us. They mustn’t know we have the first draft. Because I know Changkyun is coming back, I feel it in my bones.”

Minhyuk never one for being quiet clapped his hands and laughed, “Oh Kihyun I knew there was a reason we were friends. Sometimes you are more than your mediocre face.”

That earned him a smack.

“Hey no smacking each other like that in public. It is about time we started acting like adults! Please!” Said Shownu as he grumpily tossed his tray onto the table, Jooheon and Hosoek following, wide-eyed, behind him.

“You okay hyung?” Minhyuk asked

Shownu straightened his shoulders and looked at each one of them.

“Starting tonight once per month. We, as a team and family will be having dinner and a movie. A family movie night. Once our maknae gets back and he had better come back! We will be having weekly meetings to discuss any grievances and reward any good behaviour. According to Sam Walton: Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it’s amazing what they can accomplish.”

Minhyuk looked disgusted, “Oh my god he is quoting self-help books now. Shownu hyung you have reached full father potential.”

Kihyun blinked a few times in confusion. Who was this alien in their leader’s body. It wasn’t that Shownu was a bad leader but he was usually very relaxed and chill. He rarely every ordered them around nor made plans like this. He gave off such powerful energy right now that it was effecting the main vocal’s long dormant crush to awaken.

“Woah hyung what’s gotten into you? Your acting alll, well, leader-like!” Said Hyungwon around his dumpling that he had stuffed in his mouth.

“Well that’s because I am the leader right? And if we want this group to succeed than I need to help it to greatness.”

Jooheon leaned forward. “Changkyun’s message was “Be a better leader” so he has kind of taken it to heart.”

Shownu pushed him back with a glare. “Yes well, maybe he is right”

His shoulder’s slumped, “I should have been a better leader. I should have stepped up and stopped the bullying. I should have made him feel wanted.”

Jooheon patted him on the back, “We all made mistakes. But we will make sure once he gets back that we will make things right. No one is every becoming between Monsta x ever again. Not even our dumb egos!”

Kihyun nodded. That was one idea he would make his mantra.

“What about you two what did he send you guys?” He asked.

Hosoek grinned, “I forgive you. Thats his message so far. I may actually have a chance with him again. But I’m kind of worried about the rest of the message now if you guys aren’t getting the nicest texts.”

Jooheon on the other helped looked miserable too and he handed his phone to Kihyun.

“Should’ve Supported Me. Ouch” he handed the phone back. 

“He is right though. The fans say the same thing. They say as the closest in age and a fellow rapper we should have been best friends. And he is really a cool guy, like I can see us been best buds. I should have helped him. It’s not like I didn’t have a group of people supporting me at all times. So that is why…”

He dumped a backpack on the table, the poor thing bursting at the seams.

“I got these made after he asked us to come to the final show. They arrived this morning.”

He began pulling out T-shirts with Changkyun’s face and the word’s ‘I.M’s Official Hyung-Club’ on it. He distributed each shirt to a member. Then he pulled out caps and scarves each with I.M’s name on it. Finally he pulled out a huge banner indicating for Hyungwon to help him hold it up.

“Go I.M Go! Monster Hyungs are so proud!” Said Kihyun still a little shocked by how much effort Jooheon had put in

“Yeah, they spelt Monsta wrong but I’m sure I can fix it. Maybe a sharpie or something.”

Shownu patted him on the back. Hoseok already proudly slipping his shirt over his head.

“He is gonna love this. Good job Jooheon. We are going to be the best hyungs Changkyun could ask for!”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this taking so long and for it being so short. I will try update faster next time!

Four days before final episode:

Changkyun hit stop on the record and leaned back in his chair. Brows furrowed in frustration he hit play. The song just wasn’t right. It didn’t flow right with the lyrics and it was driving him nuts.

“Maybe if we change the lyrics in Yoshin’s fourth line or even shorten the chorus?” Asked Young Dolla.

Changkyun looked at the other boy and shrugged. They had four days to come up with the final group song. They had chosen to do it all themselves in order to show off their talent. He and the other boy were the best lyricists while Zee had proven to be an amazing producer. Everyone had happily agreed that Yoshin would choreograph the dance too.

Changkyun stood and stretched, feeling his aching bones crack under the pressure. He needed to go for a walk and clear his head. He had to be in a tip top mental state if he was to survive the week and the aftermath that would be sure to come.

Truth is he hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. He knew it was stupid going onto the internet and even stupider to look at the comments surrounding his leaked nude. It was shocking the amount of people blaming him for the action. Like he was the one at fault.

Then there was Minha. He bristled just at the very thought of her. She was clearly enjoying the drama that came with the photo release. She literally didn’t care what she did as long as she had the limelight. He had met alot of horrible people in his life but she took first place.

As he walked he pulled out his phone and sent the next set of messages to Monsta x. He knew they were eagerly awaiting them. Jooheon had already sent him a string of messages asking when the next text was coming. Kihyun had even left a voice mail of him sobbing, thanking Changkun for forgiving him. That had been a hard message to hear. Once he had found out why the group had turned on him then he had instantly forgiven Kihyun. He just never known how much the other must have been hurting.

His deft fingers tapped out the words.

Shownu: and I’ll

Kihyun: Please

Minhyuk: Meanest

Hyungwon: But

Jooheon: So 

Hoseok: And

He pocketed his phone and walked off towards the bathroom. He was bursting to go. As he turned a corner he walked right into Minha.

His eyes widened at the sight of her and he immediately tried to get into his meek persona.

With eyes downcast he greeted her and tried not to flinch when she ran a freezing cold hand down his arm.

“There is my special boy! You didn't text me this morning. I had to come by and make sure you were behaving.”

He swallowed and made his eyes big, “I’m sorry Noona. I have been busy all day with the song. I must have lost track of time.”

She smirked and moved in closer to him. Instinctively he moved away from her but she backed him against the wall. His heart was beating a mile a minute and he couldn’t help but feel fear. She had a predatory look in her eye one that seemed to grow with each passing day. She had an unhealthy obsession with him and it was terrifying. 

He had heard horror stories of stalkers and abuse victims. He didn’t want to be one and yet when she stood in front of him, hands tracing his body he couldn’t help but feel paralyzing fear.

Thankfully whatever she was about to do or say was halted by the sounds of footsteps and voices coming towards them. She pulled a face and moved away.

“I’ll see you at the finale. Make me proud baby.”

He let out a shuddery breath as she ran off.

“Ya hyung what you doing lurking around in corners.”

Changkyun straightened as Zee as he came around the corner holding an obnoxiously large head of cotton candy.

“First of all I am not lurking. I was handsomely emerging from the shadows and secondly where the hell did you get that from?”

Zee grinned.

————————————-

Shownu marked his place in the book and frowned. After receiving Changkyun’s message the day before he was intent on becoming the best kpop leader ever. Which is why he had spent the whole morning reading a number of self-help books when he should have been preparing for their so called comeback.

Hero

The very thought of the song clenched his heart like a vice. How could he sing about being someone's hero when he had failed his group so spectacularly. But he had failed. And it was all because of their youngest.

He had seen the way the others treated the maknae and had turned a blind eye to it. Always hoping that it would just fix itself, that it would just go away. The problem was, as an only child, he had never had to deal with this kind of conflict. He looked at his phone again and at the message he had written and rewritten into the text message.

He frowned and deleted it. It had been a quote from one books he was reading on success and forgiveness. He hoped Changkyun would understand it and perhaps even think of it as an inside joke. Seeing as how the maknae had laughed at his previous list of terrible quotes during their fishing trip.

Standing he began to pace the room. Despite the aircon blowing on full, he was sweating. He wasn’t good with words like Jooheon and Minhyuk were. He didn’t have the affectionate streak Kihyun or Hoseok had. Nor did he have the say it as it is mentality of Hyungwon.

How could he reach out to Changkyun? How to prove to them that if the maknae was returning they would spend the rest of their lives proving to him that they cared.

But how could he, Shownu, prove to Changkyun that he was a trying to be a better leader.

Angrily he kicked the wall and huffed as pain shot through his toe.

Then a thought occurred to him causing a huge grin to spread across his face. He grabbed his jacket and his phone and headed towards the elevator. He needed to speak to Shidae.

——————————-

“A Carnival! Holy shit this is the coolest thing these assholes have ever done!” Proclaimed Changkyun as he walked onto the studio field.

Zee shoved another chunk of cotton candy into his mouth. “It’s neat right? But careful hyung, this is all so fans came meet us and spend time with us. Guess for points and shit so watch your mouth.”

Changkyun pulled a face but quickly changed into his charming self as a score of screaming fangirls came rushing up to him.

“Ladies, ladies please. There is enough I.M to go around.”

Beside him Zee can him a deadpanned expression before turning to him own small group of girls. 27 screaming fans and a small hand cramp later Changkyun and Zee managed to make their way to the ferris wheel. They both climbed on the seat and waved to the camera that was attached to the handle bars.

They made small talk until they got to the top and it stopped to let people off.

“Hyung, how did you handle all the hateful comments?” Zee asked in a small voice.

Changkyun glanced towards the camera and then back to Zee. Sometimes he really hated been watched all the time because it meant having to keep a mask on all the time.

He knew Zee was still getting hateful messages from anti’s. He wanted to give the younger boy good advice. Which he couldn’t do in front of the camera. He shifted and been the oh so clumsy guy he was elbowed the camera with enough force to send it flying.

Changkyun stared as it smashed on the ground below them.

“Oopsie.”

He turned to Zee, “Now where were we? Oh how do I handle the hateful comments?”

Zee raised an eyebrow at the broken camera and then just nodded, a nervous energy coming off him. Changkyun took a deep breath as he stared off at the sky. The heat and pollution causing a thick orange fog to settle across the city.

“To be honest I don’t, handle them I mean. I had so much negativity in my real life I didn’t want to ever delve into the online side of it too. I had to deal with he hatred my group had for me that the thought of what fans were saying made me sick.”

He sighed thinking of all the horrible things he read about himself when he first joined No. Mercy, hell even before that when people used to say he was to quiet and grouchy for the fun members of Nubility.

“There were days where I would literally spend the whole time worrying away about a single, stupid comment. I would focus so much of what others were saying about me that over time I started to believe those comments and I lost my spark.”

It was true before he had decided to become an idol he had been fun and boisterous. Some of his friends would describe him as batshit crazy but he had quickly learned to bury his true self. Fans didn’t want the real him they wanted a version of him that was just the right kind of perfect.

“In this industry you can’t stay away from the nastiness forever and no matter how loud your fans scream there will always be that one in the crowd ready to boo you. Just try to stay strong. The guys here adore you and if you debut with them then at least you will have a strong group to support you no matter what. Groups need to be like a family otherwise they will fall.”

He could feel Zee’s eyes on him, could feel the other’s pity. But this wasn’t about him it was about Zee.

He ruffled the other’s hair. “You are extremely talent and pretty gosh darn handsome. Those antis are dumb for not seeing that.”

A half smiled adorned Zee’s face. “Thanks hyung. You really are the best!”

 

—————————

“Wait let me get this straight. You are willing to freeze any and all income coming to you for the entirety of your contract in order to pay us to keep Changkyun’s contract?” Shidae stared at Shownu like the young man had lost his mind.

The leader nodded his head. If Changkyun was intending on staying then this would be seen as a huge gesture to the boy but if he wasn’t and Starship was still intent on signing him away then Shownu was about to become seriously poor.

“Monsta X is not complete without Changkyun. We need him and he needs us! I know that we can become one of the big groups but we need a second chance and I need to be a better leader. So I will give up my salary as compensation for losing out on selling his contract.

Shidae’s eyes narrowed as he steepled his fingers.

“Hyunwoo-ah, you don’t make any money yet. You haven’t even broken even.”

Shownu swallowed, “Well that is why I am leveraging it all for the entirety of my contract.”

Shidae looked like he would be literally anywhere else as he frustrated rubbed his face.

“What is it with this goddam group?” He mumbled to himself.

“Listen Hyunwoo that is a very nice gesture but an unnecessary one. I promised Changkyun that I wouldn’t talk about his contract until after the final episode. And as pure his request you will all be getting a raise so I doubt you want to give up on that. Now don’t you have practice to attend?”

“A raise?”

Shidae huffed but said noting else.

Shownu sighed, he understood he was being dismissed. He turned to leave.

“Hyunwoo I am glad you are all finally realizing how strong you can be as a team. And I am happy you are finally dedicated to your role as leader.”

He stood and walked over the the muscular boy. Gripping his shoulder tight, the CEO looked feverishly into the leader’s eyes.

“Which is why you had better learn to control that maknae of yours. He is a devilish little shit. When you see him agin tell him that I kept my end of the bargain, I expect him to keep his.”

Shownu frowned and went to ask what the older man was talking about but the head of the company had already left. He was left with more questions then when he came in here. He needed answers. He needed to see Changkyun.

Three days before final competition.

“Alright let’s call it wraps for the day guys. Go and get washed up for the filming this afternoon.” Yelled Young Dolla as he stopped the music. The boy was a natural leader. Hopefully the fans would agree.

The remaining contestants let out a collective sigh of relief and hurried out the run. All except one. Changkyun stood in front of the laptop. Thumb tapping against his lips.

“Something’s still missing.” He said in frustration.

Young Dolla seemed just as distressed as Changkyun felt.

“I know but there isn’t much we can do now. Besides its not like this song will win us awards or anything.”

Without thinking Changkyun answered back, “Yeah except this is gonna be one of the songs on your debut album.”

He cringed as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Young Dolla spun him around and stared at him with open eyes.

“What did you just say?”

Changkyun laughed sheepishly, “I just mean that that’s what happens right. The final song makes it onto the debut album or something like that.”

Young Dolla was a smart guy, almost as smart as Changkyun himself and it was clear he wasn’t buying Changkyun’s bullshit.

“No, No you said this is gonna be on the debut album. How do you know that and why did you say your?”

Despite been stone faced Changkyun was internally screaming. He had managed to give away something he wasn’t supposed too.

“It’s nothing. Just leave it man!”

The other boy stared at him, dark brown eyes boring into the rapper’s very soul.

“Changkyun if you know something…”

“I don’t know anything okay. Just leave it.”

Young Dolla frowned but it was obvious he didn’t want to argue with the mysterious rapper. Changkyun had a reputation for being tight lipped and to be honest he was to tired to try worm the truth out of the other.

“Fine whatever. I’ll leave it. For now!”

Changkyun berated himself as the other boy left. He had gotten sloppy and had let something slip. What if it had been to Minha. He sighed and pinching the bridge of his nose. He had a massive headache that was threatening to take over and he was pretty sure he had seen a grey hair that morning.

He would be glad when this plan would come to completion. Speaking of which, pulling out his phone he cursed as he took in the time. He needed to send the others their daily word. 

Shownu: Be a

Hoseok: I want

Jooheon: Let’s 

Kihyun: Care

Minhyuk: I

Hyungwon: let’s

He gave a small smile as the last message went through. When he had started the messages he had taken a little bit of pleasure in the group's frustration as he refused to text back. He saw it as revenge for ignoring him for a year. He was a petty bitch and they needed to know it. Yet today as he sent the messages he couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of fear. What if he failed? What if their attitudes towards him changed again? Despite knowing he had friends supporting him he couldn't help but feel utterly alone. He knew it wasn't his brain playing tricks on him. He had started back on his medication so these feelings were all him.

“No Changkyun. This will work. Get it together.”

He straightened his hoodie, gave a little howl for self-luck and left the practice room. He was so focused on his thoughts that he didn’t notice the large figure sneak up behind him.

A gloved hand clamped over his mouth and an arm snaked around his waist. He screamed behind the hand and attempted to fight as his attacker lifted him easily off the ground and back into the practice room. 

The arms released him and he spun around fists at the ready.

“I will warn you I know Jijitsu and I am not afraid to kick your… Shownu Hyung?”

Monsta X’s leader stood before him clad entirely in black and looking rather sheepish.

“Hi!”

Changkyun stood there blinking at the unexpected…visit.

“Hyung what the hell are you doing here?”

Shownu opened his moth and then reality seemed to dawn on him.

“Em this seemed a lot cooler in my head when I planned this.”

“I’m sure it did but still doesn’t answer my question hyung. How did you even get in here? Since my photo was leaked security has been tightened.”

Shownu smiled, eyes crinkling at the top. “I went to school with one of the guards. He let me in once I explained everything.”

Changkyun rolled his eyes. So much for keeping the contestants safe.

“Listen Changkyun I came here because we need to talk. I need to talk! About whatever you have up your sleeve!”

Changkyun bit his lips as his arms unconsciously crossed themselves across his body. He let out a pfft of air. It was about time someone came to confront him about his secretive behaviour. He had hoped someone to eventually pay him a visit although Shownu hadn’t been high on his list of candidates. The leader seemed a little out of place and it was obvious he hadn't given much thought as to what he was actually going to say to Changkyun. Or maybe he had and was just nervous. Changkyun prided himself on being able to read people but Shownu was a man who was an enigma to him.

“Listen, your message. It hurt my feelings but it is the truth. I want to be a better leader. I failed you and the others but I am going to start making up for that. I know you have something planned. The messages, the tickets to the show, something is obviously going down. Then there is the fact that I went to Shidae to offer up all money I make to try buy your contract only for him to tell me and I’m quoting here- he kept his end of the bargain, you had better keep yours.”

Changkyun smirked at that as he remembered his own meeting with the boss. He immediately coughed to cover up the smirk.

Shownu put his hands on his hips, “I need the truth Changkyun. I can't be a good leader if my maknae is making secret deals and putting himself in harms way. I want to help you but I can't be left in the dark anymore.”

Changkyun felt his shoulders deflate, this wasn’t exactly how he had expected this to all come out. He found himself sighing in defeat. He slumped into one of the benches at the back of the room.

“Hyung I can’t tell you. I..." 

He paused. He could tell Shownu, sure it would take away some of the surprise but it wouldn't do any harm. Yet the very idea of opening up and sharing his plan with the other boy knotted his stomach. This was one of the boys you had almost ruined his life. He knew he would have to eventually let go of the pain but it terrifeied him. He had been alone for so long, had only relied on himself for so long that he didn't feel comfortable letting others in. Evrytime he let down his walls he got hurt. He should have planned better for this, should have come up with something to say once the group started hounding him for answers.

“Changkyun please.Talk to me, you’re not alone anymore.”

The maknae's eyes shot up to the oeader as he took in a gulp of air. Why had the leader had to come on a day when he was feeling emotional. Seeing the other in the flesh had already brought a lump to his thorat, he hadn't realised just how much he had grown attacked to the group. Knowing they had hurt him to protect him, knowing they were tripping over themselves to prove to him they wanted to work things out had wormed its way into his heart. 

Then Shownu had to go and say he wasn’t alone anymore. 

Burying his head in hands to try hide the tears. He was a strong, independent man goddammit.

“Hey it’s okay.” Came Shownu’s soothing voice as the leader rubbed his back. The affection was making it worse.

“I just need to fix things. Make them better.” He managed to choke out. He had bottled all these feelings up and with one kind sentence from Shownu had brought the walls crashing down. He hated the other a little for it.

“You just need to come back to us and we can be a family. One you deserve.”

Changkyun smiled at the words. It was nice to feel wanted.

“You ARE coming back to us right? Like no one is telling us what is going on and it is driving us nuts. We found a copy of our next comeback song. It had your name on it and then management refuses to tell us anything. Please Changkyun, being in this… state of unknowing…its killing me. How can I be a good leader when I don’t even know if our youngest is going to come back or if he is going to walk away?”

Changkyun looked into the other’s eyes. He could see the pain behind the pleading. Had he underestimated how much the others cared. He opened he mouth ready to tell the leader exactly what he had planned.

The door swung open.

“There he is! Sir you can’t be in here.” Two beefy security guards pushed their way into the room. Eyes firmly set on Shownu.

Changkyun jumped to his feet. He need to get the leader out of here. If he was caught it could jeopardize everything and get them both in trouble. A glint caught his eye.

“Hyung the window.” He muttered under his breath as the guards stalked forward the one mouthing something into his walkie talkie as the other’s hand hovered above his mace.

Shownu seemed confused until he looked around and spotted the window that earlier, had been thrown open to allow cool air in. He nodded at the maknae, he understood.

“Run!” Changkyun yelled out as he flung himself, rather like a damsel in distress at the suddenly confused guards. Shownu hoofed it to the window. Pulling it fully open he climbed through.

“Text me hyung.” Was the last thing the leader heard as he plunged into the bushes below. Now Changkyun would have to deal with the guards. He shook his head as they glared at him. Always cleaning up other people’s mess.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly hate this chapter bu here it is anyway. I just want to get this story over and done with. aAnyway hope those of you who still are around enjoy this and the final chapter will be out sooner than later.

———Two Days before final episode——

The sound of vomit hitting the inside of the toilet consumed the bathroom stall. After what felt like he had emptied his entire soul Changkyun sat back resting his sweaty head on his arm. He reached out to flush his stomach contents down the system. His stomach was his knots and his whole body felt cold and shaky. Tears threatened to fall. 

“Come on Changkyun keep it together.” He whispered to himself.

A panic attack right in the middle of the time he needed to focus the most. He hated these ones, the attacks that sent his stomach into doing somersaults. Made him head hurt for days on end. He hated feeling this way but he couldn’t help it. His mind wouldn’t shut up and this time the fear was very real. He was walking a fine line here and if he failed it would mean the end of his and his group’s careers. Hell if he wasn’t carefully enough it could get illegal.

Regardless of what happened the final episode would be a fresh start for him. He just hoped it was the start he wanted.

He pulled out his phone and looked up a number he didn’t call often enough. One he probably could call more.

After three rings the sweet, caring voice that had once soothed him to sleep answered. 

“Hey Mom.”

“Oh my baby boy. I haven’t heard from you in so long.”

His face crumpled at the sound of her voice. No matter what his mom could make him turn back into a little kid.

“I miss you mommy.” He said in a small voice thick with emotion. He didn’t even try hiding his feelings. She always knew.

“Oh love, I miss you too. What’s wrong?”

He took a deep breath, “Nothing just this competition is getting to me.”

He heard her deep inhale on the other side of the phone. She had vehemently been against him becoming an idol. Not because she thought he was no good but because she knew how cruel the industry could be and it had been been particularly cruel to her little boy.

“Kyunnie you are doing an amazing job sweetheart you are the star of the show.”

“Am I doing the right thing?”

“What do you mean sweetie?” 

“What if I have made the wrong choice.”

He shuffled further into himself. His anxiety shooting through his body at the thought if the future.

“Kyunnie there is something my grandma told me when I was questioning whether to not to marry your dad.”

Taken aback he almost cut her off. His mother had questioned marrying his father? But they were so in love?

“You see I had been offered a position in London for interior design at a very competitive firm. It was my dream job but your dad was just starting his masters at the university here. We had been dating since high school. I knew no other man but him. Loved no one else but him. The night before the wedding we had a huge fight. All our worries and pent up frustrations came out and I called off the wedding. Your dad was devastated. As I went to leave, my grandma stopped me and told me regardless of the decision I made it was the right one as long as I listen to my intuition. Her reason was in life we are given choices to follow our right path. If we listen to our intuition it will be the right one but if we ignore it then we have made a mistake. She told me not to imagine both scenarios and to steer towards the one that makes me feel something.”

He understood where she was going with the story but he let her finish.

“All things happen for a reason. And when I sat down and just let my soul tell me what was right I realized that despite the fear and uncertainty that would come with marrying your dad, I knew it was the right path. Sure enough it gifted me with two beautiful boys and a caring husband. I have my own business and I am happy. As for the job in London, the place went bankrupt and one of the partners was murdered by his wife for sleeping with his intern. So probably a good decision.”

He giggled a little at that.

“Thanks mom I think.. I think I have made the right choice now.”

“That’s good my love. I just want you to be happy.”

He smiled, “So do I!”

After a long round of goodbyes he ended the call. His anxiety was still there but he felt better. He opened the messenger app and typed out the new round of words.

Shownu: better

Minhyuk: forgive

Kihyun: for

Jooheon: be best

Hyungwon: be 

Wonho: a future

He wanted to send them something more but it would ruin the surprise. He was about to stand up when the sound of the door opening and been slammed shut stopped him. Whoever had entered was clearly upset. He stayed quiet for a minute. He didn’t want the other person to freak out. But as he listened he instantly recognized the sobs.

Opening the door he walked up behind the newcomer.

“Yoshin? Is everything okay?”

The lanky dancer turned, saw Changkyun and threw himself into the other boy’s arms. Unsure of what to do the rapper patted him on the back. 

“Why do people have to be so mean?” The boy asked.

“What happened?” he asked in a small voice.

Yoshin backed off and wiped his tears. “I was… practicing my solo dance. I wanted to add some of my classical ballet training to it. One of the guards walked by…”

Changkyun squeezed the boys shoulder.

“He called me a freak. Said I looked gay and should leave the show before it rubbed off onto him.”

Changkyun’s body went rigid. He’d had his fair share of homophobic comments thrown at him in his life. He hated the sheer level of ignorance some people had. But he hated how it hurt people like Yoshin. The boy was too soft for those kinds of comments. 

“I’m not gay! I know I shouldn’t have put the ballet in there. Its to girly.”

Changkyun saw red, he grabbed Yoshin’s face and looked directly into the other’s eyes.

“Ballet is not a girl’s or boy’s dance. That’s bullshit! You have to be be extremely athletic to do it. Nor is it gay, whatever that is supposed to mean. Those assholes are neanderthal assholes.”

He paused, he had already made his choice anyway so this wouldn’t really matter anyway.

“Who was this man? I want to have a little chat with him!”

———————————-

Hosoek placed the dumbells back in their place and admired his physique. With the down time in their schedule he had been spending a lot more time at the gym which meant his body was in top physical form right now. He loved the gym. It was his home away from home, a place where he didn’t have to think.

“Damn I wouldn’t take you in a fight.”

He spun around to find who had disturbed his time alone.

“Jessie?”

His once love rival smiled back at him. “Sorry to burst in like this. I know the guy who runs this place. He let me in.”

Hosoek suddenly felt very vulnerable in his sweaty gear while Jessie stood their like the greek adonis he was wearing tight cloths. He had died his hair a caramel blond and had lost a little bit of weight in preparation for his group’s comeback. No wonder Changkyun had fallen head over heels for him. He smiled a blinding smile and Hoseok thought if he wasn’t so enamoured with Changkyun he may have blushed at the sight.

“Listen I wanted to come talk to you. Smooth things over.”

Hoseok nodded and wiped his towel across his face, “The smoothie bar upstairs should be open. Give me a few minutes to freshen up.”

By the time he had changed into something a little less sweaty, he found Jessie upstairs happily chatting to the waitress. She blushed upon seeing Hoseok and rushed off.

Hoseok sat, “Listen Jessie before you say anything. I need to apologize. I was a jerk and I ruined your relationship with Changkyun.”

Jessie’s eyes turned downcast and he messed with the edge of the table cloth. Hoseok continued.

“Thing is I’m an asshole. I treated Changkyun like crap for the entirety that I had known him and then the minute he is happily in a relationship I have to go and develop a crush on him. He was kinda hard to resist once I stopped blaming him for all my problems.”

Jessie smiled, “Yeah he is pretty damn special.” 

He sighed, “The thing is I still love Changkyun and probably always will but he hurt me, badly. I know he loved me too but it wasn’t enough. Sure I was angry at him, he broke my heart by cheating. Yet I forgave him and I forgive you. I guess in a way it is a good thing. Trying to be in that kind of relationship while been in two different groups would have been impossible. My group deserve my full attention anyway. I owe them everything.”

Hosoek nodded. He understood what the other boy meant. He owed Monsta x too.

The waitress came back with their drinks and Hoseok gratefully accepted his. They stayed silent for a few minutes as they sipped, each lost in their own thoughts. 

“What if I fail him? What if I hurt him again?” Hosoek asked after a while. It was a deep seated fear he’d had for a while now. 

Jessie looked thoughtful, “In life, in relationships, you will fail! You will hurt each other but you need to work with each other to make things work. Relationships are hard but that’s why they are so worth it.”

Slightly taken aback by the sound advice Hosoek couldn’t help but smile. “Damn you are pretty smart!”

Jessie smiled and shrugged, “That’s what happens when both your parents are relationship counsellors.”

They both laughed at that.

“I know stealing your man was a shitty thing to do but hey maybe one day we can be friends?” Hoseok said with a small hope in his voice. He meant it to.

Jessie slurped up the rest of his smoothie. “Maybe one day we can be.”

—————-

After a day of heavy filming and practice all Changkyun wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep. But he had one more thing to do. He crouched to avoid the light coming from the guard shack. He couldn’t risk being caught now. Peeking his head into the window he glanced inside. Sure enough there was the guard who had hassled Yoshin earlier that morning. He had gone through every way in how to get back at him. He had contemplated just decking the guy but on second thoughts he had the upper body strength of a jellyfish. The last person he had punched had been his little cousin and the little shit had straight up laughed in his face. 

No, he had to use his strongest weapon. His brain. He pulled out the phone and called the emergency number. The phone inside the room rang.

“Fucking idols. Whats the emergency now? One of them broke a nail?”

The mouthy one answered the phone. “Emergency how can I help?”

“Hi. Mmm I just saw some girl walking around the dorm rooms. She had a camera. I think it may be the saesing fan.”

The guard swore and promised they would check it out. Both men grabbed their gear and hurried out the room. Just before the door closed Changkyun stopped it and snuck in. He scanned the room as the cogs in his brain turned. How could he ruin the guard?

The man’s cellphone caught his eye and Changkyun picked it up giving a whoop of delight as there was no passcode on it.

“Hummm, what an asshole.”

Sure enough scrolling through the messages showed the guard had a steady girlfriend but also had two women he was chatting to on the side. He had even spent the night before with one of the woman telling, his girlfriend he was at work. It would be a pity if said girlfriend was to find out about her boyfriend’s extra curricular activities .

He cleared his throat humming as he pitched his voice. He may have a deep voice but he was a pro at sounding high pitched too. He and his high school friends had played many a prank this way. He hit call on the girlfriend’s number.

“Hi oppa.” Came a sweet voice. He faltered. He was about to destroy her relationship but at the same time he was saving her from the slime ball.

“Hi sorry do you know Lee Jaekyun?” He asked as sweetly as he could. He had to admit he sounded like a husky girl. It was great.

“Mmm yes,” she answered back wearily.

“Oh good. Its just that he left his phone at my place last night.” He giggled like a love struck teenager.

“I just wanted to make sure he got his phone back just so he knows I am down to …play anytime he wants to be away from his stuffy girlfriend.”

The girl gasped, Changkyun felt a little bad but he knew she would get over the loser and hopefully find someone better.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” She yelled into the phone causing the rapper to pull the phone away from his ear.

“I am the girl who gave Jaekyun an amazing time last night. Six times to be exact. Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m his stuffy girlfriend.”

Changkyun faked his shock. “Oh my god I am so sorry. I thought you were his sister. It’s the name he has you saved under. I had no idea. I have to go. Sorry!”

He put the phone down and let out a deep huff of air. He didn;didn’t like the ice of hurting the girl but the guard was an asshole. Before putting the phone back he made sure to save the girlfriend’s number under the contact Sister. He didn’t want to be caught.

“Fucking little shits. Now they are prank calling us. Thank god my shift ends soon. I hate this place and ahem those idols even more. What I need is a stiff drink some loose woman and everything will be good.” 

Changkyun froze at the sound of the voices. Damn he had thought they would stay away for longer. He hurried to the door but immediately closed it when he saw the men where closer than expected. Cursing he looked around him.the room was tiny but there was a small gap between the wall and the lockers. He managed to squeeze in just as the door swung open.

“I have a mind to punch everyone of those assholes right in their made up little faces.” Came Jaekyun’s loud voice.

The other guard, an older man simply rolled his eyes at the other’s antics. Clearly he didn;didn’t like the younger man. They settled back into place and Changkyun let his head fall back.He was stuck in a room with two guards. If they found him there would be hell to pay.

Quietly as he could he pulled his phone from his back pocket trying not to cringe as his knuckles scraped against the back wall.

He opened the message menu and texted the one person he knew would help him

He hit send, praying Zee would answer. 

“I swear we should just allow those girls to take pictures of these assholes. They are the ones who want to prance around showing off their lives all the time. Get a real job like everyone else.”

The older guard just sighed and but the obvious squeak of wheels was trying to ignore his comrades ramblings.

“Wait what the heck?” Said the older guard.

“What?”

“There is smoke, coming from the cafeteria. Change to camera 3 for me.”

Panicked rustling could be heard as the guards attempted to switch the camera feed.

“Shit the trash can in the kitchen is on fire. Grab the extinguisher.”  
Odrederd the older guard.

Changkyun listened as the two men jumped to their feet and hurried away. A few seconds later the door quietly squeaked open.

“Changkyun hyung you in here?”

Changkyun had never felt more relieved to hear Zee’s voice. He almost laughed with relief as he slipped out from behind the lockers.

“Dude you saved my butt! Good thinking with the trash fire.”

Zee ushered him out, looking more like a concerned parent than a partner in crime.

They snuck along the corridor going the long way round to avoid the guards. They stopped to catch their breath.

“Hyung what the hell were you doing in there?”

Changkyun smiled sheepishly and explained his actions to the other rapper whose mouth dropped open the more he spoke.

“Hyung I don’t know if you are mad or a genius. But was snitching to the girlfriend really necessary.”

He shrugged maybe Zee was right. Maybe he had gone to far but he was already done it now, he wasn’t taking it back. Besides with the risk of sounding hypocritical he truly hated cheaters, the guy deserved it.

“Well regardless of what you did Yoshin is over the moon He was the one who came up with the fire. Kid was a little to happy with those matches!”

True enough as they walked into their dorm room the was enveloped by the spider limbs of Yoshin.

“Hyung you are truly the best. Thank you, thank you, thanks you.”

Changkyun grinned and patted the boy on the back. It was becoming very clear that he would do anything for a friend.

——- One day before finale————-

He was up on stage the lights blinding him yet he felt so cold. He couldn’t remember how he had gotten onto the stage but he was ready to reveal his plan. He couldn’t see who was in the crowd but it was time for the truth.

Suddenly someone started clapping behind him and he turned feeling like a puppet on a string. Minha emerged from the shadows a huge grin on her face. Behind her the others of Monsta x appeared too, cruel smirks on their faces.

“Did you really think you had won baby? Do you really think you were good enough to beat me. Good enough for them to actually care about you?”

“Shut up!” He yelled but no sound came out.

“Nobody wants you Changkyun. Everyone leaves you, haven’t you noticed?”

He shook his head. This wasn’t real. Her face transformed into Shidae’s. He was holding a contract. They were in the boardroom, the day he had signed his Starship contract.

“You lied to me.” He hissed to Shidae.

The CEO spat at him, “I gave you a second chance. So what if I fudged things on your contract. You should be thankfully you have a contract at all.” Changkyun tried to jump across the table at the man but the scene changed again. This time to his and Jooheon’s study. He reached up to his face, his nose felt weird. He brought his hands down and there was blood on his hands. He heart clenched as he realized what was going on. It was the day he had tried to kill himself. 

A sense of fear washed over him as the door opened. Hoseok and Minha walked in. They stared at him like he was something disgusting. Hosoek pulled Minha close as the woman smiled at him. Hosoek began to kiss her neck as mina smiled cruelly at him.

A hand came to rest on his shoulder and from the shadows behind him, Jessie emerged.

“You hurt me Changkyun. You broke my heart. You are a lying, cheating asshole.”

Changkyun went to apologize. But Jessie pushed something into his hand and as Changkyun looked down his heart stopped. It was a bottle of pain pills. The same ones he had swallowed all those months ago. They fell out of the bottle, tiny pills fell to the floor.

“Do us a favour and finish what you started. We don’t need you.”

He awoke with a yelp. Body twisted in the damp sheets. His body was covered in sweat and he was breathing harder than if he had run a marathon. Swinging his legs over the bed he bent over in hopes of getting his breath back. He had barely slept a wink all night, the same nightmare plaguing his dreams. He knew it was just his deep seated fears coming through him the closer the finale came. But it had felt so real. 

He climbed out of the bed. Yoshin was already up, probably practicing the dance while Zee was still asleep, ear phones blasting. Getting dressed as fast as he could he left the room in hopes of getting the day over with. Despite feeling exhausted he didn’t want to go back to sleep and risk the chance of the nightmare again. The more it played out in his head, the more it pulled him down. He couldn’t risk another depressive episode not when he was trying so damn hard to feel better.

It was still dark out but signs of life was seen everywhere. Others were up and about preparing for the final show. Contestants and staff greeted him as he made his way to the studio. The one good thing about getting such little sleep was his brain was alive with ideas. One was how to fix the final song.

He opened the door thankful no one else was in there. He fired up the machine, putting the earphones over his head and clipped the sequences he had decided to change. He closed his eyes and bobbed his head to the beat. It finally flowed, who knew it needed a string of nightmares to find the right tune. He laughed to himself, maybe his broken mind was more of an assist than he thought.

He popped off the headphones and leaned back with a sigh. His eyes closed on their own as the song played again. He mouthed his piece.

“I am what I am man, It’s been a long time coming but i have my mind made up. This is what makes me, its what I am. The music is my blood, the beat is my soul but pain is what I feel, it is the biggest blow. Love heals the world but it breaks it down too. You tried to stop me but I am ain’t stopping. I am the beast, the Monsta. Never gave up even when I tried to ruin me. This ain’t my final rymthe, my final time because you will be screaming my name long after I’m gone.”

The rap was the final piece of the puzzle. It was his message to everyone that he was not going anywhere and a motto for himself to keep going. He wasn’t going to let his mind ruin it for him nor would he allow someone like Minha do it either.

He drifted as he imagined the faces of his group, Minha and the others he had invited. He would be glad when this was all over. His breathing evened out but before he could truly fall asleep he was startled awake by the sound of shouting.

“You lying, cheating scumbag.”

Confused he walked out into the hallway and leaned over the railway. There in the courtyard stood the guard from last night and across from him was his screaming girlfriend who was beating him with an overlarge handbag.

“Honey what are you talking about. You are my one and only.”

“Like hell I am. I know about the other girls. You are a piece of shit. We are done. Pick up your shit and have it out my house by tonight. Otherwise I am donating it all to charity.”

And with that she stormed off, the guard following behind her begging for forgiveness.

“You are one scary motherfucker you know that.” Said Zee in English. He joined the older rapper on the railing. Changkyun smirked and continued to watched the guard grovel.

“Just remind me to never get on your bad side.” Zee said with dramatic wave of his hand.

They both burst out laughing at that and Changkyun slung his arm around his friend.

“Dude as long as you keep working hard and been a good person we should be fine.”

Zee smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

Zee looked away, shoulders sagging and Changkyun couldn’t help but feel a bout of attachment to the boy.

“Zee?”

“My parents called. My mom wished me luck at least but apparently my dad is adamant that I am going to fail. He even has an office set up for me when ‘i get back.’ He doesn’t believe I’m gonna make me and to be honest with you I don’t think I will either. There is no way the group will have three rappers. Which means I have to compete against YOU and Yeongmin for a spot. I don’t know maybe everyone is right. Maybe I am not good enough.”

Not good enough. The uttered words were to close to his own self hatred. He couldn’t let Zee feel the same way he did. Changkyun pulled the other around to face him.

“Now you listen here Zee. Look how far you have come having only trained for a year! You are an amazing rapper and really good producer. You will make it okay! Just keep going as hard as you have been doing and trust in yourself.”

Trust in me he thought to himself.

————————

The Monsta x dorms were buzzing with activity. With the hopes Changkyun would come back, they had spent the whole time preparing his room. When he had left he had pretty much taken all of his stuff but that didn’t mean they couldn’t clean up what had been left behind. The bedroom door swung open just as Kihyun was tying the vacuum cleaner cord back in place.

“Okay red shirt or black shirt.” Said Hosoek holding up two almost identical shirts in front of him. 

Hyungwon and Kihyun stopped their tasks to look at him in confusion. Hosoek rolled his eyes.

“For the show tomorrow. I have to look good for Monbebes.”

“And for Changkyun?” Prodded Kihyun. The older boy blushed but held up the shirts.

“Black one,” said Minhyuk walking into the room. “Makes your tiddies look bigger.”

“Cool thanks…wait what?”

The others evolved into giggles. Hosoek grinned despite the others laughing at him. The dorm hadn’t felt this light in well he couldn’t remember when. The dorm had never quite felt like hime but as he looked around at his giggling group mates he realized it was becoming a family. All they needed was for their maknae.

Throwing the blue shirt on the bed he held the black one against him. Yeah he was gonna look good. If Changkyun happened to appreciate the look then that was a bonus too. 

Jooheon and Shownu joined the rest of them carrying bags of food. The ravenous boys gathered around them. They dug in. Carelessly chatting as they ate.

“Oh hell yeah his last message came in.” Exclaimed Minhyuk as he sat up staring happily at his phone.”You? Okay so his full message is ‘You were the meanest but I forgive you.’ Oh kyunnie.”

His voice broke on the last word.

Hosoek pulled out his phone eagerly ready to read his. The others were doing the same.

He didn’t even bother to read the last word instead he went and read all the words together.

“I forgive you and I want a future with you.”

His heart soared and he couldn’t help but jump up and down with happiness. Changkyun wanted a future with him! He wanted to be with Hosoek! He wanted to cry.

He hugged his phone to his chest and let out a happy laugh again. The others seemed just as happy as they compared messages.

“You were an ass but let’s be friends.” Hyungwon said with a nod of his head but his eyes were shining.

“It wasn’t your fault please care for me too.” Kihyun repeated under his breath. The message had meant a lot to the main singer as he continued to blame himself for pushing the maknae away. Hosoek could see the resolution in Kihyun’s eyes. If the boy was to return, Kihyun would take care of him to the point of babying him. 

“Should’ve supported me so lets be bff’s. Oh man you bet we will be. Imma text him that. We are going to be the bestest best friends ever. Maknae line and rapper line duo out to defeat the world.” Yelled Jooheon as he furiously typed into his phone.

Hosoek turned to Shownu whose eyes were glued to the screen. He carefully placed his hand on the others shoulder.

“What did you get hyung?”

Shownu passed him his phone.

Changkyun:   
Be  
A  
Better  
Leader

Shownu: I will be!

Changkyun:  
And I’ll  
Be a

Shownu: I got home safe. Thanks for helping me get out of there. And I meant it Kyunnnie. You are not alone anymore!!!

Changkyun:  
Better  
Maknae

Ps. You guys had better be at the finale tomorrow. I don’t think I can do this alone. Prove to me what I mean to you!

Hosoek looked up and meant Shownu’s watery eyes. He knew what the other was feeling. A renewed sense of family.

“Oh shit he is phoning me!” Exclaimed Jooheon holding is phone out like it was a bomb. “What do I do?”

“Answer it,” hissed Hyungwon pushing the phone back towards him. Jooheon had gone pale as he carefully answered the apparently terrifying device.

“Hello…yes.. oh of course.” He put the phone down and put it on speakerphone.

“We are all here Changkyun.”

“Good.” The maknae’s voice came through clear and strong. Very different to the hurt boy they usually heard.

“Before we can move on from all this I need to get something off my chest. By now I am sure you are all aware of how I felt about you guys. So I don’t want to get back into that. I am grateful that you turning on me wasn’t real, it was a ploy to protect me. The problem is it felt real and it will take a very long time to heal that wound.”

Hosook nodded even though the maknae couldn’t see. He knew it would take time, hell it may never completely heal but he wanted to try.

“I have been contemplating whether or not I have made the right choice. But I have made my mind up and I know it has left you in a sort of limbo. I apologize for that but you will only need to wait one more day for everything to come clear. However, I phoned today to say that regardless of the outcome tomorrow I do intend to stay with Monsta x.”

The group erupted into cheers of unintelligible noises and Hosoek felt himself sinking into the closest chair feeling like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. To have solid proof that Changkyun was coming back was like a Christmas and birthday present wrapped into one joyous moment. He couldn’t even celebrate properly so taken aback by the good news. Eventually the others quieted and Changkyun continued.

“I am your rapper and your maknae and I deserve to be there just as much as you guys do. Which is why things will change once I get back, Shownu hyung you did a little digging when you shouldn’t have. I am not sure how much you have told the others but I played a little game with our CEO too. You see when I signed my contract he said in there that I would be joining Starship in the premise of training and debuting with another group. There was a clause in there that stated I would need to sign a secondary contract for No Mercy. I was never given it and therefore never signed it. He put me in the show anyway. With the contract been unsigned he essentially forced me into a situation that I didn’t willingly sign up for. That contract also swayed any legal repercussions from mental and physical illness as a result of the show. And as you are all aware I now suffer form depression and anxiety because of it.”

Hosoek didn’t know whether or not to be shocked at the revelation.

“So I struck up a bargain with Shidae. I would sign the contract now making it fraudulent but no longer viable for me to sue him for all he is worth and in return I own all of our contracts.”

That seemed to elicit concern amongst the others but as Changkyun spoke it truly showed how sly and smart their maknae was.

“As the owner of the contracts I get 15% of the shares which I have put into a living wage for us and once we break even we will have an increased salary. I will also have say over what happens to us as a group so no more surprise survival shows. And if they try to mess around with me or try to fuck us over, lets just say I have a few other things up my sleeve.”

Hosoek looked over at Shownu who had his mouth open in shock. Changkyun was scary when he put his mind down to things.

“Anyway I had better go, lots to do! Oh and tomorrow can you please pick up someone for me. Bring them to the show.”

It was Kihyun who agreed they would.

“Great his name is Joon. I’ll text you his address.”

And then call ended. The boys were shocked into silence as they loomed at each other. 

Minhyuk let out a low whistle. 

“Well…he… wow”

That was an understatement. Hosoek had always guessed Changkyun was incredibly smart but he had never thought the maknae would be so devious. Not to mention he obviously had other dirt on the company that he would happily use. 

He shook his head. The conversation had been a lot to take in but one thing was for certain they were getting their maknae back.


	21. Chapter 21

The Finale

Minah looked up at the room number on the door. It was the same as the one in the message. She smirked. Poor Changkyun. She really had him wrapped around her finger. It had been easy of course. The fool was so broken that all she had done was present herself as the one thing that could fix him and he had been drawn to her like a moth to a candle.

She perked up her breasts. Without knowing it she had gone from hating him to finding him attractive. He wasn’t well built but there was something about his strong face and his sad eyes. She wasn’t sure when it had started but she had found her heart beating when he looked at her with such need for affection. Found herself preening when he called her Noona. He would be hers in every way and she had planned to do so that night but Changkyun had wanted to meet her before the show. She should have yelled at him for not being wholly focused on the show but his attention was on her and that was all that mattered. It had been easy to sneak in, the enforced security was all focused around the studio where they were carefully letting in spectators and keeping out those without tickets.

Opening the door the scene before her was like something out of a romantic movie. The gym was dark except for one single spotlight focused on a table for two. A single red rose sat in the middle. She strode towards it, heels echoing of the waxed wood. 

“Changkyun?” She called out but got no response.

A folded piece of paper lay under the rose. Heart fluttering she went to grab it but withdrew her hand with a sudden yelp of pain. The rose still had it’s thorns on. She would have to scold him for hurting her. Moving the flower aside she grabbed the paper and hastily unfolded it.

‘Tonight is a new beginning for us. Sit down and enjoy the show.’

She carefully sat. Where was Changkyun?

Another light went on, it was a large screen. Shuffling a little in her chair she frowned as the screen came to life. Changkyun face came into view and as he did so her heart skipped. 

“Hello Minha. I think you have met your match.”

He was in the locked room. The room with all the things she had taken from Changkyun. The one with the footage she had collected. The room she knew would be considered wrong if it was to be discovered.

The onscreen Changkyun smiled. There was a hard glint in his eye. A cruel glint. One that shouldn’t have been there.

“You have dedicated so much time and energy into trying to ruin me. You almost had me. You almost destroyed me! But here is the thing Minha. You went after the wrong guy.”

Between two fingers, he held up his hoodie that had gone missing all those months ago.

“You know saesang fans are frowned upon but this….this is fucking creepy and I am pretty sure also illegal. But stealing from me isn’t the only crime you have committed. Let’s take a quick look what else you are involved in, shall we?”  
The scene changed to a image of the gate around the studio. The timer in the corner slowly ticked down the seconds. Suddenly a figure appeared from under the opening under the fence. The light bounced off the camera around the figure’s neck. A few seconds ticked by and the figured moved making one rookie mistake. It looked up. The scene froze.

Even in the fuzzy pixels it was clear the figure was Minha. Her heart was beating at the sight. She thought she had been careful. 

“Tut tut breaking and entering.What will the world think when they find out you were the one who broke into the studio and leaked the nudes of me. Especially when I do a V-Live and make an emotional comment on how violated I felt having my fucking naked body plastered all over the internet. You worked so hard on getting me fans and they will be the ones to crucify you. And rightfully so but alas lets move on shall we?”

The scene changed and Minha’s breath stopped. It was her living room. He had bugged her house. Jumping to her feet she stopped her foot with a huff. Where was the fucker?

“An eye for an eye Minha or rather a hidden camera for a hidden camera. I have to admit you are quite the little criminal. I wonder how your bosses will feel when she finds out you have been stealing makeup from them and reselling it online. And calling yourself a legitimate seller is I’m pretty sure fraud.”

The scene showed her bringing home the stolen goods, taking pictures of them and putting them up on the internet. Changkyun even had edited in a link to her website. The little asshole had really done his research. 

The scene changed to another day and she was lounging on her couch, smoke rising above her from the joint in her hand.

“Oooh yikes weed. In Korea? You do know how illegal that is right? That’s jail time surely!”

“Changkyun come out you coward!” She screamed. She was terrified. With the video it would be her demise not just as a celebrity and manager but would land her in jail. If Changkyun had these clips then he surely knew about her other activities too.

“Where the fuck are you? Changkyun?”

“I’m right here.”

Minha jumped at the voice came behind her. Clutching her heart she backed into the table. The rapper was standing right behind her, a cruel look on his face. She had never seem him like that before. It was at that moment she realized she had been playing a losing game with him. 

“What the hell are you playing at? I own you!” Her voice shook as she yelled at him yet he didn’t flinch and that scared her even more.

“You own nothing Minha. You are nothing but a little brat who is playing a dangerous game. One where you chose the wrong opponent. Everything I have in that video could ruin you and the stuff that I left out would be enough to put the final nail in your coffin. I was originally going to play this during my rap but I like to think of myself as a nice person. So, I am giving you a chance.”

He paused and took a step forward. She cowered further from him, never had he given off such stone cold hatred. She was scared of him.

“You will leave Seoul and you will leave this world behind you. No more stealing, no more threats nor blackmailing. You will leave myself and any other idol alone. You will stop the harassment and stalkerish behaviour. Go get some help! Talk to someone because it is clear you are not in the right mindset. I am giving you an out here. I suggest you take it!”

She stared at him and then back at the screen behind her. He could ruin her but she was Kim Minha she was not going to back down with a fight. She would just have to find something to threaten him with. She stood up straight.

He must have seen the look in her eyes for he sighed and shook his head like he was actually sad she wasn’t running away.

He held something up to his mouth.

“Okay take her away please.”

He stepped aside just as the lights in the gym came on blinding her. Raising a hand to shield her from the lights she saw a string of guards come into the room.

“These men will escort you to the police officers helping to keep the peace outside.”

Changkyun handed a usb over to the older guard, “All the evidence is on here.” 

The man graciously took it and Changkyun turned to Minha who was struggling against her two burly captors.

“I have to thank you in helping with your own demise. See had you not leaked my nude photograph the producers of the show would never have allowed me to do this. Not to mentioned they preferred this method to me calling the cops on my own. This causes a little less trouble for them. So goodbye Minha and I hope to never see you again.”

—————-

Changkyun watched as the guards dragged her away screaming and struggling against their hold. He shook his head. Hopefully in jail she would get the help she clearly needed. 

When he had last spoken to his lawyer the man had said that with a good enough case built against her she would go away for quite a while. He felt sad for her. He may have despised her but she would miss out on so much while she rotted away in a jail cell.

He looked at his watched and cursed. The show would be starting soon and he needed to make sure everyone was here. Chasing Minha out of his mind he hurried to the stage.

—————

“Fucking LEE JOON!?!” Hissed Minhyuk to Kihyun. The main singer just continued to stare as the actor and previous MBLAQ member walked towards the car. Hosoek glared at his two members hoping to quieten them. It was rude to stare like like and sometimes Minhyuk forgot how loud he was.

Hoseok had to wonder how the hell Changkyun knew the man or why he wanted him to be picked up. Hoseok, Minhyuk and Kihyun had headed to pick up Changkyun’s surprise guest while the rest of the team had headed to the studios to save them a good set of seats.

The older man smiled making both Minhyuk and Kihyun sighed like fan girls. Hoseok bowed respectively as he held the door open for Joon. 

“Joon sunbaenim I am Hosoek from Monsta x. This is…”

“Kihyun and Minhyuk-ah. Nice to meet you. I looked you guys up after Changkyun came to visit me. I like your music. You have a long career ahead of you!”

Hoseok closed the door and climbed into the driver’s seat. He made sure even one was strapped in before they pulled away from the curb.

“If I may, why did Changkyun visit you? I mean I didn’t think you know each other.”

Joon turned to look out the window. There seemed to be a droop in his shoulders.

“Changkyun helped me to realize some things. He is giving me a second chance with the man I love.”

Hosoek glanced over at Joon.

“Man?” Asked Kihyun softly. Joon just nodded but said nothing more. They didn’t push him.

The rest of the car ride was quiet but Hosoek could sense the excitement coming off his team mates. He felt it too, how could he not. He couldn’t wait to see Changkyun in the flesh again. He had barely been able to sleep the night before thinking about the younger boy and the fact they could possibly have a future together. He couldn’t wait to learn more about the boy. What was his favourite colour? Who was his favourite actor? Where had he grow up?

All though of their further left his head when he saw the bright lights from the studio and the large crowd of people gathered outside. More than a few held up signs with the name I.M on it. Joon whistled between his teeth.

“Seems we are not the only ones here to watch your boy perform.”

They turned into the back of the studio, the idol’s entrance and gladly handed over their passes to the guards. The man looked down at the passes.

“Monster X huh?”

“It’s Monst-A X and yeah.”

The man nodded and handed them back the passes.

“Well your makane is definitely an…interesting fellow. Welcome to United 100.”

The group all shared a look before the man waved them through.

“What the heck did he mean by that?” Asked Kihyun from the back as he pushed Minhyuk back into the seat.

“I didn’t like his tone. No one talks about my Kyunnie like that.” Whispered the blond.

Finally they parked the car without anymore incidents. Climbing out they greeted the few other idols they recognized. Jessie and his team were there, most likely to cheer on Changkyun. Hosoek gave the boy a wave and received one in return.

There was hushed whispers as Joon walked with them. To have someone so senior and popular walking with a group that most people had written off as flops was questionable. Hoseok held his head up though. This was going to be a new start for the whole group and he wasn’t going to let the gossip mongers get him down.

The auditorium was packed almost every seat was taken, up front a massive stage rose before them. Just behind the standing fans were the VIP seats. Jooheon had recruited Shownu to help hold the massive banner much to everyones amusement. Hyungwon waved them over.

“Hi Hyungs, you made it…wow your Lee Joon! I mean it is nice to meet you!” He bowed low and Joon just nodded. 

Hyungwon recovered and motioned to two people sitting beside him who had stood.

“Hyungs this is Dongwon and Grace. Changkyun’s parents.”

Hosoek heart froze. He was meeting his crush’s parents for the first time and he was sure they were going to hate him. There was no way the maknae hadn’t told his parents about what had gone down between him and the others. 

Changkyun’s father held out a hand. He was short but still very handsome. The resemblance to Changkyun was uncanny. He didn’t seem all that pleased to see them and Hoseok got the feeling that Mr. Im was very protective of his son. He wouldn’t forgiven them any time soon.

Changkyun’s mother on the other hand pulled Hosoek into a crushing hug before doing the same to Minhyuk and Kihyun.

“Thank you for finally accepting and supporting my boy. He really is amazing and that isn’t even my motherly bias talking. Thank you for coming out and supporting him today. He gets so nervous for these kinds of things.”

Hosoek smiled and thanked her for raising such an amazing young man. He assured her he would make sure Changkyun was happy. Behind him Minhyuk whispered something rather rude about how he would make the boy happy. Thankfully Kihyun wrapped a hand around the happy virus’ mouth.

They took their seats, Hoseok taking the one next to Changkyun’s parents. 

“Oh man I am so late. I am sorry.”

The group looked up just as Bang Mir appeared beside them. He was smiling at the others but it fell away at the sight of Joon.

“Jo..Joon?”

Hosoek looked between the two of them as time seemed to have frozen. He knew the two of them were bandmates and Mir was Changkyun’s friend. Then it suddenly made sense to him. This was the man Joon was in love with. Of course the maknae would be helping his friend with his love life. 

The older man stood and offered the seat beside him. Mir hesitated but moved towards the spot.

“Why are you here?” His voice was soft. 

“I called off the wedding! Changkyun reminded me what is truly important to me.”

“Idiot.” Mir affectionately whispered. Who it was aimed at was anybodies guess but Mir took his seat beside Joon. As the night would progress Hosoek would see the small smiles of affection they gave each other. He hoped he would one day be able to do that with Changkyun. The music rumbled to a start. It was time.

——————

Zee sat on the couch head hung low to try calm himself before the show. Beside him the others were warming their vocals or stretching but he couldn’t even bring himself to open his mouth in fear of throwing up. 

Beside him, his friend and fellow rapper Yeongmin was going over his rap for the show. The boy seemed so determined. He was definitely making the final lineup. Zee got to his feet he needed some peace and quiet. Yet his feet ended up taking him to the side stage. He had spotted Changkyun peeked out the curtains. The older rapper often did so before a show to see many people were in the crowd. Yet today he had a feeling the other boy was looking for someone specific. 

“Hey Hyung whatcha doing?”

The older boy turned slightly to face him and there were tears in his eyes. Zee’s heart jumped. He knew enough about Changkyun to worry about him. Rushing over to his hyung he wrapped his arms around him. Changkyun smiled and hugged him back. That was when Zee realized the tears were happy tears.

“Hyung?” He asked softly. 

Changkyun moved slightly out the way and pointed to the crowd. Looking out where he was pointing Zee couldn’t help but feel a sweep of affection. For there in a line were the members of Monsta x each dressed in matching t-shirts while two of them held up a huge banner in support of Changkyun. He knew the group had gone through some ups and downs but to see them so happily supporting their maknae made him feel both happy and yet a little jealous. At this point he doubted he would ever have a group as supportive as Changkyun’s.

He looked over at Changkyun he wanted to thank the other for everything he had done. Not only had he accepted Zee without any resistance but he had spent so much time tutoring him and making sure Zee was always in the limelight. He knew it was stupid but he felt as if Changkyun had purposely tried to make Zee look better than him. He had given up lines so Yeongmin and Zee had more. He would always push the boy in front of the cameras so he got the limelight. 

The older rapper gave an affectionate huff muttered under his breath and pulled Zee away from the curtains. 

“Alright kiddo. Time to get this show on the road.” 

————-

Lights

Camera 

Action

The remaining 20 boys bowed to the crowd who went wild at the sight of them. Changkyun held the microphone to his mouth. He and Young Dolla would talk for the most part that night and if things went according to Changkyun’s plan then Young Dolla would have to get used to doing the talking for his group. It was a leader’s job after all.

“I want to firstly thank everyone who has come out here to support us today as well as everyone who will be voting for those who remain.” He looked over towards his group and smiled as they shook the banner. He had made the right choice.

“Here is how tonight’s show will work. We will show you our individual talents and then we will, as a team, show you the song we have prepared for you. So please show us love and we will return it tenfold. Thank you.” As Young Dolla signed off they bowed and left the stage.

The show would show a short clip of each contestant. It would show their trainee days or life outside the show as well as how they had grown in the show. Then the contestant would do a short piece to showcase their talents. Changkyun had planned something special for his video. The showrunners had agreed to let him show a video of his own choosing but they would probably be rather unhappy with what he had chosen. That was their problem. 

Yoshin was up first and Changkyun gave him a big hug as they called the dancer’s name.

“Kill it out there man. You are so talented that you will just blow them away.”

That gained a small smile. Changkyun and the others had spent the whole of the previous night convincing the boy he had to keep his ballet moves in his piece. Even though the guard was no longer around to harass him, his words were still strong in Yoshin’s mind. A few of the boys joined him in the wings as they watched Yoshin performance. Changkyun was rather happy to see Monsta x also cheering for his friend.

The applause was deafening but Yoshin’s huge grin was louder. Once offstage he threw his spindly arms around his friends, to excited to say anything other than high pitched squeaks. 

Young Dolla went after two other dancers, his vocals blowing the audience right out their seats. Yeongmin was after him.

Changkyun hadn’t focused that much on the other rapper lately as he had been so focused on his revenge plot as well as getting Zee into the limelight. He felt bad about that but Yeongmin clearly no longer needed his help. The boy’s fast rap had certainly improved and from the way the audience were cheering along, his stage presence had improved tenfold.

Finally it was Changkyun’s turn. Grabbing the microphone from the sound clerk he sauntered onto stage the overwhelming cheers on the crowd louder than anything he had every heard before. Squinting against the bright lights, he caught the faces of his parents looking up at him with such beaming pride. He was reminded of all the times they had watched him before. During his public appearances with Nu’bility, the finale of No.Mercy and during their first appearance of Monsta x. A lump appeared in his throat and he had to blink away the tears as his eyes roamed over the others. 

Jooheon was on his chair shaking his banner, mouth open as he yelled Changkyun’s name. The maknae couldn’t help the dorky smile that adorned his face. Shownu, a little less boisterous than the main rapper, pumped his fist in the air as he shook the banner too. Minhyuk and Kihyun seemed to be doing some chant as they held a Monsta X scarf above their heads. Changkyun had done a double take at Hyungwon. The tall vocal had somehow managed to sneak his phone into the venue and was filming away. He looked like the proud mother from Mean Girls and the thought left Changkyun giggling.

Finally he dragged his eyes over to the final member. The one who made his hear flutter. Hoseok. 

The second eldest was looking right at him, his face was filled with so much emotion. Their eyes met and time stopped completely. The world around them faded. It was just like all the soppy romances he had watched with his mom as a kid. It wasn’t quite love at first sight but it gave Changkyun the hope he needed.

He raised the mike to his lips as he bowed.

“Hello my name is I.M. I am Monsta x’s maknae and rapper.”

The crowd went wild.

“Since joining this show I have been a bit of an odd one out so why change that now. Most of you already know my story so I want to share different story. A story many of you share. One about love, a love that is looked down on and frowned upon. This video was made by a friend of mine who came out last year as was promptly through out of her home and lost her family and friends. Enjoy!”

He stepped away and let the video play as the video played. K.Will’s Please Don’t began to play. It was fitting to the video and had always been one of his favourite songs and he would sing it all the time. The single spotlight went onto him as he began to sing in his low, raspy voice. He was no singer but a week of lessons with the vocal coach had allowed him to sing the high notes with little difficulty.

He sang his heart out imagining he was alone in his room and not in front of a huge crowd. He threw all the emotion he could into the song. Remembering the first boy he’d had a fallen in love with. Remembering his first kiss with Jessie and his first kiss with Hoseok. 

Behind him the video played showing to separate people as they tried to live in a world that hated them. He had reached out to the video maker after seeing the post on her instagram. They had meet years ago when he had first moved to Gwangju and they connected over their shared lack of heterosexuality. 

In the video the girl falls in love with her best friend who finds out and tells everyone. The boy is sporty and messy but in the afternoons he escapes into his art. The part of him that is real. As Changkyun sang out the last note the spotlight went off him and focused on the video.

“We are here.” Said the girl as she climbs into a car with another woman.

“We are not wrong.” Said the man as he held the hand of another paint splattered man.

The screen went black and Changkyun spoke this time, “Love is love and it will always win. Love is not wrong when two consenting people fall in love.”

He made sure to focus on Mir and Joon who had both teared up at the video.

“Fight for love! Fight for each other! Fight so that one day love will no longer be punished.”

Even with the lights burning down on him, he saw Joon turn slightly to as he slipped his hand into Mir’s hand. He bowed again to signal the end of his piece and for the most part the crowd went wild. The noise mostly coming from Monsta x. He gave them a small wave before he hurried off stage. Regardless of the outcome of his little stunt at least his older friend would be happy and maybe he would help other LBGTQ fans listening to him that night.

As he walked back into the waiting room he was cornered by the head producer. The man was stuttering and red in the face. 

“Whaa…You… what?”

Changkyun smiled sheepishly. So he may have left out what the video actually contained. 

“This show is already rated +16 so what if I showed some people holding hands.”

The man exploded.

“It wasn’t people holding hands it was filth how dare you…”

The man was cut off as Changkyun got into his face.

“Filth? Is that what you think filth is? Two people of the same sex who love each other? Not rapists? Not men who beat their wives to death?”

He got right up in the man’s face, a slight thought of wonderment in where this confidence was coming from.

“If I were you I would rethink the definition of filth before I dig around and find some ‘filth’ you have been hiding away.”

Judging by the way the man’s eyes widened he definitely had some Skeltons in the closet. Maybe Changkyun had a future in being a private investigator if the idol business didn’t work out.

The producer seemed to want to argue some more but the next contestant was already up on stage and the man was needed up front. The man just glared at him before walking away.

Next thing Changkyun knew he was been tackled by a small group of guys. Zee was patting him on the back while Yoshin was jumping up and down like an excited puppy.

“Hyung you are truly the coolest person ever.” Yeongmin said with absolute awe in his voice. Young Dolla nodded in agreement. Changkyun just shrugged but by evidence of his grin he was rather proud of himself.

“Okay but seriously hyung you are a wild one. What else do you have planned?” Yeongmin’s questioning look made the other rapper looking away. He had one last thing planned. One last shock. But first they needed to complete the final group song.

“Zee! You are up next.”

The small group of friends sobered at the mention of the last rapper. The boy had paled at his name. Straightening his shirt he moved towards the stage but Changkyun stopped him.

“Prove to them that you rightfully belong up there! We all believe in you!”

The rest of the boys happily agreed, patting him on the back and wishing him well.

He gave a shy smile snd as he walked onto stage there seemed to be a little more bounce to his step.

They watched his performance from backstage and Changkyun couldn’t help but feel like a proud momma bear. He searched the faces of Yoshin, Yeongmin and Young Dolla. He had such pride in far they had all come. A part of him wished maybe things had been different for he would have loved to have these boys as his group but as his eyes drifted to Monsta x he knew he had made the right choice. 

“Thank you for allowing me to be on this stage it is my life’s dream. And thank you to my fellow contestants. You all welcomed me so warmly and have really helped me to grow.” 

Zee looked to the wings where all his friends were. Changkyun gave him the thumbs up.  
————————-

“He used to pretend to be a squirrel. This one time he climbed the tree in the backyard to grab some nuts and got stuck. Dongwan had to get a ladder and go and rescue him.” Grace Im laughed as she retold the story of her son’s childhood escapades. Minhyuk and Jooheon were hooked on her every word and burst out laughing at the story. Hosoek giggled but he couldn’t find himself to immersed in it. He was listening to some of the fans talk about who they would vote for.

He watched as giggling girls huddled around the booklet with the names and descriptions on the contestants. 

“I’m voting for Zee. He is sooo cute.”

“Heck no. I.M is the boss. He deserves the title of number one. He has been through this twice now, his nudes were leaked AND he produces all their music.”

“Yeah but he has a group. And they clearly want him back”

“Your Changkyun just keeps on giving with those surprises, huh?”

Hosoek jumped as the deep voice behind him. He turned to see Joon smiling at him. He seemed lighter somehow, a glint back in his eye.

“He isn’t mine… I mean he is our maknae so I guess.”

He stopped. Why was he denying it? He smiled and drove his hands into his pockets.

“Yeah Changkyun is definitely something else. I’m going to have to reevaluate my beliefs about him. And maybe keep his mind active. From all the things we have learnt about him lately he is pretty deviant when he wants to be.”

Joon snorted, “Yeah he practically threatened me the first time we met. Told me to pull my head out my ass and realize I would never be happy without Mir. Said Mir and I were been idiots for giving up true love. I wasn’t sure whether to punch him or thank him.”

Joon looked over to were Mir was chatting with Shownu and Mr. Im. His face softened.

“But he was right. Mir is the only one who makes me happy and I would never love any one the way I love him. And I will fight, for people like us. Like Changkyun and you.”

He said the last sentence softly, in almost a questioning way. Hoseok smiled back. Joon slapped him on the back and walked away to rejoin Mir. Hoseok was about to follow when Hyungwon waled over to him confusion etched on his face. 

“Changkyun wants to see you!”

Taken aback he asked how the tall vocal could possibly know that.

“He texted me. Said to meet him backstage. The door next to the men’s washroom is unlocked and will lead you to him. He also commended me on bringing a banned filming device into the show and said I could come in handy one day. Not going to lie, that scares me.”

They exchanged a set of worried looks. They really had a lot to learn about Changkyun. Before Hyungwon could say anymore Hoseok had already walked off towards the backstage. Carefully he passed by the few men going back and forth to the bathroom. He waited until the coast was clear before pushing open the door. Sure enough it swung open to reveal the darkened backstage.

“Changkyun?”

He carefully walked forward looking left and right. He jumped as the maknae emerged from the shadows. The boy smiled as he clutched his heart.

“Jeesh Kyunnie if you are going to be jumping out of shadows remind me to get you a bell.”

Changkyun smirked and sauntered over to Hosoek. The vocalist swallowed. The rapper looked so good. There was a slight sweat sheen across him, he was in the outfit for his next set and the heavy eyeliner under his fiery eyes made him look fierce.

“Hello Hyung!”

“Hiya.” Hosoek managed to squeak out as Changkyun stood before him. His heart was beating so hard it was threatening to beat out of his chest. He was so close he could just reach out and touch him. But Changkyun beat him to the punch.

The maknae grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled Hsoeok into a blistering kiss. The vocalist was shocked for but a second before his eyes fluttered closed and he leaned into the kiss. It was like fire and ice all at once. Wrapping his hand around Changkyun’s waist he pulled the boy closer as the other hand cupped his cheek. Changkyun broke the kiss but his forehead rested against the others.

“I hadn’t exactly planned o doing this but seeing you again, I just couldn’t stay away from you anymore…”

“I think I love you.” Hoseok blurted out. Shocked Changkyun took a step back and Hosoek’s heart fell. Oh god he had just messed it all up. It was far to soon to even think like this but it had just come out.

“I mean…”

Changkyun smiled and put a finger to the other’s lips in an attempt to quieten him.

“That’s okay hyung. But let’s maybe go on a few dates first. Spend some actual time together when I’m not cheating on someone and you aren’t being blackmailed.”

Hoseok blushed and looked down at his feet. 

“I’m sorry we did what we did. I didn’t want the video going out and… wait what about Minha? We need to deal with her.”

The smile that Changkyun gave sent shivers down Hoseok’s spine and not in a good way.

“Don’t worry hyung. Minha wont be a problem anymore.”

Unsure what the younger boy meant he went to ask when the announcers loud voice came over the speaker to tell everyone to return to their seats for the final half of the show. 

Changkyun placed a careful kiss on his lips but Hosoek pulled him back into a hug. He nuzzled his head against Changkyun’s well-made hair.

“I’ll see you after the show hyung. Oh and can you give this to Shownu please?”

He handed over an envelope and before he could answer, like the whirlwind he was, Changkyun was gone. Hoseok brought his fingers to his lips, just to make sure he hadn’t dreamed all that. Shaking his head he hurried back to the others. The crowds were pouring back to their seats. 

“There you are. Where did you go?” Asked Kihyun worriedly as he sat down.

He opened his mouth but Hyungwon shook his head and mouthed a reminder that Changkyun’s parents were right next to him. Yeah probably not a good idea to say he had just been making out with their son.

“Mmm had to go to the bathroom all this excitement has made my stomach turn.”

Kihyun gave him a worrying look but it was Minhyuk’s devious face that worked him.

“The bathroom? That’s odd, your lips are all swollen and you have this far way look. If I was a betting man, and I am, I would say you were making out someone. Perhaps a someone called Changk-urghh.”

Hyungwon elbowed him in the stomach. 

“Dick!” Minhyuk mumbled under his breath but Hosoek quietly thanked his best friend. He would really have to buy him something nice. Realizing the envelope was still in his hand he gave it to Shownu.

The leader frowned but opened it anyway. The further he read the more his eyebrows rose into his forehead. Finally he crumpled the paper and shoved it into his pocket as he stood.

“Where are you going?” Kihyun hissed.

Shownu stumbled over his words, “I, um, I have um, something I have to do. I’ll see you guys at the end of the show.”

“What?” Hosoek asked as the leader pushed passed but he was gone. What was Changkyun up to now?

“Ladies and Gentlemen welcome back to the last half of the show.” Came Key’s voice.

“Before the vote commences the contestants have one last song to show you. This one was a group effort with each contestant working on a piece of the song, choreography and everything else that makes up a good show. So United 100 fans enjoy the last song of the contestants.”

The curtains swept out of the way and the swell of the music began. Blue and red strobe lights flickered across the faces of the contestants in a wave like formation.

“We are the last standing. One and together. Stronger we will standing, never will we fall.” Comes Zee’s voice. The crowd went wild. Changkyun stepped forward.

“I am what I am man Got no mercy ,got no regrets. The best inside. The one you love without knowing.”

Changkyun moved out of the way to make room for Yeongmin as the choreography took off. Hoseok watched with a huge smile on his face. Changkyun and Young Dolla were accredited for the lyrics. It was catching and yet meaningful. His maknae was good.

The song came to an end and Hosoek jumped to his feet. Mrs. Im holding onto his arm as she cried tears of joy. The curtains closed on the boys. But it wasn’t over not yet.

Once the cheers had subsided the remaining contestants returned to the stage. Gone were their smiles and in place was nervous, fake smiles.

CL, dressed in a sparkly jumpsuit, walked onto the stage escorted by an equally dapper looking Key. They stopped and smiled at the crowd.

“Now you have seen what the contestants can offer it is time to vote. Under each of your chairs is a device used for voting. You must pick nine names off the ballot for those your want to see in final lineup…oh umm.”

Key stopped as Changkyun cleared his throat beside him. The rapper climbed off the podium and held out his hand for the mike. 

“What are you doing?” Key whispered to him but Changkyun didn’t answer back as he took the mike from his hands. Monsta x exchanged looks of confusion. Only Mir seemed unruffled by it all, for he had a soft smile on his face as he looked up at his young friend.

Changkyun looked out over the crowd. He seemed nervous.

“When I first entered this show I was in a dark place. I entered with the full intention of leaving my current group. Yet in the past few weeks I have gone through literal life changing moments and I have learned so much. I learned about friendship.”

He looked back at the other boys on the podium and gave them a smile.

“I have learned about love.” His eyes found Hosoek’s and the vocalist couldn’t help but blush at that.

“But most of all I learned about myself. I gained a kind of confidence I never had before and it is with that confidence that I stand up here today. You see the past few weeks I have worked with each of the boys here. I have worked along side them and know how amazingly talented they are. The thing is I have a group, a group who want to grow with me and who I want to grow with. And if I take a spot in Unit 9 then I will taking away a spot from one of the amazing young men who stand behind me today. They deserve to show the world what they are truly made of. Which is why, as of now I am officially pulling my name from the ballot.”

The uproar was insane. Hosoek’s mouth dropped open as Changkyun bowed issuing a thank you though the noise. He handed the mike back to a shocked Key as he turned back to his shocked friends.

“That crazy sonovabitch he actually did it.” Said Mir under his breath as he just shook his head in amusement.

“You knew about this?” Asked Joon who seemed just as shocked at the unexpected news.

Mir nodded. “Yeah he called me last night to ask how I dropped out of the show without any legal issues. The little shit could have done it at any point of the night but I have come to learn that he had a flare for the dramatic.”

Up on stage Zee clung to Changkyun.

“Hyung what?”

Changkyun grabbed his hand and Yeongmin who looked like he was on the verge of tears.

“Listen I have watched you two grow into the amazing rappers you are right now. Yeongmin-ah you weren’t really a rapper when you started and now you are better than me. Zee the sky is the limit for you man. Make me proud, both of you. Okay?” 

He smiled at them, eyes glinting naughtily as he walked away. As soon as he was offstage and the noise was behind him he bent over and let out a giggle. 

He had won. He had rid himself of Minha and her influence. Monsta x as a commodity would do well and as a group there would be some hurdles but nothing they couldn’t work through. As for Unit 9 Zee and Yeongmin were the best choice for rappers, Yoshin would be the top dog in terms of dance and Young Dolla was clearly the best vocalist. And if his little messages on the fan pages had done anything then his influence on who would win the final lineup was complete. He wondered off to the changing rooms with a naughty grin on his face. 

Shownu was standing there with all of Changkyun’s bags. The leader shook his head.

“You are…How long have you been planning on doing this?”

Sheepishly Changkyun grinned. “To be honest I only truly decided this like two days ago so… anywhooo thanks for grabbing my stuff for me. I can’t wait to get home tonight and I don’t really want to stick around to get bombarded with questions.”

Shownu looked equal parts amazed and pissed.

“I don’t know whether to be mad at you for all the scheming you did, happy that you want to come home so badly or scared that you managed to get away will all of this.” 

Changkyun just innocently fluttered his eyelashes and Shownu stepped forward and awkwardly ruffled his hair.

“Let’s get you bags packed into the van you little scheming brat. And don’t think we aren’t going to have a talk about this”

“Sure hyung” Changkyun said a little too sweetly for the leader’s liking.

He followed Shownu to the van thankful the group had brought two cars. Truth was now the excitement was wearing off he was exhausted. He would have to deal with the fallout but that would have to wait. He still have one last smaller surprise up his sleeve.

Shownu had agreed to get the items he needed while he snuck back into the studio. Keeping his head down he snuck back into the dark auditorium where the final line-up were been announced. 

Four boys were already chosen. Young Dolla being one of them, the boy was grinning from ear to ear but there were tears in his eyes. His win came at the other's expense.

“The fifth member of Unit 9 is…”

The drum rolled, the tension in the air could be cut with a knife.

“Yoshin.”

The gangly dancer almost fell over in shock. Changkyun gave a squeak of happiness but quickly cleared his throat in case he draw any attention to himself. Yoshin practically tripped to the front. How could such a graceful dancer be such a terrible walker?

The applause died down as the other finalists welcomed Yoshin.

“The sixth member of Unit 9 is…”

CL slowly opened the envelope. Changkyun’s eyes fluttered down the back of Hosoek’s head. The older male was intently watching the show but Changkyun couldn’t help but smile as the vocalist clung to his mother.

“Byunghee!”

The crowd cheered as a tall, handsome boy stepped forward. Changkyun didn’t known him very well but he was very talented and while shy was very nice. He was a good addition to the group.

Up on stage Zee’s smile was heavily interwoven with panic and Changkyun wished he was up there reminding him everything would be okay.

“The seventh member is…is our first rapper, Yeongmin.”

The boy’s face widened in surprise as fans in the audience jumped to their feet. He pointed at his own chest as if not believing they had actually called his name. Changkyun didn’t care if any one saw him now as he clapped loudly for his friend. Now they just needed to call Zee’s name and all would be right in the world.

The eighth member was announced and while Changkyun liked the boy he couldn’t help but worry that with only one spot left, Zee could be left out. From the way the rapper was staring at the floor, hands nervously playing with the hem of his shirt, he didn’t believe he would be chosen.

“And for the final member of Unit 9…who we will announce after this short commercial break.”

The collective groan from the audience thankful covered up the set of curses Changkyun threw at the producers. Up on stage he could see how close Zee was to tears but Yeongmin had spun around to face the other rapper and pointed at him in a kind of you and me forever gesture. That left Changkyun grinning. After what felt like an eternity the warning light came back on, the show would be restarting.

Key greeted back the viewers and then like any good show did some special thanks and other mindless chatter to keep a hold of the tension before the last member was announced.

“Now for the moment you have all been waiting for. The ninth and final member of Unit 9 is…”

The music intensified, almost with a heartbeat like sound. Changkyun bit his lip. Had he done enough? 

“The final member of Unit 9 is ZEE!!!!!!”

Changkyun jumped in shocked happiness and he laughed with absolute joy. Onstage Yeongmin had jumped off his podium to run to a shellshocked Zee. The boys embraced while fans cheered for the new unit. The contestants who didn’t make it clapped for the winners, they were happy for those that made it even if they hadn’t.

“Hell Yeah!” Changkyun yelled, his voice lost amongst the other sounds and cheers. His friends had made it. Zee had made it. The boy wouldn’t have to come back to Canada and he could stuff his victory in his unsupportive father’s face. Hell if Zee didn’t do it Changkyun would do it for him.

He sobered up as he noticed the crowds leaving. He needed to get back to the dorms before the others and help set up. Running out into the cooling fall air he managed to flag down a taxi.

“Good night?” Asked the driver as they sped towards the dorm.

Changkyun smiled, “The best!”

He arrived just in time as Shownu was putting out the plates. They managed to set out all the food and drinks when the door flew open.

“Changkyun Daniel Im.”yelled his mother as she marched over to him. His full name in English, that was never a good sign.

“Mom now lets not..”

“What the heck was that all about? Is this the decision you called me crying about the other day? 

“Pfft I wouldn’t say I was cry…”

“And what is this I hear about you threatening the CEO? And apparently the producer of the show? Oh yeah he wanted to personally talk to me about my son’s behaviour after the show. What other affairs are you meddling in, Im Changkyun? I thought we left this kind of behaviour in high school.”

“Mom. Can. We. Talk. About. This. Later?” He pleaded. She huffed but relented, thankfully. He cleared his throat as he looked towards the rest of the crowd.

“Anyway as a fitting end to this whole affair I figured we should have some pizza, some drinks and just have a good time to celebrate a new beginning.”

His mother huffed but pulled her son into a hug and like that the tense atmosphere dispersed. Jooheon flung himself at Changkyun.

“Oh my god, dude. You are THE coolest person I know.”

He laughed and hugged each of the other members. Despite all the up and downs they had gone through being with them again felt right.

They ate and drank well into the night.

“To new beginnings.” He toasted as they all held their glasses high.

His parents had bid the boys goodnight sometime around 11 while Mir and Joon had left sometime after. Mir had pulled him aside as they were leaving and pulled Changkyun into a tight hug. 

“I can’t even begin to thank you for doing all this. Having Joon back in my life…”

He looked over at the other boy who was comparing muscle size with Shownu and Hoseok.. Mir squeezed Changkyun’ shoulder, his face turned serious.

“I’m glad you chose to try work things out with them. Just remember what I said, don’t let the past get in the way of the future. You are going to be a big star kid I can feel it.”

“Mir-ah let’s go home.”

Changkyun waved goodbye as the couple climbed into the taxi. He wondered what would be next for them. He watched their headlights disappear into the night from the balcony. His hyungs still partying inside, he made a phone call he had been dreading.

“Hi Jessie.”

The voice on the other side sighed but it was not one of anger but more of relief.

“Hi Kyun. Pretty crazy stunt you pulled on the episode tonight. You are truly an enigma.”

The rapper laughed. He leaned against the bannister.

“I am sorry Jessie. For everything I said and did. I truly did love you.”

Jessie sighed again but this time it was sad, “I know Kyun and I loved you too. I’m not going to lie I still am heart broken but things will mend. It will just take time.”

Changkyun nodded despite no-one seeing.

“We will always be friends though and hey who knows what the future will bring.”

He laughed at that as he looked back inside the dorm room where Hosoek was attempting to beat Jooheon on how many marshmallows he could fit in his mouth.

“By the way did you see who made the final cut? You kinda left before!” Asked Jessie.

“Yeah I snook back in. I had to make sure the people I chose made it and they did.”

“You speak as if you engineered the results!”

Changkyun smirked as he inspected his cuticles.

“Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t! Either way the right people are in that group and we are in the groups that need us.

“You are an odd one Changkyun.”

A knock came at the window and he turned to see Kihyun motioning for him to come back in. Already the main vocal was clucking around him like a mother hen, apparently standing outside without a coat on would guarantee he catch a cold.

“Ah I had better go Kihyun is already pestering me.”

“Alright, goodbye Changkyun!”

“Goodbye Jessie”

 

——————

“And the winners are Monsta X”

Confetti rained down on the groups at MCountdown. Monsta X had won again

“International sensations Monsta x are the first Kpop group to perform at I Heart Radio’s Jingle Ball Tour.”

He yells into the mike hoping to be heard over the fan chants and scream of delight. His members move around him. Every now and then one of them will hang off him. Minhyuk places a kiss against his shoulder. Jooheon pinches his butt. He giggles.

“Kpop group Monsta X are taking over the music industry with their fast-paced songs and amazing vocals.”

Changkyun flops onto the couch in the group’s new dorm and lets out the biggest yawn known to mankind. He was exhausted. They had just finished another world tour, multiple guest appearances and in three hours before they had performed at The Mama’s. They had won group of the year and the popularity award. Not bad for a group that had been called flops a few years before.

He closed his eyes just as a large weight covering his body. He let out an oomph as his annoying best friend licked his ear.

“Come on Kyunnie. We can sleep when we are dead. Get up your friends are going over and Kihyun is about to lose a nut because of how dirty this place is.”

Slightly opening one eye he looked around the squeaky clean room.

“Urgh let me sleep fro 10 minutes hyung. Hosoek had me up all night.”

Jooheon stopped his wandering hands and sat up so he was straddling his best friend. He kneaded Changkyun apple butt.

“Oh and what were you doing?” He said in the most innuendo dripping voice he could muster.

He bucked his friend off. As much as he wished his boyfriend had been pounding his ass the night before they had actually been up in the vocalists studio working on the duet song they had written together.

“Awww was it for your love song? Do you wanna show the world how much you love each other?”

He swatted Jooheon’s hands away as Shownu entered the room eating the largest burger he could find.

“Jooheon leave the poor, tortured maknae alone. Please!”

“Thank you hyung.” He said as Jooheon began his usual protest.

“That’s not fair. You never left me play with Kyunnie and you always take his side!”

Shownu rolled his eyes and put down his burger, “I take his side because you are usually the one annoying him and he is the better behaved kid. At least most of the time when he isn’t up to something.“

A loud screech came from the kitchen followed by Minhyuk running out of the room with a full bag of chips under his arm. He disappeared into his and Changkyun’s shared bedroom. The ever-suffering leader sighed and walked off to the kitchen to help calm the flustered Kihyun.

Brrrriiiinnnnnggg

The buzzer went and Jooheon was already up, running to the door. One of the things that had come out of the show was the lasting friendship between Changkyun, the members of Unit 9, Jessie, Joon and Mir. It had become a monthly thing for them all to meet and catch up.

“Yeongminnie!!!” Yelled Jooheon as he pulled Unit 9’s main rapper into a bear hug. They had formed quite a solid friendship since getting to know one another although Jooheon had assured Changkyun that there was only one best friend in his life and that was Monsta X’s maknae.

He got off the couch and welcome everyone. He patted Zee on the back. In the three years since United 100 the young man had really grown into himself. He had become a charismatic rapper with a huge fan following.

“Hey hyung you look terrible!” Changkyun gave him the middle finger before he ruffled the kid’s head.

“This is what winning looks like.” He said as he lead the group into the dorm. A few seconds later newly-engaged couple Joon and Mir pitched up with a cotton candy haired Jessie too.

Changkyun went off to the kitchen to get the drinks ready when he felt a presence behind him. He turned and smiled at Jessie who stood watching him in the doorway. The vocalist looked amazing as per usual.

“Congrats on winning big today. You guys deserve it after all that hard work you put into it.”

Changkyun laughed and turned back to his task.

“It so worth it to know how much the fans enjoy our music.”

Jessie smirked and moved towards Changkyun until he was leaning against the counter.

“Yeah I’m not sure it was the music they were enjoying there sir!”

Chagkyun frowned and Jessie just shook his head in amusement.

“The tittulating peek of your shoulder, the thrusting, oh and I believe at one point you were dirty danced up against Hosoek.”

Changkyun smirked. He enjoyed teasing his boyfriend on stage, it usually lead to some interesting backstage escapades.

“How is things going with you guys?” Asked Jessie. Chagkyun looked up at him. There was still a spark between there was no denying it and since Jessie had broken up with his modelling girlfriend he had been rather flirtatious.

“Its hard sometimes. We live together, we work together yet I feel like trying to find the time to spend together is getting harder. Yet I wouldn’t change it for the world. We have been together for three years and I love him.”

Jessie shook his head, “How can it three years already. I feel like it was just yesterday that we were all greeting each other at the dorm and I was like damn who is this fine piece of eye candy.”

That earned Jessie a quick slap. 

“Hey babe stop beating up the guests.” Hoseok walking in wearing a very sheer top, Changkyun rolled his eyes as Jessie zeroed in on the well defined pecs.

"Well I had better take this tray of drinks to the others before Zee dares Jooheon and Yeongmin to drink out the toilet again." Changkyun shivered, no one needed a repeat of that. As soon as Jessie left the room Hosoek sauntered over to his boyfriend and pulled him into a quick kiss. 

Despite the tentative friendship Jessie and Hoseok had, there would always be tension between them over Changkyun. And Hoseok, been the easily jealous person he was, liked to remind everyone exactly who the maknae belonged too.

After a little while Changkyun patted his boyfriends butt to send him off with the last tray while he grabbed the chips. He stopped at the doorway and watched as all his friends interacted. He smiled at how big his family had grown. If someone had told him three years ago that this would be his life he would have laughed them off. But no he couldn't imagine anything different. He couldn't imagine life without Monsta X.

They still had their ups and downs as is life, as is family. Yet everyday he thanked the universe for giving him another chance at happiness. Another chance, Another life. 

————————-

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so happy this story is finally over. I am so sorry this final chapter sucked. When I started this story I had so much planned for it but it has just worn on me to the point where I no longer like it. I had so much more planned for Changkyun's final plan but I just couldn't seem to get it into the words I wanted. Again I am sorry if I have dissappointed anyone.

**Author's Note:**

> I have most of the fic typed up but it needs a final edit. So I will hopefully upload often. It has been a while since I posted anything on this site and apparently none of my old stories are even here anymore. So please bear with me as I try become a better writer. Leave comments and kudos!  
> Also I love Monsta X with all my heart but I have watched No. Mercy and I have always been a sucker for an underdog and an angsty storyline. 
> 
> Also I deeply apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors.


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